Survivor-Almost the End!

Ahhhh, and so we come to the finale of yet another season of Survivor.  Wasn't my favorite, to say the least.  And frankly the thought that I want Mike to win tells you how much I dislike so many of these people.

Shirin is now on the Jury.  I have to watch Ponderosa and see how annoying she is there.  We're down to Mike, Sierra, Carolyn, Boston Rod, Dan and.....wait, isn't there someone else?  Oh RIGHT, Will who I believe hasn't spoken in 35 days.  I cannot believe he is the same dude on that youtube video singing with his wife.  And speaking of wives, no loved one visits this season??  No disgusting food this season?  

Ok.  Mike realizes he needs an idol or immunity.  Dan hates Mike.  Thinks he is "arrogant and condescending" which is the pot calling the kettle black.  Carolyn is scrambling for options and looking towards Mike to hedge her bets.  She and Mike agree that Dan has to go.  She tells him what the advantage Dan has is. 

Challenge.  It's  obstacles, knots, a hatched, rope and......a word puzzle. Wanna know?  A helicopter ride followed by surf and turf.  Jeff has to point out that Rodney still hasn't won reward.  Jeff asks if he feels entitled to going on the reward and he AGAIN says something about his BIRT-DAY.  Jeff also points out that it's called a reward because you earn it and Mike suggests Rodney WIN ONE.  

Teams of 3 with Dan, Sierra and Rodney vs Carolyn, Mike and Will.  It comes down to the puzzle and no body can get it.  They basically look at letters for an hour until Jeff begins to give clues.  Sierra isn't listening to Jeff but Carolyn is.  "it's from the commercials.....order now....comes with everything...."  Carolyn figures it out and they win reward.  "This reward comes with all the fixins"  Rodney is a loser again.  Carolyn debates giving her spot to him.  Jeff points out it's maybe worth it for Rodney's jury vote BUT a full bellied Rodney might be stronger.  In the end she chooses not to give it to him.  

The helicopter ride is STUNNING.  And they eat.  Mike asks if they would consider these 3 as final 3.  Will says basically nope.  You are public enemy #1.  He then asks to not let Rodney beat him.  Mike isn't 100% sure about Carolyn.  

Rodney is upset.  SURF AND TURF IS MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD, right after my BIRT DAY.  He says Carolyn is out after Mike.  

Dan finds a melon and they eat it.  It revives Rodney.  

Mike tries to sway Sierra, tells her "those 3 are not taking you with them to the finale".  Although she agrees she also thinks Mike has to go because he would win if he made it to the final 3.  

Immunity Challenge.  Grappling hooks, catch and drag 3 bags, use one bag on the table maze.  

LEZ DO IT.

Mike gets his balls first.  He gets a lead on the puzzle until Dan gets his balls.  Rodney keeps basically catching his foot with the hook.  Sierra also gets her balls.  It comes down to these 3.  Dan drops his ball.  "I SUCK AT LIFE".  It comes down to Sierra and Mike with balls in the inner circle, circling the drain......and MIKE. WINS.  IMMUNITY!!!  He says it feels like 4th of July in Texas!!  Which must be exciting what with all the morons shooting their many guns into the air.  

Dan says Carolyn is next up.  Will, Boston Rod and Sierra all say yep.  Although Sierra isn't totally sure.  Mike and Carolyn thinks Dan.  Mike thinks maybe he'll mess with them.  He talks to Dan and tells him that his alliance is all gunning for him.  Dan freaks out.  YOU HAVE THE UNMITIGATED GALL to tell me that???  I don't believe it.  Ok.  I gotta jump in here and say if you ever find yourself about to use the term UNMITIGATED GALL...just don't.  Please.  Nothing says asshole like that expression. Mike calls him uppity.  

Mike runs up to Sierra and Carolyn and tells them it's gonna be one of them.  He says, "look who is sleeping in the shelter".  Dan and Rodney.  "Apparently they feel that safe tonight.  Carolyn and Sierra thinks Mike is getting psycho.  Although Carolyn isn't too sure....

Tribal

Jeff asks some standard ass thing about trust.

Mike says there are some people not acting trustworthy or something.  He points out that he's the common enemy but tonight he is safe.

Rodney tries to answer the question but his brain, such as it is, is fried.  He says something about not even wanting to be near his mother 24/7 without wanting to kill her and I think once again he needs to move out of his mother's basement.

Carolyn says she wants to trust but at this point everyone is trying to save themselves.

Dan says Carolyn should be worried because she's proven herself but he also thinks he's on the chopping block

Will mentions something about the advantage Dan has

Sierra says there has been tons of talk about idols and the advantage.

Dan admits tonight might be a good time to use his advantage.....or maybe next week......

Time to vote.  Dan uses his extra vote to nail another one in Carolyn's coffin.  And then Carolyn plays the idol.  LOL!!!!!  You have gotta love surprise idols!  Carolyn gets 5 non counting votes and DAN IS ON THE JURY!!!!  

Enjoy tonight's finale!  Good luck to those of you still in it!  

Survivor Birt-Day Edition

Yea, yea, I missed last week.  It ain't like you are paying me to do this job. 

I get the sense this season will end this Sunday?  Or hopefully sometime soon?  The fact that I'm now thinking Texas Mike should win tells you all you need to know.  

So, week before last some shit happened, Dan got 2 votes at tribal and Shirin was sent to Ponderosa. 

Dan figures out Will and Tyler voted for him.  Seriously Dan, you are a bloated old man who is socially inept. You should have been voted out long ago.  

Tree mail- yada yada feed your soul.  Rodney thinks, no biggie, it's MY BIRT-DAY and everyone will want to take me on the reward challenge.  I have faith in these people.  LOL!!

It's 2 teams of 3, the black dude of course has to sit out and have no chance at eating.  Hell, he's lucky he's still there.  The challenge involves a may pole. a key, a ladder, some balls and a shooting thingy with baskets for the balls.  Team 1: Dan, Tyler and the Birt-day boy.  Team 2 is Mama C, Mike and Sierra.  Wanna know?  Our contract with the Nicaragua government says we have to give out bikes and shit to poor orphans BECAUSE OF SOCIALISM.  Or something.  And I got $20 says they picked through every orphanage in Nicaragua to find the attractive kids, and gave them new clothes that had to be returned.  Oh and FOOD.  BBQ.  Remember when they actually gave a shit about the host country and tried to get a little local culture in?  Yea, those days are long gone.  I haven't seen a fake tribal member yet.  

So, Rodney fucks up and forgets his balls and has to go back.  But it still gets tied.  Mike is shooting for his team and won't give it up when he sucks.  Dan is shooting for his gang.  Mike, Sierra and Carolyn win reward.  Rodney pitches a fit because IT'S MY BIRT-DAY.  MIke says, yea but I need food.  Carolyn is a no I am not giving up my reward, and Sierra says well, if it was an individual reward and we could chose maybe, but now?  Not so much.  

Rodney is epic mad.  IT'S MY BIRT-DAY....."BERGAZI"  (Ok, what the fuck does that mean??)  THEY TURNED ME INTO PSYCHO RODNEY

And then, orphans.  And food.  Carolyn says this is worth the beating we're gonna get.  "You're on Survivor for god sake, how bad could your BIRT-DAY be??  She also sees Mike as perhaps a new partner.  

Rodney is PISSED and is WASHING DISHES ON HIS BIRT-DAY.  Seriously dude, I have done a fucking lot worse on my BIRT-DAYS.  I just see him at home, still living in his parent's Boston basement being woken up every year by his mom with a fucking cake and candles.  

Tyler says he has to cool off  but Dan argues that there is no cooling off, this is the real Rodney.  

Rodney is PISSED AT MAMA C.  Because it's his BIRT-DAY.

Dan thinks it's getting out of hand.  Rodney decides it's time for the ultimate blindside.  He is gonna pretend he's SO DONE WITH THE GAME that he wants to be voted off.  Mike will believe it and not use his idol.

Tyler thinks this is nuts.  He thinks Mike will see right through it and play his idol.  And then Tyler will be screwed.  Rodney explains that he's A GREAT ACTOR.  

 

Everyone returns and Rodney keeps hitting on the BUT IT WAS MY BIRT-DAY song and dance and Mike sees through it in like 5 seconds.  

Tyler talks to Carolyn.  She says basically he has to win immunity.  He asks what about her immunity idol.....  Carolyn thinks he's getting dangerous because he knows about her idol.  

Immunity Challenge.  It's a lean back over the water with a rope and periodically move down a knot thing.  Jeff-Rodney, you seem to be struggling?  YES JEFF I AM DONE WITH THIS GAME.  Jeff: Oh is this your birt-day bullshit again?  YES IT WAS THE WORST BIRT-DAY OF MY LIFE.  ALMOST AS BAD AS WHEN MY MOM MAKE FUCKING VANILLA CAKE WHEN I WAS EXPECTING CHOCOLATE.  OR WHEN I GOT THE WRONG COLOR HOT WHEEL. OR WHEN MY STOOPID MOTHER BOUGHT THE BATMAN PAPER PLATES WHEN EVERYONE KNEW BATMAN WAS FUCKING LAME.   OR WHEN EVERYONE AT THE BAR DIDN'T BUY ME A ROUND.   

Carolyn chimes in with "loving life Jeff.  Best adventure ever".

It comes down to Tyler an Carolyn and Tyler lets go leaving Carolyn to win immunity.  

Carolyn tries to figure out what to do .  They are still going along with the Mike fake out, but there needs to be another sacrificial lamb.  Dan thinks it's either him, Mike or Tyler.  Carolyn thinks the girls should vote Tyler and the boys Mike.  Dan wants Will on the chopping list because he voted for him but Rodney is adamant.  Will and Tyler decide on Dan to knock out the advantage.  

Mike and Carolyn decide to tell Tyler Dan but vote for Tyler.  Carolyn also has permanent eye liner.  

Tribal

Mike-you still a tight 6?  I have my idol Jeff.  Tyler and Dan should be worried. I'm enjoying this.

Dan-I got 2 votes last week and I know who they were from.  

Tyler-I touched base with my alliance.  Mike is charismatic so who knows who he conned.  

Hmmmm, the Dad advantage?

Carolyn says no one knows which is a lie since she and Tyler looked through his stuff last week.

Dan says everyone approached him for their vote.

Sierra-time for a big move?  Yes.  

Tyler-yes, Jeff, it's now time to decide which asshole you can beat.  I would be surprised if it was me.  

Vote.  Mike plays his idol.  Gets like 4 votes that DO NOT COUNT and Tyler is sent packing.