Survivor: WHAT A TRIBAL!!

Good day for a Survivor update!  How you all doing?  

Last week Caleb was voted off, I guess with Tai's help although Hali only really got 1 vote.  Tai says it's just a game and thanks Brad for trusting him.  Debbie tells Hali that she's all glad that Hali is still there.  Hali tries to slither up and gives her loyalty, saying she'd go with Tai if asked.  Debbie is all TOTALLY! But, since she's a double naught spy she says she's just telling her what she wants to hear because Hali is OUT OF OPTIONS!  

Aaaaand Challenge.  2 people from each tribe.  They race over balance beams while balancing a ball on an increasingly higher pole.  Then someone throws sandbags at 9 targets.  All for a coffee bar with cookies for the winner, and a thermos of iced coffee for the first losers.  

Balancing is JT, Ozzie and Tai.  Tai isn't very good at it so it appears they are falling out of it until the throwing part.  Although Malcolm nails the top win and the cookies, It comes down to Troy vs Brad, who is/was a baseball player right?  Brad pulls out the come from behind win.  Ciri says that Troy's place is hanging on by a thread.  

The green tribe are the losers.  No caffeine for them.  Ozzy says losing is great for him, proves they need him.  He's a rock.  And a fish catcher.  In fact, we get to see fish porn and Ozzy gets his close up.  He brings back a big ol fish and Andrea calls him a hero.  

Everyone on blue has a coffee buzz.  Sandra is buzzed AND delusional:  "this is the best tribe EVAH!!  I'm DA QUEEN and all of my relationships are perfect.  

JT and Malcolm talk about how dangerous Sandra is,  Malcolm tells him he has his back.  

Immunity Challenge

It's the blind obstacle challenge with people yelling directions thing for the 500th time.  There's a rope, and a bucket of water, and balls, and then a ball maze but not done with blindfolds.  Apparently you can only get one ball in so after one, someone else has to play.  Sorry for those who again wanted to skate by on Malcolm.  ONLY ONE TRIBE WILL WIN IMMUNITY.  Whaaaaaaat????

Green wins immunity meaning blue and orange will got to tribal.....but it's gonna be a GROUP tribal and only 1 person will go home.  Remember, the new Orange is composed of mainly orange with JT, but the new blue is composed of mostly blue with Hali.  The orange tribe has one more person than the new blue.  

JT tells the orange gang that he's solid with them.  Sandra says she'll kick ASS if they screw this up.  Sandra wants Sierra gone.  Malcolm asks JT who blue will target and he says Sandra.  And indeed the blue tribe is thinking Sandra, although they know Hali is a wild card.  Brad tries to work on her with the 5 strong message.  Hali knows that the tables have turned and she is now a swing vote.  

JT wants them to also go along and finally blindside Sandra. There is actually some interest in this.  

Tai decides to go find an  idol.  And, like magic on this season where clues to idols just always pop up when you need one, he finds a clue and then finds an idol.  He tells Debbie, Sierra and Tai that he has an idol.  

And then begins the most insane tribal ever.  

Macolm says something about running scenarios

Brad is all guns guns guns.  LOL, are all of your GUNS pointed in the right direction??? Says it's 6 vs 5 but there are different agendas going on, something about a mexican standoff....

Sandra says all of their guns won't switch.  

Debbie says something about JT being closer to them once

Sandra says USED TO BE

Jt says some people want him to take a shot in the dark

Brad says both Malcolm and Sandra are threats to JT

Sandra tells him he is a threat and she knows she isn't going home (trying to bluff about an idol??)

Varner says, idols?  Could be idols??

Sierra says something about BIG PICTURE

Debbie says maybe Hali or JT will flip

Brad, still trying badly to woo Hali says "if she flips she's gonna be public enemy #1

Hali says they might be in rock drawing situation

Sandra tells her they don't need her

Michaela reiterates that she's the bottom of the pack

Hali is all, 'I'm still voting based upon physical threats"

Sandra and Michaela decide this means she wants Brad out

It begins to devolve into total chaos,  Did everyone just switch who they want out?  Are there clues being said??  Someone yells STICK WITH THE PLAN!  It's crazy.  Little groups are talking, JT walks over to Brad and tells him something.

Sierra asks Hali if they are going for her and Hali says hang on I'm trying to change it.  

Jeff is alternatively loving the drama but probably sad that he isn't getting to ask his probing questions.  

Sandra says, it;s all side notes.  We're all good.  Let's vote.

Hali says she's not ready yet.  Sandra says, nope, let's vote we're all good.  Hali "ok but you might regret it....."

Time to vote.  Any idols?  Tai gets up and gives his idol to Sierra.  

Sierra gets 6 votes that do not count.  MALCOLM!!! gets 3 votes and is completely blindsided!!  As was I!!!!

Survivor: And Now There Are 3

Good Tuesday!  Welcome to the Survivor Update, week 2!  And a day early (pat on my back).  Take a look at the new Mana tribe, Tony was voted out at the last Tribal, which leaves Sandra as da Queen.  

It's time for an early oh so upsetting to alliances DROP YOUR BUFFS event.  And the 2 tribes shall become 3 with the new tribe starting out "from scratch with nothing".  Um, it's what, day 4?This goes to show how much freaking STUFF today's Survivor kids are given.  So, here's the new line up:

On the old Orange tribe:  JT, angry Michaela, da Queen Sandra, Varner, Malcolm and tryin-to-hard Aubry.  JT is basically the odd man out as the only one remaining orange.  

On Blue:  We have Caleb, Tai, Brad and Haley, secret agent Debbie and the blonde Sierra.  Caleb and Haley are out of numbers.

The new tribe, Green (yea I know they all have real tribe names but I'll bet none of you know them either): Troyzan, Ciri, Zeke, Sarah, Ozzy and Andrea.  Troy is the odd man out, and Ozzy and Ciri are once again tethered at the neck.  

They return to their new beaches and Malcolm is blown away by the luxury at the Orange tribe's digs.  They have chickens, tools and have even hung Pier 1 Import shit from the trees to decorate. Yes, Malcolm, you youngins are totally spoiled.  Ask
Australia season Jeff Varner about it.  Malcolm says it's like being at a SPA.  

JT realizes he's pretty screwed and it's time to scramble.  He takes everyone out on their ChrisCraft boat to go fishing with all their gear, making sure they are waaaaay out.  He then engineers a reason to go back to camp to get a wrench, leaving the former blue tribe adrift without any way to like, oh I don't know, FREAKING PADDLE BACK TO CAMP.  JT runs around looking for an idol long enough that even Varner knows he's out looking for an idol.  They decide he's dangerous, but agree they have the numbers.  Then they open another bottle of veuve cliquot rose, NOT CHILLED PROPERLY, because "roughing it".  

On the new Orange, Hali and Caleb are on the bottom.  Brad and Tai apparently have a relationship so Brad talks to Tai about who to get rid of.  They discuss Caleb and Debbie.
NOTE:  Can anyone tell me what BIG MOVE Tai ever was a part of?  Because he always seems to be the most clueless scrambler to me.  

Anyway, Tai wants Caleb to stay.  Shit, Tai wants everyone to stay and he wants them all to form a new family and live out their days as best friends with chickens (BFWC).  

On the Green tribe, Troy is the odd man out.  Ciri and Ozzy talk and agree they are safe now.  Ciri is really trying to calm the inner bitch and cultivate a healthy relationship with Ozzy.  

Troy is standing near a silent Andrea and asks her, do I have the plague?  She's all "oh hey, didn't see or smell you standing there".  He thinks she's a little devil but not nearly as clever as she thinks.  And normally I'd be upset about that kind of sexist talk but, hell, he's right.  

Troy decides to go idol looking, while the rest of the tribe discusses how he wouldn't have the balls to look too long for an idol, what him being odd man out and they having constant surveillance.  He finds a message in a bottle on the beach, and it's fortunately not a Nicholas Sparks novel.  It's a clue for an idol hidden at the challenge which he has to be BOLD to grab.

Da Queen wants to eat a goat.  There are a few of them "wandering" around this camp, and by wandering around I mean being periodically released by the producers for goat shots.  JT, trying to save his ass, says he can catch a goat.  He doesn't want to eat goat but whatever keeps da queen happy.  He catches a little baby goat, and then they catch the momma goat.  Sandra all but chomps into the baby goat still alive.  Nobody wants to kill the baby and momma goat, except Sandra who would kill any of the other survivors if she thought it would get her another 12 hours closer to another freaking million dollars.  Anyone else curious what tacky shit she blew the first 2 on???  Probably a trailer version of Mar-A-Logo.  

JT says, I can't eat the baby/momma goats.  Shall we try for a male?  Malcolm says this is how Sandra is in real life.  She doesn't give a damn about anyone else.  Michaela suggests they could just eat chicken, the other white meat, instead.  PETA crisis averted as Sandra releases her death grip on the baby goat she named Filet and they decide not to eat goat.  

Challenge.  Oh lord, how many freaking parts is this one gonna have before we get to the puzzle???  3 people are tied together and have to do some obstacles, then an over/under thing, then until and carry buckets over these giant net teeter-totter things to fill up another bucket and open a gate and then somehow dig? (I was getting lost already) and get puzzle pieces and another couple of people will do big board puzzles of, you guessed it, the logo.

Wanna know?  MORE LUXURY ITEMS!!!  Playing for a tarp and a choice of body comfort or tastebud comfort.  Second team gets the other luxury item.  

Blue wins first place and then Green gets second,  In the celebration Troy gets himself on the other side of the board and grabs the idol.  

Orange has to send somebody home.  Debbie declares they are rock solid and will be sending either Caleb or Hali home.  Debbie and Sierra discuss how Tai and Caleb are dangerous together.  Debbie still thinks they are strong but Sierra tells her she'd be a fool to discount that relationship.  

Brad wants Tai to decide on Caleb, so he talks to him about how merging with Tai and Caleb together is dangerous for Tai because people will assume you are together.  Tai says it makes sense but.....

Tribal-Jeff gets to do his fire is your life shit 3 times, which is probably the reason for the split.
Debbie says something about everyone assuming Tai and Caleb have a link, and Caleb rebuts that this time he's from a different tribe.

Sierra says it's a huge concern for her, that history (even though he left on day 9 last season).  She says she and Hali had no relationship,  

Hali says Caleb has more angles to work the group then she does.  It's pointed out that Hali is a law student, who happens to get lots of free time to play survivor, and this is one of her closing arguments.

Caleb says the choice is stronger and better for challenges him or manipulated easy vote Hali
Hali says, see?  That kind of statement is why he is a threat.  

Brad says, something. LOL

Tai says something in another language about looking at loyalty, trust and the long picture.
Caleb again says he's an asset and she has relationships on the other tribe.  

Hali ends her rebuttal with "and I like long walks on the beach, sunsets and am open to new relationships".  
Survivor
Time to vote.......and it's Caleb.

Survivor Game Changers: Week 1

So, it's a GAME CHANGER season.  Everyone picked is apparently capable of BIG MOVES.  Able to do "anything, anytime to anyone".  

We start out on the boat thing, with time to grab whatever you need.  Something out in the water with tools and Ozzy is the only one to swim for and get it.  There's chickens, and there's a secret advantage.  And they're off in 2 tribes to their camps.  

The orange Mana tribe is:

Aubry Bracco from SURVIVOR: KAOH RONG
Caleb Reynolds from SURVIVOR: KAOH RONG
Ciera Easton from SURVIVOR: BLOOD VS. WATER
Hali Ford from SURVIVOR: WORLDS APART
Jeff Varner from SURVIVOR: AUSTRALIA
Malcolm Freberg from SURVIVOR: PHILIPPINES
Michaela Bradshaw from SURVIVOR: MILLENNIALS VS. GEN-X
Sandra Diaz-Twine from SURVIVOR: PEARL ISLANDS
Tony Viachos from SURVIVOR: CAGAYAN
Troyzan Robertson from SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD

The blue Nuku tribe:

Andrea Boehike from SURVIVOR: REDEMPTION ISLAND
Brad Culpepper from SURVIVOR: BLOOD VS. WATER
Ciere Fields from SURVIVOR: EXILE ISLAND
Debbie Wanner from SURVIVOR: KAOH RONG
JT Thomas from SURVIVOR: TOCANTINS
Ozzy Lusth from SURVIVOR: COOK ISLANDS
Sarah Lacina from SURVIVOR: CAGAYAN
Sierra Dawn Thomas from SURVIVOR: WORLDS APART
Tai Trang from SURVIVOR: KAOH RONG
Zeke Smith from SURVIVOR: MILLENNIALS VS. GEN-X

On the orange tribe Tony starts right up being crazy.  He immediately runs off yelling "I'M LOOKING FOR THE IDOL".  He tries to play this off as a joke but it didn't go down well.  Caleb and Ciri eventually follow him and tell him they were sent to watch his crazy ass.  Caleb says he now has a target on his hairy back.  

On blue Zeke is all star struck and thinks he has the bestest tribe mates.  He wants to get dirty and change the game already.  Oh and there are goats over on the Nuku beach which some want to catch and eat.  Even the previews seem to suggest that there's gonna be goat murder and no doubt a PETA complaint filed. 

Sierra has the secret advantage which is another legacy thingy that she can will away if she gets voted off, or she an use only when there are either 13 or 6 people left.  Sierra talks to Ozzy about how Ciri is scary and Ozzy agrees she's a potential problem.  Ciri talks to Ozzy about there being a clean slate this season as apparently they have a bad history.  Ozzy goes along with her but says that Ciri is week.  Tai wants everyone to be one happy family again and doesn't want Ciri to go.  He approaches Ciri to tell her she needs to work things out with Ozzy, after she thought she had, and "the war is gonna start".  

Oh and there are a lot of pictures of SHARKS this season.

Tony announces he's getting water and then goes idol looking.  He's also decided this season he's building a spy bunker instead of a spy shack and proceeds to dig a hole in the ground.  Which is ridiculous because how are you going to sneak up and then bury yourself in the ground without being seen.  Troy comes up on him and catches him, calls him an idol weasel.  He then tells Malcolm and everyone knows he was digging around.  

Cierra wants to teach him a lesson, says he should go OR his right hand man should go.  Malcolm tells people that Cierra is already throwing out names.  

Immunity Challenge:  Race to a raft, paddle to a platform, get keys, then there are obstacles, them of course 2 bags of puzzles, then there is a chest where the key gets you another bag of puzzles and then, THERE IS A PUZZLE like a ship wheel.  For some reason this season appears to have a New England shipwreck theme.  Oh, there's also a twist this season where a tie leads to....I dunno some vote or no vote situation and then rocks.  I think the people who were tied end up immune from rocks or something.  

Blue wins immunity.

Varner wants the vote to be about keeping the team strong.  Troy et al want to get rid of game changers (um, that would be all of you if you read your contract), they want Cierra who was stirring shit already.  Cierra walks up during this discussion and they tell her it's MIchaela, because why not the overly sensitive black girl?  They tell Michaela that it's Cierra and she's all cool, until she asks "who does Cierra thing it it?"  When she hears her name she's all mad as hell.  Aubry and Troy discuss her being a hot head and scary.  Sandra things perhaps Michaela should go.  

Tribal, and there is a New England lighthouse.  I'm so confused.

Tony says they shut his fooling down

Malcolm says 10 seconds in he was a crazy fool

Aubry says his impression from his season was correct.

Caleb admits he is a total unknown, being medevac'd out early on his season.

Michaela says she hopes she made a good impression but someone has to go

Sandra says she's an underdog because no one would give her another million dollars

Haley says that the discussions are 1) challenge weakness or 2) ruffled feathers

Cierra asks if she's the one they are eluding to with loose lips

Michaele says she'll be surprised if she gets away without a vote.

They vote and Cierra is out.  And I finally realize that Cierra looks exactly like Casey Anthony, the maybe murderer.  

And another episode follows.  On Orange Tony is bored already.  Or his bipolar meds are wearing off.  He tells Aubry they are both threats and should work together.  Says they need a strong 5 and wants Malcolm, Caleb and Sandra with them.  

Tony talks to Sandra and they agree neither of them can win unless there are 3 prior winners left at the end.  She agrees.

On blue, Tai is obsessing over the fucking chickens already.  Debbie plays mom and says, let's not get attached to the dinner.  JT is annoyed already with the chickens.  

Orange: Tony can't sleep when he's in his manic phase so he goes off to work on the spy bunker.  Sandra and Troy are also awake and decide to walk off to talk.  Tony listens in and then approaches them, saying what's up?  They lie to them about what they were doing.  He's an ass and says he has no trust.  Sandra says that Tony was acting like a cop hassling her.  CRAZY.  

Blue tribe is all who can work with who?  Ozzy and JT talk, Cirie gets all threatened, can;t figure out who she can lay with.  Sarah agrees to work with her but not really, she wants to "play like a criminal"  instead of a cop.  Cirie talks to Zeke who says OK but wants to keep his options open, things she's dangerous.  She talks to nutty Debbie who tells her she's talking too much.  Debbie is, as we know, and expert at counter intelligence from some volunteer military thing that makes no sense to me.  Civil air patrol, which may be a real thing  but sounds like those block captain during WWII that just went around checking if people's black out curtains were black out.  Anyway her bullshit detector is going off over Cirie.  

Orange:  Sandra asks Haly is Tony approached her. She says no.  Sandra says they are gonna turn the tables.  Sandra, as Varner puts it, talked to everyone and put an alliance together in 5 minutes.  Game on!

Tony and Aubry decide they are no longer with Sandra and need another for their 5.  Time for some ruthlessness.  He approaches Malcolm about getting rid of Sandra.  Malcolm isn't a huge Tony fan but thinks they need the strength a little longer.  Caleb thinks Sandra is bad but he can't trust Tony either.  Caleb thinks it would be crazy to let Sandra take out Tony and get stronger.  

Immunity Challenge:  Jesus, it's like freaking 20 stages.  6 people, in the ocean, balance bean, a cage with a giant sand filled snake to be retrieved and carried back over the balance beam, and there are tiles on the snake with numbers that are used in a combo lock, which get you rings for a ring toss that spells who knows what with oars.  Wanna now what else you are playing for?  Fishing gear.  Cirie sits out.

Varner is useless.  Orange is awful at the challenge, blue gets a humongous lead that Malcolm kills with his mad ring tossing skills.  He pulls it soooo close but then gets tired and his aim is a little off.  Michaela wants to tag in and he says no.  And then they lose to the blue tribe.  

Michaela is, as usual, mad.  She's frustrated that she had to stand by.  

Sandra says Tony has to go.  Varner says he never stops and they wonder if he has an idol. Split vote?  

Tony wants to make a BIG MOVE.  Tells Caleb Sandra is dangerous.  They decide they need another vote and wonder if Michaela can be flipped.  He tries to work on Varner and Michaela that they need to keep strong people and Sandra isn't strong.  Micheala hates losing.  Varner enjoys having 2 prior winners going at it.  

Shipwreck Tribal

Malcolm says strong players are safer

Michaela announces she's STRONG!  She agrees it doesn't make sense to get rid of strong people.

Sandra says she's worried because their strength isn't working.  

Tony says he's 50% less paranoid tonight, wonders if he has to wake up at 4 am again to see people running off.  

Sandra says Tony is paranoid.

Tony says he's working against his reputation but that he's not playing a liar or scamming anyone this season.  

Varner says he believes him. All the guys fall in line with that.

Varner says that they are a round hole and they have to get out the square peg. 

Ok, literally my dog ate the last page of my notes.  LOL!!!  But bottom line is, Tony is voted off.