Survivor Week 9

At the end of last week, Marcus had been blindsided. Kenny realizes he has power on this team, having orchestrated the last couple of surprise hits. You can almost see him growing a pair as the show progresses. Bob says, in his camera closeup, "if we don't merge, I'm history. Even though I teach science. Get it?? yuk yuk"

Day 25-another day in Fang paradise with no rice and no fire. I wonder if Crystal dropped the rice on the fire and put it out??

Tree mail (early in the show I think...): A golf flag and a slingshot. Say it with me, "hey, it's probably going to be slingshot golf". Walking to the challenge, Corrine says, "I just want to see Marcus..." da da da dum. Batten down the hatches, hurricane Corrine's about to blow. In walks the Kota tribe and the Jeffster remarks, "say hi to the new Marcus-lite Kota tribe". Corrine is pissed, says, "he didn't deserve it". Which makes people wake up and say, "wait, nobody deserves it", which Corrine thinks is purely bullshit since there's still a 47 year old woman WITH NOTHING ON HER left.

The challenge is indeed slingshot golf. 3 holes, teams use a slingshot to shoot the ball into the big hole. Wanna know what you're playing for? FINALLY!!!!! The gabonese screen actors guild was able to come up with some authentic gaboners in authentic gaboner garb, and the winners get to eat, dance and, wait-did Jeff say they also get to sleep with the gaboners??? HOLY CRAP, what a hell of a reward. Um, Jeff, any chance it also comes with condoms?? Ok, the challenge. Corrine sits out again. How come the 47 year old woman is always in the challenges but Corrine always sits out??

I was gonna go hole by hole, shot by shot, but that's too boring. It all comes down to the final shot on the final hole, with Fang up with Randy and Charlie holding the slingshot and Leonardo di Caprio (aka Matty-try to keep up people) shooting. They are about an inch outside the hole, and Randy decides to offer up an endless stream of assistance to Leonardo, which is totally friggin annoying. Leo finally just drops the ball into the hole and Fang wins immunity. Randy is still arguing about how to do it about 5 minutes after the end. Shot to Randy: " I hate Matty (he hasn't noticed he looks like Leonardo yet)". Bob gets sent to Exile.

Over at the authentic gabon village (brought to you by Scotts Miracle Village Grow), the authentic gaboners start by giving the fangers a bath. It wasn't part of the original reward but these dudes stink. Afterwards they are all decked out in gaboner clothing and are led to the table. One little girl holds Corrine's hand and Corrine states, "I can't imagine why she chose me-most kids scream 'she's a witch' and run away". Corrine, Randy and Charlie cry about losing Marcus. After dinner, it's on to the dancing. Sugar is like, "where do y'all keep the pole?" Randy thinks that one of the girls is hitting on him, which is a first in 20 years. The big scarlet KP he's required by law to wear on his forehead usually scares them away. KP=kiddie porn, in case you haven't been reading my summaries...

On Kota, Ken has the boat stuck on a piece of wood and he is paddling around and around in circles. LOL. Metaphoric? He finally gets himself out of the jam and returns to camp with fish. He's all proud of himself and thinks he has the game figured out. He is however wondering when the spaceships are going to start shooting down from above, and how to jump to the next level.

Bob is on exile. Hey, can I just say he looks kind of hot in his swimtrunks? They're kind of tight, not jams. He searches for the idol, and I'm hoping there really was a second one. But, alas, he figures Sugar already has one so he whittles himself a fake one. " “It’s sort of like when you’re holding up a bank. You don’t necessarily need a gun, but if they think you’ve got a gun, they might leave you alone.” Yea, and you get to escape the "armed robbery" charge.
Back to the camps, tree mail: "be the best firestarter you can be". Randy goes off on Crystal, calls her a sasquash (was that racist??), he hates her. Yea, her and everyone else dude. He laughs and laughs about how she can't start a fire for shit.

They get to the challenge and Jeff tells them this is for individual immunity and that they are now merged. They get blue buffs. They each get flint, steel and firemaking stuff. Gotta make a fire and burn through a string. No need to really describe this challenge cause we've seen it before. Susie is the first to get flames. She gets it going before Sugar also gets fire. NOBODY ELSE GETS A SPARK. Swagger dick Randy? All talk, no spark. Susie wins immunity relatively easily.

Back at the new Fang, there's rice, beans, coffee and other stuff. Everyone eats and then darts into the woods to start strategizing. Randy wants Crystal gone. It's basically 4-4 with Sugar as the tie breaker. Everyone works Sugar over. Sugar tells Corrine she hates Randy. Corrine says, let's get rid of Crystal first them we can get rid of Randy next. Corrine tries to be all sympathetic. Afterwards, “Sugar is so weak and naïve and gullible. I’ve been nasty to her for twenty-five days. I was nice to her one day and she’s sold. So it doesn’t make sense that she buys it ‘cause she’s such a moron.” God I hate Corrine. Crystal, Kenny, Leo and Susie want Charlie gone. Kenny is still mad about that idol he found the clue for at the last feast and Charlie shared it with everyone.

Oh, they decide to call the tribe NOBAG. Man, I could do so much with this.

Tribal: Dr. Jeff asks his probing questions. Randy cracks me up by saying, that, at the reward challenge, if everyone would have listened to his suggestions, Fang would have made each shot ten times out of ten. Dude, that long lasting OCD patch is wearing out. Crystal jumps on him and the 2 go at it. Randy says he is still mad at the way she and GC ran the original Fang tribe. Now, frankly, this is so racist I can't believe they are allowing it. Seriously, he compares the way they ran Fang like a posse and a gang. Jeff: Charlie, are the vocal people idiots? Hell yes, Jeff. Charlie even castigates Randy to stop and think before he talks. Jeff: Sugar, is there any drawback to being away having sex with me on Exile so much? Sugar, "well, aside from the bad sex, Jeff, I don't like to talk crap about people". They vote. Jeff reads the votes. Randy uses initials which totally pisses Jeff off (plus, he's tweaked about that lousy sex comment). Sugar goes along with the underdogs and votes Charlie off.