Survivor: Celebrity Envy

Spoiler alert-they got rid of Mike Ditka tonight. LOL. Seriously, because you know an old, out of shape dude is a huge ass threat just because he is on the teevee every week. Ah, the superpower of celebrity in Amerika.


After tribal, when the young people allowed Shannon to commit Survivor suicide, they all walk back to camp saying, "Whew, dodged a whole lot of crazy tonight". All except the evil Nao, who is currently pissed off at Alina, Kelly B and Judd. In addition to Fabio of course, whose "hair be gettin on my nerves".

The old people are hungry. And, they need a little more fiber in their diets so, they decide to find out what the heck the monkeys are eating. They follow them to find some fruit, and JJ does his monkey imitation. Which totally pisses the easily aggravated (see the need for fiber above) Marty. He gets even more pissed off when he sees JJ and the ladies enjoying fishing. Thinks every one has fame glitter in their eyes. Jill tries to calm him down, and suggests they share the fact that they found the idol with the tribe to gain some power. Later in the afternoon Marty shows his find, and everyone is all impressed (helllo, Jill really found it). He tells them it's for the whole tribe to use after the merge. Riiiiiight. Marty the MAAAAN. Tyrone, however, thinks Marty is shady. It's Survivor, everyone is shady.

Fabio, of the hateful hair, is missing his daily inhalation of weed, so he volunteers to blow on the coals every chance he gets. It's his strategy. LOL. Blowing as a strategy-never heard that one before... He wants to be kept around for his brain. NaONOYOUDIDNT is pissed.

Dan-the-1600-shoe-man is afraid people will think he is the weakest link (hey, whatever happened to that TV sensation?). He helps Yve carry water buckets and she notices he is limping.

Over at Baywatch, and FYI every week Wil says, "Christ, is this Survivor Victoria Secret??" Of course, in my house anything not made out of sweatshirt material is considered sexy clothing. "Tribal drew a line in the sand". Alina and KB feel they are on the outs. NaOHNOYOUDIDNT wants those bitches to go.

Challenge, Jeff is in Dark Blue. Be back in a couple hours. No dancing tonight! Both tribes will race out into a field to collect ten tribe colored barrels. Once all ten barrels are retrieved, they must be arranged on individual platforms. Then one person at a time from each tribe will toss sand bags at the barrels with the goal of landing a sand bag on top of each barrel. First tribe to get a sandbag on top of all ten of their barrels wins immunity and reward. Wanna know what you're playing for?? A Survivor garden!! So you can make those disgusting meals taste better. (I think Fabio misunderstood what HERB garden means...) The younger tribe chooses not to use the Medallion of POWAA. "We're arrogant MFers".

Young tribe gets all of their barrels first. Tyrone is throwing and beating Benry. Tryone is good at the close up barrels. But not so much at the farther away ones. JT begs to be let in the game. JJ lets him in when they are 3 bags behind. Young tribe wins immunity. Kelly B runs for the fruit basket, because she thinks the second idol clue will be in there. NaOHNOYOUDIDNT sees the message as well. She grabs the basket, and once back at camp the two get into a BIG ASS fight over the clue. "I'll push you so hard that leg will fall off. I got hood". She also gets the clue. Everyone is pretty appalled at what a crazy ASS chick NaO is. She has to get someone else to help her with the clue 'cause apparently symbol reading isn't taught in the Hood schools. She shares it with the Asian chick 'cause everyone knows they are skilled at symbols.

Jimmy T is pissed off. “The guys that are leaders here are squelching me because I’m an obvious leader and they know it.” Marty is loving it: “It’s kind of enjoyable to watch a little bit of tension for a change in this tribe. I hate to say it but I’m looking forward to Tribal Council. We’re finally going to get this tribe to play this game.”

Should it be JJ or shouldn't it? Over and over and over a-friggin-gain.
Tribal: Light blue.
Marty, what happened? We lost ground, Jeff.
JT: "I wanted play time"
Jill, are you guys relying too much on JJ for strategy? Sometimes...
Hormonal: "JJ steps forward and boosts morale
JT: Me and JJ have never talked
Jeff: 8 days and you have never talked??
JT: I'm a leader myself
Tyrone: It is baffling to me Jeff, I think JT is threatened
JJ: I'm not threatening
Jill: The losses weigh a lot, we need a strong tribe
Dan: I'm strong
Jill: You're still and sore.
Jane: Dan is stiff and sore (is that a crime??)
JT: The tribe needs the strongest players. I'm not week like 3/4 of these people
JJ I'm old and weak (shhhhhhh)
Marty: I want to accelerate the game.

They vote and Jimmy J is back on Sunday football before you know it.

Jeff: You just voted off the proven leader...

Amazing Race Fall 10

God, I finally watched it, and while I am still in my pajamas at freaking 2pm on a Sunday, let's just sit right down and bang this sucker out. First off, this damn show was an hour and a half long this week, mostly because the contestants were particularly STUPID this time around.


Starting in Lobster boats in Glouster, MA they had to go to Logon Airport and try to get on one of 2 planes to London.

Here's the rundown of the teams:
Brooke and Claire are home shopping network anchors
Ron and Tony are BFFs. And, seriously they are gay.
Nat and Kate are doctors and best friends. One of them is diabetic.
Nick and Vicki are dating tattoo freaks
Jill and Thomas are dating. He's a freaking ahole.
Connor and Jonathan, known forevermore as team Glee. Totally GAY acapella singers, one looks like Harry Potter
Katie and Rachel are beach volley ball ho's "we'll be some bitches"
Gary and Mallory are the required father and daughter team. She is a Miss Kentucky- you know how that works out...
Andie and Jenna-birth mom and the kid she left on the church steps. They have met 3 times.
Michael and Kevin, the famous crazy Asian Dad of internet fame.
Chad and Stephanie are dating and Chad wants to propose.

Oh, and for the record? "Not that there's anything wrong with being gay".

Ok. Two planes, one with a half hour jump. Everyone is driving their smart cars like crazy. Ron and Tony (BFFers)-"get your compass out". WTF?? You are gonna drive using a compass? Bwahahahah. Team Glee gets lost right way.

1st plane: BFFers, Chad and Stephanie and Jill/Thomas. Everyone else bonds in the Virgin Atlantic waiting area. Hey, just a side note, I was wondering if the Virgin airlines would be able to get off the ground, given that VIRGIN MOBILE IS THE WORST CELL PHONE COMPANY YOU CAN USE. lol. I just had to get that out of my system.

London: BFFers tell us Tony is really smart but he hides it well. He has an MBA, and as someone who also has an MBA I can vouch for the degrees fine map reading education. Chad is also a type one Ahole. They are all headed to Stonehenge (YAWN). Birthmom burns her car up, it comes to a stop in the middle of the road, Glee stops to help them. How nice. But then they leave, and she figures out she had it in reverse.

Once at Stonehenge they have to find the opposite of Noreaster. Which ends up being Eastnor Castle. Katie and Rachel can't drive a stick either and get stuck going up a hill. BFFers are lost. But, they did find a good classical radio station to listen to.

Question: When is someone going to bring a GPS??

Eastmor Castle: you have to storm the castle while mad peasants (known as Teabaggers in the US) throw water down on you, then you have to grab a flag, boat across the moat, join a jousting party and then throw watermelons at knights. WOW.

Dad and Kentucky get a flat. Hmmm, team Glee is there as well. Are they actually saboteurs??

The boat is actually like a turtle shell, and it is really hard to get in, stay upright, and pull yourself across using ropes. Chad wants them both to do it standing for some totally ridiculous reason. Aaaaahole.

Meanwhile, Birthmom is looking for NorWEST castle, Nick and Vicki are lost, and BFFers just pulled off for a cup of tea and some scones. Man he is hiding his intelligence well.

Jill and Thomas are the first to the watermelon thang. It appears hard. Claire does it for her team, OMFG, how may times did y'all rewind and rewatch?? Claire takes a watermelon square in the face. HOLY CRAP. That has got to hurt, and she is gonna be bruised. Apparently there is no medic on AR. She does get a pack of ice but then completes the event. "I can't feel my face...I can't feel my face..." Truly nasty.

Once you smash the knight, you get to find Phil on the Castle grounds. Jill and Thomas are team 1 and -OH HOW DID I FORGET TO MENTION THIS ALREADY-they get a special express pass that lets them chose a task not to do.

Nat and Kat are team 2, Team Glee are 3. Brooke and Claire manage to come in 4th. Hey Phil, how about asking about her face?? Jeff Probst would have. Katie and Rachel are team 5.

Wow, so this episode is almost over? Not exactly. Now it's the slow loser half time. The Asians are in the boat and it keeps sinking. Again and again. Dad and Kentucky are making up time, find the castle and climb the wall.

Chad and Stephanie kill their knight and take off to find Phil. And, wander aimlessly for ever.

Q: Are the BFFers still in England?? Sooo lost. Birthmom and Tattoos are still lost. They finally find the castle. Tattoos climb the wall and then ask, "what's a battlement??" Can't find the flags. Then they can't find the river... then they can't find the boats.

Chad and Stephanie are still wandering the grounds. Or maybe he's just looking for that perfect proposal spot?

Tattoos find the boats, and for some reason Nick things they both have to sit on the same side. Yea, not so much.

BFFers finally arrive at the castle and WTF?? They have changed clothes. Now in black shirts. GAAAAAY. The fat one keeps stepping in the boat first, and tipping it. Again and Again. Then, cause he's so smart, he explains to his partner how balance works.

Dad and Kentucky come in 6th, Asian Dad and Son finally make it across the water, the son saying "I'm so proud of you, dad" over and over. Awwwww. They are team 7.

Chad and Stephanie are now inside the castle....the finally find Phil and are team 8. Holy crap, the Birthmom and daughter are team 9. LOL. You'd have to have an MBA to come in behind them.

Tattoos come in team 10! Phil asks Vicki what country they are in and she says London. That tattoo ink eats brain cells, kids.

And, finally Ron and Tony make it to the mat. I am sorry to say you have been eeeeeliminated. Jeff and Eileen I SWEAR I do not do this on purpose.