Survivor Micronesia: The Finale

Wow, sorry it's taken me a week to write this. I was SO SHOCKED at Parvati winning that I jumped up, hit my head on the bookcase and have been laying unconscious since last Sunday. Good thing my husband ran out of clean underwear and came to find me or I'd still be there.

We start with a loooong recap, and reminisce about the all girl power/hormonal alliance. Lots of "let's stir the pot ladies" which is getting on my nerves and it's only 8:05. Ok, ok, you're witches. But we already knew that months ago.

Parvati and Natalie have a heart to heart, Cirie and Amanda spy on them from the beach. Cirie is getting a little paranoid. The four girls set off, ready to face each other in the challenge. Jeff is in shorts again. daaaammmmnnnnn.

Challenge: this is the perch on a log, raise a key, swim to shore, unlock a chest with ladder rungs that are some kind of puzzle pieces. Oh, wanna know what you're playing for? Personally I'm hoping it's a night of wild probsting, but alas Jeff is still sticking with that former Survivor tramp of his. Actually this is an immunity challenge. First one up on the platform WITH THEIR LADDER RUNGS INSERTED CORRECTLY wins. Natalie gets her key first, followed by Parvati. They rush off to the beach. Amanda gets her key, confirming once again to me that the presence of Cirie's breasts hinders her in challenges. Cirie gets her key.

Natalie gets an early lead with the ladder but Amanda wins the challenge and immunity. Back to camp and Natalie and Cirie both try to figure out where they fit into the final 3. Lots of scheming goes on. Most of it is boring. Hey, anyone else read in her biography that Natalie was once a missionary? Wonder if she saved or corrupted?

Tribal council, pretty standard "wow, I'm really worried these bitches will blindside me" talk. Cirie comments that it's scary wondering if it'll be a 3 person final or a 2 person final, and whether if it's 3 she'll be at the bottom of the totem pole. For some reason, Amanda gets her back all up on this and they have a little 'we've been spending waaaay too long together' spat. Natalie enjoys the show. In the end, though, the lone fan is voted off.

Back at camp, Amanda has a hissy fit, fights with Cirie (who is the bottom of the 3 person totem pole, frankly), cries about how she came right to Micronesia from China and hasn't had a decent American meal in way tooooo long (unless you count Ozzy...).

Next morning all is forgiven and they decide to let the chicken out. I forgot about the chicken. Clearly there is way too much food in Survivor these days. The chicken hangs around camp waiting for the next hormonal explosion. And, it comes pretty quick as they go to get what they think is their final meal, and instead find tree mail indicating they have to take that OH SO FRIGGIN BORING walk down memory lane and try to remember all the former Survivors whose ass they've kicked, and try to say something nice about them all. Me? I'd be like: Mikey B-loser, Chet-gay loser, Kathleen-crazy ass loser... Then they have to go to another immunity challenge. Amanda starts crying again.

Final Immunity Challenge: they have to balance a silver ball. Wow. I guess the balance a spoon on your nose challenge would have been too hard? Parv lasts about 2 minutes, mainly because SHE'S NOT THE BOTTOM OF THE TOTEM POLE (have you NOT been paying attention??). Cirie and Amanda take it to the end where Cirie loses concentration and Amanda wins immunity. Let's just skip to tribal council. Cirie is voted off.

The jury now gets to ask it's questions:

Eliza: Parv-are you a mean person? Um, nooooooo.
Jason: Amanda: were you in on Ozzy's vote off? Parv: do you have any redeeming qualities?
Alexis: P: what makes you a better role model for young girls (huh? shouldn't they be in bed by now?) A: what part of your game has been genuine?
Natalie: P: how does playing the flirt card translate into the bedroom (Eliza looks SHOCKED at this very weird question) and what are you doing later? A: was a glazed zombie pageant girl look your strategy? (no, actually that was Chet's strategy)
Eric: Rips A a new one, no question for Parv
James: A: you're da winner
Cirie: A: why that skank Parv?
Ozzy: Still truly hurt, bags on Parv. Still looooooovvvveeeesss Amanda, especially now that she's one step away from the million

Zoom. We're in LA for the reading of the votes. Jeff's hair looks like shit. Anyone else notice that? Pan over to Amanda. WHOA. She's been making up for missed meals. And, once again ladies, wearing fluorescent green DOES make you look larger than life. Final vote, by a 5 to 3 margin, Parvati wins immunity.

PS-is it me of did Johnny Fairplay's daughter look EXACTLY like a monkey?