Survivor 47 Week 1: Survivor Save America

 

Let’s see how long I can do this today! We’ll call It my physical therapy.

What an episode!  Not even sure how I feel but you all know I hate the 90 min-2 hour format.  Jeff started off like every season mansplaining the point of a game most of use have been watching for 20 years-

“This is a game PLAYED WITH HUMANS, where you are forming a new community”.  Mmmkay.

We again have 3 teams without any returning players or celebrities unless you include Jon from Pod Save America  (and yes I consider him a celebrity).

Team Red I think called Lavo which according to google translate means “I wash”

Teeny
Genevieve
Rome
Sol
Aysha
Kishan

 

Yellow team called Gata and even my high school Spanish I know means Cat.  Although google says there’s a slang form meaning whore but I’m totally sure Jeff is going with cat.

Andy
Jon
Rachel
Sierra
Anika
Sam

Blue team called Tuku which google got very confused about.  Means child or vulva.  We’ll go with child. 

Gabe
Kyle
Sue
TK
Tiyan
Caroline

Right away they have a challenge with an obs course and a puzzle.  Yellow Gata wins.  Instead of the other 2 going back to do the strength vs savvy or whatever it was challenge each loser sends one person to do… something.  Aysha and TK go.  I think thinking there will be an advantage. 

The rest ago to their camps and begin the social game, which means instantly linking up with strangers based on nothing.  I always remember someone telling me to always be wary about the one person in a new job that gloms onto you immediately because that is usually the one person in the office no one likes.  Anywhoo, just some free advice. 

On Yellow Gata: Andy is some dude who my notes says likes maps but also likes math and has a theory that you only need to make friends with 2 people who also have friends with 2 people so in a group of 6 your covered.  Anyway he gloms onto Jon Save America and annoys the other 4 people. 

Anika is a “prepared person” and can’t stop herself from being in the lead. Sam wants to be the “glue guy”- that middle guy that everyone just needs to make things work.  Sierra is a former pageant queen who apparently PRACTICED MAKING FIRE and gets major props from me she slyly asks if anyone  minds if she tries to make fire and BAM gets it on.

Blue Gabe wants to “make an alliance with an old person” so he sidles up to Grandma Sue and they link up. They also bond with Caroline. 

On red people (and I) are amazed an ER doctor is on Survivor-like he has a pocket full of narcotics or something  Teeny who dresses like a scarecrow from NJ says she’s gonna be everyone’s #1.  Rome and Genevieve who I will be calling Gen because typing Genevieve out every time is not gonna work for me.  Teeny also joins them.  Teeny also wants to wait and see how Aysha is. 

Speaking of TK and Aysha, they have to do individual challenges and only one person gets the key to open a box of supplies.  They have to go into the “jungle” and find 3 other keys using pictures of rocks.  Aysha finds all 3 first but forgot to remember how she got there and can’t get back to the beach.  Which gives TK time to get a head start.  It ends in the water with a heroic jump for the key but TK wins out. 

TK returns to blue Tuku as the big hero with a pot to piss in which I am sure annoys some people.  All the men bond in a giant bromance hug which does not go unnoticed by Caroline.  The man hunt themselves out to get wood and Gabe finds the beware advantage and opens it.  He’s on the second stage finding a key when TK sees him and he plays dumb saying he must have going something without finding the clue part.  Not sure TK believes him. 

Back to red Lavo Aysha returns with nothing.  Teeny ‘recognizes her” (she’s apparently another podcaster, this time for reality tv including Survivor).  Aysha is into trusting everyone until they give her a reason not to.  Rome wanders off and everyone notices.  He finds the beware but again doesn’t read it says beware.

Blue Gabe tells Gramma Sue about his advantage and she helps provide cover so he can dig it up.  This time you get an idol good for one tribal OR you can drop it back into the box and do another challenge for a longer (3 tribals) lasting idol.  He decides to go for the longer one but accidentally rolls the box down a hill near camp and people hear him. 

On yellow Gato Jon is amazed at 41 he is the old man on the tribe.  Andy, going for his #2 goes after Rachel like a dog leg humper and makes her nervous.  She doesn’t think he’s strategic and thinks it’s too soon to bond.  She tells him they have to be cool about it.  Later that night he can’t sleep and wakes her up to talk, totally pissing her off because ITS NOT COOL.  He decides she doesn’t like him and is all getting paranoid about being unliked and on the bottom.  DO THEY NOT SCREEN THESE PEOPLE?? I mean, they’re all rolling around a beach with a machete and no one knows who is really unbalanced. 

Gabe  gets the final clue and smashes a piece of driftwood to get the 3 tribal idol and decides to stick with it instead of going for the final 5 idol. 

Rome is doing his second part idol search which includes wetting the driftwood to get the clue.  Aysha sees him and tells people.  The clue is to find the box at the bottom of the well with Baby Jessica (lol, IFYKYK).  He leans down into the well and gets the key but people think he is being very suspicious. 

Challenge: 2 teams get immunity, one to tribal plus reward of building kits. 

Red kills it and gets done first.  Andy needs “medical” but the challenge keeps going.  Blue gets second immunity sending Yellow to tribal.  Andy has a full blown meltdown which he initially chalks up to getting overheated but them veers into crazy land saying everyone hates him because no one cheered when HE opened a coconut like they did for Jon.  He says he wants to throw JON under the bus and it’s crazypants.  Then he says he’s OK.

Back at yellow camp I have NO idea what happened for the next 30 minutes but the kids on the tribe all feel “sorry” for Andy and then suddenly turn on Jon for what I really don’t know except for not being of the generation that turns things around so the bad guy is the victim somehow.  Seriously I don’t get what happens as Jon suddenly feels he’s now the target and tries to make a move which makes him look “strategic” and they decide Andy is gonna be loyal (and crazy) because they save his ass. 

Anyway, the tribal is bullshit Gen Stupid and I swear Jeff is pushing for Andy to be likeable with asking him about being the “loner” at school who probably killed rabbits who them grew up and manipulated a lot of people into being his “strong community”  and now he’s out of his comfort zone again and feeling alone. 

Jon says very wisely, “I don’t know what would have happened if Andy hadn’t made himself the ‘natural target’ because now the tribe is looking for who the ‘unnatural target’ is.

And stupidly it ended up being Jon Save America.