Survivor Birt-Day Edition

Yea, yea, I missed last week.  It ain't like you are paying me to do this job. 

I get the sense this season will end this Sunday?  Or hopefully sometime soon?  The fact that I'm now thinking Texas Mike should win tells you all you need to know.  

So, week before last some shit happened, Dan got 2 votes at tribal and Shirin was sent to Ponderosa. 

Dan figures out Will and Tyler voted for him.  Seriously Dan, you are a bloated old man who is socially inept. You should have been voted out long ago.  

Tree mail- yada yada feed your soul.  Rodney thinks, no biggie, it's MY BIRT-DAY and everyone will want to take me on the reward challenge.  I have faith in these people.  LOL!!

It's 2 teams of 3, the black dude of course has to sit out and have no chance at eating.  Hell, he's lucky he's still there.  The challenge involves a may pole. a key, a ladder, some balls and a shooting thingy with baskets for the balls.  Team 1: Dan, Tyler and the Birt-day boy.  Team 2 is Mama C, Mike and Sierra.  Wanna know?  Our contract with the Nicaragua government says we have to give out bikes and shit to poor orphans BECAUSE OF SOCIALISM.  Or something.  And I got $20 says they picked through every orphanage in Nicaragua to find the attractive kids, and gave them new clothes that had to be returned.  Oh and FOOD.  BBQ.  Remember when they actually gave a shit about the host country and tried to get a little local culture in?  Yea, those days are long gone.  I haven't seen a fake tribal member yet.  

So, Rodney fucks up and forgets his balls and has to go back.  But it still gets tied.  Mike is shooting for his team and won't give it up when he sucks.  Dan is shooting for his gang.  Mike, Sierra and Carolyn win reward.  Rodney pitches a fit because IT'S MY BIRT-DAY.  MIke says, yea but I need food.  Carolyn is a no I am not giving up my reward, and Sierra says well, if it was an individual reward and we could chose maybe, but now?  Not so much.  

Rodney is epic mad.  IT'S MY BIRT-DAY....."BERGAZI"  (Ok, what the fuck does that mean??)  THEY TURNED ME INTO PSYCHO RODNEY

And then, orphans.  And food.  Carolyn says this is worth the beating we're gonna get.  "You're on Survivor for god sake, how bad could your BIRT-DAY be??  She also sees Mike as perhaps a new partner.  

Rodney is PISSED and is WASHING DISHES ON HIS BIRT-DAY.  Seriously dude, I have done a fucking lot worse on my BIRT-DAYS.  I just see him at home, still living in his parent's Boston basement being woken up every year by his mom with a fucking cake and candles.  

Tyler says he has to cool off  but Dan argues that there is no cooling off, this is the real Rodney.  

Rodney is PISSED AT MAMA C.  Because it's his BIRT-DAY.

Dan thinks it's getting out of hand.  Rodney decides it's time for the ultimate blindside.  He is gonna pretend he's SO DONE WITH THE GAME that he wants to be voted off.  Mike will believe it and not use his idol.

Tyler thinks this is nuts.  He thinks Mike will see right through it and play his idol.  And then Tyler will be screwed.  Rodney explains that he's A GREAT ACTOR.  

 

Everyone returns and Rodney keeps hitting on the BUT IT WAS MY BIRT-DAY song and dance and Mike sees through it in like 5 seconds.  

Tyler talks to Carolyn.  She says basically he has to win immunity.  He asks what about her immunity idol.....  Carolyn thinks he's getting dangerous because he knows about her idol.  

Immunity Challenge.  It's a lean back over the water with a rope and periodically move down a knot thing.  Jeff-Rodney, you seem to be struggling?  YES JEFF I AM DONE WITH THIS GAME.  Jeff: Oh is this your birt-day bullshit again?  YES IT WAS THE WORST BIRT-DAY OF MY LIFE.  ALMOST AS BAD AS WHEN MY MOM MAKE FUCKING VANILLA CAKE WHEN I WAS EXPECTING CHOCOLATE.  OR WHEN I GOT THE WRONG COLOR HOT WHEEL. OR WHEN MY STOOPID MOTHER BOUGHT THE BATMAN PAPER PLATES WHEN EVERYONE KNEW BATMAN WAS FUCKING LAME.   OR WHEN EVERYONE AT THE BAR DIDN'T BUY ME A ROUND.   

Carolyn chimes in with "loving life Jeff.  Best adventure ever".

It comes down to Tyler an Carolyn and Tyler lets go leaving Carolyn to win immunity.  

Carolyn tries to figure out what to do .  They are still going along with the Mike fake out, but there needs to be another sacrificial lamb.  Dan thinks it's either him, Mike or Tyler.  Carolyn thinks the girls should vote Tyler and the boys Mike.  Dan wants Will on the chopping list because he voted for him but Rodney is adamant.  Will and Tyler decide on Dan to knock out the advantage.  

Mike and Carolyn decide to tell Tyler Dan but vote for Tyler.  Carolyn also has permanent eye liner.  

Tribal

Mike-you still a tight 6?  I have my idol Jeff.  Tyler and Dan should be worried. I'm enjoying this.

Dan-I got 2 votes last week and I know who they were from.  

Tyler-I touched base with my alliance.  Mike is charismatic so who knows who he conned.  

Hmmmm, the Dad advantage?

Carolyn says no one knows which is a lie since she and Tyler looked through his stuff last week.

Dan says everyone approached him for their vote.

Sierra-time for a big move?  Yes.  

Tyler-yes, Jeff, it's now time to decide which asshole you can beat.  I would be surprised if it was me.  

Vote.  Mike plays his idol.  Gets like 4 votes that DO NOT COUNT and Tyler is sent packing.