Giant Survivor Update

 CHRIST I hate when I got so behind I have no idea when we last talked.  It has been a few weeks and probably 27 twists.  Let me see if I can go back and quickly catch up in VIAKANA.  

So about 2 or 3 or 10 weeks ago  the yellow underdogs were trying to stir up shit, while Heather has emerged from the shadows to cause some drama. Shan is a pain in the ass control nut. The AAA (African American Alliance) is still convinced they’re going to final four and race glass ceilings will crack all over the world.  On the other hand Ricard is partially deaf and he’s trying to break the  hard of hearing ceiling. Again with these stories my husband turns to me and says “Christ it’s as bad as the Olympics”. 

Deshawn and Shan are butting beads as are Naseer and Heather.  My man Xander and Erika are just on the outs. 

The twist of the week is the immunity challenge will be done as 2 teams with each going to tribal. So they’re competing within their team and between teams. It’s also for reward- beef stew. (Strangely the episode was not sponsored by Dinty Moore). 

Group one is Erika, Shan, Ricard, Naseer and Heather. Group two is Deshawn,  Danny, Evvie, Liana and Xander. 

In group 1, Erika wins immunity, Group 2 Xander wins and he outlasts Erika for group 2 to win the stew. Group 1 has spend the night at the shitty old camp before tribal. 

Xander likes stew. 

Group one tribal ends in a tie between Naseer and Heather because Shan used her extra vote. Revote and bye bye Naseer. 

Tribal 2. Evvie is toast. 

NEXT

Ok, I started to go through my notes and do an update on the second of apparently 3 episodes I have missed and it comes down to this- is there a black alliance or is there not a black alliance.  Looooots of discussion.  Endless frankly.  

Reward challenge to break things up.  I can't figure out what it was because my notes say something something rope, something puzzle.  Winner gets to go to the "Survivor Sanctuary" and have pizza and a sleep over.  I don't even remember if there was a shower involved.  Ricard wins.  He brings Shan, Heather and Xander with him.  Danny thinks Ricard is playing the jury up.  

Back at camp the losers-Deshawn, Danny, Erika and Liana.  Danny and Deshawn go for crabs and discuss how they have to get Ricard out.  Does anyone on the black alliance think it's weird that Shan is ACTUALLY closer to Ricard??  They have a plan to take out Ricard and go to talk to Liana.  "Someone is gaining steam in the game". Liana guesses Shan....Erika.....they tell her Ricard.  Liana says she's struggling with it because she doesn't feel OK making moves without Shan.  

The Survivor Sanctuary has the decor of an old shipwreck.  Ricard and Shan do the love fest bullshit and discuss how they don't want to discuss the fact that someday soon they're going to have to go head to head.  Shan leaves doing that fucking cartoon humming.  

Back at the ranch Liana is happy to have her brain back.  Are we still final black 4?  They cry again about the instant connection they had up on the summit.  Shan asks if they talked about blindsiding her and Liana says, no Ricard.  Shan says, then we pick Deshawn off.  Shan tells Ricard they're gunning for him and that they are going to pick off Deshawn.  Ricard is surprised Shan would tell him.  Shan says it's not time for our curtain call.  

Immunity Challenge- Stand on a narrow beam and balance a ball on a stick.  Ricard wins.  Mwahahha.  Danny looks sad.  

Shan says Erika would be the simple choice.  Says they all vote for Erika but don't tell Xander so he uses his idol.  Ricard thinks instead today is Shan day (yaaaaay).  Ricard tells Xander and Heather, who are very cool with it.  They need one more vote.  Ricard goes to the double D's with it which surprises me.  DeShawn is unhappy that Shan snitched on him.  Erika is afraid that Shan will play her idol and it will be her going.  Danny says Shan pissed him off.  Hellooooo!! Erika suggests 3 votes Shan, 3 Liana.  Danny thinks that's a nice plan.  Danny wonders if they are getting played by Erika but Shan broke his trust.  

Tribal 

Xander, Heather and Erika discuss being at the bottom.  Shan says things resort after every tribal and you could go from bottom to top.  

Ricard says he and Shan have had a weird relationship from the start.  Shan says we are all liars but I don't remember the context.  She likes to make dramatic statements and get Daddy Jeff's approval.  

Erika says you can't not try in this game and she says " I have one vote to offer..."

Ricard says something about logically you'd get rid of the bottom people (would you??) but everyone has a different perception of who the bottom is.  

Vote.  Idols? Nope.

Erika 2, Shan 3, Liana 3.  Revote between Shan and Liana.  SHAN IS VOTED OFF!!  Who else did the hum song??

Shan says "DeShawn you are a snake..."  

AND FINALLY LAST WEEK....

Liana is upset that her girl (and shield, lets face it) was blindsided and the black alliance was blown up.  The Double D's say "It wasn't our plan", they turned on us.  

Xander is happy because he went from the bottom to the top.  "I'll do whatever for our 4"  Erika says Liana is having a bad night.  D and D said before she left Shan dropped a bomb-said Deshawn was a snake and that she would give her vote for a million $$ to Ricard.  Helloooooo,  she always was going to do that.  The whole black alliance thing was her hedging her bets.  

Ricard says DeShawn is confusing him-says he can't take ownership for the blindside.  DeShawn is ranting at camp and Ricard tells him to chill.  DeShawn says he was trying to process the vote and he thought exposing Ricard to camp would take him out but it backfired.  

DeShawn tells Liana they can still be a black alliance.  She thinks his lies about Shan are too hurtful and she wants revenge.  

They're eating rice and there's majestic music so you know some bullshit is about to be thrust upon us.  Aaaand here we go.  Danny says that it is the 25th anniversary of his Dad's death so he gets his olympic skating tragedy moment.  He says he has never gotten over the anger but sitting on Survivor he has made peace with it,  Seriously Jeff lives for this shit and the hallucinogenic  value of starvation.  

Immunity Challenge and a DANGEROUS TWIST and a decision based upon where they think they fit in the 7.  Challenge is another balance a ball thing, this time on rods held horizontally.  The twist is DO OR DIE and I swear to god someone better fucking DIE tonight the way Jeff is building it up.  The first to drop has to go to DO OR DIE at tribal where there is an instant chance you get axed from the game (and end up on the jury which is NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM DYING.  IF you don't die you're immune from being voted off.  Anyone who wants to can sit out the challenge and hence NOT risk fake death.  Heather and Liana sit out.  It ain't like either was gonna win.  

DeShawn drops first and may DIE tonight.  (rubs hands)  Danny wins immunity totally because he had that lil moment this morning.  Totally.  

DeShawn says he's content to die to night.  Double D says Ricard has to go.  Danny tells Xander that  the smart money is Ricard because he's won 2 challenges and is dangerous.  Shan is already voting for him.  Xander wants Ricard as his easy vote shield.  He asks what the alternative is, Liana?  Danny says THIS IS OUR RESUME.  
Christ I hate when we get to the burnishing our resume part of the season.  Xander trusts Ricard more than Liana.  

Erika asks Xander what he thinks. She says Ricard could beat them all but Liana once voted for her.  Ricard is a big threat and she wonders if they will get another chance.  Xander tells Ricard that double D is gunning for him.  If they stick together they're good.  They agree that Erika is getting shady.  

DeShawn and Liana tell each other they would never write their name down.  Sure you would.  

Tribal

It's all about the first all black alliance, all about society changing, all about bringing light to diversity.  Very noble and important tribal.  And I agree with all that they are saying.  I'm just not sure this is the forum.

Anywhoo, Heather is like, I don't really understand a lot of this but I'm sorry.  Jeff tells us that Survivor is a SOCIAL EXPERIMENT that's all about bringing people together.  Uhuh.  And then having them lie and backstab each other.  IT'S A REALITY SHOW JEFF.  THERE AIN'T MUCH OF THIS THAT IS REAL LIFE.  

Do or Die time and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD no one is really going to die tonight.  I am just so disappointed when Jeff leaves and comes back with 3 boxes and not a giant machete or a revolver with one bullet.  Cyanide in one of the boxes???  Please???  Nope.  One has a pictures of flame and two skulls.  He gets the flame.  Christ.  Life is so disappointing sometimes.  

They vote.  Ricard squeaks by with 3 to Liana's 5 votes.  But don't be sad because Shan and Liana get a slumber party for the next 2 weeks.  

WHEW!!!  I SWEAR I WILL KEEP UP TO DATE FROM NOW ON IN.