Good afternoon, and YES it is only Monday!!  I'm off to lay on the beach and pretend I'm on the kind of Survivor where the biggest problem is not making fire but cutting the limes for the gin and tonics evenly.

Paul was blindsided last time we talked.  Good.  His buddies Brett and Chris aren't happy.  Jessica tries to explain that their leader basically told them there might be a guys thing.  The mens are still angry and go off to whittle stuff.  Jessica starts wondering if getting rid of Paul was a mistake.  

Lucy doesn't trust Jessica.  She tells Sunday and Brett that Jessica is now pulling the strings.  She says Ken and Dave trust her and she can bring the numbers so they should let her lead them around by the short hairs.  Chris just wants Jessica gone.  

The M's are all hungry and start talking about seeing pig tracks AND HOLY AMAZING COINCIDENCE, there's a goat way up high on a hill.  What are the odds that would happen while the cameras are rolling??  All the cool kids run off to catch a goat.  Adam decides to instead spend time looking for an idol.  He does that thing Survivors do that creep me the hell out, thrusting their arms inside trees to feel around.  UGH, imaging what they are stirring up!!  He finds a map and realizes he has to keep looking.  

No goat is caught or hurt in the production of this episode.  

Bang, it's a reward challenge.  Race into the water, 2 from each tribe to grab a ring and them fight like hell until one tribe touches their goal post.  Wanna know?  Steak, sausage and a grill for the night.  It's basically a total shit show.  Although the pair of Chris and David actually do quite well.  The ladies get into it a bit and Michaela drops her top to get away from the scramble.  They do let her have her top back which I think is wrong.  Bottom line, Gen X wins reward.  

Zeke later exclaims "those guys are HUGE".  But Michaela is an Amazon woman.  And not the kind that sells and ships books overnight.  

Adam consoles himself with the knowledge that that was never gonna be his challenge.  He goes back to looking for the idol which has the clue "shell-tered".  He finds a giant clam shell on the beach with the patented Survivor logo and is rewarded with an idol.  Hannah sees him on the beach and asks "how's your idol search going??"  But we're unsure if she actually thinks he has one.  

Adam goes on to talk about his mom who has stage 4 lung cancer, making being on Survivor his biggest dream and his worst nightmare.  He talks about how excited she will be to see him find this idol.  Yea, that shit gets to me more than it used to.  

Dave, Ken and Lucy talk.  She refuses to give them any names unless and until they lost the immunity challenge.  She tells them she doesn't want to see them talking to anyone else about it.  Says it's Jess.  Ken gets all pissed off at the amount of rules and regulations Lucy gives them.  Thinks they have replaced one dictator with another.  

Immunity Challenge

Race over an obstacle course to a chair, which is pulled up and around a giant 3 level thingy with 30 numbers on boards.  They have to go up and around to get the numbers in order, stopping after every 10 to unload and switch people.  The Xers are in the lead after the number search and it's on to a giant multi word puzzle with 30 letters.  It's pretty hard since it takes over 45 minutes.  Jeff is all excited because his lab rats perform the puzzle differently.  The Xers actually moving letters around, the Mers figuring it out in their heads.  The millennial get it "Someone loses their fight tonight".  

Gen X is headed back to tribal.  Chris is planning to blindside Jess.  Lucy tells him that Ken and David are on board.  She proclaims herself a tiger mom who loves control and whose husband and kids apparently hate her.  Ken is pissed off.  "I'm done.  We're back on the bottom".  He decides that they should tell Jess and then bring in Sunday.  

Dave talks to CeCe and they decide it's Lucy.  Ken tells Jess that they want to blindside her and she doesn't totally believe it.  "Who says??"  "Lucy".  They tell her it's been decided and that she needs to talk to Sunday to get her to vote for Lucy.  Jess is suspicious  and goes to Lucy.  "Ken is telling me you are voting me out".  Jess tells Dave and Ken that she ran and told Lucy and they are shocked.  

Lucy ask Ken why.  He says basically, dunno.  Says you gave me a list of rules.  She declares that he's just like a girl, and that they have a snitch.  She also privately admits she probably did come on too strong and controlling.  

Big blow up.

Tribal

Dave, did the blindside bring the tribe together?  Nope.

Chris-we were upset and it's basically all chaos.

Jess: the 5 have been processing it but we're all still together

Lucy says it was like a bomb going off and now it's all insecurity and chaos.  Says she thought she was OK but Ken wants her out.

Ken agrees.  She ordered me around.

Lucy says that it's just that she's blunt.  Men can handle that....

Jeff points out that she's being a blunt bitch again.

Ken says he has wavered all day, which is what happens when there is disloyalty

Jess asks if she was supposed to just trust Ken?

David says something about anything can happen at tribal. 

Chris basically says that someone is gonna be the chump.

Vote.

Idol?  David gets up and says it was a pleasure to meet you all, and then plays the idol for Jess.

Jess gets 5 votes, don't count.  CeCe again gets a vote, and Lucy is voted off with 2 votes.  

Jess just sits there with giant eyes.....

Survivor Up: Vinyl IS Better.

Last time we met, Mari was blindsided by everyone but Adam and Zeke, the quintessential pair of lone wolfs.  They congratulate Figgy and Taylor "well played", but Figgy gets her beautiful little nose out of joint at the notion that it was just those two.  "People who write down Figgy go home".  

Hannah, of the socially awkward, approaches Adam and Zeke to explain/apologize.  "It was a last minute decision".  She keeps at them over and over even after Zeke tells  her to leave them alone.  GIVE ME SPACE!!!  She keeps going on and Zeke accuses her of trying to play the victim.  Finally she leaves and they discuss being on the bottom.  "You and me on dumb ass island!"  Adam promises to get back up to the top.

OMG, can Dave survive 39 days?  He's already almost transparently skinny.  He, Dave and Cece are obviously on the bottom although HEY!!  Dave managed to check "find an idol in Survivor" off his  bucket list!  

Paul is an insufferable bore.  Seriously, he and Chet are just 2 old overweight guys that think they are young and cool. I can just picture Paul in his real life walking around in brightly colored biking shorts. He goes out to get them fish, because he's an expert Florida spear fisherman and alas, the schools of yellowtail keep getting away from him.  Spoiler alert, Paul, they've never seen such a flabby white orca floating around the ocean with them.  Ken can't stand Paul.  He's a total bullshitter who talks a good game but provides nothing.  

The excitement this week is a summit.  4 people from each side are sent together to eat PB&Js and try to get info/form some kind of bonds.  For the M's it's of course Taylor, Figgy, Will and Jay.  Jay is just hoping Taylor and Figgy don't start making out.  For the Xers, it's Dave, CeCe, Paul and Chris.  Dave thinks Paul just needs an audience to bloviate at.  Paul tells them he's a lead singer for a Rock Band.  OOOH, are you ZZ Top?  LOL!!  Paul is under the delusion that these kids are missing their Dads and want to talk with an old rocker.  The M's are asked if there are any hook ups?  Nooooooo.  They want to know how Ken Doll is.  That's what they apparently call him.  CeCe says that he's the opposite of what they think, really humble and nice.  Paul gets up to "swim in the ocean", aka dropping a PB&J deuce in the water.  Taylor and Figgy talk to Dave and CeCe to get some info.  CeCe admits that Paul is the big fat alpha thereby putting a target on his back.  Dave approaches Taylor and basically says he's kill his tribe members to prove his loyalty.  

Back home, Dave sees the summit as a ray of hope.  CeCe tells Ken that they call him Ken Doll which is apparently a scar from his childhood.  I'm not a plastic doll with no penis.  He's not flattered at all.  In fact, he goes off and catches 3 fish easily.  

Ken also badmouths Paul to Jessica.  She understands he feels like he's on the outs but whattareyagonna do?  He tells her that she and Sunday are humble people, not like Paul at all.  

The beautiful 4 are relaxing on a rafty thing.  They're deciding to get rid of Zeke next.  Meanwhile, Adam is talking with Michaela and Hannah about how much Figgy sucks.  He points out that Michelle basically saved her ass and they now owe her.  Points out those 4 are totally in cahoots.  Michaela kind of agrees but is basically uninterested in making any promises or moves right  now.  

Challenge.  It's this carry bags through obstacles,over another balance beam thing.  Then knock puzzle pieces off a table with bean bags, then redo the puzzle.  Wanna know?  Luxury items from the Jeff Probst collection at Target.  Chairs, hammock, blankets and candles with the famous Probst sandalwood scent.   As one would expect, the Xers get their asses handed to them in the physical part of the challenge.  Mainly because, although not everyone has to carry 40 lbs over the balance beam, CeCe insists on doing it taking so long that basically the entire M tribe, the production crew and the sand sweeper go past on the other side.  So, the Xers are screwed.  Ken-not a-Doll kicks ass at the throwing of bean bags but alas the Mers are just too far ahead.  M wins immunity and the luxury items.

Mers ask Jeff if they can trade luxury for fishing equipment.  Jeff says it's up to the Xers but he says "I don't think that the luxury items equal fishing" and "hey you guys can always say no....".  Gen X says no.  M's are kind of shocked because "our parents would have said yes....."  

So, Paul is all CECE SUCKED.  It's an obvious choice, but WHO KNOWS!!  They're all in agreement but there's still 20 minutes left in the show.  

CeCe the clueless asks the other women, "hey anyone know who we're all voting for??"  Sunday tells her the boys are working out the details.  CeCe is kinda wondering why no one ever comes up to her with info...

Dave and Ken realize they, plus CeCe are all on the bottom.  They want to target Paul.  There the bottom 3 so they have nothing to lose.  

Paul talks to Sunday.  It's CeCe.  We're a solid 6, right?  You're not gonna go off and do a boys thing, right?  "If they boys wanted that I'd tell you and it would be bye bye ladies".  BOOM.  Not the right answer Paul!!!  

Jessica, Sunday and Luci talk and are really pissed off.  They realize the united 6 is actually boys vs girls.  

Chet says, "hey Paul, why are those girls all talking to each other?"  Paul says, "don't worry about that Boston Chet!"

Tribal

Dave says that meeting the Mers was transformational.  He saw them as people and peers.  He's now only a 9.8 on the anxiety scale

CeCe says that she, Dave and Ken are probably on the bottom.  She also says FINALLY getting my ass over that balance beam felt really good.  

Chris is all, "heeeeeey now, it's too early for any of our solid 6 to be thinking that they are #5 or 6"

Dr Jeff comes out to psychoanalyze the situation.  He points out that the youngsters sure did cooperate well.  I WAS BLOWN AWAY by how good they were.  

Sunday agrees that in general Xers rely on what they think is the right vs wrong way to do something whereas her kids are more likely to try things different ways.  

Dr. Jeff starts asking if people text.  Paul says no.  Sunday says she does.  He asks if she uses "you" or U in texts.  He points out that language is changing to be more efficient (although I disagree.  Newer phone technologies make using "you" not that much less efficient.  But I digress....).  

Ken waxes poetic about the beauty of language (I think I want to meet KEN at the Pottstown Motel 6 next time).  Jeff says, "you probably think vinyl records are better (they are.).  Um, Jeff, YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO BE WELL INTO THE GEN X GROUP.  

They discuss paranoia.  Paul says it's low in the 6 but high in the 3.  He then states, like a typical white male, that the other 3 had just as much opportunity to be in the fortunates.  

Jessica states that tonight's vote will result in helping the tribe move forward.  They need more than just the 6 to win challenges.  

Time to vote!

CeCe gets 3 votes and Paul is blindsided!!  Boooyaaaaaaaaa.  

Survivor: Love Shack!

Hello my fellow Survivors!  Hope you are all doing well and enjoying this season!  Have we all picked out our favorites and who we are gonna love to hate on all season?  Has your contestant spoken yet?  I think this week we at least get to pick out who is who on each tribe.  Week 1 saw the leaving of our alternate #2, so if you have a loser you're still stuck.  

It's day 5 and Gen x (who will be called X from here on in) hasn't started fire yet, even with a flint from the last tribal.  Paul is all assholiness saying "haha, sure David, why don't you give it a try".  And then David BRINGS IT and makes fire!  Woohoo ya little man!!  

David is basically the family joke child that no one is taking any notice of.  So he goes off to find rocks to use as chairs and looks all around for an idol.  He finds the first one, which is basically inside of a coconut with an ink marking on it.  So there's that.  Wonder if he will successfully use it or go home with at least something big in his pants.  

Over on the Millennial tribe (which will now be referred to as M since I can't spell Millennials without the spellchecker riding my ass) it's love goggles.  The prom king and queen, Taylor and Figgy are doing some snuggling in the group bed.  And I am 100% TOTALLY AGREEING WITH MICHAELA: " You stink, your mouth is nasty, you have sand in your drawers AND IT'S NASTY.  

Everyone is on to it and everyone has an excuse.  "Millennials are dreamers"..."Nobody cares"...."Hookups are less serious" (this from Zeke who I can bet would think it was a big deal if he EVER hooked up).  However the rest of the triforce is getting nervous.  Jay thinks they are totally STUPID.  He and Michelle think it could hurt their alliance.  He tells Taylor that power couples don't last but Taylor isn't worried.  The prom king can get away with a lot.  Jay calls it a bullseye for a nuclear missile.   

X Ken, who is Mr. Off the Grid, is fishing and catching a bit octopus.  He has an affinity with David because he apparently had a speech impediment once and although not too shabby in the abs department, is apparently not great at the social game.  Ken and David agree that it's all about Paul's posse and he needs to go.  They form a bro alliance and David shows off his idol as proof of trust.  

The M'ers are finding it difficult to actually live outside of their many screens and in reality.  It's haaaaard!  Taylor wants to make a surfboard.  Michaela and Figgy go at it for a bit.  Michaela thinks figgy is dumb.  Adam thinks Michaela needs to chill and stop the cat fighting.  

X: Paul wants to be in total control.  CeCe talks with Ken and Dave and they agree that while they need to cut off the head, aka Paul, the best thing is to keep feeding his bloated ego until that time.  

Paul collapses, they bring in the medic WHO IS NOT THE NORMAL AUSTRALIAN,  but alas no heart attack.  Just heat stroke, dehydration and a massive ego.  Dave is a bit disappointed.

Challenge.  It's in the water.  Swim, race up a cargo net, jump off a platform and grab a key.  Use the keys to unlock a swim mask, dive and untie rings to be used in the RING TOSS.  During this challenge Jeff calls out everyone's name as we go through and I finally figure out who the other half of the tribes are.  David of course is pathetically slow but manages to get a key leaving the Ms with a lead after the first part of the challenge. In the second part Marti takes forever with her ring and X makes up time.  At the ring toss, CeCe and Ken kill it winning immunity and a tarp.  

Paul announces that the ol pirate is back from the dead.  

M: Zeke is all excited to get to VOTE PEOPLE OUT!!!  Mari wants to blindside Figgy tonight, yet Will is afraid she will see it coming.  Will btw is pretty smart for the youngest on the tribe.  

Zeke and Adam tell Jay that Figgy is going.  WHYYYYYYY????  Do they not get that he is in an alliance with them??  Jay tells Michelle who realized something has to happen.  Says they need Michaela and Figgy to make up.  Jay tells Figgy and Michaela that basically it's Figgy but Michaela is a close second.  Figgy says they need to be 6 strong, but that they also need Will.  They decide on Mari but Michelle has to pull some strings.  

Tribal

OMG they are all gobsmacked to be at Tribal.  It's beautiful.....It's like being inside my tv.....

Jeff asks Mari if social media makes Millennials better at the social game?  She admits that in real life there is this thing called empathy and it's harder to screw people over when you can see their eyeballs.  

Zeke tells Jeff that he's living the dream.  "I'm my best version of myself and it makes me want to give 100%, unlike the usual 35% I give in my asset management job"

Michaela starts it up saying basically it also brings out the worst in some people.  Adam interprets for Jeff that Michaela is a "straight shooter" that many times ends up with the gun pointed at herself.  Michaela continues that there are little groups forming.  

Hannah is totally star struck.  She does manage to get out that there is some cuddling going on.  She calls out Taylor and Figgy who try to play dumb, or are dumb.  While Jeff is talking to Taylor and Figgy Michelle is working on Hannah telling her to vote for Mari and to trust her.  

This keeps going on while Michaela kicks it up a few notches in her war with Figgy.  Taylor says it's not that big of a deal and it's too early in the game for anyone to really care about his penis leading him around in an alliance with Figgy.  Michaela says that she isn't stupid and she isn't buying that.  

Michelle, Hannah and Jay are still all taking about voting for Mari.  Michelle takes a breath and says if she were Figgy she would be scared.  

Jeff asks Hannah a question and she goes all idiot, saying she's dizzy, he's Jeff Probst, it's all confusing....

Mari says Hannah has issues and is probably just talking about puppies or butts.  

Time to vote!  Hannah has another meltdown and takes forever to cast her vote.

In the end, Figgy gets 3 votes and Mari gets 6 and is back to playing video games on the plane home.

On her way out, Mari turns and says..."SALTY".  LOL.  I'm guessing I'm way too old to be cool!!