Survivor Update 10

So, this week started right where last week ended, at tribal council. Jeff excused the jury but said there was some unfinished business. Right away, my stomach got in a knot because when I worked, this always meant one of two things: either it was time for the twice-a-year company wide reorganization, or someone got caught talking smack about the owner. Good thing alcohol still cures this.

Jeff announces they are going right into the Reward Challenge. Bang. It's time for the Chinese-government mandated quiz on Chinese Culture. I already had my hand up with the answer of "Dragon", even before the first question. Wanna know what you're playing for? The winner of the challenge must choose two more people to travel by private jet to the ancient Shaolin Temple, one of the origins of martial arts. I had to copy that line from the website, since I had never heard of the Shaolin Temple, due to my Western-based public education. Apparently, the survivors had a better education because they all knew about it. Or, maybe there was an American Airlines magazine article on it in the seat pocket on the way to China.

Anywhooo, couple of lame questions later, PG is the winner. WOW, that's a big friggin shock that the remaining Asian wins the challenge. PG chooses Erik and Mullet-head to join her. Finally, someone takes pity on poor Denise and lets her play in some reindeer games.

These 3 fly off to Shaolin Temple (I'm gonna try and use this in a sentence today-let's all do it!), where everyone was kung fu fighting (sing with me). Unfortunately, Chuck Norris wasn't there. BUT, shock of all shock, not only did Jean Robert know mandarin, but Denise is studying for her white belt (and knowing her she'll wear it with white shoes after labor day). What are the odds??? The Shaolin monks ask Denise to show the children some American-style martial arts and Denise shows how she handles fat kids who want a second helping of french fries back home. Wham. I was kinda disappointed Courtney wasn't there because I would have loved to see Denise karate chop her in half. PG uses the time to work on Denise to join with Erik and her for final 3.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, James, Amanda, Courtney and the Artful-Dodger sit around and talk about how great it will be when it is just these final 4. Amanda gets a little revolted at the thought of going into the finals with these idiots, so she begins to plot. Todd is really mad at the weather: “This rain is hell when you are sitting in a muddy hole in a swimsuit you have been wearing for a month, hunched over praying for the clouds to go away. I am done with the rain…done.” Wow, that's academy award TV right there. He forgot to mention his wet wool hat. The runner up would have to be Courtney: “The cave is the best thing I have right now. The cave is my happy place. What I don’t like is when everyone and their damn mother decide they like the cave too. Peih-Gee comes sidling up in there and I'm like, ‘I’m going to kill you.’ And then you want to start talking? No get out of here! No talking in the cave!” Oooookay. New rule, no talking in the cave. Kind of like when I was a kid and we had a no wearing pantyhose on your head at the dining room table rule (don't ask).

Denise returns to camp and tells Dodger-Todd that PG wants to vote him off. Todd flies off the handle, kicking shit and screaming, "what a bitch" at the top of his lungs. OK, that only happened in his head but he was really mad. You can't blame him. I mean, imaging on Survivor someone wanting to vote you off instead of just going along with being next voted off.

Erik tries to work on James to join their alliance, but James hates PG too much and blows him off.

Courtney and Amanda hike to Tree Mail and find a traditional Chinese weapon, steel stars with sharp points, plunged into a board with a note attached. Unfortunately the note doesn't say, "Courtney, it's your lucky day. Use the steel star to kill PG", so they are off to Immunity Challenge. While they are walking back, Amanda tells Courtney about her plan to flush out the immunity idols by voting off James. Courtney is too interested in the shiny stars to pay attention and says, "sure".

At the immunity challenge, the survivors throw stars at those bad leaning-on-the-tree cowboy silhouettes in every white trash front yard. I didn't know they came from China. PG is up first and scores a big zero. Artful's up next and scores a 3, and acts like the king of the jungle. Fortunately Erik, James, Amanda and even friggin Courtney score 6 pts knocking him out of round 2. Oh, Kung Fu Denise scores 2.

Second round, Erik scores 3 points and wins immunity. Back at camp, James gloats that PG is finally going home. Amanda tells Todd her plan to flush out the idol by voting for James. Todd is immediately pissed off that someone else had an idea, but he agrees to steal it and call it his idea. At tribal, PG and James go at it and Jeff offers anyone with an immunity idol to use it and James falls silent.

The votes are read and the best piece of Survivor eye-candy is led away.