Survivor Update Week 13

Oh My Gawd. Just watched it last night and am still laughing.

Note: Wil and I have set up a Save the Eriks foundation to support ice cream scoopers who have become too old or stupid to scoop. For the price of a few betel nuts a day, you too can support an Erik by purchasing an electronic fence collar which will allow your Erik to live out his years in my backyard, free from the manipulations of females. Join today!

Ok, on to the show. Starts out with Erik saying, "at this point in the game I don't trust anybody". Hmmmm. Anyone notice Erik's beard? Like, this is 35 days growth people. I pluck more facial hair than that on any given day. Sorry, too much info?

Amanda and Erik discuss reward (how they know you will be able to take someone, I don't know), and Amanda promises to take Erik if she wins. They also decide to send Parv to Exile because she's too stupid and lazy to look for the idol.

Reward Challenge: Survivor Jeapordy-questions on former Survivor seasons. I actually found this impossibly hard.

Q1: Which season had a castaway with a pet snake: Pearl Islands (Rupert)
Q2: Which season had a shark bite: Allstars (Richard). I didn't remember Richard biting a shark.
Q3: Which season had one survivor ask another to pee on them: This surprised me since I didn't realize there was a Survivor: R. Kelly but apparently the real answer was Marqueses, when John asked Kathy for the urine assist
Q4: Which season had a survivor evacuated by fire: Australia. Back when men were men and only real injuries got you off the island
Q5: Which season had 4 tribes: Exile. AKA Survivor: Race Card

Erik, who watches a lot of TV in his bedroom at his parent's house, wins reward and takes Amanda. Wanna know what you're playing for? A helicopter ride, massages and a foot treatment. Huh. Guess the authentic Micronesians were all at their day office jobs. Erik announces, "I've never been to a spa before". Which gets added to the list of nevers for him, including being intimate with a woman, eating betel nut, and eating in a restaurant that doesn't have a clown on the menu. "Maybe that's part of being a man. Being an Ice Cream Man instead of an Ice Cream Boy." Well said, Ice Cream Boy. Dream Big. Cause, there's nothing better to be than an aging weirdo Ice Cream Man leering at the little boys.

Parv gets sent to Exile. We see no footage of her on Exile since she probably slept with the camera crew. Hey, have I mentioned that Parv is a "charity organizer"? WTF?? What kind of charities would she organize-finding used Prada purses for those without?

Cirie and Nat go back to camp. Nat-the-jugular-flosser is fuming that Erik took Amanda and not her. It doesn't help that Cirie is flaming the fire and gettin' her going. I LOVE Cirie. I want to be her friend.

Erik and Amanda return to camp. Nat wants to bitch slap Erik. I want her too. Pulllleeeeaaaaaaz. DO IT.

All the women trade stories and find out that Erik has used a different story on each of them, WHICH IS TOTALLY SHOCKING ON SURVIVOR. Frankly, it used to be pretty normal male behavior at the bar at Casa Maria when I was in my 20's.

Immunity Challenge. WAIT-IS JEFF PROBST WEARING BERMUDA SHORTS ?? Holy CRAP. He is even HOTTER than I thought in the long safari pants. Man, I'd do him Micronesian style.

Okaaaay. The challenge is a dig a puzzle, do complex geometry with ropes, dig another puzzle, do complex geometry using avagadro's number, dig another puzzle. Yea, don't know what happened during this part because my eyes glazed over and I was still thinkin' about a little Probsting. Anyhoo, Erik wins immunity, cause his mathematical skills have been honed lining the scoop up with the cone all these many years.

The women go back to camp, put on their long black robes and stand around the black kettle plotting his death. They decide to trick Erik out of his necklace.

Tribal Council. Holy crap, what the heck is Ozzy wearing? Is it Cinco de Mayo out in Micronesia?? Or are all of the authentic made in Mexico serapes now made in Micronesia? Can't see if James is still on life support. la la la la, tribal council. Jeff: Erik, I'm assuming you are keeping the necklace since only a pussy would give it up at this point, hahahaha. Erik: Well, actually Jeff, I am a total pussy and am giving my necklace to Natalie as a sign of my utter pussiness.

Cut to the jury, where Eliza looks SHOCKED. And, everyone else is laughing their asses off. 16th person voted off is Erik. And as they say in the dog show world, may the best bitch win!