Survivor: Blindsides are fun!!

Welcome to the "the world is going to hell so let's just watch reality tv" update of week 4.  And, yes, I know there was no week 3 update-the husband had back surgery last Wednesday (with barely a week's notice) and it got lost in the 800 other things I had to do.  

So. quick update:  Vinny was selected to go to IoI where the lesson of the week was about staying calm under pressure.  His test was to go to the purple tribe's camp late at night and steal some fire with his torch.  He completes the challenge BUT since the fire was out he brings back ashes (pretty smart if you ask me).  BR and Sandra let him slide with the ashes and he gets immunity.  

The IC was a team water thing, with a puzzle thing and Purple came from behind sending the Orange tribe to tribal.  At Tribal it was between Karishma and Vince, and Vince went home with his idol still in his pocket.  Maybe BR and Sandra could do a lesson on USING YOUR DAMN IDOL.  

Week 4!  And we finally see Dean in a major asshole way.  Seriously he has been edited out for weeks and bang, he's a star player.  Karishma says she has no hard feelings for all of the votes she took but she realizes she's expendable as plan B.  She's really pretty effing useless too.  

I think it's Aaron who is thinks that he's calling the shots and he says that although Karishma is an easy target, Dean and Chelsey have put a big ol target on their backs by sleeping all cuddled up.  Calls them the power couple.

Dean says that he's into Chelsea but Chelsea tells Elaine that she's not here for any romance.  

Aaron and Missy talk about the couple and say they are trouble.  Missy thinks it's time for a big move and wants to get Dean out so she can continue with her girl power alliance.  

On the Purple tribe every one decides to take the raft out and go fishing.  Jamal says his full on melanin stocked skin can't take that much sun so he's gong to stay in the shade.  He's actually nervous because people aren't talking to him much and he was left out of the Molly bindside.  He wants to see if the Island of Idols means there are hidden idols.  Aaaaaand while looking and discussing some bad breakup and how it taught him to be zen and shit, he finds an idol.  

Later a boat arrives at the Purple camp and someone has to go to IoI.  Either draw a name out of the hat OR by unanimous decision.  People are worried about going because it puts a target on your back if you say HELL I'LL GO!!  Except for socially clueless Noura who says HELL I'LL GO!!!  

She's whisked off to IoI yelling WOOOHOOOOO the whole way.  She's excited to see BR and Sandra because they are EXPERTS.  They ask if she wants watermelon and she screams WOOOOHOOOO I LOVE WATERMELON!!  LOL, she totally reminds me of Elf.  She says she's a novice and needs to learn from these 2.  BR tells her everyone who comes to IoI gets a lesson, and hers is about the art of persuasion.  He explains the thing that works best is if you are offering something they other person wants.  Says there are different kinds of persuasion: 1) the appeal to someone's ego, 2) the scare them tactic, 3) the start a rumor tactic and 4) the this for that negotiation.  Noura thinks her way of negotiation is MORE INTELLECTUAL.  LOL.  BR offers her a test-the next challenge will have a blindfolded caller and if she can persuade them to let her be the caller then she will win an advantage-the ability to take a vote from someone.  WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO. Br tells her to think about it but she's all I AM DOING IT!!!  Sandra says she jumped at it with out thinking.  BR says that she's the last person you would ever want as a caller because she lives in Noura world not reality world.  Noura gets the boat back to her tribe yelling WOOOOOOOHOOOOO the whole way.  

She returns to camp and it's so bad.  Noura rushes to say she gets an advantage in the next challenge BUT you have to agree UNANIMOUSLY with my roll in the challenge.  People try to ask what the challenge is but she's all YOU HAVE TO SAY YES FIRST AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THE CHALLENGE IS.  LOL.  Not sure what well thought out strategy she's using!  They agree reluctantly and she tells them it's a blindfold challenge and she is the caller.  

Dan says it is so unbelievably bizarre.  Says if people's eyes could really do full circles like cartoon characters his would be.   

Jamal starts asking her questions- why did she decide to be the caller?  

Noura: It's done.  We d

ecided.  

Jamal: yea, but why?  Noura: It's done.  I'm the caller.  

Jamal: yea but why would you want to be the caller??

 Noura: I don't know, it was the first thing I thought of.  

And then they decide to practice which goes down hill very fast.  Lauren says that a blind man could see this is a disaster in the making.  If she insists on being the caller and fails, it's her ass gone.  

Immunity Challenge: yes, it's the bindfolded challenge where they go out and get 3 bags of puzzle pieces and then do the puzzle also blindfolded with a caller.  

Purple team- you have an extra person who are you sitting out?  Everyone turns around and then they say Noura is sitting out.  LOL!!  They totally rejected her and she loses her vote.  

Jason is calling for the purple, Elizabeth for Orange.  Jason sends them out all together, Eliz sends them out as 3 teams of 2. Jason is really good and purple has all 3  keys while the orange barely gets back with one.  They have a huge start on the puzzle with Jason very calmly telling Kelley how to do it.  They are almost done when the orange tribe gets to the puzzle BUT one of the pieces is in wrong and while Jason is figuring it out Orange gets most of their puzzle done. Orange is about to set the last piece in when Eliz sees she has also made a mistake which give purple the time to redo and win immunity.  

Missy decides it's better to keep useless Karishma and use her for her vote.  Karishma thinks the tribe is a bunch of pansies.  

Dean thinks Karishma is useless (she is).  He says tonight ain't gonna be no blindside.  

Karishma tells Chelsey she is going to go out swinging. Chelsey has an idol and thinks her relationship with Dean will take her far in the fame.  

Eliz, Aaron and Missy talk.  Aaron says they need to blow the game up and Dean has to go.  Eliz pretends to go along but wonders why they would get rid of Dean now when he at least does work around camp.  She remembers that BR told her to "look before she leaps".  

Eliz tells Elaine that they are throwing Dean's name around. Tells her Missy is behind it with Aaron.  Says they aren't going to tell Tom and Chelsey.  Eliz tells Aaron that Elaine isn't on board.  Says it will alienate Chelsea and Tom.  Aaron thinks he's the only one playing the game,  Eliz tells Missy that Elaine is a no.  Missy is all "I'm here to play so I need a name from these people who they would vote out".  Missy talks to Elaine and throws out Chelsea's name.  Elaine thinks this is too much-now she's throwing out Chelsea?  She says they are all yahoos and that this vote is real gut check time.  

Tribal

Chelsea says that with 2 blindsides behind them that they clearly suck at puzzles but not at blindsides.

Karishma says she was the last back up plan and now nobody wants to talk to her.

Elaine says she can't keep up the game is moving so fast-says she doesn't know anything.

Dean says Karishma should get up and talk to other people

Chelsea agrees that you should never throw in the towel and should keep trying to talk to people

Aaron says all you need is to plant a seed of doubt.

Eliz says that one plan became plan 1,2,3,4....

Elaine says it's unnerving because you could be plan Z

Missy says it's Russian Roulette and it could be anyone

Karishma says she's loving the confusion

Missy says Karishma is still in trouble

Karishma says the chaos could be her ladder to climb out

Dean is asked what he would say to someone after a blindside?  "Sorry, thanks for playing..."4

Missy says she would be shocked to be voted off but says they are one part family one part strangers

Chelsea says a blindside makes you smile-it's like we are really playing Survivor!  "It's fun!!"

Time to vote!  Anyone wanna use an idol?  Nope....

Karishma 2

Chelsea is off with 5 plus votes!  

Hey boys and girls!  Have to say this season is better than I anticipated so far.  Question though, has anyone seen the player called Dean? Swear to God he has yet to have any screen time!

Quick update today-crazy busy and I have some pots to make today and no time to proofread!

Orange:

Vince and Aaron are mad.  Vince because I think he didn't know what was going down.  Aaron because his buddy got screwed.  Predicts "Their day will come!!"

Purple:

Noura is a bit flaky this episode.  She's mad that she stayed up with the fire last night and everyone else slept.  Says this is a lame tribe "IMO".  She does EVERYTHING -gets wood, makes fire, gets the coconuts.  AND she's jelly because Molly is all pretty and popular and she's a bit of a skank already.  Meow!  Jason tells her she needs to calm down and he promises to help her.  Basically because she's his only friend.  They agree they are both on the bottom.  Sad.  Noura suggests they use a revenge of the nerds strategy against the pretty people.  

Orange can't make fire.  Chelsea kicks it in about 2 minutes.  Then she goes out and finds an idol.  Says the "girls are dominating".  

Purple:

Noura teaches a yoga class which would get up my ASS as bad as the touchy feely guy frankly.  Jack explains his 23 year old philosophy which is to have fun and "not wear suit".  Which is find as long as your philosophy also includes living with your parents.  

A boat comes up and takes Kellee away to IoI.  She's nervous but Jason tells her to assume nothing and think out of the box.  Or save me the box to live in.  

IoI

Kellee arrives and is nervous.  She sees the giant heads and we don't get to know if she recognizes them or not because Sandra and BR comeout of their "snug".  They again read her the rules that     THEY CANNOT WIN.  Kellee pays close attention and asks what the "offer you a change to test yourself" means?

They sit down and BR starts rapid fire asking her questions-do you have fire?  Are you eating?  Do you know how to make coconut popcorn?  Then Sandra starts talking about her kids and her dogs and Kellee is looking overwhelmed-and I am correctly guessing this is the "pay attention because it's a social game" lesson.  Rob explains it and says they are going to give her a test to see what she remembers for an idol.  Kellee is hesitant about doing it-SMART!! So Rob gives her a better option of 3 questions right for a 3 tribal idol.  She agrees and gets the first 3 right!  She cries because she has such fear of failure, and then picks the next person.  

Returning to camp she cries again and tells them she had a mental breakdown.  Swears she doesn't have and idol and dumps out all of her stuff to prove it-except the idol is hidden in her bun!  

Challenge

Swim, use a ladder to until balls, land balls on a table thingy.  Wanna know?  Immunity and spices.  It's back and forth but Orange comes from behind and wins immunity.  

Purple has to go to tribal and Tommy says, it's every man for himself!

Noura begs them to keep her.  Jamal asks why they should.  She tells him she'll do whatever he wants.  Jamal wants to split the vote and wants Jason because he was looking for an idol.  Molly, Jack and Jamal are all in the cool kids agreement.  Molly wants Noura to go.  Says it would be an easy vote.  

Janet, Kellee and Lauren decide that Molly is running the show.  Lauren also hates Molly.  She tells Jason she wants Molly gone,  He tells Noura that it's not one of them and warns her not to do a happy dance.  

Janet tells Tommy that they want to blindside Molly and he things it's too soon for that.  Says it will split the tribe.  He says the choice is to stay with the cool kids or stick with the nerds who might be better for his game.  

Tribal

Get yer damn fire

Jason says that the first couple of days everyone bonded but him because they are paranoid

Tommy is asked if this is an easy first vote and he says maybe.

kellee says that Jason made a mistake by misreading the "group culture".  Or by thinking this game was friggin called ISLAND OF THE IDOLS.

Jason says he does not have an idol and offers people the chance to go through his dirty clothes.  

Molly thinks that's unnecessary

Noura says she has always been the kid that stuck out, has always kept herself on the outs.  Says it's a negative but sometimes it can be beneficial... She says these same problems effect her actual life but exaggerated here.  Yea, I don't really care.

Molly says that knowing that now about her it makes sense but, meh, I still don't like the bitch

Noura says "I can't just go along" which is something that pisses me off in life.  ANYONE can go along if they want to for a period of time.  People that act that way or say they can't go along with stuff are just self centered assholes.  LOL.  Just my opinion there.  

Dan says something about they being at a level about more than just who's most irritating

Jamal says they are all still in first gear

Jason disagrees-points out that while Jamal is cruising in 1st gear other people are playing the game hard AND worried enough to bring their stuff to tribal.  

Jamal says he just doesn't see the need to fight that hard yet.....

Lauren says she's had to be in 4th gear from their initial step on the beach.  

Kellee says there are contradictions in the group vs the individual games and predicts that after this vote they won't be one big group anymore.  

Vote.  Idol?  Nope.

Jason-2

Noura-1

Molly is totally blindsided with 6 plus votes!  

Sandra: :Damn, they played her ass.....

Survivor Island of the Idols! Week 1

Welcome to season 39 or Survivor!  

Island of the Idols-with Boston Rob and Sandra, Survivor School is in Session!  But where is Jeff??  We see the two tribes arriving at their beaches and…no Jeff.  Contract negotiations gone bad?  Very strange. 

Boston Rob and Sandra HAVE NO CHANCE AT WINNING THE MONEY.  That gets pointed out about 5 times this first week.  Which means there probably will be a twist and they can win the money.  They “will live on Island of the Idols for 39 days”, which is either bullshit or the there’s a new Ritz Carlton out of sight on that island. 

Teams are divided into 2 tribes: Orange “Lairo” and Purple “Vokai” tribe.   We start to do the who are you and why should I hate you instantly routine. 

On the orange tribe we find out we have an Olympic swimmer, Elizabeth, who is bonding with Missy who used to play basketball for the military until she found a friggin BRAIN TUMOR.  She’s currently in remission.  Vince is a Hmong, actually I think he is a first generation American from Hmong refugee parents.  Tom is some 60 year old NHL player. 

On Purple, we have the quintessential old lady (cough cough 59 year old) Janet who is hell bent on not being the first to go home. She apparently did a youtube search and learned how to make fire, so while the kids are running around working on shelter she builds a fire in about 20 seconds-seriously she was killing it AND YET, some man had to mansplain to her what to do.  I have to tell y’all STRAIGHT UP I am having trouble not seeing the arrogant male bullshit this time around. 

Orange:  Tom is impressed that Elaine is “not all prissy with her dress on” (again, see above about these older men).  Elaine is actually a factory worker from Kentucky and quite funny, which is apparently a federal crime.  She, Tom and Vince are out walking in the woods finding stuff for shelter and talking.   The remaining assortment of millennials left at camp notice they are missing and decide to form a 7 person bond against these 3.  Leading are Aaron and Ronnie, who I can tell you right now I am going to hate all season.  Aaron tells everyone that “those 3 have a target on their backs”. 

Purple is chilling around their fire with their shelter thinking this is all gonna be a piece of cake.  Jason, knowing that this season is called Island of the Idols ( to be known as IoI from henceforth) GOES OUT TO LOOK FOR AN IDOL.  And then people notice, including old white dude Dan, who is a talent manager in Hollywood and spends his days telling young people how to do stuff  he wants them to do.  He’s right on it pushing the “WHERE’S JASON” line “why would anyone do something like look for an idol”.  He predicts “he’s done, this will be impossible to dig out from”. 

Jack, the youngest at 23 is with the gang of kids frolicking in the water toilet.  He finds a giant clam and finds it hilarious that he can make it squirt at the girls.  I’m gonna let that lie right there.  Tommy is also young and apparently has bought his girlfriend an engagement ring but I guess hasn’t given it to her. Which is wise, buy the ring when you are poor in case you DO win the million bucks and that bitch want a much bigger ring.  There is apparently a core group of 6, with Jason on the outs.  Noura feels bad for him and tells him that he stepped in shit and everyone thinks he has an idol now. 

Orange:  Elaine is holding court and making everyone laugh about what a hick she is.  She tells them to remind her to put on her drawers for tribal.  Brain Tumor Missy likes all of the girls and suggests they form an all girl alliance.  She also tells Elaine she’s in trouble because she went away with Tom and Vince. 

Purple:  Talent Agent Dan is giving people back rubs which, along with being hilarious myself, is the second reason I would NEVER go on this show.  These people have no personal space.  Kellee is not a fan of the touchy feely and at one point Dan is rubbing her leg with his sweaty head and really annoying her.  Kellee is an MBA student currently living in Phila (Kevin and Ashely did I guess right?).  She says she’s a germaphobe and Dan gives her the creeps.  She talks to Molly who agrees.  Ultimately they talk to Janet about it and Janet is all SO TELL HIM NOT TO TOUCH YOU.  Kellee hangs on the sand with Dan and explains the situation.  He seems to take it well. 

Orange:  Ronnie says that initially people need to sit down and watch what’s going on.  He says he likes Elaine and thinks she has a “dangerous story”.  He decides to talk to her and give her his “good vibe Ronnie” talk about how they should work together etc.  Elaine decides he’s a weasel just from that interaction and thinks he has to go.  The whole time I am looking at Ronnie I am remembering the movie 16 Candles and thinking Ronnie is an “oily bohunk”. 

Challenge AND JEFF IS FINALLY HERE!

He gives his official welcome and Elaine says they’ve been waiting and “we thought you’d quit”. 

The challenge is : up/down an obstacle, drop a bridge, climb a tower and put together a totally cool 7 hut village puzzle.  Seriously I have just the spot for that village by my pond. 

Wanna know?  Winners get this incredibly ugly immunity idol and flint.  The Purple tribe, especially Janet are all “oh we don’t need it” and trying to get Jeff to ask them about it but alas, he’s still too preoccupied with the paternity case that delayed him to notice. 

It’s pretty close all the way until the huts and then Orange TOTALLY FALLS APART.  It’s embarrassing and Jeff gets to yell “ONE OF THE WORST BLOWOUTS IN SURVIVOR HISTORY”.  It is kinda lame that Orange never gets one hut built while Purple kills it.  They win immunity and the flint they don’t need and leave.

Orange has to go to tribal BUT WAIT….. someone has to go to the IoI and one of you has to pick a name out of this bag.  Elaine picks and Elizabeth (Olympian) is off to the unknown.  She’s freaking out because going to something called Island of IDOLS puts a target on her back and she is missing strategy. 

And now we get introduced to the Island of the Idols.  Elizabeth arrives and finds 2 giant heads-she apparently recognizes them as BR and Sandra AND THEN THEY WALK OUT.  She’s all excited and they go into their “snug” where BR again reads the oath that they are mentors who CANNOT WIN THE MILLION DOLLARS.  LOL, why do I think there were a lot of contract negotiations and BR and Sandra need the constant reminder that they ain’t winning anything? 

So they sit and chat and BR tells her that hey are there to teach her stuff and then she will have a chance to “test her knowledge”.  Elizabeth starts talking about camp life and says they don’t have fire  yet-BR is all I CAN TEACH YOU TO MAKE FIRE because you are all so effing stupid you can’t teach yourself to build fire before you come. I almost wish he had pulled out a computer and a youtube video and said, there bitch.  

BR shows her how to build a fire in  seconds and she’s all amazed.  “It’s that easy”.  Sandra takes Elizabeth away to practice making a fire-they show her making one but I hope there was more practice than that. 

They return to BR who offers her a challenge- race him to make fire and if she wins, she gets immunity good for the next 2 tribals.  Lose and she loses her vote this week.  You can tell immediately she is going to jump at the competition, and Sandra is trying to get her to think it through because “Elizabeth vs BR is a mismatch". 

Orange:  Elaine is worried.  She and Chelsea and Vince and Tom talk and they think they have 6 with Elizabeth and Missy.  They want Ronnie, the oily bohunk gone.  Karishma, Aaron, Ronnie and Vince talk and they also think they have Elizabeth with them.  They want Elaine to go.  Vince goes and tells Elaine that the other group is throwing her name out. 

Back at IoI, of course Elizabeth wants to try the challenge.  BR points out it’s a rooky mistake to jump at the first offer because he had another counteroffer for her. 

Even with Sandra being all nice and talking her through it, BR kicks her ass and makes fire in a heartbeat.   BR points out to her that although she lost she should have learned now that Survivor is full of pitfalls.  Tells her she should always  trust her gut-says she should have never gone up against him.  He them asks her to chose the next person from the Purple tribe to go (she doesn’t see who it is).

Elizabeth leaves IoI with wisdom but a lost vote tonight. 

Back on Orange Elaine talks to Dan, Aaron, Ronnie and Chelsea and tells them she doesn’t want to go home and that she will vote for whoever they say. Aaron, also a bohunk, starts throwing compliments to her and says “how about Vince”.  Elaine says OK.  After she leaves, Aaron says the decision between Vince and Elaine hasn’t really been made yet. 

Elizabeth returns to IoI and tells them it’s deserted and there are 3 urns.  The one she broke said You lose, No game.  Not sure if anyone believes her or they are concentrating on the tribal to really care.  Everyone wants Elizabeth in their corner so everyone wants to talk to her. 

Tribal

Everyone get fire.  Seriously did Jeff even do his “fire is your life” thing?  He seems really out of it.  BR and Sandra get into a little aerial hut and watch the tribal.

He asks Chelsea what everyone thought about his absence and she tells him they were all confused.

Elaine right off the bat says her name has been thrown out because she gets along with everyone.

Karishma says “likeability is a liability” and BR says she’s smart.

Elaine asks why get rid of her first just because they don’t want to sit next to her on day 39?  Why not wait until day 20? 

Oily Bohunk gives the “we have to stay strong” which is bullshit because she’s tough and there are much weaker women there

Elaine says that she’s devastated.  Starts to cry and talks about how everyone there has a story and has had to overcome a lot of things and pain to get there.  Says it’s heartbreaking that leaving first you don’t get to fulfill your dream, fill your cup up after all of that trying to get there.  She says she wanted this show to build her up not tear her down, “I’ll be devastated to go but this has been the best thing I have every done”.  And I’m sitting here sniffing picturing Laura Engels in Little House on the Prairie sitting in the candlelight watching Survivor on a little hand crank TV and dreaming of getting the HELL off the prairie and onto Survivor.  

Bohunk says he can totally relate how much this opportunity means because it means a lot to him.  Says he’s from South Boston and has had a similar life to her, goes on to list all of the shit jobs he’s had including Sears Auto store, some protein bar thing with his friend, kickboxing somewhere in Asia etc etc.  (his bio currently lists the always wildly prosperous “pro poker player”).  Totally a scam artist who can’t hold a job is all I hear. 

Vince says everyone has a story and gets all emotional.  BR and Sandra for some reason like him. He says he wants to support Elaine but is afraid of people who could impact his game. 

Aaron says it’s hard to vote anyone off….

BR asks Sandra if it was this hard for her to vote people off and she replies “fuck no, I’ll vote you out and that’s it”.  LOL

Time to vote!

Any idols?  Nope.

Vince-2

Ronnie Bohunk 6 (all he needs so no one knows Eliz had no vote)

Jeff says it’s a devastating blindside!

And we are OFF ON SEASON 39!!  Let me know what y’all think!!

 

E