Survivor 44 Begins!

 Hello!  I think we had almost 100% return rate this season and thank you for going along with the last minute pool!  Jesus I thought we were going to blow through all 4 alternates last week with these covid weak couch potatoes dropping like flies!  But we still have 2 alternates so you are NOT stuck with the loser below if they're bad enough quick enough. 

I did not take notes last week, which was glorious after 10 plus years of doing so.  I thought Jeff looked thinner and better.  Maybe that's just from me being under covid restrictions!  Hey, our Covid anniversary is coming up Match 13!  Let me know how you're celebrating.  I think I will buy a cupcake.  LOL, any excuse for me to buy a really expensive, maximum icing to cake ( or "sponge" as they say on bake off)  and I am there for it.  

Ok, so 3 tribes: Tika (purple), Ratu (orange) Soka (Green)

We start off with an reward challenge that is an obstacle course, a puzzle and a pole throw.  Winning tribe Sota gets flint right away.  Ratu gets to chose Sweat or Savvy and chose Sweat.  Tika gets Savvy.  Bruce hits his head on the obstacle course and needs medical attention.  But personally I don't think the cut had anything to do with his medical needs unless he is REALLY afraid of blood.  

Brandon and Matthew do the Sweat and incredibly smart Helen and Carson do the Savvy.  I have no idea how they figured that out.  They all find a locked cage with a bag of drugs, I mean a mystery bag, in it.  

Then they do the whole stupid summit thing and frankly I was looking at my phone I missed if they actually did a summit climb or not.  Anywhoo, they get the "individual questions" which I think they do together and its a 1/3 chance to get an advantage and if they don't get it (lose a vote) they can pick again with a 50-50 shot to lose another vote.  Sarah loses one vote and gets an inheritance advantage allowing her to scoop up all the used idols/advantages in one magnificent tribal.  Matthew lost twice.  Lauren gets Bank a Vote.  

Ratu searches for the key and Brandon finds it.  He shares it with the group because he finds it near one of the women (who I can't remember) and he doesn't want to form any alliance with her.  It's a hidden immunity idol so now everyone know he has it and it's a giant target because he was a sexist asshole.  

Immunity Challenge.  They have to row I think, and there are buoys and they have to get chests FROM THE FLOOR OF THE SEA  (lol) pull shit on a ramp, do a slide puzzle.  Brandon gets heat exhaustion because he is also a couch potato.  Also earlier some other douche dislocates his shoulder playing on rocks.  During the challenge Matt learns from Claire that Lauren probably did not tell everyone about her advantage.

Ratu loses and gets to go to the newly designed ,medieval tribal council set which makes absolutely zero sense  unless there was a going out of business sale at some medieval use your hands to eat a turkey wing dinner joint.  

Matthew tells people what Claire said putting a target on Lauren's back, but the women want to flush out the idol and vote out Brandon.  No, I refuse to say LETS GO BRANDON.  Nope.  Not gonna do it.  

Like kids with new toys Lauren uses her bank, Matthew and Jaime use their SHOT IN THE DARK (Jaime is actually safe from it so you can see on Jeff's face that they will never again do the shot).  With only 3 actual votes Brandon plays his idol and Maddy goes home with only one vote.  

Survivor: Vietnam Episode

So, ONCE AGAIN, Owen and Sami are upset to be out of the loop on the Noelle vote and are wondering how to get out of the bottom.  

Karla is PISSED that someone wrote her name down.  Sami admits to doing it (both her and Owen did) and says it came from the other side.  Gab thinks Cody and Jesse have flipped on him and says he has a plan.  He says he's hiding IN PLAIN SIGHT.  Owen compares himself to Charlie Brown with the football and says every one of the Peanuts kids are out to get him.  

Next morning Sami is still upset because it was the first vote he was left out of.  He re-reads his letter from his mom and decides to keep going because of her. 

Karla confronts Owen and Sami and asks who told them to write down her name, and they tell her Cass.  Which is not true.  Karla gets freaked out that Cass has flipped since she knows ALL OF KARLA'S SECRETS and that she has an idol.  Which worries Karla because she doesn't think anyone knows she has one.  

Cass tells her Sami is a shit stirrer.  Karla talks to her about her worries that Cass knows about her idol.  Karla is worried Cass isn't loyal ENOUGH  and has decided to go on the offense.  Meanwhile Clueless Cass is all 2 GIRLS IN THE FINAL.  WOOHOOO!!!

A boat pulls up at camp with a note that says THERE IS AN ADVANTAGE HIDDEN AT CAMP, probably because these people are lazy and there are WAY TOO MANY IDOLS AND ADVANTAGES ANYWAY.  But everyone jumps into action and run around the 1 square acre of the set to find it "in the jungle".  Ever wonder why there are never ANY animals in this jungle??  Because IT AIN'T A DAMN JUNGLE.  It's an acre or two of land Mark Burnett owns with some trailers and a motel 6 called "ponderosa".  Do they still do ponderosa??  I'm not even sure the cbs website is updated to this season!!  

Anywhoo, it's crazy everyone running around the same paths pretending to be out in the jungle looking for clues.  You know it's a little area because everyone ends up at some point standing in front of the tree with the clue scratching their bitten balls.  Gab decides to play Vietnam (LOL) and do some LRP reconnaissance walk where they all spread out and walk together.  Shockingly it works as well as it did in 'Nam.  Cody says the excitement is wearing out, because everyone already has an idol or adv and he's wondering if someone has it but is pretending to look.  He's talking to Gab I think and leaning up against a tree when he realizes the clue is right at friggin eye level, and he slowly removes it.  It's an advantage for the Immunity challenge that gives him a second chance to win by guessing who the winner of the water boarding challenge will be.  

IC

Yes, it's a Vietnam like cage in the water and survivors have to weigh a million dollars against drowning.  My mild mannered husband is hoping we see drowning.  LOL.  Seriously, this is why Burnett bought the land, so they don't have to comply with laws and police should anyone actually drown because I can't believe this is legal.  

But everyone gets into the cage and the tide starts to come in covering their faces periodically.  Gab, Sami and Jesse are the first pussies to drop out.  Jeff is all excited about the challenge until it goes on so long that the tide begins to go out again and they have to call it and declare both Karla and Owen win immunity.  Seriously someone's ass is gonna get chewed for not pumping more water into the ocean.  Cody picked Owen but no one else knows that so 3 people have immunity this round.  

Cass tells Owen she is disappointed in herself for coming up short.  I mean, who knew the tide was going to go out in a few hours!  Cass is also worried people are thinking she is too close to Karla.  

Karla tells Sami, who thinks it's him, they should get rid of Cass.  Sami thinks she's bullshitting him.  Everyone is running around saying it's Cass.  Jesse also heard alarm bells and wonders if Karla is now working with Sami.  Jesse suggests to Owen that they don't vote for Cass but let Karla vote for her to create drama between those 2?  But Owen doesn't trust Jesse.  Cody and Jesse talk about it being Sami instead because he's good at  fire making and it could drive a wedge between Karla and Cass.  Cody is like, WOW that's deep but he also thinks Sami is less of a threat because he sucks at challenges.  

Tribal

Jeff gives some bullshit speech about it being a historic challenge because they OUTLASTED the tides are never the same and he tries to make a Survivor analogy because after 42 or so seasons he's still trying to sell the game.  

Gab says having 3/7 people with immunity caused CHAOS

Karla says people are so polite though this time.  You can never see where it's going.  

Owen agrees that the game is fluid although he talks 40 words to say this.

Sami offers himself a a free agent available for votes

Cass says the votes are to help them get to the end and you have to analyze every angle

Sami says the idols are a ticking clock that expire soon yet they have yet to see one used.  Are people taking them home as a souvenir or to sell on ebay??  He announces he's using his shot in the dark so don't count on his vote

Karla says something that's basically "that's unfortunate"

Sami says if he was told right, it won't matter.  

Time to vote.  Jeff tells everyone Cody chose Owen to win immunity.  And Sami wastes his shot and is not safe and is next on the Jury.  

Survivor: Blindside Class

After last week's double elimination of Ryan and James, Karla is angry that she was left out.  " I was told at the last minute how to vote".  But Jesse is singing I FEEEEEL GOOD.  He has a pocket full of idols and multiple alliances.  He tells Noelle SAMI has too much power.  

And, BANG.  Challenge  minutes in.  So you know there's gonna be drama and pot stirring for 55 minutes.  It's A reward!  Wanna know?  A night at the spa with pizza and LETTERS FROM HOME.  I wonder if they'll do fly the loved ones in this season?  

It's a physical challenge with a spin intro which would do me in.  You spin to pull a buoy in, then race to get a sandbag over a balance beam, then throw the sandbag on top of a tower.  Noelle, who is not in fact bionic and has struggled in challenges this season with her leg has lots of problems going across the balance beam and falls really far behind.  But Jeff keeps motivating her by yelling "MOVE YOUR LAZY CRIPPLED ASS YOU CAN REST WHEN YOU GO HOME."  And then, BAM, she gets it done and goes on to WIN THE CHALLENGE and if you weren't crying you're lying.  She gets to chose 3 people and brings Sami, Jesse and Owen along.  

They enjoy their pizza and their letters from home.  And then get to strategizing.  Sami wants Cassidy next.  Noelle thinks Sami is a flipper and she has to keep him comfortable.  Owen suggests a Cassidy/Karla split and Noelle agrees they need one of those 2 out.  

Back at the ranch Cody is jealous and anxious that those 4 are going to be talking.  He also wants Karla or Cassidy.  Cassidy thinks not winning was a silver lining because she gets to talk to Cody.  She tells Cody that Noelle is a big threat. She also things there is a lot of "shifting" going on.  

Cassidy talks to Gab, who I CANNOT believe is still there, about getting rid of Noelle.  Gab likes Noelle, but Cassidy tells him she would like them to work together.  Gab is happy that people want to work with him and he has options.  Dude, YOU ARE A GOAT, and not in the Tom Brady way (throwing that one in for you Stacy).  

Immunity Challenge.  Using one hand on a pulley to steady a board, build a house of cards up to an arrow.  Was anyone else yelling JAN, YOUR BRACELET at the TV?  This was an incredibly frustrating challenge as the houses fell about one a second.  Everyone gets close and ultimately falls until Cassidy wins immunity!

With Cassidy having immunity Noelle thinks they have a 95% chance of getting rid of Karla.  

Jesse wants to vote with Cody but after reading the letters from his family, he wants to make decisions to help him win.  He wants Noelle because she keeps coming back no matter what happens. Jesse has this whole strategy on how to blindside someone:

1. Have a good cover story

2. Have a fall guy to throw under the bus

3. Have a backup plan.

Jesse tells Karla it's going to be a Karla/Sami split.  Sami doesn't want to go for Noelle.  Jesse tells Gab they are blindsiding Noelle and he says he has to think about that.  Jesse tries to "help" Gab envision his place in the final grouping and where he currently stands and somehow that works.  

Gab tells Karla the plan and they are concerned Jesse and Cody are getting too powerful.  Gab wonders what's best for him.  Nothing because I will eat my hat if he wins this season.  

Tribal

Jeff starts with some crap about the reward challenge and Noelle's sheer determination

Noelle says she wanted to reach that one little handicapped kid that also happens to watch Survivor  and inspire him or her.  Jesus, that's a story that needs to be sitting on the jury at the finale.

Jesse says he and Noelle have been together since the start and she gave me the opportunity to get my family letters.

Gab gives some bullshit surgery analogy about a crazy shake up going down.  

Noelle says everyone has an opinion tonight

Owen again brings up the trust issue which seems to be his only note even while he gets stabbed in the back again and again

Cody says the strategy talks change all day long and you have to trust body language

Gab now uses a mafia analogy saying "most of these killers tonight are using silencers and there will be a bullet fired tonight!

Karla says it makes people nervous because you can't see it coming

Noelle says AND there are a lot of idols out there (which strangely don't get played much anymore)

Jesse says if all goes right it will lay the foundation "for my win".

Vote?

Karla 2, Sami 1 and Noelle goes to the jury!  

Survivor-Double Elimination.

 Is it me or does this season seem endless?  Still too many people I can't remember and they have kind of stopped giving their names in their "interviews".  

Day 17.  

Sami is all talk about mixing the game up and picking off people.  He seems to fall in line every time though.  

Owen is again stung by being left out again as James lied to him.  Calls James the Godfather.  "It's time for James to go".  Unsurprisingly, James wants Owen to go- "I'm still being cordial but he's written my name down.  If you break the social contract with me you're gone".

And just like that, 10 minutes in we are at an Immunity Challenge.  There are 2 teams of 5, 2 immunities and 2 tribals.  It's a hold a bar with a ball in a little cage that can roll out thingy.  Last one standing wins their  5 PB&J.

Team 1: Cassidy, Jesse, Gab, Ryan and Cody

Team 2: Owen, Sami, Noelle, Karla and James.  

Cody and Karla with the cut hand, win immunity and Team 1 wins PB&J.  

Gab tells Ryan right off the bat that it's Cassidy because he can't trust her.  Ryan wants to tell the jury he "cracked Coco".  Cody and Jesse tell Cassidy she's safe, she says she wants Ryan.  

The losing tribe has to go to the old camp where renovations have not been made.  James tells Karla SURPRISE he wants Owen.  Noelle and Sami discuss making Owen think it's James.  

Owen confronts James and says "what else do I need to do for you??  Says did what James told him and voted for Ryan last time but there's no loyalty from James.  James is all " oh everything is now my fault" deflecting.  He says he has the numbers and no sympathy for the guy.  

Cody tells Jesse they have to weigh the impact of Karla and James being angry if Cassidy goes. And although Ryan is a challenge beast, he's not strategic.  Given they get to see who goes from the other team, they decide if it's James that goes they can get rid of Cassidy since that will diminish Karla's power.  Cody says it's now all about setting up the finals.  He tells Gab they can work together and who goes depends on the other team.  "Gab is on our team".  

Noelle has a plan to blindside James by telling him she is stealing Owen's vote.  Her plan is to steal it BUT use it to vote James out now Owen.  Sami tells Karla the plan to get rid of James and she's not happy.  He wants to work with her so he makes the case against James but she still thinks Owen is an easier vote.  

Tribal 1

Owen says it was  a crappy afternoon given they have no food and are at a camp Cody has peed all over

James says losing and being hungry made frustrations come out.  

Sami says, yea Owen and him had some back and forth and they can't get along

Owen says he was frustrated being left out,and he did what James asked him.  Says he lost his cool.  

Noelle says there was yelling

Owen says "here's what happened..."

James says it was more of an argument

Noelle and everyone else at tribal is tired of the discussion.

Sami ask Karla during the discussion who she wants.  She says "trust yourself first".  

Noelle says something about the advantages and how it's hard to keep them secret, and how it's useful to sue for "all of us".  

Vote.  Noelle pulls out the steal a vote and takes Owen's vote.  

Owen gets  and James goes with 3.

Tribal 2 and everyone is shocked it was James.  

Jesse says he's shocked.

Ryan wasn't expecting it and says he'll want to see who is making moves.  

Cody says it was GLORIOUS having PB&J and being in a small tribe again.

Ryan says things are a lot more dangerous with smaller numbers.  

Cassidy says it's inevitable that people are talking and lying again.

Cody says with immunity everyone wanted to talk to him. He says he is looking at votes down the road.  

And, I missed the rest of the tribal because.... well, because I really don't care.  LOL

Time to vote!  Cassidy gets  and Ryan gets the rest,  

And the internet is all abuzz that once again the remaining black players were voted off back to back.  

Gigolo Pop Survivor

 Yea there was no update last week.  This is a really busy time for me.  In fact if I could have a volunteer or two this season that would be great!!

 

So here's that update:

Some stuff happened.  

There was a challenge that had a puzzle

There was an ad for the Love Boat, which is a romantic game show not the cute show with B-level stars in amusing love plots.  ASK ME HOW I KNOW.  lol.

The bead thing came up and Lindsay was able to trade beads and got an idol.

Nneke was voted off surprising no one that has watched it happen over and over.  

So this week....

Cody says its SHOWTIME.  

Gab is creepy and is going around putting palm frond blankets on people and I swear to got if anyone ever woke me up by doing that there would be fucking hell to pay. Gab and Elie are clashing.

Reward challenge

One person uses sandbags to knock blocks and, unusual twist, then uses 2 of the blocks to "walk" down the lane and then they all get to land sandbags on 3 swings.  Wanna know?  10 fish are delivered and then the winning tribe gets to stead ONE ITEM from a tribe of their choice.  

Cody is on fire for the red tribe and they win reward.  They ask Jeff if they can trade for another reward and he lets them trade for the fruit and toolkit reward.  Dwight thinks that's a bad idea.  Jesse wonders what choice would get them the most advantage.  Cody says ITS WAR MAN.  Noelle says they need to think long term.  

Cody goes to the blue tribe I think because they have more people but I can't remember why.  Blue didn't think it would be them.  He comes in all salesmanny and says the group wants to take their machete.  Lindsay says they'll retaliate and Cody is all "I'm just the messenger I'm sure we can make a deal".  He ends up getting fishing gear AND lime and this rule follower was annoyed because they just rolled over and gave MORE THAN ONE ITEM.  Karla doesn't trust him and thinks they got played.

Immunity Challenge

Something something and a giant standing puzzle.  Red gets it first and then they help yellow figure it out.  Blue is pissed they were working together.  Cassidy says the losers are uniting, and Lindsay wants revenge.  

Ryan says he trusts James and Geo.  They decide on Cassidy.  Geo feels like he's "calling the shots".  

Cassidy things Geo is getting too big for his britches  and is getting on her nerves.  She tells Lindsay it's Geo, and she tells Karla and James it's Geo putting James in a bit of a pickle.  

Geo asks Lindsay if she's heard his name and Lindsay realizes she's ONLY heard his name and goes OFF OF THE RAILS paranoid.  She believes she is the BEST PLAYER OF SURVIVOR HISTORY so naturally she should be the biggest threat and the person that should be the target.  Karla and James are all  WHOOOOOOAAAAA. That bitch is paranoid as a kid on his first drug trip.  James wants to talk her down but Karla says that would be like telling your drunk friend to stop drinking and I'm like, YUP EXACTLY..  

Tribal.  Get fire,  yada yada.  

Jeff starts it off with YO, ONE OF YOU GONNA BE GONE

He asks Ryan to grade the tribe and he gives an 8.5 (which isn't a GRADE) because they've eaten every night.  That's how I grade myself as a wife too.  

James says Geo and Ryan are providers

Ryan kisses Jeff's ass as if he has a vote: Jeff I took your words to heart and climbed my first coconut tree. 

Lindsay says they know what it takes to win, but then spins off to why some peeps didn't talked to her today. 

Ryan says he wanted to...

Lindsay: The people who wanted to talk to me did

Geo says he's nervous which I think means the vote and not about Lindsay

Karla says there was a scramble and you have to keep going back and checking in with your group

Lindsay says she was paranoid and people noticed

Geo says he just wanted to keep his people secure

James says he was just chilling, not endlessly checking to give his alliance the feeling of trust

Cassidy says things kept changing which must be surprising to those who didn't think things kept changing

Karla says talk never stopped and there are still questions.

Time to vote.  I swear the music guy sang "Gigolo pop" a few times.  

Cassidy 1

Geo 1

And paranoid LIndsay is gone.  

Survivor 43 Week 2

 

---

Welcome to week 2 of the GREATEST SOCIAL EXPERIMENT EVER.  We had our first tribal last week (YELLOW) and Owen is acting all grateful for not getting voted off.  "Thank you for being you".  Doubtful he's sincere.  Gabbler says he's been to concerned with relationships and has neglected his body, and something something worms are = to bacon.  

Stormy night.  

Sami says the night was rough.  He thinks they need a roof TODAY.  Gabbler thinks that storm might be more than he can handle (it's freakin DAY 3).  Owen is worried Gab can't sustain himself.  Gab has to lay down because he's nauseous and everyone has to remind him to drink.  I'm gonna go out on a ledge and predict he has a wife at home who does everything and was VERY OKAY with him leaving for a month,  

Red-Dwight  and Jesse are looking for an idol.  Jesse says the lines have become clearer and he needs to pull Jesse into his alliance.  Dwight is more interested in having relationships with everyone and they show some pics of him as a child with a lot of politicians.  I'm sure Twitter melted down over the "politicization of Survivor".  Dwight doesn't  like Cody but Jesse things he's "fun".  Cody has the "livin" tattoo on his ass and amuses everyone with a palm frond hat he makes.  Jesse can't connect with Justine.  The bug Cody placed in his ear about salespeople has taken root.  Jesse also thinks Justine is high maintenance because she has a spider phobia and is worried about her nails.  

Hey did y'all see they are scraping the bottom of the barrel and bringing LOVE BOAT back?  WHY.  

Blue is one of those "do yoga" tribes.  Karla is in an alliance with the girls and James, but Geo and Ryan also think they are in an alliance with her.  Geo and Ryan are VERY CLOSE.  Geo finds almond trees, and gets his spotlight moment to talk about being gay and homeless because his parents kicked him out.  Ryan calls him a new brother. 

Red: Cody is all interested in Noelle's fake leg and is creepy watching her get it ready to put on.  Bring on the sob music! Cody had a friend when he was younger that had cancer and lost his leg and them died.  "This changed my life and made me want to be an elevator salesman".  I'm guessing he couldn't go up stairs with one leg?? Cody, like Ricky Bobby, wants to drive FAST.  

Owen says he's being "everyone's friend" which IMO usually means no one's real friend.  Says he's "held it together so far" and now I totally want to see him not hold it together. He's constantly bringing water and reminding people to drink.  Everyone is thirsty because they're out in the "faux jungle" looking for idols.  They show  few people walking past an idol a few time which makes me wonder how small this set really is.  Jeanine and Elie discuss bringing in either Owen or Sami as their new 3rd, but they're afraid Owen is going to be a lot to manage when they merge.  Jeanine wonders what game the guys are playing, if they are in fact playing a game because they look like they're just fooling around.  She and Elie decide to be "strategic".  

Sami says they have a boys alliance.  Says he really doesn't believe in sex-based alliances but they'd be "stupid to lose to girls".  

Immunity Challenge and I already know something is up since the episode is 90 minutes long and we're already at the IC.  The challenge is to climb into a cage in the water and lift out a 400 lb stuffed snake, carry it to shore, lay in on a looong table and find puzzle pieces inside the snake.  Wanna know?  Fishing kits.  

It's a really heavy snake and red is completely lame making Jeff yell things like YOU CAN SLEEP WHEN YOU GO HOME.  Yellow wins 1, Blue 2 and Red goes to tribal.  

Cody says it's now HUNT OR BE HUNTED.  He says Nneke was atrocious but since she's part of his alliance it's not going to be  her.  The girls,  think she sucked, missed an entire bag of puzzle pieces and wasn't pulling her snake weight.  They discuss what is going to get Justine and Noelle further-keeping her or not.  

Nneke says after the challenge it was weird and no one was really talking to her.  But she thinks she is tight with Jesse and Cody.  

On Red they're all celebrating winning.  Elie is proud of herself and we get to hear that, in addition to a dead sister, she also has a sad story of having ADHD/Dyslexia.  ONE SOB STORY PER PERSON!

Gabler decides to use the new fishing spear and Elie reminds him a few times to tie off the spear so he doesn't lose it.  It's called a Hawaiian sling or something.  He refuses to tie it off so I'm expecting at some point the spear will get lost.  

Elie asks Jeanine if she remembers if Gab's idol expires after the second tribal or after HIS second tribal.  Jeanine goes through his bag, saying doing that is a "necessary deed", and reads that it's HIS second tribal.  

On red the decision seems to be Justine OR Noelle first.  Cody wants Justine the saleswoman, and yes-boy Jesse agrees because she told him she is good at lying.  Wonder if she has "lyin" tattooed on her ass?  Jesse talks to Dwight who doesn't have a vote about Justine or Noelle.  Dwight doesn't like Cody but it's not his call.  

Cody tells Nneke she's fine.  Then Cody takes a walk to look for an idol and finds the Beware Advantage and without thinking about it opens it up and gets the idol bracelet.  In order for it to have power he has to go to tribal with the beads from everyone's free Survivor Swag bag.  Or he also has no vote.  Cody thinks he's an idiot for opening it and is worried because everyone is such a superfan they want to keep everything as a memento.  He goes to talk to Jesse who is like, dude did you not watch season 41 and 42?  They tell Nneke and then Cody friggin makes up a story of adorning his palm frond hat with their beads to make it fancy.  Every one gives his his beads except Noelle who made hers into a bracelet and we go to tribal thinking he's screwed.

Tribal. Fire yada yada. 

Jeff-nice hat

Cody tells him his dad (?) taught him to make the hat 

Justine wants one

Jeff asks what it'll take for Justine to get a hat?

Cody says if she's still there tomorrow he'll make her a hat.  

Justine says she's on the chopping block because the tribe is split 2-2-2 and Cody and Nneke are tight.  

Jeff asks if there are 3 pairs and Jesse gets on his knee and asks Dwight to be his pair.  

Dwight points out he doesn't have a vote and Jeff wants to know why this season everyone tells everything, which I'm sure spoils the blindsides.  Someone says information is currency and Jesse says it's used to build trust.  

Noelle  points out that an advantage will help you AND put a target on your back. 

Jesse says the question this week is the alliance or strength one.  

Time to vote and I SWEAR the guy singing the nonsense music sang "I have a headache", 

Any idols or advantages?  Nope.

Cody 1, Nneke 1 and Justine goes home with 3.  And we also find out Noelle gave up her her beads.  

Survivor 43 Week 1

 Welcome Back!!  I always hate this first episode, more so when it's 2 hours long and I can't tell who anyone is.  Also, because Jeff is just so full of himself it makes me roll my eyes which gets in the way of taking notes.  C'mon, does he really think this is the GREATEST SOCIAL EXPERIMENT ever?  Because having watched PBS last week I'm, pretty sure the social experiment where people were shipped to death camps and a whole fuck load of people went along with the killing maybe was a tad more important.  

OK.  Y'all aren't here to get bummed out about the holocaust.  

This is Survivor 43, which makes me sad that they aren't even giving them a name of an exotic location anymore.  Clearly they bought some land in Fiji that someone writes off for using 2 months of the year.  And clearly the island has a cub med for the staff, a hospital staffed by Australians and a few GIANT warehouses full of cheap flammable "decor".  

We have 3 boats and 3 tribes with names that we will ignore using red, yellow and green instead.  They land and Jeff gets to do bullshit with them, calling a few out he's been told have "interesting" stories.  So, we have a para-Olympian with a million dollar leg, a rainbow bright character (WOKE ALERT for those who need one), a woman with a Chinese immigrant Dad story meant to make you believe in America again, a few Philly people and an old dude (who is younger than me) in a beanie who has NO CHANCE so whoever has him needs to start hoping for an alternate ASAP.  Half of them say they decided to go on Survivor while they were sitting on the couch during COVID.  

Jeff:  SURVIVOR is 1) a game anyone can play because you all get to decide how your society is run and 2 AN ADVENTURE!!  Give yourself permission to play.  LIke, has that really been a problem??  

So first we have to win the meager supplies (flint, machete, a pot and a lot of purell behind the trees)/  There's a challenge with crates, which become a puzzle, which someone stands on and uses a stick to get the flint.  It's kind of hard to get the flint until some FREAKIN GENIUS figures out you have to use the pole to hold the flint in the hollow space.  Red wins.

Red consists of Cody who is LOCKED AND LOADED TO GET PLAYING, Nneke, Justine, Dwight, Noelle and Jessie.  Apparently no one got off the COVID couch to learn how to build shelter but at least they have flint.  

Yellow has old man Gabler, Sami, Elie, Owen, Jeanine and Morriah.  Blue is James, Ryan., Karla, Geo, Lindsay and Cassidy.

Yellow and blue have to do the savvy or sweat challenge to get their supplies.  Savvy is a cool puzzle and Sweat has 2 people dig up a giant square to find the stuff.  

Yellow chooses savvy, blue chooses sweat.  Both get their supplies.  Sami pretends he's just an average guy but realizes everyone else on yellow is clueless so he has to unleash his killer puzzle skills.  He's 19 but lies that he's 22 in case there's booze later on.  Ryan and someone else, maybe Geo do the dig thing and fortunately Ryan has some smarts because he carries the whole challenge and finds the bag.  

People start making alliances.  On Red Noelle and Justine line up.  Nneke, Cody and Jessie form a group.  Cody tries to put the stink on Justine for being a sales rep, never revealing he is one too.  

On yellow Owen is half hearted going around saying "I'll let you know if I hear your name" to people randomly.  He says it to Gabler.  We get to hear about Elie's dead sister who OD'd on drugs (DON'T DO DRUGS KIDS OR YOUR SISTER WILL END UP ON SURVIVOR TALKING ABOUT YOU). Elie, rainbow bright Morriah and Jeanine form Girl Power. 

On Blue Cassidy wants to be sneaky.  Lindsay talks to Cassidy and Karla about a girls alliance with James.  I don't think Cassidy and Lindsay are going to be friends.   James, who is a chess dude, is like, OK.  

Yellow can't get fire because these fuckwits didn't spend the pandemic making fire.  Shit, I got so bored I was making it in my driveway.  That and fucking sourdough bread.  Seriously I hope there's a sourdough baking challenge and someone KILLS IT.  Gabler tries and can't get fire.  Sami. ironically the pet cremator, gets fire.  Who didn't see that coming??  Fortunately all of the animals have been removed from the Mark Burnett Island.  Gabler tries to hit up Elie for...something...by throwing out names of old heavy metal bands.  She pretends her dead sister used to mention heavy metal while doing fentanyl.  

On blue. Geo and Karla bond.  Their gaydar brought them together because they both have same sex spouses, although Karla has an accepting family and Geo does not.  Geo, Karla and Ryan form an alliance.  Karla is surprised that people are seeking her out for alliances because she thought no one would like her.  It's still early honey.  

We also learn that Jesse (red) used to be in a gang and had one of those gang who did you kill teardrop tattoos on his face until he got arrested and some SOCIAL WORKER saved his life and got it turned around.  He went to Berkely, and then Duke and has a PhD in Poli Sci. 

Cody doesn't want to do anything to show he's capable.  Justine keeps wanking on the flint to try and make a fire and somehow the shelter falls on her and a fire starts.  Yea, totally like Bewitched.  The original not the shit remake.  

Ok, so the guy in the boat arrives and I fear we are doing that Risk or No Risk prisoners dilemma which I never understand.  Dwight volunteers for red, Gabler is chosen by random draw and Karla guesses the number to get picked.  It's not the walk to the summit thing but a walk out to a giant rock across slippery rocks in the water.  Anywho, Karla picks no risk, and Gabler and  Jesse both pick risk and draw from a bag and open their notes later.  

Justine finally gets fire on Red even though they had the flint all along.  Dwight returns and tells exactly what went down.  Cody doesn't believe him.  Gabler also tells them on Yellow what happened and also hoot when he gets the idol so everyone knows.  

Immunity challenge finally.  There's obstacles, a dig, a beam and a choice of 3 table mazes.  Blue gets the first immunity, and red gets the second sending yellow to tribal.  Although Gabler has an idol he's an idiot who says he's not going to hide behind it and he's going to blow his shot in the dark which tells me he's got no strategy.  Like I said, pray for the alternate if he's your guy.  Elie talks him off the ledge.  

It's a mad dash to find alliances.  Elie wants rainbow bright to go, rainbow wants Owen to go.  Jeanine is afraid to get rid of women and be at the mercy of a male majority.  And it's interesting to me how women STILL inherently know men are bad news in the majority.  Ahem.

Tribal-I swear the set is giant this year.  Get fire because it's your life unless it accidentally blows out, then we find out it's not really your life.  But how cool would that twist be??  

Sami says life has been a joy and they are totally final 6.  LOL

Jeff basically says ARE YOU NUTS?

Owen says no one wanted to put a target on their back by being strategic, which is what you think when you are TOTALLY out of the loop.  

Geo says it was important to get to know everyone and they were supposed to win.  

Morriah says "In fact, we did win..." and they they attacked tribal.  Oh wait, wrong reality show.  She says they won because they gave it their all.  I would totally vote someone off just for saying shit like that.

Sami says "moral victories are meaningless" and is that the fucking truth. 

Jeff asks to stir shit SO NO FINGER POINTING??

Geo says, yep, blah blah accountability

Elie says she isn't about to blame volunteers and it's all about who reached out to her first

Morriah says some people reached out and that today they got out of their trance

Sami says GAME ON.  

Owen says it was the price they paid for being too kumbaya.  

Time to vote.  Any idols?  Nope

Owen gets 1 and Morriah, rainbow and all, gets to be first loser.  And I and the Noller boys get alternate 1