OK, when we left off, Kynt and Vyxin had been saved by the mysterious "Speed Bump". Unlike other years, they don't have to come in first to stay in the race.
Teams have to fly from Florence to Mombai, India. What interests me is that when the teams open their envelopes and see India, nobody says, "oh f*&^k." While still in Florence, Ronald gives a lovely speech on how he is hoping the city of Florence, famous for the renaissance, will cause a renaissance in him and make him a better father to his daughter. Yea....
Lots of airport drama. Newly tattooed Nick and Donald, who I hope cover those raw tats in India, get up and book tickets, and then return to sleep. Most of the other teams book and then go camp outside the airport. All rush in trying to get on a 6:30 am flight through Paris. Nick and Donald, Ronald and Christina and Nate and Jenn get on this flight.
For some reason, the Goths screw around and end up on a 6:50 flight through Amsterdam, mostly because they like the red light district. TK and Rachel happily book a much later flight that goes through Frankfurt and arrives 2 hours after the first 2.
As luck would have it, the first flight is delayed and the Goths get to India first, immediately followed by the other 3 teams. TK and Rachel stroll in hours later. All are instructed to go to Mr. Naik's News stand and look for an ad in the India Times. Mr. Naik apparently sleeps in until 6am and all teams are once again caught up. Anyone catch Ronald sleeping wearing a surgical mask?? He's crazy but I'm right with him.
Once they get the paper, all teams look through to find an ad telling them to take a rickshaw to a tailor shop. Like, what do Indian men have altered?? Nate and Jenn, who started this leg talking about their love for each other and how they were also turning over a new leaf, bicker and fight until everyone else finds the ad first. They're so annoying even a little dog starts bitting Jenn. Apparently cows have been replaced by dogs as the sacred animals.
Once at the tailor shop, it's a Detour: Paste or Thread. Teams have to either Paste a bollywood poster onto a wall or thread 108 carnations to make a lei for an Indian bridegroom. Also, the dreaded Speed Bump appears. The goths have to perform this task before continuing, although fortunately for them it's a task of performing yoga which they complete relatively easily. Kynt tries to prove he's not gay by talking about how hot Vyxin is doing yoga. uhuh.
Choosing to paste, Ronald begins to berate and abuse his daughter. This guy is a friggin piece of work. He starts the 6 page poster way to high, and then can't reach it to properly align it. Christina tries to help him by giving him a wooden box to stand on but this breaks. A-hole goes on about how cheap she is with the glue, how she's giving him a headache etc etc. Lots of reasons why it's not his fault. Karen-what's your diagnosis again?? Being the abused daughter she is, she continues to apologize. Nick and Don show up while they are arguing, and proceed to hang the poster and get the next clue. Ronald and Christina ask the judge if they are done, and he says NO. Ronald then berates the judge like a total idiot, and abused daughter proceeds to take it all down and rehang it herself.
Choosing to thread the carnations, TK and Rachel calmly do the task and finish. Nate and Jenn bitch and complain the entire time. The goths finish their workout and join them at the flowers. Nate and Jenn miraculously manage to finish barely ahead of the goths.
After the detour, the racers go to a traffic island for their next clue, and also find a U-turn, which means they can send a team back to do the other task in the detour. Nick and Don chose not to use the U-turn, as does TK and Rachel, and Ron and Christina. The next clue sends them to the cultural landmark in India called the Propane Gas depot for a Roadblock. One member has to deliver 3 tanks of propane to 2 apartments. Apparently they all use Weber gas BBQ grills inside in India. Nice and safe. Nick, TK and Ron (watch your hernia!) all deliver their tanks and return to get their final clue to go to the Pitt Stop at Bandra Fort.
It's all down to a race between the Goths and the Arguers. Goths get to the U-turn first and for some ridiculous reason chose to U-turn Nick and Donald since "they are usually slow". Um, dudes, they've been kicking your ass for weeks. Kynt and Jenn do the task. Kynt can't figure out how to use the breaks on the bike. At one point Kynt holds the elevator and Jenn freaks out, but Jenn beats Kynt to the finish. Kynt got the wrong receipts and has to go back. Jenn and Nate ask for directions and get sent on a wild goose chase, with Jenn YELLING in the streets.
Lots of drama and some smeared eye makeup, but Nate and Jenn manage to step on the mat first.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Survivor Update 12
Wow, I can't remember a worse final 4 since it all came down to the porn star and the southern cracker. Ya got your mullet girl (who has lost a TON of weight), your blonde anorexic weakling, your paranoid schemer and, of course, Amanda.
This week, not a lot of tribe footage. I think the cameramen are tired of fuzzying out whatever it is that hangs down from Amanda's butt cheeks. Personally, I think it's Todd's balls that she found just laying around and pinned on.
Day 33, reward challenge. The Great Wall of China challenge, brought to you by Remington, makers of the 4th Century Repeating Crossbow (we can check "greatest Chinese weaponry" off the government required cultural highlights). So, they did that "who's your favorite" thing of having people put their arrows into other people's buckets. PG gets one, Denise gets a couple, Todd about 3 and Courtney gets 12. Not sure what this means, but they then get to shoot a big board with names on it and that determines who wins. Todd, the big athlete he is, thinks he's the king of the repeater since he gets 2 hits on his name. His 3rd wilts and falls short. Courtney gets up and acts all stupid and basically shoots at Denise and Todd's names. Denise wins reward. Wanna know what you're playing for? A trip to the great wall of china, complete with dinner. Yawn. Funny thing is, I just watched the end of America's Top Model the day before, at the great wall, and my husband was all, didn't they do this last night? haha. Skinny models and 33 day stinky survivors in ripped clothes apparently look a lot a like to him.
I'm wondering if they are gonna skip the "who wins a car" reward challenge since China isn't known for making cars. Maybe "wanna know what you're playing for" will be a rickshaw.
So, Denise gets to pick 2 people to accompany her. She picks Courtney and dumb-ass Todd, after loudly saying she doesn't want PG to get any stronger. PG is totally pissed (and I don't blame her). She and Amanda are left to bond at camp, picking bugs out of each other's hair and other girly stuff. Oh, and they eat a fabulous meal of fish, rice, and sake. More about that later.
Todd, Court and Denise take Survivor Airlines, which apparently has no problem with serving peanuts on board, damn it, to the great wall. Once there, they get to look at the great wall and say dumb shit like, "wow, what a great example of Chinese mastery of architecture". You could almost see the government official holding the cue cards.
Blatantly ignoring the "No Food on the Wall" sign, they sit down to eat. And, of course, they are such a bunch of losers they can't figure out how to cook and eat the food in the hot liquid. Todd call it Chinese Fondue, further insinuating he's gay. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. So, they eat, and return to camp and basically bitch about the food, much to PG and Amanda's disgust. Oh, and Denise mentions that they brought back food for them but Todd ate it on the plane. To make matters worse, at one point Todd complains that PG and Amanda must have ate a lot of "their" food while they were away. Does he not know this game ends with a jury picking the winner??
Immunity Challenge: This is the lame one where they have to revisit past challenges. First is the star throwing one, next they have to eat the chicken embryo, third is the hackey sack on a drum challenge and finally, the cut the disks free and solve the puzzle challenge. First challenge, Todd loses and is out of the running. Second, Denise again can't swallow the chick embryo (probably reminds her too much of what they serve on Wednesdays back at school) and she's out. Courtney is out on the drum beating. It comes down to Amanda and PG in the finals, and it is really close but Amanda wins immunity!!
Back at camp they spend some time teasing me that Todd will be voted off, but in utter predictability PG is the 12th survivor kicked off.
This week, not a lot of tribe footage. I think the cameramen are tired of fuzzying out whatever it is that hangs down from Amanda's butt cheeks. Personally, I think it's Todd's balls that she found just laying around and pinned on.
Day 33, reward challenge. The Great Wall of China challenge, brought to you by Remington, makers of the 4th Century Repeating Crossbow (we can check "greatest Chinese weaponry" off the government required cultural highlights). So, they did that "who's your favorite" thing of having people put their arrows into other people's buckets. PG gets one, Denise gets a couple, Todd about 3 and Courtney gets 12. Not sure what this means, but they then get to shoot a big board with names on it and that determines who wins. Todd, the big athlete he is, thinks he's the king of the repeater since he gets 2 hits on his name. His 3rd wilts and falls short. Courtney gets up and acts all stupid and basically shoots at Denise and Todd's names. Denise wins reward. Wanna know what you're playing for? A trip to the great wall of china, complete with dinner. Yawn. Funny thing is, I just watched the end of America's Top Model the day before, at the great wall, and my husband was all, didn't they do this last night? haha. Skinny models and 33 day stinky survivors in ripped clothes apparently look a lot a like to him.
I'm wondering if they are gonna skip the "who wins a car" reward challenge since China isn't known for making cars. Maybe "wanna know what you're playing for" will be a rickshaw.
So, Denise gets to pick 2 people to accompany her. She picks Courtney and dumb-ass Todd, after loudly saying she doesn't want PG to get any stronger. PG is totally pissed (and I don't blame her). She and Amanda are left to bond at camp, picking bugs out of each other's hair and other girly stuff. Oh, and they eat a fabulous meal of fish, rice, and sake. More about that later.
Todd, Court and Denise take Survivor Airlines, which apparently has no problem with serving peanuts on board, damn it, to the great wall. Once there, they get to look at the great wall and say dumb shit like, "wow, what a great example of Chinese mastery of architecture". You could almost see the government official holding the cue cards.
Blatantly ignoring the "No Food on the Wall" sign, they sit down to eat. And, of course, they are such a bunch of losers they can't figure out how to cook and eat the food in the hot liquid. Todd call it Chinese Fondue, further insinuating he's gay. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. So, they eat, and return to camp and basically bitch about the food, much to PG and Amanda's disgust. Oh, and Denise mentions that they brought back food for them but Todd ate it on the plane. To make matters worse, at one point Todd complains that PG and Amanda must have ate a lot of "their" food while they were away. Does he not know this game ends with a jury picking the winner??
Immunity Challenge: This is the lame one where they have to revisit past challenges. First is the star throwing one, next they have to eat the chicken embryo, third is the hackey sack on a drum challenge and finally, the cut the disks free and solve the puzzle challenge. First challenge, Todd loses and is out of the running. Second, Denise again can't swallow the chick embryo (probably reminds her too much of what they serve on Wednesdays back at school) and she's out. Courtney is out on the drum beating. It comes down to Amanda and PG in the finals, and it is really close but Amanda wins immunity!!
Back at camp they spend some time teasing me that Todd will be voted off, but in utter predictability PG is the 12th survivor kicked off.
Survivor Update 11
Wow, looks like it's going to be an all girl final (and that includes Todd). This week Survivor continued with it's absolute predictability by bringing in the family members for the traditional "wow, how did she/he get such a spouse" event. This week's surprise was that Denise is actually married to a man!
The family members were brought forth. Todd and his sister perform the Johnny Fairplay, "gramma is dead??" move with Todd asking how his teenage pregnant sister is and she miscarried the baby at um, one or two months. Now, in my family that would be cause for celebration.
Who guessed Courtney would have an English father with a stick up his ass?
Reward challenge: survivors and guests have to navigate their way inside a maze blindfolded. Wanna know what lame ass prize you're playing for? A SPRINT phone call from home, a boat trip out on the lake and a huge meal. No shower or bath, unfortunately.
Even with Amanda and her sister speaking to each other in weird bird noises, Denise and her chunky husband win reward. They get to bring 2 couples with them, and Denise chooses Todd and Amanda, leaving a pissed off PG back at the ranch. I really don't get why Denise keeps her alliance to the cool clique.
This is a real reward, with pizza, chicken and other American foods, none of that stir fried duck feet shit they've been winning lately. Guess Survivor has fulfilled it's Chinese Culinary Culture requirement. Denise gets a call from her daughter on the SPRINT phone.
Back at camp PG fumes at missing the reward, and she and Erik attempt to lore Courtney into an alliance. They also discuss the aptly timed miscarriage news.
Winners return to camp, carrying some melted chocolate. Erik gets into licking the chocolate off Amanda's fingers. I think he's seen more action on Survivor that in the past 16 years of his virginal life.
Denise goes off with her husband into the woods and discusses why she is sticking with Todd and Amanda. At basically the same moment, Todd and Amanda are scheming to get rid of her. Oh, that happened after Todd went on and on assuring Amanda that his little sister really was pregnant in an uncomfortable moment when he and his sister try to get their "how pregnant was she" story straight.
After the loved ones leave, Denise stops by PG and tries to make amends.
Immunity challenge: some kind of mud pit and the required Chinese History quiz. Survivors are tied to a rope and have to navigate over and under poles to get to the quizzes, and then return with keys. Basically a lot of wet muddy survivor shots, some really lame questions, and Todd and PG are neck and neck. Todd gets the "The Chinese invented gunpowder" question wrong (he thought it was the American Indians), and PG wins immunity.
Amanda and Erik go out in the boat for a little more finger licking, and Todd rants and paces. He tells Denise and Courtney that Erik has to go. Erik and PG chose to get rid of Todd, and they try to work on Denise. At the tribal council, Denise makes what I think is a fatal decision and votes off Erik, leaving absolutely NO MEN left in the finale.
The family members were brought forth. Todd and his sister perform the Johnny Fairplay, "gramma is dead??" move with Todd asking how his teenage pregnant sister is and
Who guessed Courtney would have an English father with a stick up his ass?
Reward challenge: survivors and guests have to navigate their way inside a maze blindfolded. Wanna know what lame ass prize you're playing for? A SPRINT phone call from home, a boat trip out on the lake and a huge meal. No shower or bath, unfortunately.
Even with Amanda and her sister speaking to each other in weird bird noises, Denise and her chunky husband win reward. They get to bring 2 couples with them, and Denise chooses Todd and Amanda, leaving a pissed off PG back at the ranch. I really don't get why Denise keeps her alliance to the cool clique.
This is a real reward, with pizza, chicken and other American foods, none of that stir fried duck feet shit they've been winning lately. Guess Survivor has fulfilled it's Chinese Culinary Culture requirement. Denise gets a call from her daughter on the SPRINT phone.
Back at camp PG fumes at missing the reward, and she and Erik attempt to lore Courtney into an alliance. They also discuss the aptly timed miscarriage news.
Winners return to camp, carrying some melted chocolate. Erik gets into licking the chocolate off Amanda's fingers. I think he's seen more action on Survivor that in the past 16 years of his virginal life.
Denise goes off with her husband into the woods and discusses why she is sticking with Todd and Amanda. At basically the same moment, Todd and Amanda are scheming to get rid of her. Oh, that happened after Todd went on and on assuring Amanda that his little sister really was pregnant in an uncomfortable moment when he and his sister try to get their "how pregnant was she" story straight.
After the loved ones leave, Denise stops by PG and tries to make amends.
Immunity challenge: some kind of mud pit and the required Chinese History quiz. Survivors are tied to a rope and have to navigate over and under poles to get to the quizzes, and then return with keys. Basically a lot of wet muddy survivor shots, some really lame questions, and Todd and PG are neck and neck. Todd gets the "The Chinese invented gunpowder" question wrong (he thought it was the American Indians), and PG wins immunity.
Amanda and Erik go out in the boat for a little more finger licking, and Todd rants and paces. He tells Denise and Courtney that Erik has to go. Erik and PG chose to get rid of Todd, and they try to work on Denise. At the tribal council, Denise makes what I think is a fatal decision and votes off Erik, leaving absolutely NO MEN left in the finale.
Amazing Race: The Lost Updates
Ok, I really don't even have an excuse other than complete laziness for missing 2 weeks of updates. The first week, my team bit the dust and I only watched the last 10 minutes. Needless to say, I couldn't stand to go back and watch how it unfolded.
In episode 7, teams traveled from Croatia to Italy. Lots of bus drama, all end up on the same ferry boat. Once in Italy, they have to drive some where in italy (can't read my drunken writing), and are given a blackberry which will ring at some point in the drive with a message from home. DIRE WARNING: don't try to use the bberry for any other reason. Nobody does.
At some point in the drive, Rachel realizes she forgot the clue at a coffee shop. They rip the car apart and no clue, so they have to drive back to the shop and the customers have their clue.
On the drive, which the 5 teams chose to take different directions, one of the main routes is closed due to an accident I think. Nick and Donald chose to wait it out, while the others go a different route. Those that go through Rome get to their destination first.
Teams are confronted with a Roadblock and a Fast Forward. In the roadblock, one person goes up in a glider and finds the next destination, Vinci. Nate and TK go up first. Nate finds the clue, TK doesn't and has to come back and start over. Christina shows up and she and TK go up again. Christina gets it, TK doesn't.
Nick and Donald chose the fast forward, and go to Fabio Studio. Now, I don't think this is the real Fabio from the cover of trashy novels, since I don't think he's ever gotten out on New Jersey. Anywhoo, it get the fast forward, both Nick and Donald have to get Ff tattoos. Man, I would have SOOOO gotten that tattoo, and I may still go get one. How friggin cool. Plus, what are the odds you would be on the race, and have to get a tattoo in a place OTHER than India, germ and parasite capital of the world. Donald, of all people, hems and haws but gives in and gets the tat. They are given the fast forward and go to the next pitt stop in Florence, where in addition to first place they win a 5 night trip to Cancun. Dude, with those tats, they should go during Spring Break and hook up.
Kynt and Vyxin, who got all lost looking for a Sephora, finally show up and Vyxin and TK go up. Vyxin gets the clue, TK finally gets it last.
Once in Vinci, the teams chose to test their skills as geeky band color guards (no offense John) or inventors. Everyone who does the gay flags gets it. Vyxin and Kynt chose invention and it doesn't work out for them. They are last to arrive at the pitt stop, and I am FRIGGIN PISSED to announce that rather than MY team, these two freaks get the only non-elimination leg of the race. They get to keep their clothes (shades of the mom in her big underwear still haunt me) but are warned of a "speed bump" in the next round.
Stay tuned!
In episode 7, teams traveled from Croatia to Italy. Lots of bus drama, all end up on the same ferry boat. Once in Italy, they have to drive some where in italy (can't read my drunken writing), and are given a blackberry which will ring at some point in the drive with a message from home. DIRE WARNING: don't try to use the bberry for any other reason. Nobody does.
At some point in the drive, Rachel realizes she forgot the clue at a coffee shop. They rip the car apart and no clue, so they have to drive back to the shop and the customers have their clue.
On the drive, which the 5 teams chose to take different directions, one of the main routes is closed due to an accident I think. Nick and Donald chose to wait it out, while the others go a different route. Those that go through Rome get to their destination first.
Teams are confronted with a Roadblock and a Fast Forward. In the roadblock, one person goes up in a glider and finds the next destination, Vinci. Nate and TK go up first. Nate finds the clue, TK doesn't and has to come back and start over. Christina shows up and she and TK go up again. Christina gets it, TK doesn't.
Nick and Donald chose the fast forward, and go to Fabio Studio. Now, I don't think this is the real Fabio from the cover of trashy novels, since I don't think he's ever gotten out on New Jersey. Anywhoo, it get the fast forward, both Nick and Donald have to get Ff tattoos. Man, I would have SOOOO gotten that tattoo, and I may still go get one. How friggin cool. Plus, what are the odds you would be on the race, and have to get a tattoo in a place OTHER than India, germ and parasite capital of the world. Donald, of all people, hems and haws but gives in and gets the tat. They are given the fast forward and go to the next pitt stop in Florence, where in addition to first place they win a 5 night trip to Cancun. Dude, with those tats, they should go during Spring Break and hook up.
Kynt and Vyxin, who got all lost looking for a Sephora, finally show up and Vyxin and TK go up. Vyxin gets the clue, TK finally gets it last.
Once in Vinci, the teams chose to test their skills as geeky band color guards (no offense John) or inventors. Everyone who does the gay flags gets it. Vyxin and Kynt chose invention and it doesn't work out for them. They are last to arrive at the pitt stop, and I am FRIGGIN PISSED to announce that rather than MY team, these two freaks get the only non-elimination leg of the race. They get to keep their clothes (shades of the mom in her big underwear still haunt me) but are warned of a "speed bump" in the next round.
Stay tuned!
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