Survivor Season 50 Looong Episode 1

 

3 fucking hours and yes, I have some things to say! 

First, I enjoyed it way more than I expected-given these survivors have been together a million times at “Survivor Con” and have probably all talked strategy about how they would play next time.

Second, while the show was droning on and on I looked up the contestants and while there were 7 that have played MULTIPLE times, most of them had only played once which surprised me.  Also interesting to someone (me) who has watched every season and remembers those awful seasons (remember that porn star winner?) there was a whole string between season 18 and 32 where there is NO ONE represented (ignoring the 2 “all stars”).  So I wasn’t crazy that those seasons were boring. 

Third- I am wondering if they build in so many players because there are a lot of old people now and injuries will happen…

Fourth-WHAT THE FUCK is with the false eyelashes???  Cirie definitely is wearing them and I believe at least one other woman is.  Seriously???  And let’s just put this right out here now instead of me bitching about it every week: they clearly get a backpack and they are allowed to fill it with whatever they want.  There’s an entire wardrobe in those bags!!  Remember those old days when they got ONE LUXURY ITEM and some fool brought a bible? 

OK.  I am not doing a full summary of 3 fucking hours but let’s go through the tribes.  And is it me or are they reusing tribe names??

First up, Jeff asked them why they are back.  LOL.  I don’t know Jeff maybe because these people are attention whores and have made a side hustle going to the afore mentioned Survivor Con weekends and need a boost? 

Jenna says she wants to see what she can learn now as an older person.
Mike White says he would have had FOMO.  Mike and Jeff are real life good friends…
Cirie says Survivor is like home and busts out a tear pushing the whole “I’m just a girl on the couch” bullshit even though she’s come back every time Jeff calls. 
Colby, who is a STAGGERING 50 says he is now in the midlife crisis period of self reflection and it was either this or a boat
Coach, who doesn’t look has high end as he used to says they are all here because if they weren’t they would have REGRET and that is the strongest emotion.

Jeff says WE WANT YOUR BLOOD.  Or Achilles.  Oh, and FANS VOTED and they have to earn rice and supplies. 

They are “randomly” split into tribes.

Cila (orange): 3 multi season players and 5 only played once

Joe
Savannah
Christian
Cirie
Ozzy
Emily
Rick (Devens)
Jenna

It will be interesting to see if Joe still plays like a choirboy.  He says he loves his tribe.  Savannah is an unknown and states up front that she is just off a win.  Jenna thinks she must have done something bloody to get an immediate invite to return.  Jenna is RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE gunning for Cirie, which makes sense but girl, dial it back a bit. 

Devens and Christian bond looking for idols.  It’s our first bromance and they refer to themselves as a Spock/Kirk relationship.  Devens approaches Emily who is thrilled someone wants to work with her, and the nerd caucus begins. We also find out Christian has a 6 week old baby boy.  Not gonna lie, Christian is my current crush.  He also made fire with his and someone else’s glasses and is a nerd hero!

Cirie tells Devens that she likes Christian, and Devens lights the first bomb telling her Jenna is gunning for her. 

Ozzy is struggling a bit with all the other manly  men I think.  He, Coach and Q went on a challenge on what is now Exile Island and while he was Ozzying himself making a stick to get a key, Coach sat back and let him knock it off the post and them grabbed it.  So, Coach won the supplies and Ozzy has even more bad feelings about him.  Ozzy and Q spent the night on Exile and Q gave up his vote to Ozzy for them to get off the island. Ozzy tells the tribe he got nothing. Cirie and Ozzy cuddle up and he tells her about his extra vote. 

Kalo (team): has 1 multiplayer and 7 only once players

Jonathan
Dee
Mike
Kamilla
Charlie
Tiffany
Coach
Chrissy

I guess because we haven’t seen these people a million times this is a tribe of barely knowns to me. 

Dee says her reputation is cutthroat and she’s gonna be worse this season but I have no memory of her.  Jonathan is the meat of the team, but lil Mike White has some abs on him.  Mike White could win this game because no one will want to vote him off, given half of them have screenplays to show him and the other half want a spot on White Lotus.  Mike asks Charlie to be his strategist.  He says irritating people will be targeted, which is 100% how I would play the game. 

Coach says his 4.0 version is going to be ruthless. He returns triumphant.  Jonathan says Coach loves to be the hero.  We get to see Coach’s 1988 toe ring and Charlie gets to try it on.  Gag.  Chrissy “loves the strategy”  and tells Coach they need to stick together.  She is already targeting Dee.

Vatu (“magenta”) tribe : 3 multiplayers and 5 only oncers

Colby
Genevieve
Rizo
Angelina
Q
Stephenie
Kyle
Aubry

Vatu wins the very first challenge and gets flint.  Initially Colby can’t stand Rizo because he “doesn’t have a good work ethic” and never shuts up. Later on he grows to like him, noticing Riz plays and amazing social game.  Riz is basically star struck.  Stephenie and Colby must have hooked up at the Cincinnati Mariott because they instantly are working together.

Coach and Kyle seem to be working together.  They like Genevieve and think Stephenie is good to go.  Maybe they’ve heard the antisemetic rumors too?  Colby tells Genevieve his left ear is bad, which I forgot. 

Aubry gets RIGHT INTO IT with Genevieve asking her what she thinks of her and what kind of game she is playing.  It’s oddly aggressive.  Aubry says she has a bad vibe from Gen but girl!  You the bad vibe.  Aubry says she has to cut her throat before she cuts hers. 

Rizo has everyone doing a fashion show and Colby says he is fun and has won him over.  He sees him as a “young Colby” and wants to know how he can help him grow up into a strong Colby.  LOL.  Rizo realizes he has to go from Riz the fan to Riz the player. 

Finally, a challenge

It’s obstacles and a puzzle.  NO WAY!!!  Fans decide that too??  First tribe gets immunity and the first 2 get various amounts of fishing gear so we can watch Ozzy fish.  Fishing gear was probably in his contract. 

Kyle gets hurt and they stop the challenge and bring in medical but let it resume a few minutes later.  Q comes down the ramp he was trying to run up and helps him up. 

The Cila tribe gets screwed because Cirie cannot throw a ball into a Y shaped pull thingy.  Looooots of time goes by and Jeff, who wants to be on the other side watching the puzzle keeps yelling at her.  Not sure why they can’t switch someone out but apparently they can’t.  So Kalo wins first, followed by Vatu and Cila is going to tribal. 

At this point I asked my husband how fucking long this show was? 

Christian is all, we made mistakes, we need to learn from it and move on.  Cirie is devastated because she let the tribe down.  It sucks to be the weakest link.  Jenna is RIGHT ON THIS SHIT.  Says they would have won without her.  Tells Ozzy she’s 55 and can’t swim or run…Ozzy tries to protect Cirie and Jenna says THAT IS WHY I CANT TRUST YOU.  Ozzy is still pushing saying they can find places in challenges for her…Christian says Jenna is dangerous and will take over and drive the votes.  Joe, OF COURSE is conflicted because he never wants anyone to go but he wants to win.

Savannah and Joe are team Jenna because they know Ozzy and Cirie are a dangerous pair.  Joe tells Devens that Cirie and Ozzy are powerful.  Emily thinks Ozzy came out for Cirie HARD  and wonders if they should take out Ozzy.  She believes keeping the Cirie/Jenna drama works for her.  Savannah wants Cirie.

Tribal.  Fire is part of the ritual…..

Jenna says the set is way larger than season 1! Jeff says, dude you should see my paychecks.  She says tribal is a bigger thing now and are much longer.  I agree.
Joe says he has baggage, that since Kyle and Kamilla “gave him a wedgie” he has trust issues
Christian agrees there are no clean slates and there is a lot of history
Ozzy says THIS TIME he wants to be a much more mature player. 
Cirie says she is trying to play transparent
Devens says he was sitting around waiting for the call and he has watched every episode
Cirie says today was not her best day and she’s here for a new experience
Savannah is asked about the value of people in challenges and says basically it depends if she likes someone
Emily says there isn’t an obvious vote

Vote.  Any idols? Nope.

Cirie gets 1 vote and Jenna is gone.  And we still have a freaking HOUR LEFT. 

Kyle says his ankle is feeling better…

Stephenie and Gen go idol looking and Gen finds one.  Tells Kyle.  It’s a Billie Eilish sponsored idol (oh please tell me we are not doing this…..) It’s a boomerang idol.  She has to send it to someone on another tribe and if they are voted off with it,  it reverts to her.  She sends it to Ozzy. 

A boat arrives.  One person has to get on the boat.  Mike, Savannah and Colby go to the island.  Only 2 players can play basically Tetra, one loses their vote.  They do rock paper scissors and I’m 63 and still do not understand how that works.  Anywhoo….

Colby and Savannah go at it.  Yes, I was yelling JAN, WATCH YOUR BRACELET.  Colby is trying to build the tower up high because Savannah is short but alas, his piece knocks it over and she wins.  Colby thinks, she might be someone he can work with… Savannah gets a ‘Dynamic advantage”-which is a secret block a vote. 

Back at camp, Mike tells Coach Colby said something about Oz and him that he heard at the last small challenge and Coach is really upset.  “My currency has been devalued”. 

Colby explains that he lost his vote and Savannah won.  Q thinks they are now down 2 votes.  Savannah tells them that she got to keep her vote but no other advantage and Devens doesn’t believe that for a minute. 

We basically have an hour of commercial breaks…

Aaaaaand in comes a boat to the Kalo tribe because apparently Medical told Legal they allowed Kyle to continue the challenge and Legal LOST THEIR SHIT.  Sooooo. They come and do a few exercises (and I can now diagnosis a torn Achilles) and off he goes. 

Please GOD no more 3 hour episodes.

Cila (orange):

Joe                  John Sellman, Susan Weber
Savannah      Alt 3
Christian       Lori, Kevin and Ashley
Cirie                Ginnie, Joey
Ozzy               Amy, Lorna
Emily              Noller Girls, Betty M
Devens          Chris, Beth*

Kalo (team):

Jonathan       Alt 7
Dee                 Noller Boys, Emma
Mike               Meg, Elizabeth
Kamilla          Jill, Bill
Charlie           Alt 9
Tiffany           Alt 6
Coach            Alt 5
Chrissy           Alt 10

Vatu (“magenta”) tribe :

Colby             Alt 4
Genevieve    Alt 2
Rizo                Elayne, John Stadnicar
Angelina        Betty N, Tommy
Q                     Kimberely, JoAnne
Stephenie     Stacy, Karen
Aubry            Donna, Sue V

Out

Jenna             Chris, Beth*
Kyle                Alt 8

 

 

 

Survivor 47 Week 1: Survivor Save America

 

Let’s see how long I can do this today! We’ll call It my physical therapy.

What an episode!  Not even sure how I feel but you all know I hate the 90 min-2 hour format.  Jeff started off like every season mansplaining the point of a game most of use have been watching for 20 years-

“This is a game PLAYED WITH HUMANS, where you are forming a new community”.  Mmmkay.

We again have 3 teams without any returning players or celebrities unless you include Jon from Pod Save America  (and yes I consider him a celebrity).

Team Red I think called Lavo which according to google translate means “I wash”

Teeny
Genevieve
Rome
Sol
Aysha
Kishan

 

Yellow team called Gata and even my high school Spanish I know means Cat.  Although google says there’s a slang form meaning whore but I’m totally sure Jeff is going with cat.

Andy
Jon
Rachel
Sierra
Anika
Sam

Blue team called Tuku which google got very confused about.  Means child or vulva.  We’ll go with child. 

Gabe
Kyle
Sue
TK
Tiyan
Caroline

Right away they have a challenge with an obs course and a puzzle.  Yellow Gata wins.  Instead of the other 2 going back to do the strength vs savvy or whatever it was challenge each loser sends one person to do… something.  Aysha and TK go.  I think thinking there will be an advantage. 

The rest ago to their camps and begin the social game, which means instantly linking up with strangers based on nothing.  I always remember someone telling me to always be wary about the one person in a new job that gloms onto you immediately because that is usually the one person in the office no one likes.  Anywhoo, just some free advice. 

On Yellow Gata: Andy is some dude who my notes says likes maps but also likes math and has a theory that you only need to make friends with 2 people who also have friends with 2 people so in a group of 6 your covered.  Anyway he gloms onto Jon Save America and annoys the other 4 people. 

Anika is a “prepared person” and can’t stop herself from being in the lead. Sam wants to be the “glue guy”- that middle guy that everyone just needs to make things work.  Sierra is a former pageant queen who apparently PRACTICED MAKING FIRE and gets major props from me she slyly asks if anyone  minds if she tries to make fire and BAM gets it on.

Blue Gabe wants to “make an alliance with an old person” so he sidles up to Grandma Sue and they link up. They also bond with Caroline. 

On red people (and I) are amazed an ER doctor is on Survivor-like he has a pocket full of narcotics or something  Teeny who dresses like a scarecrow from NJ says she’s gonna be everyone’s #1.  Rome and Genevieve who I will be calling Gen because typing Genevieve out every time is not gonna work for me.  Teeny also joins them.  Teeny also wants to wait and see how Aysha is. 

Speaking of TK and Aysha, they have to do individual challenges and only one person gets the key to open a box of supplies.  They have to go into the “jungle” and find 3 other keys using pictures of rocks.  Aysha finds all 3 first but forgot to remember how she got there and can’t get back to the beach.  Which gives TK time to get a head start.  It ends in the water with a heroic jump for the key but TK wins out. 

TK returns to blue Tuku as the big hero with a pot to piss in which I am sure annoys some people.  All the men bond in a giant bromance hug which does not go unnoticed by Caroline.  The man hunt themselves out to get wood and Gabe finds the beware advantage and opens it.  He’s on the second stage finding a key when TK sees him and he plays dumb saying he must have going something without finding the clue part.  Not sure TK believes him. 

Back to red Lavo Aysha returns with nothing.  Teeny ‘recognizes her” (she’s apparently another podcaster, this time for reality tv including Survivor).  Aysha is into trusting everyone until they give her a reason not to.  Rome wanders off and everyone notices.  He finds the beware but again doesn’t read it says beware.

Blue Gabe tells Gramma Sue about his advantage and she helps provide cover so he can dig it up.  This time you get an idol good for one tribal OR you can drop it back into the box and do another challenge for a longer (3 tribals) lasting idol.  He decides to go for the longer one but accidentally rolls the box down a hill near camp and people hear him. 

On yellow Gato Jon is amazed at 41 he is the old man on the tribe.  Andy, going for his #2 goes after Rachel like a dog leg humper and makes her nervous.  She doesn’t think he’s strategic and thinks it’s too soon to bond.  She tells him they have to be cool about it.  Later that night he can’t sleep and wakes her up to talk, totally pissing her off because ITS NOT COOL.  He decides she doesn’t like him and is all getting paranoid about being unliked and on the bottom.  DO THEY NOT SCREEN THESE PEOPLE?? I mean, they’re all rolling around a beach with a machete and no one knows who is really unbalanced. 

Gabe  gets the final clue and smashes a piece of driftwood to get the 3 tribal idol and decides to stick with it instead of going for the final 5 idol. 

Rome is doing his second part idol search which includes wetting the driftwood to get the clue.  Aysha sees him and tells people.  The clue is to find the box at the bottom of the well with Baby Jessica (lol, IFYKYK).  He leans down into the well and gets the key but people think he is being very suspicious. 

Challenge: 2 teams get immunity, one to tribal plus reward of building kits. 

Red kills it and gets done first.  Andy needs “medical” but the challenge keeps going.  Blue gets second immunity sending Yellow to tribal.  Andy has a full blown meltdown which he initially chalks up to getting overheated but them veers into crazy land saying everyone hates him because no one cheered when HE opened a coconut like they did for Jon.  He says he wants to throw JON under the bus and it’s crazypants.  Then he says he’s OK.

Back at yellow camp I have NO idea what happened for the next 30 minutes but the kids on the tribe all feel “sorry” for Andy and then suddenly turn on Jon for what I really don’t know except for not being of the generation that turns things around so the bad guy is the victim somehow.  Seriously I don’t get what happens as Jon suddenly feels he’s now the target and tries to make a move which makes him look “strategic” and they decide Andy is gonna be loyal (and crazy) because they save his ass. 

Anyway, the tribal is bullshit Gen Stupid and I swear Jeff is pushing for Andy to be likeable with asking him about being the “loner” at school who probably killed rabbits who them grew up and manipulated a lot of people into being his “strong community”  and now he’s out of his comfort zone again and feeling alone. 

Jon says very wisely, “I don’t know what would have happened if Andy hadn’t made himself the ‘natural target’ because now the tribe is looking for who the ‘unnatural target’ is.

And stupidly it ended up being Jon Save America.    

Survivor 44 Begins!

 Hello!  I think we had almost 100% return rate this season and thank you for going along with the last minute pool!  Jesus I thought we were going to blow through all 4 alternates last week with these covid weak couch potatoes dropping like flies!  But we still have 2 alternates so you are NOT stuck with the loser below if they're bad enough quick enough. 

I did not take notes last week, which was glorious after 10 plus years of doing so.  I thought Jeff looked thinner and better.  Maybe that's just from me being under covid restrictions!  Hey, our Covid anniversary is coming up Match 13!  Let me know how you're celebrating.  I think I will buy a cupcake.  LOL, any excuse for me to buy a really expensive, maximum icing to cake ( or "sponge" as they say on bake off)  and I am there for it.  

Ok, so 3 tribes: Tika (purple), Ratu (orange) Soka (Green)

We start off with an reward challenge that is an obstacle course, a puzzle and a pole throw.  Winning tribe Sota gets flint right away.  Ratu gets to chose Sweat or Savvy and chose Sweat.  Tika gets Savvy.  Bruce hits his head on the obstacle course and needs medical attention.  But personally I don't think the cut had anything to do with his medical needs unless he is REALLY afraid of blood.  

Brandon and Matthew do the Sweat and incredibly smart Helen and Carson do the Savvy.  I have no idea how they figured that out.  They all find a locked cage with a bag of drugs, I mean a mystery bag, in it.  

Then they do the whole stupid summit thing and frankly I was looking at my phone I missed if they actually did a summit climb or not.  Anywhoo, they get the "individual questions" which I think they do together and its a 1/3 chance to get an advantage and if they don't get it (lose a vote) they can pick again with a 50-50 shot to lose another vote.  Sarah loses one vote and gets an inheritance advantage allowing her to scoop up all the used idols/advantages in one magnificent tribal.  Matthew lost twice.  Lauren gets Bank a Vote.  

Ratu searches for the key and Brandon finds it.  He shares it with the group because he finds it near one of the women (who I can't remember) and he doesn't want to form any alliance with her.  It's a hidden immunity idol so now everyone know he has it and it's a giant target because he was a sexist asshole.  

Immunity Challenge.  They have to row I think, and there are buoys and they have to get chests FROM THE FLOOR OF THE SEA  (lol) pull shit on a ramp, do a slide puzzle.  Brandon gets heat exhaustion because he is also a couch potato.  Also earlier some other douche dislocates his shoulder playing on rocks.  During the challenge Matt learns from Claire that Lauren probably did not tell everyone about her advantage.

Ratu loses and gets to go to the newly designed ,medieval tribal council set which makes absolutely zero sense  unless there was a going out of business sale at some medieval use your hands to eat a turkey wing dinner joint.  

Matthew tells people what Claire said putting a target on Lauren's back, but the women want to flush out the idol and vote out Brandon.  No, I refuse to say LETS GO BRANDON.  Nope.  Not gonna do it.  

Like kids with new toys Lauren uses her bank, Matthew and Jaime use their SHOT IN THE DARK (Jaime is actually safe from it so you can see on Jeff's face that they will never again do the shot).  With only 3 actual votes Brandon plays his idol and Maddy goes home with only one vote.  

Survivor: Vietnam Episode

So, ONCE AGAIN, Owen and Sami are upset to be out of the loop on the Noelle vote and are wondering how to get out of the bottom.  

Karla is PISSED that someone wrote her name down.  Sami admits to doing it (both her and Owen did) and says it came from the other side.  Gab thinks Cody and Jesse have flipped on him and says he has a plan.  He says he's hiding IN PLAIN SIGHT.  Owen compares himself to Charlie Brown with the football and says every one of the Peanuts kids are out to get him.  

Next morning Sami is still upset because it was the first vote he was left out of.  He re-reads his letter from his mom and decides to keep going because of her. 

Karla confronts Owen and Sami and asks who told them to write down her name, and they tell her Cass.  Which is not true.  Karla gets freaked out that Cass has flipped since she knows ALL OF KARLA'S SECRETS and that she has an idol.  Which worries Karla because she doesn't think anyone knows she has one.  

Cass tells her Sami is a shit stirrer.  Karla talks to her about her worries that Cass knows about her idol.  Karla is worried Cass isn't loyal ENOUGH  and has decided to go on the offense.  Meanwhile Clueless Cass is all 2 GIRLS IN THE FINAL.  WOOHOOO!!!

A boat pulls up at camp with a note that says THERE IS AN ADVANTAGE HIDDEN AT CAMP, probably because these people are lazy and there are WAY TOO MANY IDOLS AND ADVANTAGES ANYWAY.  But everyone jumps into action and run around the 1 square acre of the set to find it "in the jungle".  Ever wonder why there are never ANY animals in this jungle??  Because IT AIN'T A DAMN JUNGLE.  It's an acre or two of land Mark Burnett owns with some trailers and a motel 6 called "ponderosa".  Do they still do ponderosa??  I'm not even sure the cbs website is updated to this season!!  

Anywhoo, it's crazy everyone running around the same paths pretending to be out in the jungle looking for clues.  You know it's a little area because everyone ends up at some point standing in front of the tree with the clue scratching their bitten balls.  Gab decides to play Vietnam (LOL) and do some LRP reconnaissance walk where they all spread out and walk together.  Shockingly it works as well as it did in 'Nam.  Cody says the excitement is wearing out, because everyone already has an idol or adv and he's wondering if someone has it but is pretending to look.  He's talking to Gab I think and leaning up against a tree when he realizes the clue is right at friggin eye level, and he slowly removes it.  It's an advantage for the Immunity challenge that gives him a second chance to win by guessing who the winner of the water boarding challenge will be.  

IC

Yes, it's a Vietnam like cage in the water and survivors have to weigh a million dollars against drowning.  My mild mannered husband is hoping we see drowning.  LOL.  Seriously, this is why Burnett bought the land, so they don't have to comply with laws and police should anyone actually drown because I can't believe this is legal.  

But everyone gets into the cage and the tide starts to come in covering their faces periodically.  Gab, Sami and Jesse are the first pussies to drop out.  Jeff is all excited about the challenge until it goes on so long that the tide begins to go out again and they have to call it and declare both Karla and Owen win immunity.  Seriously someone's ass is gonna get chewed for not pumping more water into the ocean.  Cody picked Owen but no one else knows that so 3 people have immunity this round.  

Cass tells Owen she is disappointed in herself for coming up short.  I mean, who knew the tide was going to go out in a few hours!  Cass is also worried people are thinking she is too close to Karla.  

Karla tells Sami, who thinks it's him, they should get rid of Cass.  Sami thinks she's bullshitting him.  Everyone is running around saying it's Cass.  Jesse also heard alarm bells and wonders if Karla is now working with Sami.  Jesse suggests to Owen that they don't vote for Cass but let Karla vote for her to create drama between those 2?  But Owen doesn't trust Jesse.  Cody and Jesse talk about it being Sami instead because he's good at  fire making and it could drive a wedge between Karla and Cass.  Cody is like, WOW that's deep but he also thinks Sami is less of a threat because he sucks at challenges.  

Tribal

Jeff gives some bullshit speech about it being a historic challenge because they OUTLASTED the tides are never the same and he tries to make a Survivor analogy because after 42 or so seasons he's still trying to sell the game.  

Gab says having 3/7 people with immunity caused CHAOS

Karla says people are so polite though this time.  You can never see where it's going.  

Owen agrees that the game is fluid although he talks 40 words to say this.

Sami offers himself a a free agent available for votes

Cass says the votes are to help them get to the end and you have to analyze every angle

Sami says the idols are a ticking clock that expire soon yet they have yet to see one used.  Are people taking them home as a souvenir or to sell on ebay??  He announces he's using his shot in the dark so don't count on his vote

Karla says something that's basically "that's unfortunate"

Sami says if he was told right, it won't matter.  

Time to vote.  Jeff tells everyone Cody chose Owen to win immunity.  And Sami wastes his shot and is not safe and is next on the Jury.  

Survivor: Blindside Class

After last week's double elimination of Ryan and James, Karla is angry that she was left out.  " I was told at the last minute how to vote".  But Jesse is singing I FEEEEEL GOOD.  He has a pocket full of idols and multiple alliances.  He tells Noelle SAMI has too much power.  

And, BANG.  Challenge  minutes in.  So you know there's gonna be drama and pot stirring for 55 minutes.  It's A reward!  Wanna know?  A night at the spa with pizza and LETTERS FROM HOME.  I wonder if they'll do fly the loved ones in this season?  

It's a physical challenge with a spin intro which would do me in.  You spin to pull a buoy in, then race to get a sandbag over a balance beam, then throw the sandbag on top of a tower.  Noelle, who is not in fact bionic and has struggled in challenges this season with her leg has lots of problems going across the balance beam and falls really far behind.  But Jeff keeps motivating her by yelling "MOVE YOUR LAZY CRIPPLED ASS YOU CAN REST WHEN YOU GO HOME."  And then, BAM, she gets it done and goes on to WIN THE CHALLENGE and if you weren't crying you're lying.  She gets to chose 3 people and brings Sami, Jesse and Owen along.  

They enjoy their pizza and their letters from home.  And then get to strategizing.  Sami wants Cassidy next.  Noelle thinks Sami is a flipper and she has to keep him comfortable.  Owen suggests a Cassidy/Karla split and Noelle agrees they need one of those 2 out.  

Back at the ranch Cody is jealous and anxious that those 4 are going to be talking.  He also wants Karla or Cassidy.  Cassidy thinks not winning was a silver lining because she gets to talk to Cody.  She tells Cody that Noelle is a big threat. She also things there is a lot of "shifting" going on.  

Cassidy talks to Gab, who I CANNOT believe is still there, about getting rid of Noelle.  Gab likes Noelle, but Cassidy tells him she would like them to work together.  Gab is happy that people want to work with him and he has options.  Dude, YOU ARE A GOAT, and not in the Tom Brady way (throwing that one in for you Stacy).  

Immunity Challenge.  Using one hand on a pulley to steady a board, build a house of cards up to an arrow.  Was anyone else yelling JAN, YOUR BRACELET at the TV?  This was an incredibly frustrating challenge as the houses fell about one a second.  Everyone gets close and ultimately falls until Cassidy wins immunity!

With Cassidy having immunity Noelle thinks they have a 95% chance of getting rid of Karla.  

Jesse wants to vote with Cody but after reading the letters from his family, he wants to make decisions to help him win.  He wants Noelle because she keeps coming back no matter what happens. Jesse has this whole strategy on how to blindside someone:

1. Have a good cover story

2. Have a fall guy to throw under the bus

3. Have a backup plan.

Jesse tells Karla it's going to be a Karla/Sami split.  Sami doesn't want to go for Noelle.  Jesse tells Gab they are blindsiding Noelle and he says he has to think about that.  Jesse tries to "help" Gab envision his place in the final grouping and where he currently stands and somehow that works.  

Gab tells Karla the plan and they are concerned Jesse and Cody are getting too powerful.  Gab wonders what's best for him.  Nothing because I will eat my hat if he wins this season.  

Tribal

Jeff starts with some crap about the reward challenge and Noelle's sheer determination

Noelle says she wanted to reach that one little handicapped kid that also happens to watch Survivor  and inspire him or her.  Jesus, that's a story that needs to be sitting on the jury at the finale.

Jesse says he and Noelle have been together since the start and she gave me the opportunity to get my family letters.

Gab gives some bullshit surgery analogy about a crazy shake up going down.  

Noelle says everyone has an opinion tonight

Owen again brings up the trust issue which seems to be his only note even while he gets stabbed in the back again and again

Cody says the strategy talks change all day long and you have to trust body language

Gab now uses a mafia analogy saying "most of these killers tonight are using silencers and there will be a bullet fired tonight!

Karla says it makes people nervous because you can't see it coming

Noelle says AND there are a lot of idols out there (which strangely don't get played much anymore)

Jesse says if all goes right it will lay the foundation "for my win".

Vote?

Karla 2, Sami 1 and Noelle goes to the jury!  

Survivor-Double Elimination.

 Is it me or does this season seem endless?  Still too many people I can't remember and they have kind of stopped giving their names in their "interviews".  

Day 17.  

Sami is all talk about mixing the game up and picking off people.  He seems to fall in line every time though.  

Owen is again stung by being left out again as James lied to him.  Calls James the Godfather.  "It's time for James to go".  Unsurprisingly, James wants Owen to go- "I'm still being cordial but he's written my name down.  If you break the social contract with me you're gone".

And just like that, 10 minutes in we are at an Immunity Challenge.  There are 2 teams of 5, 2 immunities and 2 tribals.  It's a hold a bar with a ball in a little cage that can roll out thingy.  Last one standing wins their  5 PB&J.

Team 1: Cassidy, Jesse, Gab, Ryan and Cody

Team 2: Owen, Sami, Noelle, Karla and James.  

Cody and Karla with the cut hand, win immunity and Team 1 wins PB&J.  

Gab tells Ryan right off the bat that it's Cassidy because he can't trust her.  Ryan wants to tell the jury he "cracked Coco".  Cody and Jesse tell Cassidy she's safe, she says she wants Ryan.  

The losing tribe has to go to the old camp where renovations have not been made.  James tells Karla SURPRISE he wants Owen.  Noelle and Sami discuss making Owen think it's James.  

Owen confronts James and says "what else do I need to do for you??  Says did what James told him and voted for Ryan last time but there's no loyalty from James.  James is all " oh everything is now my fault" deflecting.  He says he has the numbers and no sympathy for the guy.  

Cody tells Jesse they have to weigh the impact of Karla and James being angry if Cassidy goes. And although Ryan is a challenge beast, he's not strategic.  Given they get to see who goes from the other team, they decide if it's James that goes they can get rid of Cassidy since that will diminish Karla's power.  Cody says it's now all about setting up the finals.  He tells Gab they can work together and who goes depends on the other team.  "Gab is on our team".  

Noelle has a plan to blindside James by telling him she is stealing Owen's vote.  Her plan is to steal it BUT use it to vote James out now Owen.  Sami tells Karla the plan to get rid of James and she's not happy.  He wants to work with her so he makes the case against James but she still thinks Owen is an easier vote.  

Tribal 1

Owen says it was  a crappy afternoon given they have no food and are at a camp Cody has peed all over

James says losing and being hungry made frustrations come out.  

Sami says, yea Owen and him had some back and forth and they can't get along

Owen says he was frustrated being left out,and he did what James asked him.  Says he lost his cool.  

Noelle says there was yelling

Owen says "here's what happened..."

James says it was more of an argument

Noelle and everyone else at tribal is tired of the discussion.

Sami ask Karla during the discussion who she wants.  She says "trust yourself first".  

Noelle says something about the advantages and how it's hard to keep them secret, and how it's useful to sue for "all of us".  

Vote.  Noelle pulls out the steal a vote and takes Owen's vote.  

Owen gets  and James goes with 3.

Tribal 2 and everyone is shocked it was James.  

Jesse says he's shocked.

Ryan wasn't expecting it and says he'll want to see who is making moves.  

Cody says it was GLORIOUS having PB&J and being in a small tribe again.

Ryan says things are a lot more dangerous with smaller numbers.  

Cassidy says it's inevitable that people are talking and lying again.

Cody says with immunity everyone wanted to talk to him. He says he is looking at votes down the road.  

And, I missed the rest of the tribal because.... well, because I really don't care.  LOL

Time to vote!  Cassidy gets  and Ryan gets the rest,  

And the internet is all abuzz that once again the remaining black players were voted off back to back.  

Gigolo Pop Survivor

 Yea there was no update last week.  This is a really busy time for me.  In fact if I could have a volunteer or two this season that would be great!!

 

So here's that update:

Some stuff happened.  

There was a challenge that had a puzzle

There was an ad for the Love Boat, which is a romantic game show not the cute show with B-level stars in amusing love plots.  ASK ME HOW I KNOW.  lol.

The bead thing came up and Lindsay was able to trade beads and got an idol.

Nneke was voted off surprising no one that has watched it happen over and over.  

So this week....

Cody says its SHOWTIME.  

Gab is creepy and is going around putting palm frond blankets on people and I swear to got if anyone ever woke me up by doing that there would be fucking hell to pay. Gab and Elie are clashing.

Reward challenge

One person uses sandbags to knock blocks and, unusual twist, then uses 2 of the blocks to "walk" down the lane and then they all get to land sandbags on 3 swings.  Wanna know?  10 fish are delivered and then the winning tribe gets to stead ONE ITEM from a tribe of their choice.  

Cody is on fire for the red tribe and they win reward.  They ask Jeff if they can trade for another reward and he lets them trade for the fruit and toolkit reward.  Dwight thinks that's a bad idea.  Jesse wonders what choice would get them the most advantage.  Cody says ITS WAR MAN.  Noelle says they need to think long term.  

Cody goes to the blue tribe I think because they have more people but I can't remember why.  Blue didn't think it would be them.  He comes in all salesmanny and says the group wants to take their machete.  Lindsay says they'll retaliate and Cody is all "I'm just the messenger I'm sure we can make a deal".  He ends up getting fishing gear AND lime and this rule follower was annoyed because they just rolled over and gave MORE THAN ONE ITEM.  Karla doesn't trust him and thinks they got played.

Immunity Challenge

Something something and a giant standing puzzle.  Red gets it first and then they help yellow figure it out.  Blue is pissed they were working together.  Cassidy says the losers are uniting, and Lindsay wants revenge.  

Ryan says he trusts James and Geo.  They decide on Cassidy.  Geo feels like he's "calling the shots".  

Cassidy things Geo is getting too big for his britches  and is getting on her nerves.  She tells Lindsay it's Geo, and she tells Karla and James it's Geo putting James in a bit of a pickle.  

Geo asks Lindsay if she's heard his name and Lindsay realizes she's ONLY heard his name and goes OFF OF THE RAILS paranoid.  She believes she is the BEST PLAYER OF SURVIVOR HISTORY so naturally she should be the biggest threat and the person that should be the target.  Karla and James are all  WHOOOOOOAAAAA. That bitch is paranoid as a kid on his first drug trip.  James wants to talk her down but Karla says that would be like telling your drunk friend to stop drinking and I'm like, YUP EXACTLY..  

Tribal.  Get fire,  yada yada.  

Jeff starts it off with YO, ONE OF YOU GONNA BE GONE

He asks Ryan to grade the tribe and he gives an 8.5 (which isn't a GRADE) because they've eaten every night.  That's how I grade myself as a wife too.  

James says Geo and Ryan are providers

Ryan kisses Jeff's ass as if he has a vote: Jeff I took your words to heart and climbed my first coconut tree. 

Lindsay says they know what it takes to win, but then spins off to why some peeps didn't talked to her today. 

Ryan says he wanted to...

Lindsay: The people who wanted to talk to me did

Geo says he's nervous which I think means the vote and not about Lindsay

Karla says there was a scramble and you have to keep going back and checking in with your group

Lindsay says she was paranoid and people noticed

Geo says he just wanted to keep his people secure

James says he was just chilling, not endlessly checking to give his alliance the feeling of trust

Cassidy says things kept changing which must be surprising to those who didn't think things kept changing

Karla says talk never stopped and there are still questions.

Time to vote.  I swear the music guy sang "Gigolo pop" a few times.  

Cassidy 1

Geo 1

And paranoid LIndsay is gone.