Survivor: Down to the finale!!

And we are down to 8 to start this recap.  Will did flip his vote, not that it mattered last week but he is now a man.  LOL.  That's the problem with these kids today having sex at 14, they then have to do stupid shit like this to become a man.  Bret isn't impressed.  Says it was like "make a big move" was on his checklist.  High school move.  Has Bret actually moved out of a seated position this season?  Talk about someone going along with the flow!  He better not win.

Bret and Sunday talk to Adam and decide Dave, Jay and Will are the biggest threats and have to be the next 3 to go.  

BANG.   Immunity Challenge.  Holy shit, was there a reward challenge that was too boring to even include??  This is kind of interesting.  Carry 10 disks on 2 ends of a horizontal pole through an obstacle course with a balance beam, then feed them into this kind of miniature golf course thing where the disks have to be rolled into the slot and out the back.  I do think there should have been a giant paper mache pirate standing over the slot thing but, whatever.  Will can't get his manly ass through the course, so Jay, who probably also spends half of his life in an arcade (do they still have arcades??), wins immunity.  Jay is actually growing on me so I would be OK if he wins the million.  

Jay wants Ken to go home because Ken can win challenges.  And totally will get all of the good months on the 2017 Survivor Calendars.  

Manly Will is CALLING THE SHOTS!!!  LOL, he can't even legally DO SHOTS.  He's all for David going home.  David is still pushing the "polishing his college application/resume" line and wants Will to go.  Adam agrees that Will is a big threat I guess to win the game, now that his voice has changed and his plea to the jury will sound more manly.  Adam doesn't want Will in control of his fate.  He tells Bret that he's voting for Will.  Adam also tells Hannah who is actually more in control of the game than any of these boys realize.  She tries to argue that it's not the best move given he just joined him and they could use him a bit longer.  

Bret and Sunday are apparently in a weak position.  That's what my notes say anyway.  I guess the fake question of the night will be, to blindside Will or Dave.  Although, c'mon, will anyone be actually blindsided at this point in this season of whiplash?  Adam says.....TIME FOR MY MOVES.......

Tribal.  C'mon who else SCREAMED LAUGHING AT ZEKE'S HAIR???

Will says his big move caused a stir at camp.  Jay thought it sucked.  

Happy David says he has "deep concerns it's me"

Hannah says that everyone left has worked with and against you so the question is who to take to the final.

Adam points out the history of this season is that good moves tend to get you kicked out.

Or as Jeff has to rephrase, "you need a resume but moves are dangerous".  Thank you Captain Obvious.  

Jay ends tribal by saying "everyone's a player".  It will either be an easy vote or another BIG MOVE.  

In the end, it's between David and Will and the MAN is voted off.  (Will).

BUT WAIT, AGAIN THERE'S MORE!!!

Jay has decided he is the black plaque and anyone who makes a move with him goes home. But Jay isn't going home.  

Jay and Adam commiserate that they have a sick love/hate relationship.  It is interesting how that has grown recently.  Jay tells Adam that David will take him out and will probably win.  David, boys and girls, has a quite the phoenix rising from the ashes story.  Adam agrees that they need an opportunity to take a stab at getting rid of David.

Bang again.  Immunity Challenge.  I know there was a reward challenge that they must have edited out.  Oh, for the good old days when by now people were freaking starving and a bite of food was important in stamina.  Now they're like, "hey Jeff, can you ask Mark Burnett if we can have something other than pizza, hamburgers or fried chicken?  How about a nice salmon.  We're worried about our cholesterol with all of the meat we've had this season.  

The challenge is another interesting one.  There's the same sets of blocks to solve the same freaking "Millennials vs Generation X" puzzle.  But this time there's like a pinball machine and if the ball falls it goes through a really slow set of ramps and they can't work on the puzzle during that time.  Jeff points out that in his psych 101 class at Game Show College that's called split focus.  Ken wins with a little help from Adam telling him when to move his balls, so to speak.  

Jay flat out states that he's voting for David and asks to stay around.  It's scramble time.  The first question is will Jay play his idol?  Adam wants Jay to play it and then for David to go home.  David talks to Ken and Hannah.  He wants Bret, but Hannah wants Sunday because she is a goat that someone might take to the end as a sure person to beat.  She is afraid at the end Adam will flip and take Sunday instead of her.  Sunday is hotter.  Kidding.  Not really...  David and Ken agree with Sunday.  

Adam tries to convince Ken and Hannah that they should vote Jay since they believe Jay, Sunday and Bret will vote for David.  He doesn't want them to go with Sunday because he wants either Jay or David gone.  Ken wants David to stay.  

Adam talks with Jay and tells him he needs to play the idol.  Why should I believe you?  They talk about how much winning would mean to each other and Adam tells him about his mom with the stage 4 cancer.  Jay gets emotional and says he understands because his mom also has an illness and he worries all the time about losing her.  Jay decides Adam isn't a weasel and is in fact a good dude.  

Hannah tells Adam she is going with Sunday.  She believes if they save David he will be more loyal.  Adam thinks this is a giant threat.  

Tribal

David tells sappy Jeff that yes, friendships and alliances still matter.  Jay agrees that alliances have currency.  But that they guy with the friends is a bigger threat.  David argues that the guy without friends can play free agent.  

Jeff asks David if he is a threat and he says yes.  Adam points out that David is in the vote majority and that his transformation from a pile of neurosis to just a regular dirty gay is something juries love.  Hannah agrees that at this point in the game it is about who it your biggest threat.  

Sunday says that she is not a physical threat and hopefully someone people will want to take to the end.  

Adam says that everyone is playing their own game and it's all about jury perception.  

Time to vote.  Any idol???????  Jay says, AAAALLLLLLRRRRIIIIIIIIIGHT  and hands it over.

Vote:  Jay 1, David 2 and Sunday gets 4 and is voted out.

And now we are 6:  3 Ms and 3 Xers.  Good luck to you lucky bastard that still have a chance!!!

Survivor Update: Will's big move

Ok so when we last spoke Jessica was the loser in the always risky rock drawing.  Personally I preferred the old MAKE FIRE CHALLENGE.  David is pissed he burned his idol, and Zeke is all I'M A WINNER!!!  I'm totally final 5 and I'm just as happy that David is going to lose!!  

Challenge.  With families.  It's a giant boohoo fest.  Adam gets to see his brother and ask about his mom.  Ken HAS A BROTHER who is hot hot hot.  Jeff is totally losing his mind spewing psychobabble about families and shit.  The challenge is a rope maze thing where they are tied to the rope and have to untangle it. Wanna know?  BBQ on the beach with your loved ones.  

Adam gets totally stuck under a pole in the sand and I actually had a bit of an anxiety attack thinking of it.  Jay wins the challenge and gets to pick another person...picks his only friend Will. Then Sunday and ONE MORE.  Everyone is begging him but he picks Adam because "Adam had the power to take this away from me and didn't".  

Adam and his brother catch up on his mom, who is stage 4 lung cancer and has had to stop chemo apparently.  She "is getting strength from you".  I am resisting googling him to see if she has died yet since the show was filmed in the spring.  Ok, I just googled it,  I'll let you decide if you want to know.  

Jay and his sister go and sit with Adam and his brother.  Adam is so appreciative that he gives Jay the "steal a reward" advantage.  

Will says seeing his mom made him want to grow up into a BIG BOY, so now he is busy joining the band and the glee club to build his college resume.  He wants to MAKE A BIG MOVE so everyone will stop seeing him as a kid and paying him no attention.  And if that doesn't happen he is totally going to hold his breath until they do.  Will tells David he wants to be a BMOC and David is like, OK, use me for the vote.  Will gets all mad and is "Duuuude, I don't want to use anyone I want to make the BIG MOVE totally on my own.  I'm here to play and I want to take out Zeke.  That'll show them!

Immunity Challenge:  have they done this one before?  It's like 2 handles that you have to apply equal pressure to in order to hold a steel bar between them.  Looks like something they sold to increase woman's breast size in the 50s.  

Adam wins immunity.

So back at camp, Zeke and his merry followers are like, "hmmmmm why are David and those losers so calm?  Don't they know we have ALL OF THE POWER?  

Will talks to Ken.  Now, I like Ken and I think Ken was just being protective since Will came out of the blue to talk to him and has to date not been an ally.  He tells Ken they don't listen to him, wah wah wah.  I want to make a big move!  Ken asks him a lot of questions and Will gets all Millennial on him that it's like having his fingernails and toenails pulled out to have to work with Ken.  He tells Ken that the Zeke army wants to get rid of him.  

Ken, unwisely, confronts Jay immediately about the plan to get rid of him asking if it's true.  Which basically blows things up.  Will gets pissed off and now wants Ken gone because of his extreme arrogance and ego.  Will's vignettes are getting a little over the top.  Will is totally angry!  NOW I HAVE TO DECIDE!!!!  AND BE IN CONTROL!!!  BIG MAN!!!

Tribal

David tells Jeff that it's basically 4 people and one swing vote, which Sunday lays out to be Will.  Will tells Jeff that his plan was to vote out Zeke but Ken announced it to everyone.  He whines to Jeff about wanting to sit at the adult table at Christmas, and to be treated like an adult, gosh darn it.  

Sunday says that he was swayed to want to vote out Zeke.  Will is like I WAS NOT SWAYED!!!  Adults do not get SWAYED.  I want to make THE BIG MOVE.  THE BIGGEST MOVE EVER.  A HUGE MOVE!  

Zeke tries to work on him by saying "I've always wanted to work with Will, to play the game with him, and in fact I EVEN COVERED WILLS ASS ONCE OR TWICE.  Adam jumps all over that remark pointing out to Will that Zeke just said he has been carrying his baby ass.  Zeke "no, he helped me, I helped him".  

David points out the "resume" builder thing.  That Will wants to make a move for his jury resume.  This vote would give him cred with the jury.  

Brett tells Will that they are just building him up to drop him next vote.  Will doesn't feel like he has an equal say in things with the 5 he is aligned with.  Hannah points out that his original 5 are just fluffing him up tonight.  

Jay says, DUDE, DO WHAT YOU WANT TONIGHT.  FOLLOW YOUR GUT.  Will says Jay is the onliest one who gives him respect.  

Time to vote!  

Adam pulls his idol out of his dirty crotch and hands it to Jeff.  Niiiiice.  He plays it for Hannah.  Hannah gets 4 votes but is safe and Zeke is voted out.  Ding Dong!!!  And in the end, although Adam did vote for Zeke, can this really be considered a big adult move??  I mean, without his vote Zeke was still going home.  And should big votes really be so freaking messy and public?  Time will tell.....

Lol, Christ I missed a week or two, they throw in a 2 hour double elimination show and now I'm so freaking far behind I can't sleep at night!  Let's see if we can do a summary of the last 3 shows and all get caught up!

One interesting thing with this season is, with the exception of Yummy Ken, all of the beautiful, strong and cool people have been voted off leaving us with a bunch of nerdy kids and adults that you would find working as a night Manager at your local Walmart.  I believe last time I did an update Taylor followed his squeeze out the door for being an arrogant asshole about stealing and eating food.  

So in the following episode, Chris sees Jess as his main target and wants to "hit her before she hits me".  He's kind of an angry asshole.  Hannah, along with most of us, has the hots for Ken.  Little Will is starting to feel like he's not being treated like an adult.  He's mad that Zeke didn't tell him about the Taylor vote.  Zeke is a little manipulator.  Will tries to suck up to him by telling him that Jay has an idol, but DON'T TELL ANYONE!!!.  That piece of news spreads so fast I'm surprised the last whisper down the lane doesn't have Jay with 3 idols and a gun.  

The challenge is some swimming thing.  I don't remember and my notes say, "swimming thing".  Pathetic David goes all "oh I'll step out of the challenge because I don't want anyone losing pizza and beer on my account".   Everyone OF COURSE tells him to stay in, be a man, they want him to compete, blah blah blah.  David has another cry and says "I'll never forget you guys".  Jay ends up not competing.  Ok, so some of you are probably saying, WHAT ABOUT JAY, HE'S HOT!  Meh.  Not in my book where manly men are hot.  

So the challenge is some swim to a raft, pull yourself up, get a key, unlock a puzzle.  This one is a color block one and not some decipher the latest bullshit piece of pop psychology Jeff is spouting this week.  Zeke, Adam, Hannah, Sunday and Brett win and get to eat right off of the Survivor beach.  They also get letters from home and Adam, who is really a BAD crier is all crying because, say it with me people, his mom has cancer.  God, I prefer the old days when people had to lie about their dead grandmother and we could leave the human suffering and tragedies out of reality tv.  

Back on the beach Yummy Ken and David are sitting around.  Seriously, couldn't David have been allowed to bring his meds as his "personal item"?  Remember when they made a big deal about their ONE personal item?  I swear they get to bring whatever they want this time around.  Anywhoo. Ken tries to make nice to David telling him "Dude, what you're doing everyone respects".  David talks about his fear of life and fear of death.  WHATEVER.  He tells Ken he's all about a final 3 with him.  He expresses his concern with Chris/Brett and  Sunday and wants to vote for Chris.  Ken doesn't trust Zeke.  

Immunity Challenge:  They have to balance on a perch and hold a little statue with a stick of wood.  DAVID WINS IMMUNITY.  So more psychobabble.  "I need to tamp down that voice that says I can't and listen to the one that says I can".  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.......

Back at camp and no one is talking to Jay.  Chris wants it to be Jess but he wants to make Jay play his idol.  Zeke believes he has masterminded the Gen X civil war and he has the power to pit them against each other.  David tells Jess she's on the block.  Jess, Adam, Ken and David want Chris to go.  Hannah and Zeke and their ilk think they are blindsiding Jay.  Zeke "the is next vote is amassing the soldiers I need to march my army down the field".  

Tribal

Lots of bullshit on this one.  David talks about voting blocs coming together to eliminate a single threat or splinter into multiple targets.  Zeke doesn't believe in no stinking voting blocs.  Hannah calls them "trust clusters" and Jeff wets himself over the catchy term.  Hannah also wets herself that Jeff thinks something she said is cool.  He is soooo gonna sleep with her once she gets voted off and is in her Ponderosa hut.  Brett mumbles something in Bostoneese about getting rid of people you don't trust but Chris says it shouldn't be about trust tonight.  

Adam: There is a cold war brewing and WINTER IS COMING....And Chris is blindsided, thereby once again I lose a Survivor Pool.  

BUT WAIT THERE'S ANOTHER EPISODE!!  Remember when the night before Thanksgiving was all about a rehash?  Now they assume people who watch Survivor are too old to do that "meet everyone you went to high school with at your childhood home local bar to drink and hook up" pre turkey day thing.  

Clearly I was pre-holiday drinking at this point because my notes are getting worse.  Ok, so Jess says that sending Chris home solidifies everything.  Zeke apologizes to Brett for leaving him out f the loop but Brett says he thinks it was good because Chris  would have won.  Zeke says that Brett wants to work together which is good because he wants everyone to come together to defeat David.  Zeke is kind of getting obsessed with David going. 

Next morning David watches the sun rise with Brett and Sunday.  They discuss voting Jay out but David points out that Zeke is currently pulling the strings and should go but newly aligned Brett doesn't like that.  Brett tells Zeke and they discuss getting rid of him but that David has an idol.  

Zeke talks to Adam and Hannah about getting rid of David.  Hannah thinks that Will and Jay are bigger threats than David.  Hannah finds herself in the middle.  

Challenge: slither through sand with hands and feet tied together, then do a snake puzzle.  3 teams of 3.  David, Zeke, Brett and Sunday win a picnic and a helicopter ride.  At reward, both Brett and Zeke buddy up and decide to use each other.  Sunday joins them and they discuss taking out David.  

Returning to camp Hannah tells David that she's in the middle with him and Zeke but she's playing with him.  She tells him they all know about his idol.  He starts to hyperventilate but she tells him to suck it up.  

Immunity Challenge:  they are behind a locked door and have to maneuver the key blindly through a maze to unlock themselves.  It's basically a Jay blowout.  

Back at camp it's a scramble and appears to be a 5-5 tie.  Zeke decide to vote for Hannah in case David plays his idol.  

Tribal

It kind of breaks down pretty fast with Hannah talking to Adam, and Zeke and Brett asking David if he's going to have an anxiety attack or cry tonight.  Everyone is freaking out and suggesting alternate votes during tribal.  

Time to vote

Jeff asks about an idol and David plays his.  Before he says it's for Hannah, Adam says "wait, they are going to Ken", so David plays it for Ken who gets 0 votes.  It's a Hannah-Zeke tie.  They go for the tie breaker which comes out again tied.  They are given the option to unanimously chose between Zeke or Hannah or draw rocks.  They draw rocks and Jess is shocked to be the next person sent to Ponderosa.  She passes her legacy idol to Ken.  

And now I need to take a break!  Last week's update will be out this afternoon.