Hello Survivor peeps!!  Today I have 2 updates for you.  I was going to do one last week but I was only thinking of YOU ALL and how busy you might be stuffing your turnkey and I didn't want to interrupt you.  

Soooo.  2 weeks ago Jess the Virgin was voted off, and although they had merged is not the first member of the jury.  Which will suck for Cole when he shortly joins her and has no cuddle buddy to dry hump.  There is at present a Hero/Hustler alliance.  

Cole is mad about the no cuddling at Ponderosa thing.  Joe is also upset that he didn't see it coming and perhaps he isn't the greatest player of all time.  He says "Now you're playing with the Devil".  

Ben and Lauren are continuing to play together.  But they know their margins are so close that "one individual can mess this all up".  Lauren then finds the paper hidden in the nails that Cole and apparently everyone else missed.  She hides it and it's a secret advantage that allows her to secretly not vote one week and hold use an extra vote another time.  

Reward Challenge:  2 teams, they have to get up a tower and fling sandbags at 5 targets.  Everyone has to go once before they can switch people out.  Wanna know?  Be taken to a private island for a spaghetti dinner.  They do a random draw and Joe is not chosen but he automatically gets to go to the spaghetti dinner.  The blue team including Chrissy, JP, Ryan, Cole and Devon win the challenge.  

At the dinner they learn that it's being served family style, one big plate of pasta and salad and a big loaf of bread.  They eat individually, can eat as much as they want but there's only what's on the table to share.  Joe gets to decide what order they eat in.  He has Devon for first which is risky but he eats as much as he wants.  Under the plate is an idol clue for back at camp.  Devon misses is as does JP.  Cole finds the clue.  Chrissy is next and she finds the clue.  She dumps the spaghetti into the napkin and puts it back on the plate so hopefully people won't see the clue on the table.  Ryan is next and he finds the clue.  He also hauls off and buries the plate.  While Joe is eating they are all laying around and Chrissy, who can't just shut her pie hole for once, whispers with Ryan about the clue.  Cole hears them and knows they know about the clue.  

Back at camp, Cole goes off to pee and Ryan rushes down to dig up the clue.  He stuffs it in his pants and tells Chrissy to cover up the hole under the team flag.  Cole sees that and jumps in the hole fighting with her.  She yells for help and basically the rest of the team gets into the digging in the sand routing.  Ryan just stands there with the idol in his pants.  Ben accuses Cole of having it because he was seen tucking his shirt into his pants.  Cole now has a giant target on his back.  

Immunity Challenge:  Stand on a balance beam balancing a statue.  Cole wins immunity and ain't nobody happy.  

Ben decides they need to split the vote 4/3 between Joe and Desi.  Cole tells Joe and Mike that he doesn't have an idol.  Joe is upset but begins to think about how to sway a vote away.  He goes to work on Devon telling him that Ben is too strong and is too big of a threat.  Ben actually sees them talking.  

Ben confronts Joe who starts pushing Ben's buttons by saying he has sworn on the marine's name to people".  This is apparently not a good thing to say because Ben gets really angry and yells at Joe, who is such a dick that he keeps pressing the buttons.  Desi once again hopes Joe knows what he is doing.  Lauren blows Ben's plan up by revealing her secret advantage and telling him she is going to save her vote for another time.  Ben now has to scramble so he makes an overture to always clueless Mike who FOR GOD SAKE NEEDS TO CLEAN HIS GLASSES!!!  Maybe he wouldn't be so clueless if he could freaking see.  Mike isn't sure why Ben would need him but he thinks it's his chance to move up.  

Tribal

Joe was there heat after last tribal?  Of course, Jeff, because Ben is running the game.

Ben says he just is fortunate to have a bunch of people who has his back and whose back he also has

Cole says that the healers are the target and that there is no point in trusting the heroes.  

Joe brings up the marines thing which sets Ben off.

Ben says he would never swear on the marines

Chrissy steps in and tells Joe to STFU

Ashley says something about whether Joe is really good at survivor or just and asshole

Mike wakes up and realizes they are at tribal and mumbles something about fearing he can't trust anyone

Ben apologizes and hints at his veteran story and how he say things and has to work to control his anger.  And if you weren't paying attention to this warm up for his final tribal plea for the million bucks, shame on you.

Desi basically says they're all liars.

Devon says something about the game stripping you down and he doesn't want to be a zombie but wants to go back to being the bright light he used to be.  

Jeff says some bullshit and it's time to  vote.

Vote: Ben gets 1, Lauren gets 1, Desi and Joe each get 4 so there is a tie, and apparently no one knows how to count because Lauren didn't vote.  They revote and Desi goes.  WHY not take out Joe?  I have no idea.  

Jeff says there are a lot more roller coaster loops to come.  

LAST WEEK

Ok, so to recap Mike and Ryan have idols.  There is a 7 person alliance but Mike did vote with the majority.  

Mike voted for Joe but Desi ended up going home.  He now needs to throw another healer under the bus. 

Ryan tells Devon he has an idol in his pants.  It's apparently unusual for Ryan to have anything of substance in his pants.  Devon is all psyched that they are still best buddies.  

Reward Challenge:   

They follow refrigerator challenge magnets were used:

Swim

Jump off something high into the water

Dive and until buoys

Gets keys

Play basketball.

Wanna know?  A cruise with food.  Which the red team wins : Chrissy, Cole, JP, Joe and Mike.  LOL, my notes said M and it took me a while to remember loser Mike.  

Chrissy would rather be with her friends instead of the 3 people on the bottom but at least she's here to hear what they are saying.  Joe never stops looking for idols or clues and starts cutting into the cake all over to see if there is a clue.  The boat cruises by the beach and the non-reward winners moon them.  

Ryan takes the opportunity to talk to Ben.  He tells him he has an idol in his pants.  Ben is thrilled because that means Cole doesn't have it.  He tells Ryan the 7 have to stick together.  

Since Joe can't find an idol he turns to plan B to be such a dick people want to keep him until the end.  He starts fights with Ashley and Chrissy. Chrissy gets up and leaves so he keeps up with Ashley telling her she is the ideal goat people will want to take along to the end.  Ashley calls Joe a bully. 

Ben decides Ryan with an idol could be dangerous.  He talks to Devon about what happens next after they are just 7.  He tells Devon he totally wants to go the the end with him.  Devon jumps at the chance and then Ben says that Devon is about to find out things other people are holding secret.  Like what things?  Ben tells him, because I trust you, Ryan told me he has an idol.  Devon plays all surprised but in reality he is upset that Ryan told the secret to someone else.  Devon is therefore in Ben's lair.  

Immunity Challenge. Yawn, it's another balance thing.  Except they are bent over in a squat with a pole over their shoulders and they have only a limited amount of up or down they can move before they raise a flag and are out.  It comes down to Lauren and Cole and happily Lauren wins immunity.  

Cole is going home, they all decide BUT there is still a missing idol.  Ben decided on a 4-3 split between Cole and Mike.  Ashley is PISSED OFF that they aren't going after Mike who is strong and could find another idol because he never stops looking.  Ashley and Chrissy talk about how Ben is steam rolling the game.  

Mike ask Ben who it is and Ben tells him to vote for Cole.  Mike doesn't know if he can trust Ben so he decides he has to do something.  Mike talks to Joe and they decide there is a change to sway someone and get Ben out.  

Chrissy tries to work on Ben about how horrible Joe is.  Ben says he is trying to flush an idol from Mike but Chrissy is more worried about a new idol entering the game and Joe finding it.  Ben wants to keep Joe because everyone hates him.  Chrissy says it's Ben's way or the highway.  

Tribal

Mike tells Joe to follow his lead

Joe says the game is lost for him as Mike, Cole and he are "out of the roundtable"

Cole agrees  AND he's now not getting laid at Ponderosa

Chrissy says the vibe at camp is difficult with Joe and his non stop insults

Mike steps in with this crap about justifiable moral code but says everyone is complaining but they never actually vote for Joe.  He goes on some strange thing about America and the statue of liberty and the british and it's just nonsense.

And when he finishes he looks like he's waiting for Jeff to praise what he says and....crickets

Lauren points out that they are playing the GAME OF SURVIVOR and basically tells him to shut up

Chrissy says they need to do what's right to set up next week

Cole says he talks that to mean he could screw their game up

Joe says it's sad that none of them are actually playing the game but are waiting until the final 7 are left

Ashley points out that in fact there is a lot going on and the game is in fact being played

Ben points out that in Survivor 2-3 relationships will get you to the end but Joe's problem is his mouth gets him in trouble

Everyone erupts in side talk and then Chrissy says, OK, Jeff we just want to vote now.

Vote?  Mike, still on his I am America meme only he understands says "America isn't going home tonight" and he plays his idol which is clearly the biggest thing to ever happen in his life and he keeps looking at Jeff with his dirty glasses waiting for Jeff to be all impressed with him.  

Vote:  Ben 1, Mike 2 and Cole gets 5 and is off to a lonely jury stay.    And I really don't think Mike understands he didn't have to play his idol.