Survivor: One Uterus

Dang, finale tomorrow night!!  Can't wait. 

Last week saw Kat get her funny blindside and man oh man was she a mad bitch at tribal this week!  LOL.  Guess it wasn't that fun after all!  And if you watch the Ponderosa clip of her arriving at camp, she had to be accompanied by the Survivor Psychologist. 

OK.  So now it's all scrambling for top 4.  Tarzan has a plan.  He talks to Kim, says take me to 4 and I will talk you up once I get onto the jury.  He badmouths Alicia to her and tells her Chelsea is basically her biggest threat. 

Then he turns around and tells Alicia if she keeps him until 4 "I'll talk you up to the jury". 

Chelsea tries to pull Christina in.  Tells her she will take her on reward if she wins because Christina is so hungry.  Christina runs right back to Alicia, Tarzan and Kim and tells "her alliance" what Chelsea said.  Kim is worried that Chelsea might blow her cover so she goes and tells Chelsea what Christina said.  Chelsea is pissed off. 

Challenge: It's a dizzying one.  Survivors have to spin around poles to unscrew disks, then use the disks to decode the 3 numbers that unlock a flag.  Wanna know what you're playing for?  A night on a luxury yacht. 

Chelsea wins reward and says she is going to use fairness to chose who goes.  Picks hungry Sabrina and then picks Kim.  Totally stiffs Christina. 

Back at camp, Alicia is totally pissed off.  As is Christina.  Says it was not in fact fair to pick Kim since she has been on 3 recent rewards.  Alicia, Tarzan and Christina are thinking that Sabrina, Chelsea and Kim might in fact be in an alliance and decide to force Kim to vote off Chelsea to prove her loyalty.  Tarzan tells them that "Kim and Chelsea are deceiving you guys". 

The yacht is wonderful, they get clean and all decide that they are final 3. 

Next morning Tarzan is crabby.  Wants to make the coconut his way which Alicia is afraid means straining it through his buff which apparently has been near his ass.  Alicia and Kim talk and Kim puts the idea in her head that Tarzan is playing them both.  Mentions what he said about the jury and Alicia says, "hey me too".  They are convinced that Tarzan is playing them  both and they would have looked like total idiots.  Alicia gets her "ghetto Puerto Rican" on, as well as her ghetto leopard bra (which is still tight as hell) and they both tell Christina what they heard. 

Challenge: it's a one hand game of barrel of monkeys to pick up puzzle pieces and then assemble a fish puzzle. 

Alicia wins immunity. 

At camp Tarzan calls her a bitch for winning the challenge and says "I should have won it wasn't even physical".  Niiiice. 

Kim talks to Sabrina and says that she conned Alicia to not trust Tarzan, but she also tells Chelsea that she might go.  Chelsea is pissed about going before Christina who "doesn't do anything".  Sabrina tells her to take it one hour at a time and Chelsea decides that Kim needs to work on Alicia. 

Tarzan and Alicia talk and Tarzan says "I sense you don't want to take me to final 3..."  She assures him that is not the case.  For some reason Tarzan wants to wear Kat's pink tank top to tribal and also her bathing suit bottoms on his head, which the ladies think is highly unsanitary. 

Tribal:  Kat is one pissed off jurist! 

Tarzan why are you still here?   Because I helped the ladies get rid of the men. 
Sabrina: He's still a man and IT'S A RISK TO TAKE HIM
Tarzan: I put Kat's panties on my head and they all freaked out. 
Sabrina: I think he is totally playing us.
Alicia: I wanna bitch about Chelsea taking Kim on reward. 
Christina: I was disappointed that she broke her word
Chelsea: You broke yours 5 minutes later...  And anyway TARZAN IS TOTALLY PLAYING US
Tarzan: I am not playing them.

Vote.  Tarzan is the last man standing but no longer!  It's a game on hormonal mess tomorrow night!!

Survivor: Ahh, young grasshopper...

So I flat out didn't get last week's update done because the Dad was back in the hospital.  He's fine for now...  I'm bummed because I had a totally awesome riff on the slip and slide challenge.  Bottom line, Troyzan is no more.  On his way out the door he leaned over and told Kat to "do it". 

Alicia is all up Christine's ass again.  Perhaps because Christine doesn't have a giant ASS?  I mean, come on Alicia, try laying off the carbs.  "Christine is stupid.  She showed that to the jury".  And you my dear have shown yourself to be a crazy ass mean girl.  Alicia is all worried about Sabrina because she can talk and make good arguments.  Alicia informs us that "I am in control".  lol.  You can't even control those boobs of yours. 

So Kit tells everyone that Troy told her to "do it" but is all "I have no idea what he was talking about".  Hmmmmmm.  Great way to keep working that into everyone's brain Kit.

Treemail.  Ugh, it's the Sprint family video thing.  It is seriously boring.  Christina's dad just had a kidney transplant so he's apparently got limited time, and Tarzan's wife Terri is just a bad bottle blonde.  Not what I expected of a plastic surgeon's wife.  Sabrina is all "Tarzan needs to get time with his wife of 30 years because he is 65 and they both could drop dead at any moment".  LOL. 

Challenge, with the families.  And OMFG do they drag this on an on and on.  One by one.  And what a surprise, Alicia's sister says that they are not an "emotional" family.  Oh, so she's a freaking mean bitch too?  Tarzan's wife comes running out with her big ass artificial jugs just bouncing all over the place.  Wowza.  Oh, how weird is this?  Kat's cousin comes in and Kat like crawls on all fours like a dog and then they do some weird talking thing.  Just freaking WEIRD. 

It's a rope challenge, horizontal and the pairs have to undo the puzzle aspect of it.  Whatevs.

Skip to the chase, Kat wins reward, which is some food thing with alcohol.  She wants to hang and drink with her 2 best buddies so she takes Kim and Alicia with her. It basically pisses everyone off.  At the reward Kat is obnoxious.  "We're the top 3"!  Kim talks to her sister  and she says, yea these are  probably the 2 morons I'm going to the finale with.  Alicia is just delusional that people like her. 

Back at camp Sabrina is annoyed that Kat didn't take Tarzan and Christina.  Chelsea admits that Kat screwed up big time on that one.  Plus, she is concerned about Troy's comment and the fact that the men like her.  Because basically every woman knows that men love to fantasize about having sex with incredibly stupid women.  And do not even try to argue with me on this one. 

When they return Kim and Chelsea talk. Kim still wants Sabrina but Chelsea is leaning towards Kat.  Kim is going to flat out stop hiding her strengths and go for all the immunity wins.  And, from the look at her mustache, her testosterone levels are quite high.

Challenge. Ahhhhh, no puzzle.  It's a 50 Shades of Blue challenge where Jeff has then all on a platform with their hands behind their backs holding onto ROPE, and gets to slowly lower the ropes down so they are hanging closer and closer to the water, and in pain.  Uhuh. 

Sabrina is first out.  Alicia looks at Kat who does a little dance.  Tarzan out.  Alicia out.  Chelsea out and Christina out.  It comes down to Kat and Kim.  Kat is basically pissed that Kim is going for it because "you win everything".  Finally Kat falls in and Kim wins immunity.  Kat is not a gracious loser.  She is pissed that an old lady of 28 kicked her ass. 

Alicia is easily swayed by the fact that Sabrina fell in first.  'I could beat her even with my fat thighs".  Thinks Kat was too strong. 

Kim and Alicia talk to Sabrina and tell her Kat, but Kim still wants Sabrina.  Back and forth.

Challenge.  Blue, meh.

Kat: It was so hard for me to chose and it really hurt my feelings.  Jeff: It hurt YOUR feelings??
Sabrina: she was clearly not playing strategic.  The 22  year old wanted to play.  She'll regret it.
Kat: Yea, I am young and naive.
Chelsea: She uses that 22 year naive excuse way to much
Kat: Hey, why is tonight all about me? 
Tarzan: She is 22 and an idiot.  She didn't get why it would be important to take other people but it doesn't bother me.
Jeff: At the challenge, Sabrina was first out.  I was surprised.
Alicia: I don't know if she was acting or not but I didn't know Kat had it in her.  She was a poor sport though.
Kat: Hey, wait, why is everyone bagging on me?  Pay attention little moron...

And in the best line of the season Kat says, "A blindside would be fun and exciting!"   After which she was totally blindsided and sent packing.  Booohooooo.  "I am mortified to have left before Tarzan and Christina.  I'll beg Jeff to let me play again".  Oh please no...