Survivor: Who's NOT Pissed Off??

It's Wednesday afternoon, so it's time for me to feverishly write up the blog.  Show of hands, who noticed I never did one last week?  Yea, lazy ass.  Ok, so last week Chelsea won immunity, the girls coalesced and Troy played the idol.  Since the women split the vote between Troy and Jay, Jay was left with that always surprised stupid look on his face.  Wonder if he realizes those girls are not his alliance yet??

And can I say, GAWD I miss Colton!!!  Who knew?? 

So, last week.  Troy is PISSED OFF.  Like REALLY REALLY PISSED OFF.  He knows he's next in line and he is "out to win".  He tells Chelsea "I feel like I should be here longer than 3/4 or these people".  She says it's just a game and he should take it like a man.  "Girls always get their stuff and then they dump the guy". 

Treemail: Individual envelopes with cash.  It's an auction clearly.  Troy knows there is usually an "advantage" sold at the auction and decides he is going to get it. 

Jeff is in that black shirt again.  Which he never wore until he got married.  I feel like it's a cry for help. 

Item 1: 3 donuts and an iced coffee.  Kim and Chelsea vie for it and Chelsea buys it for $160.  Must be Starbucks coffee. 
Item 2: The Karen Sellman Special: Chips, Guacamole and a Margarita.  Sabrina grabs this for $400.
Item 3: Protein shake and bananas, which little monkey man Leif snags for a measly $100
Item 4: A shower, shampoo and a toothbrush.  Kim walks away with this for $40.  Seriously, I wonder if you could have bought it and made someone else use it if it would have gone higher??
Item 5: BLT, chips and an iced tea goes to Kat for $180. 
Item 6: Peanut butter and chocolate has Kim coming out of the shower to purchase this for $200.  Alicia is too cheap with the Survivor money! 

Jeff asks Tarzan why he isn't bidding on food and he says that he's saving it to buy shocks for his car.  Either that or he knows there are hookers available for the jury. 

Item 7: Letters from home.  Awwww.  Alicia spends her whole $500 for letters from her Dad.  Jeff asks if anyone else wants to buy their letters?  Tarzan is crying and decides that it puts the car repair in perspective. 

Troy is also crying because he's all alone.  Nobody likes him, he has no alliance left...

Item 8 is the advantage.  Troy and Christine start bidding.  WHY did Troy not just start at $500 if he really wanted it that bad??  Stupid.  But everyone else is pushing Christine to increase her bid.  Troy finally gets it for $420 and is all PISSED off that they all want him off that bad that they're all in for Christine to buy the advantage. 

Item 9 is covered and comes with a note.  Kat buys it for $160 and it's an entire cake for the whole tribe, although they only get 60 seconds to eat.  Not very  healthy if you ask me. 

And with that the auction is over.  I always wonder what it feels like after all these days to suddenly eat a shitload of sugar.  Kinda like Easter morning in the no chocolate during lent households I guess-although thanksgod I have never lived in one of those households!!

Back at camp, Troy reads his advantage, "move directly to the second part of the immunity challenge".  He's also crazily looking for another immunity idol "without shame".  Why would you have shame?  And why are the rest of the  idiots not looking??

Everyone is bagging on poor Christine for not buying the note.  So for once they want Christine to stay around! 

Troy is looking all over for the idol, and Kim sees him and he fakes that he has it.  Everyone's freaking out, and Kim isn't the golden girl anymore. 

Challenge: Jeff is in dark blue.  Sorry, Jeff, Nene on Real Housewives of Atlanta suggests we ladies close our legs to married men. 

For some strange reason only Leif has painted his face.  Part one of the challenge is what I like to call the jewelry box challenge, aka untangling knots.  Only 3 people plus Troy will move on to the second stage, which is the bounce coconuts at a target challenge.  Only 2 will move onto the final leg, which is the fire coconuts at a target challenge. 

Moving on with Troy are Tarzan (yes, in that damn speedo), Kim and Christina.  Moving on to the final part are Troy and Tarzan.....................and TROY WINS IMMUNITY!! On his way over to get the necklace he says "Don't eff with me".  Which surprisingly does not go over well! 

Whole lotta pissed off people back at camp!  Tarzan tells Troyzan "when you win you should be noble".  Troy is pretty much FUCK THAT. 

And with that the paranoia sets in big time.  Kim and Christina decide there's no point in voting off a girl now just to do so, so it has to be a guy, leaving Tarzan and Leif on the chopping block.  Tarzan is helping little Leif wipe the strange makeup off his little face.  They're both kinda like, well it's you or me!  Troy decides to talk to the peeps he thinks are on the bottom to upend the game.  He's working it.  Alicia tells Kim that Troy is on to something...

Tribal. 
Troy, you seem to be showing a little animosity?  It's my competitive spirit Jeff, they are all gunning for me.  Sabrina, do you think it's just competitiveness?  He is competitive but you also need to be likable.  They go back and forth in a big fight that everyone else just sits back and watches.  Troy brings up his idea that Tarzan, Leif, Christina and  Alicia long with him could vote Kim out and change the game.  He says they would have the numbers to do it. 

Kim agrees they have the numbers but "no one knows who is at the bottom".  Oh, I'm pretty sure someone does, Kim!  Christina agrees that Troy's math works.  And Alicia says, "if someone would flip, the girls would be screwed".  Alicia isn't sure when the best time to make a move is.

And can I add, before they vote that I would be freaking PISSED off if I starved for 27 days and still had Alicia's thighs. 

Vote: Kim gets 2 votes, Tarzan gets 3 and Leif is the 4th member of the jury.  I'll miss you ya little monkey!!

The Uncola Survivor

Yo, so looks like Survivor has a new sponsor to cram down our throats.  7-up, the drink that no one really likes and only orders when it's the only non-caffeine option.  The drink you have to be stranded on a deserted Island for 23 days in order to like. 

And what a difference those 23 days have made to the women's tribe!  Who would have thought the ladies would be in charge of the game?? 

Jonas the sous chef took his chef jacket and went to jury land last week.  I mean, come on, I used to wear a lab coat to work but there is no way I would have worn it onto Survivor!  OK dude, WE GET THAT YOU ARE A COOK.  I'll have to watch to see if he wears it to tribal. 

Without Jonas, the men are a little nervous that the women are going to run the game.  Troyzan and Jay decide it has to be a girl that goes next. 

Treemail.  Yea, and a bottle of 7-up.  For today's reward challenge the tribe will be divided into 2  and will go to the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas to try out their water slide.  What?  They built a slide on Survivor?  Ok. So they have to go down the slide, run out into the water and bring back giant puzzle blocks.  When all the blocks are on the beach.....start the puzzle.  Wanna know how many times we can push 7-up?  Reward is a trip to the 7-UP oasis.  With food and stuff, and 7-UP.  Oh and here's a bottle of 7-UP for you all to swap spit on right now. 

The green tribe is made up of Jay, Troyzan, Chelsea, Alicia and Kat. The yellow tribe consists of Leif, Michael, Kim, Christina and Sabrina. Tarzan was not picked, so he sits out of this challenge and picks nits out of his chest hair.  I'll spare you the boredom of watching people do puzzles.  The yellow tribe wins the uncola reward. 


Leif does a flip into the oasis swimming pool.  I really like him, he is just like a little monkey and not at all creepy like most little people.  LOL.  Politically incorrect enough for ya, Sellman??  They grill meat and eat.  Later Kim and Sabrina sit by the pool and strategize.   Basically Kim has to decide whether to obviously break her alliance to the guys or to stick with the women.  They decide to get rid of Michael (Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo) and hatch a plan to tell Troyzan that Michael is talking smack about him. 

Back at camp the losers are talking about how they didn't really want steak anyway, and GOD KNOWS they don't want any more of that crappy soda.  Chelsea asks who they think they should vote out and the men are pretty determined it be Christina.  Kat starts pushing Michael and they guys start to get worried.  Everyone returns and they even bring a cooler of 7-up, because the crew won't even drink that shit. 

So, it apparently is stormy that night and some of the shelter blows away.  And then Tarzan gets caught taking some bamboo from the shelter to use as firewood and a little tiff occurs.  Chelsea bags him about it and Tarzan takes her aside and basically asks if she had a problem with the doctor that did her boob  job and if that is why she's mean to him.  LOL.  It was pretty amusing.  He really has some kind of personality disorder. 

Kim tells Troyzan that Michael has been conspiring against him and idiot that he is, Troyzan takes the bait. 

Immunity Challenge:  And, hey, it's a puzzle!!!  Walk along a ladder bridge unraveling a bag o' puzzles.  The first four then get to DO the puzzle.  Jay, Kim, Troyzan and Alicia get to do the puzzle.  It's a pretty hard 60 piece puzzle with different heights.  Jay wins immunity.

Will it be Christina  or Michael?  Lots of boring discussion.  Cheslea asks Jay to vote for Michael in front of Christina and Alicia which pisses Jay off since he thought Christina and Alicia were not part of their alliance, making Jay think there might be a girl alliance going on.  Everyone runs to Kim to tell her what happened and she's not happy either.  Kim goes after Jay and Michael and tells them they are voting out Christina.  It's apparently a big mess for Kim who is trying to work both sides of the street. 

Tribal is kinda boring.  No one freaks out or anything.  No one will admit to being afraid they are going home, to which Tarzan says "that means there is some big deception going on".  Michael says there are several alliances going on but he feels safe.

Vote: 2 Christina, 2 Tarzan and 5 for Michael.