Clearly we are all supposed to like the Davids-those who have overcome obstacles or something like that. Meet some of our Davids-Christian who is a robot nerd. So is Gabby. Not sure what obstacle that means they have overcome except nerdness. Meet Elizabeth who is one of 8 kids on a farm-apparently that's a big obstacle. Nick is the kid from the trailer in the holler who is now a public defender. Ok, that one I get. Pat had poor parents that lived paycheck to paycheck, and then his mom got paralyzed. His dad is a fireman and no college for Pat.
The Goliaths are the winners in society! Natalie is a winner! And an angry black woman CEO. Angelina went to ivy league schools (wonder if she LIKES BEER). John is basically a wrestler who goes by a variety of different porn star names. He travels around the world doing fake wrestling because that is what is WINNING in the world today.....Alison is a physician from an upper middle class family.
They all meet on what appears to be an oil tanker and suddenly I'm excited thinking this season is gonna be in somewhere hard like Russia or the Arctic. But, no, it's Fiji AGAIN. Probably the only island country that still allows the show to be filmed on the beaches owned by Mark Burnett and that Touched by an Angel wife of his. The winners are all smart assing and laughing at the Davids, convinced that "the cards are stacked in our affluenza favor". Jeff spends an enormous amount of time talking about what is an advantage in this GREATEST SOCIAL EVENT EVER.
He asks the rich kids to chose the weakest from David and they chose "the purple hair girl and the big bang theory nerd). They also get to chose their strongest so it's the wrestler porn guy and Alison who must have known in advance that their color is royal purple because she's already 10 minutes in shedding her top and showing her purple victoria secret bra.
The Davids get to pick which challenge each pair does from 2 choices so they pick crossing a beam, crawling under a net, and an 8 piece puzzle. The Goliaths get a make a plank bridge, go through a net tube and do a cube puzzle. The Davids kick ass because Big Bang dude once wrote a puzzle solving algorithm. They get a big bundle of shelter making supplies.
More people on Goliath-some dude who was on Amazing Race is apparently a screenwriter, A formerly FAT cop who claims he got fat because of all that free McDonalds food cops get. His name is Dan and he's like most formerly fat kids that are now convinced they are the hottest thing around-already hitting on the good looking blond chick, Kara. They have an 'IMMEDIATE CONNECTION" which made me check if I was watching the bachelor or Survivor. She's a former NFL Cheerleader who is now a realtor. So much WINNING!
On David we meet Gabby, the tech writer geek. She says they are scrappier people. Does tech writing not pay enough to make her a winner?? Pat, of the paralyzed mom, is a property manager so he jumps right on the shelter construction. He's ordering people around including the 2 African Americans wearing pink shirts. We never really hear their story so I guess on Survivor just being minority makes you a David. I looked them up-older guy is Jeremy and is a truck driver, younger guy is David is a social media manager.
Shelter building is also going on on Goliath. Natalie-CEO and minority is doing a lot of standing around looking annoyed. She's 57 and used to being in charge. Natalia is an industrial engineer and kinda knows about building stuff. She is highly annoyed by Natalie.
Jessica is a 18 year old waitress on David. She's telling everyone she is 22. I guess in case there is wine this season. Carl, the truck driver, thinks she reminds him of his daughter. Everyone is approaching each other pairing off into alliances. Elizabeth the farmers daughter is hooking up with purple haired Lyrsa (airline agent). Lyrsa totally looks like the girl from the "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" chick. The nerds are obv hooking up and asking each other to tell them when they are being too geeky. LIKE NOW.
Johnny porn wrestler goes through his list of names, and I stepped taking notes at Ab-raham LIncoln. I think his dad was Long Dong Silver.
Everyone is cold and wet because it's raining like hell. They're all "working" on the goliath shelter when Mike-Amazing Race dude-goes off to look for an idol. And then everyone is like WHERE IS MIKE???? Natalie, who has nothing else to do, goes to find him and tell him he is being a dumb ass looking the the idol. Jeremy-the other minority who is an ATTORNEY and therefore a WINNER thinks Mike is making a rooky mistake.
Apparently the lazy ass of the David losers is Nick-the public defender from the holler. I'm thinking a guy who hangs around the courthouse looking for poor people who need representation to fight their oxycontin related infractions. He says it's really easy to skip work. Instead he is off to find his flock and he talks with Elizabeth (which surprises me). Pat and Carl can't stand Nick already.
Angelina and 2 other Goliath women decide that women need to find more idols. They actually know the statistics of how often women find idols. Jeremy decides to look to and pretty soon everyone is looking. Former Fattie Dan already has it having found it with his girl Kara and some other chick I haven't figured out yet. He's STOKED MAN.
Davie finds an octopus so the Davids get some food. Davie is a 'BLERD" which is a black nerd.
Later that night they are huddled in the shelter and Jessica is crying and telling a story about her mom being in an abusive relationship. Then Bi tells about her being in an abusive relationship and says her mom was lucky to have her. And then Nick tells his pathetic story about how hard it has always been for him to open up but his mom overdosed (didn't see THAT Kentucky holler tragedy coming up did we?). Seriously I expected a personal interview where he laughed and said it was a lie.
Immunity Challenge: It's obstacles-sand pit with the first team through getting a key to a lock instead of having to untie it. Then there's a ladder, then a pole vault and then a puzzle of course.
Goliath DAMN IT wins. They get the immunity idol which is NOT a cheap copy of the David statue.
And then we go to commercial and come back to some strange video with a boat in a storm, and then waves and it's really weird. Turns out that it was the TOTALLY UNLUCKY David tribe's boat which hits a giant wave and somehow Pat gets an injured back. Which TOTALLY PISSES ME OFF because it was the fault of the show. And way he is lying on the beach in a shit load of pain and Jeff arrives with the always Aussie medic and with a copy of the legal release Pat signed letting the show off of any legal repercussions. They decide they have to pull him from the game which totally PISSED ME OFF because in the past they have taken people off for X-rays before they decided to remove them from the game.
So, no tribal council for anyone. And apparently Pat ends up OK.
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