Survivor Update. Week I dunno.

Ok, so at this point I can't even remember if I did an update last week. Sorry if I did not. There was a really funny one in my head, y'all would have loved it. So. Last week John, the Rocket Scientist, went to the jury and we all learned Etroll made $1.7 million last year as an oil company owner. Drill Baby Drill.

So, last time I predicted Shamwow was gonna come at Etroll like a spider monkey. Not so much. Yes, she was mad but E just mesmerized her with his hot body and told her, "John was mad at Shamwow and Etroll did her a favor by getting rid of him" . Oh, and here's a taffy little girl, run off and play in the sand. Shamwow wants Danger Dave next.

Jaison et al are lounging on the beach discussing how Russell is the biggest threat cause he has played the game most excellently. Jaison gets his fancy ivy league knickers in a twist. Jaison explains that he and Etroll are partners, and he is the silent SMART guy in the background. Now Jaison thinks he needs to start showing how smart and full of strategery he is. BRETT TALKS!!! Says Etroll doesn't need the money cause he made $2 million last year.

Immunity Challenge. Bang, no reward. Jeff is in like a putty colored shirt. Ooooh, what highly intellectual and physically demanding thing will they have to do to prove their worth? Oh, christ, it's a bowling challenge. Or, as my mother would call it, "Polish Night Out". Paired up. Shamwow kicks Natalie's ass. Russell kicks Brett's mute ass. Jaison kicks Monica's ass. Danger Dave rolls a strike and kicks Mick's ass. Round 2 (and where is our damn waitress??) Sham kicks Russells ass, Jaison, who has some queer ass underhanded English style of bowling, kicks Dave's ass. Final Round, and still no god damn waitress. Jaison kicks Sham's ass and wins immunity. And, trust me, this recap was way more enjoyable than the actual show.

Ok, time for plotting. Deep breath, here we go: Sham wants Dave (not sexually, god no, she wants him gone), Etroll tells Monica Dave is going. When did the troll and Monica get to be buddies?? Monica makes a case for Sham going, plants a seed in Etroll's little primative brain. Hmmmmm, maybe it shouldn't be Dave. Etroll talks to Dave. Says it's between Dave and Sham. Dave doesn't trust Etroll. I just want to know how on day 32 Dave is still white as a friggin ghost. Etroll is getting a little schizo.

Tribal. Jaison rambles some high brow shit. Shamwow does some jury working/ass kissing. Jeff asks Dave basically "who do you have to screw to stay around?" Dave apparently does not know who to screw and gives some lame answer. Dave is voted off. Etroll sends another pissed off person to the jury.

Ok, that all happened in like the first 20 minutes. So now back to camp. Brett apparently clears his throat and Etroll finally notices he exists. He must be destroyed cause he is suddenly A HUGE THREAT. Mick is getting all girly and freaking out. Asks the Troll, "like, we all can't be in the final 4, are you taking me??" And, as all women know, men hate this kind of "chose one" shit. So, Etroll is nervous that Mick is nervous. Seriously, they need meds in the water.

Back for another Immunity challenge. BANG, it's going fast tonight. I think some of the Survivors have visa problems. Anyway, the challenge is not dominos or a game of jacks, but......wait for it...... they have to run out into the water, bring back a friggin pillow, use a level thingy and launch the pillow into a basket. LAME ASS. Oh, and as if I wasn't annoyed enough, Jeff has to make some crack about Natalie "struggling to keep her clothes on". WTF?? Jeff honey, I know you miss me but stay strong. That's why we both wear promise rings while you are away. Like, I promise not to sleep with any more of these dirty sleezy ho's. I will spare you the details, and tell you Brett wins immunity. He gets a kiss from Shamwow. Ugh.

Back at camp. Etroll: it's Monica.

Brett talks AGAIN. He and Monica work on Mick. Tell him Etroll is taking Natalie and Shamwow to the finale. Mick freaks, goes to Jaison. Meanwhile, Monica works on Etroll again. This time about Jaison. She tells Etroll she can make or break him on the jury. Mentions they all know he made a gazillion dollars last year. Etroll throws a hissy fit, comfronts Natalie, then goes to Brett. "Who told you I was Richie Rick?" It was Jaison. OOOOOOOhhhhhhhhh. Etroll confronts Jaison. Jaison talks to Mick and Natalie about maybe getting rid of Etroll.

Tribal. Jeff is in pale green. Notice we have not seen the dark blue "meet me at the motel 6 in Pottstown" shirt in a while. FYI-Dave looks worse cleaned up.

Etroll puts on the immunity necklace right off.
Brett: "See y'all, Etroll is way way way too comfortable"
Shamwow: "this was the worst day at camp. Etroll threw a hissy fit"
Monica just sits and gloats that she pushed Etroll's buttons and created some doubt.
Etroll: "I know I am fine, Jeff"

Time to vote. Monica is the next member of the angry jury.


AIGA
Jaison Kim
Mick Wendy
Russell Donna
Natalie Carolyn
Brett Pam
Shamwow Jeff and Eileen


Gone:
Marisa Ginnie
Mike Karen and John
Betsy Becky and Mary
Ben Nancy D
Yasmin Elayne
Ashley Tess
Russell S Lori
Elizabeth Leslie
Erik Terri
Kelly Kevin and Matt
Laura Kelly
John Joanne
Dave Amy
Monica Stacey