Survivor Update Episode 12

Yo! Gotta get this in today before the next episode of Survivor: Microbiology airs. Man, what a total cesspool. So, we start with poor James getting medical treatment for his cut finger-and is that an iv in his arm?? Female doc yammering on about the threat of infection to his hand, and you know James works with his hands. Huh. I would have thought he used a shovel for diggin da graves.

James returns to camp and tells everyone he has to see how his hand does overnight. Break for a commercial from our sponsor Charmin. Ya mean these people are getting toilet paper this time around?? Anyone listen to the Charmin tagline-"fewer pieces left behind". Man, what genius thought that one up? I hesitate to think pieces of what we are talking about.

Ok, back at the island of doom, reward challenge: questions about your team-mates. This time, if you get one right you get to smash a really really cool puppet. I was expecting to hear they were made by authentic micronesian puppetmakers. Wonder where the Jeff puppet was. Oh, that's right, he's hosting Survivor.

Wanna know what you're playing for? Bring out the families and let's see whose granny has died recently. Oh, that's right, Johnny Fairplay is gone. I hear his g'friend had the baby and surprisingly it only had one head. So, winner gets to swim with their loved one at the FAMOUS (stingless) jellyfish lake. Um. Does it come with antibiotic scrub at the end?

Here's the summary:
Who does the most for the tribe-James
Who never shuts up-Parvati
Who mistakenly thinks they are in control of the game-Parvati
Who is the most honest-Alexis
Who is the least likely to be invited to a family dinner-James (now, I'm not saying it's racism but haven't these people ever seen "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner"??)

Alexis wins reward and gets to pick 2 other people to join her-she picks Cirie and Natalie and sends Amanda to Exile Island. After the challenge James's hand gets looked at and it appears he is in immediate danger of death, so he leaves the game. Hmmm. Is it me or is this female doctor taking a lot of the men out of the game? And, HELLO, Alexis is limping around with a tourniquet on her leg and no medic is called.

Off to Exile, Amanda finds all the clues because basically there's now a book in the little ocean hut that says, "here's the clues, dumbasses" on the cover. Drat. The idol is hidden back at camp.

So, we get to see the winners swim with a lot of jellyfish, which looks like snot and makes me a little nauseous.

Next morning Alexis tells Parv that her leg really hurts, and Parv jumps the hell right on that telling her, "Oh, we'll just vote you off and cut you out of the million bucks so you can get a little ace bandage on it". Alexis tries to backpedal. Lots of other girl on girl backstabbing is beginning. Lots of talk about what to do if Erik wins immunity. Lots of nutin.

Immunity Challenge. This one totally cracked me the hell up. Basically they seemed to have blown their budget on the puppets and dug up (probably literally) a bazillion year old "high powered" rifle that they take turns shooting at bottles of colored water. And, were they the same colors used in the colored water over their heads standing challenge?? We'll never know since I don't care enough to analyze it. Fortunately this is not a running challenge and Alexis has a shot. Unfortunately she is a lousy shot and hits nothing.

Natalie ("I'd floss with his jugular vein") is a crack shot and gets 2 hits but Erik wins immunity with 3. Everyone returns to camp (JEFF-WHAT ABOUT ALEXIS' KNEE?????).

Back at camp, everyone wants to know if Amanda found the idol, and she assures them she did not, even emptying out her bag. She does, however, tell Parv that the idol is hidden at camp. Natalie and Alexis have decided to target Amanda, and they convince Cirie and Erik to join them. While everyone sits down to dinner, Amanda takes a break to dig around camp a little. Hey, is it me or did Natalie steal a piece of the immunity idol for her neck? Check out her new necklace tonight.

Tribal Council. James enters the jury with a damn IV pole as his date. DAMN. Eliza has her constant surprised look.

Lots of yammering, Amanda pleading her case with Erik. Lemme go count (and organize for the most dramatic effect) the votes. Anyone with the hidden idol should play it now. Um, Jeff? I happen to have a little piece of authentic micronesian immunity idol that I found at camp. BAM. What a great moment in Survivor history!! Amanda saves herself and Alexis is the next person on the jury. She'll probably be brought in in traction next week.