Man, this is definitely the season of mean-ass, back stabbing, manipulative women! But, enough about the Pennsylvania primary.
After last week's most shocking rose ceremony ever, James is left holding the FAV male bag, as it were. We also find out in minute 1 that he has a cut, and it isn't healing. Um, how did Micronesians live this long in this bacterial wasteland??
James confronts Parv in what is an amusing episode of The Playyyaaaaa gets Playyyed. I'm guessing Parv's fantasies of being Mrs. Gravedigger aren't gonna come true. Amanda does the big eyed, I'm so upset James thing.
Up next, the always interesting Survivor Auction. This time up, no sharing of money and no sharing of food.
Cirie wins first and buys a hot dog and fried for $120 (and, the Lincoln Field management takes note)
Eric spends $80 on Octopus which he fortunately traded out for Nachos.
Natalie spends $240 on Fruit bat soup, which James takes off her hands and eats.
Amanda springs for a PB&J at $280.
Natalie spends $240 for a bottle with a note, that says she has to send someone immediately to Exile Island. Being the quick little bunny that she is, she ask Jeff if the immunity idol has been replaced. Jeff, who probably was supposed to read that cue card, promptly explains that since Oz never played it a new one has been hidden. She thinks, hmmmmm, but then sends Jason to Exile anyway, probably knowing none of her women buddies are smart enough to find it.
The auction comes to a close with Natalie (who also got Jason's coin) spending $380 for a chocolate cake which she got 60 seconds to eat with 3 friends. In the MOST disgusting moments of Survivor history, Cirie (THE NURSE) sells her fingers to lick to Eric for $40. Ok, here's what creeps me out. They don't have toilet paper, they don't have soap and water, and they don't have Purel dispensers on every tree. Have they never heard of e coli??
On the walk back to the camp, the girls all bitch about Natalie sending Jason to Exile and giving him a chance to find the idol.
In about 5 minutes on the island, Jason in fact finds the idol. He waxes poetic about Natalie and his alliance. Yea. Natalie, the motivational speaker, would eat her own young if it would get her somewhere.
The ladies hatch a plan that Natalie will trick Jason into throwing the immunity challenge. And, can I just say, OK OK, I GET THE SPINNING A WEB THEME. Christ, it was almost like a National Geographic special on the black widow spider with all the SUBTLE shots of AUTHENTIC MICRONESIAN SPIDERS.
Immunity Challenge: Deja Vu. Which is kind of ironic since their have actually been no original challenges this season anyway. So, it's a series of tile breaking, puzzle sorting, key digging, plank walking and rope bridges. Yea, I think that was it.
Jason returns to the tribe and Natalie whispers that she has a plan for them. I think that's what she whispers. Either that or "you are so hot I want you now". Either way, Jason hears the latter.
OK, I could go on and on about the challenge, but basically Erik wins. Everyone is all happy because, let's face it, he is one of the girls. Erik points out repeatedly that it's his 22nd birthday, so it is a good thing he saved his auction money to get himself AN AUTHENTIC MICRONESIAN HO and some betel nut.
Back at camp, the ladies go through Jason's stuff right in front of James and find the idol. I guess it is hard to see a BIG BLACK MAN sitting in the middle of a bunch of women.
Natalie works on Jason, telling him the plan is to vote out James, and getting him to not use the idol, thereby confirming THE CURSE OF THE IMMUNITY IDOL. Will this damn thing ever be used for it's original purpose??
OK, before I give away the BIG SURPRISE ENDING, did anyone catch what Ozzy was wearing when they showed the jury? It was like, a 1890's bathing suit. Very weird. Ok. The ladies split their votes between James and Jason, in case Jason does play the idol, he doesn't and is the next member of the jury.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Survivor Update Weeks 9 and 10
Yo! Before y'all mutiny, let me get my update out and PROMISE the next one will come sooner. I actually re watched last week (on Comcast On-Demand, in case you ever miss one) since I couldn't find my notes.
So, I missed a week. Here's what happened: teams merged, Ice-cream boy convinced the team that DABU was Micronesian for...something, Ozzy won immunity, Jason "loaned" the fake idol to America's sweat heart Eliza (aka my DAMN pick) who played it. When Jeff told her "no, that's a fake idol", she yelled out "then Ozzy has it", and quickly melted into a pool of hatred.
Yea, I think that's how it went.
So, back on DABU, day 25. Anyone else notice that these people have more clothes than usual? My husband is convinced Amanda has a new bathing suit. Hmmmm. This is a man who doesn't notice his 6 pairs of shoes lying on the bedroom floor at any given time, so there must be something to that.
Right off, we're at reward challenge. Survivors are split into teams with the dreaded "schoolyard pick". Cirie is not chosen to play the reindeer games and is sent to Exile Island. Here's the challenge: climb over a jungle jim in the water, swim out to a platform, check out the AUTHENTIC MICRONESIAN SYMBOLS OF CULTURE (ding), which frankly look like cartoon characters of fish, remember what order they go in and swim back and solve the puzzle. Wanna know what you're playing for? A trip to YAP. Holy crap, they win a trip to YAP. WOW. Man, was I disappointed to find out that Yap is a Micronesian cultural mecca (ding ding) and not the island where Horton hears a who.
Long story short, Jason, Ozzy, Amanda and Erik win reward. Ok, this reward involves a sleep over. How the heck is Ozzy going to juggle his romances with Amanda and Erik?? They fly to YAP and get to meet authentic Micronesians (ding ding ding), who unfortunately are not, like, 3 inches tall but life sized people hired to be authentic. The woman are all topless, so there's more pixelation than last season's entire show. I believe the luau decor was provided by the new sponsor, party land. I would suggest we all meet up and have an authentic Micronesian luau but, I'm not doing the topless part. LOVED Erik's comment about how the lunch lady doesn't usually have her shirt off. Huh. Guess they don't have a Hooters wherever he scoops. Erik provides hours of fun as, first Ozzy waxes poetic about Erik's innocence (no hidden homosexual meaning there, I'm sure), and then we get to see Erik get drunk on Micronesian (not to be confused with micro brewery) beer and betil nut. Of all the people who have been filmed puking on this show, a special award should go to Erik for making it look like so much fun.
Back at the ranch, James starts making a racket while everyone tries to sleep, and his Honey Parv bitches him out about it. James then stalks through the jungle with a machete bitching about Parv. Just when you think it is finally gonna get good, cause you know he can dig her a grave after he kills her, Ozzy and the rest of the winners return. Ozzy, who apparently has never watched Survivor proceeds to tell the others how much damn food they all ate. And, you all know, this is like going into a Weight Watchers meeting and admitting what you REALLY ate all week and still lost 2 pounds. The tide begins to turn against Ozzy especially with what James calls Parv and her "girl power".
Immunity Challenge. This is the required stand still for X hours, this time with one hand tied over your head attached to a large bucket of water. Further proof that the Bush administration does design some of these challenges, but I digress.
Erik and a starving Cirie last 20 minutes when Jeff brings out a bowl of really bad candy, mostly gummy worms. Yea, that candy high will last about 4 minutes. Next, Jeff comes out with a plate behind his back and Alexis freaks out at the thought of food and pulls her bucket down. Jeff refuses to give her the plate of cookies and milk (so you know he's not sleeping with her). James laughs at her and pulls his bucket down. On a separate note, the water in the bucket appears to be color coded, but I have no idea why. Ozzy bags out at 3 hours for 3 chocolate donuts. At hour 5, Amanda leaves to pee. For immunity, I'd have peed right there but I guess that's not allowed. 6.5 hours into it Jeff comes out with all of the same food, plus a pizza that whoever takes can share with the group. Everyone convinces Jason that if he takes it and shares they won't vote him out (most of them with fingers crossed) and he takes the bet. Parv wins immunity.
Back at camp, Ozzy and James yuk it up at what a total fool Jason was to take the offer, and how that was one of the dumbest moments in Survivor history (at least since James didn't use his immunity). Cirie moves in for the kill and orchestrates a GREAT end run around Ozzy. At tribal council, James makes his most famous statement yet: "summtimes a man just wants da donut". Words to live by. Ozzy fails to use the idol and is BLOWN AWAY to be voted off.
So, I missed a week. Here's what happened: teams merged, Ice-cream boy convinced the team that DABU was Micronesian for...something, Ozzy won immunity, Jason "loaned" the fake idol to America's sweat heart Eliza (aka my DAMN pick) who played it. When Jeff told her "no, that's a fake idol", she yelled out "then Ozzy has it", and quickly melted into a pool of hatred.
Yea, I think that's how it went.
So, back on DABU, day 25. Anyone else notice that these people have more clothes than usual? My husband is convinced Amanda has a new bathing suit. Hmmmm. This is a man who doesn't notice his 6 pairs of shoes lying on the bedroom floor at any given time, so there must be something to that.
Right off, we're at reward challenge. Survivors are split into teams with the dreaded "schoolyard pick". Cirie is not chosen to play the reindeer games and is sent to Exile Island. Here's the challenge: climb over a jungle jim in the water, swim out to a platform, check out the AUTHENTIC MICRONESIAN SYMBOLS OF CULTURE (ding), which frankly look like cartoon characters of fish, remember what order they go in and swim back and solve the puzzle. Wanna know what you're playing for? A trip to YAP. Holy crap, they win a trip to YAP. WOW. Man, was I disappointed to find out that Yap is a Micronesian cultural mecca (ding ding) and not the island where Horton hears a who.
Long story short, Jason, Ozzy, Amanda and Erik win reward. Ok, this reward involves a sleep over. How the heck is Ozzy going to juggle his romances with Amanda and Erik?? They fly to YAP and get to meet authentic Micronesians (ding ding ding), who unfortunately are not, like, 3 inches tall but life sized people hired to be authentic. The woman are all topless, so there's more pixelation than last season's entire show. I believe the luau decor was provided by the new sponsor, party land. I would suggest we all meet up and have an authentic Micronesian luau but, I'm not doing the topless part. LOVED Erik's comment about how the lunch lady doesn't usually have her shirt off. Huh. Guess they don't have a Hooters wherever he scoops. Erik provides hours of fun as, first Ozzy waxes poetic about Erik's innocence (no hidden homosexual meaning there, I'm sure), and then we get to see Erik get drunk on Micronesian (not to be confused with micro brewery) beer and betil nut. Of all the people who have been filmed puking on this show, a special award should go to Erik for making it look like so much fun.
Back at the ranch, James starts making a racket while everyone tries to sleep, and his Honey Parv bitches him out about it. James then stalks through the jungle with a machete bitching about Parv. Just when you think it is finally gonna get good, cause you know he can dig her a grave after he kills her, Ozzy and the rest of the winners return. Ozzy, who apparently has never watched Survivor proceeds to tell the others how much damn food they all ate. And, you all know, this is like going into a Weight Watchers meeting and admitting what you REALLY ate all week and still lost 2 pounds. The tide begins to turn against Ozzy especially with what James calls Parv and her "girl power".
Immunity Challenge. This is the required stand still for X hours, this time with one hand tied over your head attached to a large bucket of water. Further proof that the Bush administration does design some of these challenges, but I digress.
Erik and a starving Cirie last 20 minutes when Jeff brings out a bowl of really bad candy, mostly gummy worms. Yea, that candy high will last about 4 minutes. Next, Jeff comes out with a plate behind his back and Alexis freaks out at the thought of food and pulls her bucket down. Jeff refuses to give her the plate of cookies and milk (so you know he's not sleeping with her). James laughs at her and pulls his bucket down. On a separate note, the water in the bucket appears to be color coded, but I have no idea why. Ozzy bags out at 3 hours for 3 chocolate donuts. At hour 5, Amanda leaves to pee. For immunity, I'd have peed right there but I guess that's not allowed. 6.5 hours into it Jeff comes out with all of the same food, plus a pizza that whoever takes can share with the group. Everyone convinces Jason that if he takes it and shares they won't vote him out (most of them with fingers crossed) and he takes the bet. Parv wins immunity.
Back at camp, Ozzy and James yuk it up at what a total fool Jason was to take the offer, and how that was one of the dumbest moments in Survivor history (at least since James didn't use his immunity). Cirie moves in for the kill and orchestrates a GREAT end run around Ozzy. At tribal council, James makes his most famous statement yet: "summtimes a man just wants da donut". Words to live by. Ozzy fails to use the idol and is BLOWN AWAY to be voted off.
Survivor Update Week 8
I gotta say that was one boring episode. Even my husband, who was in the kitchen and could hear it looked up and said, "god, immunity challenge already? It's only 8:30".
Episode started out good with Ami and Cirie out hunting crabs, and I thought to myself my how our little Cirie has grown into a real camper.
That was the highlight of the show right there. Other happenings? Ozzy gets all paranoid about people talking smack around camp. His boy-toy Erik feeds into it by running around telling him how Ami was trying to get people to vote him off. GASP. Ami gets all emotional and says, "but I thought you all didn't really REALLY like me and sniff sniff you never to told me so to my face". Lots of PMS going on over Malakal.
On Airai, James and Parvati share some private time on the beach bitching about how bad the conditions are on this beach. To prove that point, we get to see Jason catch a friggin rat, which the all partake of. Last time they did this, I think PETA protested but with it being an election year, I guess there are other rats to keep an eye on.
We jump right to an Immunity challenge. Teams enter in Jeff tells them immunity's up for grabs. One wise-ass pipes up with "wanna know what you're playing for?" and Jeff has a hissy fit, stops taping and demands all the Survivors re-read their contracts where it says plain as friggin day that ONLY Jeff is allowed to say that. So, they turn the cameras back on, having gotten Jeff a Pina Colada with a PINK umbrella, and he tells the tribes they get to banish one player from each team to Lame-Ass Island, but the banished members get immunity. Ozzy and Alexis are sent packing. Ozzy uses the time to check that his fake idol has been taken.
Here's the challenge-and I'm just plagiarizing this from the cbs site since I really don't feel like explaining it One tribe member at a time will attempt to navigate a balance-intensive obstacle course over a pit of water, while members from the opposing tribe try to knock them off by swinging heavy canvas bags at them (this ends up to be the lamest friggin thing ever attempted on Survivor) . Once across, they’ll grab a flag and race back across the same course. If they fall off at any time, they will have to go back to the start and the next person goes. The first tribe to collect all five of their flags wins Immunity and a pizza party back at their camp. Wow, a pizza party. Maybe they'll get to play the latest Menudo album and play spin the bottle. How very traditionally micronesian. I guess the Micronesia government hasn't learned the China force the culture down their damn throats tactics yet. What do you suppose is on a micronesian pizza?
So, blah blah blah, the only interesting thing that happens is Erik takes a nasty fall into the platform, and he looks like he might have crushed at least a spleen, but no such drama. This kinda pisses me off since it was highly advertised and even TV Guide has a picture of him hitting with the ridiculous tag line "most dangerous survivor EVER". I guess internal injuries do take a matter of time to show up so there is still hope for tonight.
Anyway, Airai wins immunity again. Malakal gets all emotional as Ozzy looks for any reason to keep Erik around, hits upon Ami as a target and we get another tear feast at tribal council. End of the day, Ami THE NANNY is voted off.
Episode started out good with Ami and Cirie out hunting crabs, and I thought to myself my how our little Cirie has grown into a real camper.
That was the highlight of the show right there. Other happenings? Ozzy gets all paranoid about people talking smack around camp. His boy-toy Erik feeds into it by running around telling him how Ami was trying to get people to vote him off. GASP. Ami gets all emotional and says, "but I thought you all didn't really REALLY like me and sniff sniff you never to told me so to my face". Lots of PMS going on over Malakal.
On Airai, James and Parvati share some private time on the beach bitching about how bad the conditions are on this beach. To prove that point, we get to see Jason catch a friggin rat, which the all partake of. Last time they did this, I think PETA protested but with it being an election year, I guess there are other rats to keep an eye on.
We jump right to an Immunity challenge. Teams enter in Jeff tells them immunity's up for grabs. One wise-ass pipes up with "wanna know what you're playing for?" and Jeff has a hissy fit, stops taping and demands all the Survivors re-read their contracts where it says plain as friggin day that ONLY Jeff is allowed to say that. So, they turn the cameras back on, having gotten Jeff a Pina Colada with a PINK umbrella, and he tells the tribes they get to banish one player from each team to Lame-Ass Island, but the banished members get immunity. Ozzy and Alexis are sent packing. Ozzy uses the time to check that his fake idol has been taken.
Here's the challenge-and I'm just plagiarizing this from the cbs site since I really don't feel like explaining it One tribe member at a time will attempt to navigate a balance-intensive obstacle course over a pit of water, while members from the opposing tribe try to knock them off by swinging heavy canvas bags at them (this ends up to be the lamest friggin thing ever attempted on Survivor) . Once across, they’ll grab a flag and race back across the same course. If they fall off at any time, they will have to go back to the start and the next person goes. The first tribe to collect all five of their flags wins Immunity and a pizza party back at their camp. Wow, a pizza party. Maybe they'll get to play the latest Menudo album and play spin the bottle. How very traditionally micronesian. I guess the Micronesia government hasn't learned the China force the culture down their damn throats tactics yet. What do you suppose is on a micronesian pizza?
So, blah blah blah, the only interesting thing that happens is Erik takes a nasty fall into the platform, and he looks like he might have crushed at least a spleen, but no such drama. This kinda pisses me off since it was highly advertised and even TV Guide has a picture of him hitting with the ridiculous tag line "most dangerous survivor EVER". I guess internal injuries do take a matter of time to show up so there is still hope for tonight.
Anyway, Airai wins immunity again. Malakal gets all emotional as Ozzy looks for any reason to keep Erik around, hits upon Ami as a target and we get another tear feast at tribal council. End of the day, Ami THE NANNY is voted off.
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