Survivor Update Weeks 9 and 10

Yo! Before y'all mutiny, let me get my update out and PROMISE the next one will come sooner. I actually re watched last week (on Comcast On-Demand, in case you ever miss one) since I couldn't find my notes.

So, I missed a week. Here's what happened: teams merged, Ice-cream boy convinced the team that DABU was Micronesian for...something, Ozzy won immunity, Jason "loaned" the fake idol to America's sweat heart Eliza (aka my DAMN pick) who played it. When Jeff told her "no, that's a fake idol", she yelled out "then Ozzy has it", and quickly melted into a pool of hatred.

Yea, I think that's how it went.

So, back on DABU, day 25. Anyone else notice that these people have more clothes than usual? My husband is convinced Amanda has a new bathing suit. Hmmmm. This is a man who doesn't notice his 6 pairs of shoes lying on the bedroom floor at any given time, so there must be something to that.

Right off, we're at reward challenge. Survivors are split into teams with the dreaded "schoolyard pick". Cirie is not chosen to play the reindeer games and is sent to Exile Island. Here's the challenge: climb over a jungle jim in the water, swim out to a platform, check out the AUTHENTIC MICRONESIAN SYMBOLS OF CULTURE (ding), which frankly look like cartoon characters of fish, remember what order they go in and swim back and solve the puzzle. Wanna know what you're playing for? A trip to YAP. Holy crap, they win a trip to YAP. WOW. Man, was I disappointed to find out that Yap is a Micronesian cultural mecca (ding ding) and not the island where Horton hears a who.

Long story short, Jason, Ozzy, Amanda and Erik win reward. Ok, this reward involves a sleep over. How the heck is Ozzy going to juggle his romances with Amanda and Erik?? They fly to YAP and get to meet authentic Micronesians (ding ding ding), who unfortunately are not, like, 3 inches tall but life sized people hired to be authentic. The woman are all topless, so there's more pixelation than last season's entire show. I believe the luau decor was provided by the new sponsor, party land. I would suggest we all meet up and have an authentic Micronesian luau but, I'm not doing the topless part. LOVED Erik's comment about how the lunch lady doesn't usually have her shirt off. Huh. Guess they don't have a Hooters wherever he scoops. Erik provides hours of fun as, first Ozzy waxes poetic about Erik's innocence (no hidden homosexual meaning there, I'm sure), and then we get to see Erik get drunk on Micronesian (not to be confused with micro brewery) beer and betil nut. Of all the people who have been filmed puking on this show, a special award should go to Erik for making it look like so much fun.

Back at the ranch, James starts making a racket while everyone tries to sleep, and his Honey Parv bitches him out about it. James then stalks through the jungle with a machete bitching about Parv. Just when you think it is finally gonna get good, cause you know he can dig her a grave after he kills her, Ozzy and the rest of the winners return. Ozzy, who apparently has never watched Survivor proceeds to tell the others how much damn food they all ate. And, you all know, this is like going into a Weight Watchers meeting and admitting what you REALLY ate all week and still lost 2 pounds. The tide begins to turn against Ozzy especially with what James calls Parv and her "girl power".

Immunity Challenge. This is the required stand still for X hours, this time with one hand tied over your head attached to a large bucket of water. Further proof that the Bush administration does design some of these challenges, but I digress.

Erik and a starving Cirie last 20 minutes when Jeff brings out a bowl of really bad candy, mostly gummy worms. Yea, that candy high will last about 4 minutes. Next, Jeff comes out with a plate behind his back and Alexis freaks out at the thought of food and pulls her bucket down. Jeff refuses to give her the plate of cookies and milk (so you know he's not sleeping with her). James laughs at her and pulls his bucket down. On a separate note, the water in the bucket appears to be color coded, but I have no idea why. Ozzy bags out at 3 hours for 3 chocolate donuts. At hour 5, Amanda leaves to pee. For immunity, I'd have peed right there but I guess that's not allowed. 6.5 hours into it Jeff comes out with all of the same food, plus a pizza that whoever takes can share with the group. Everyone convinces Jason that if he takes it and shares they won't vote him out (most of them with fingers crossed) and he takes the bet. Parv wins immunity.

Back at camp, Ozzy and James yuk it up at what a total fool Jason was to take the offer, and how that was one of the dumbest moments in Survivor history (at least since James didn't use his immunity). Cirie moves in for the kill and orchestrates a GREAT end run around Ozzy. At tribal council, James makes his most famous statement yet: "summtimes a man just wants da donut". Words to live by. Ozzy fails to use the idol and is BLOWN AWAY to be voted off.