Amazing Race: Finale Tonight!

YO YO YO. Where are you planning to be when HISTORY IS QUITE POSSIBLY MADE? When young woman everywhere can breath easier when the glass ceiling of an ALL GIRL team winning Amazing Race is smashed?? (WTF-why do they call it an all girl team??) Forget the presidency, or a significant portion of fortune 500 company presidencies, WE GOT THE RACE!!! Woohooo. Ladies, let's all celebrate by burning our spandex bike shorts!!

Ok. I feel better now. This fake milestone in the history of woman is killing me. Yes, it would be interesting if an all WOMAN team won. But we're still gonna be in 2 wars on Monday morning, and women are still gonna be paid less.

Let me begin with a correction that I am SHOCKED, SHOCKED I TELL YOU, my eagle eyed readers missed. The tattoo team incurred a 6 hour penalty for not completing the boat task, not a 30 minute one as I said in my last email. I knew no one read it... So, they're screwed with a 6 hour penalty unless it's one of those, the plane leaves at midnight tonight thing. But, frankly, I think they were so late anyway it might not matter. Plus they have a bump or a hump or whatever that thingy you have to do if you are in a non-elim leg. Thank GOD they no longer have to put all their underpants on at once to step on the mat.

Hong Kong. The docs are the first to leave at 4:37 pm. Fly to Seoul, SOUTH KOREA and drive to a bridge close to the NORTH KOREA border. Ok, I gotta say it, the friggin contestants on the Amazing Race understand which Korea is our ally and none of them are considering a run for celebrity-in-chief. Heck of a job, Sarah. But I digress. Right about now y'all should have started playing the "DMZ" drinking game. Because the fact that they were going to the VERY RISKY, VERY BAAAAD border with NORTH Korea, which is baaaaad baaaaad baaaaaad, was gonna be shoved down your throat. And, this was taped before the shootin' began.

Home shopping leaves next in f'ed up matching outfits. Like hot pink shirts and matching gym socks from the 80's. Plus, they have sparkly, jazzy hair shit. They go to a hotel to make travel arrangements. Plane leaves at 12:25 am. They decide to have a cuppa coffee while waiting for the concierge to make their arrangements. I thought this might bite them in the azzz but nope.

At the airport, instead of enjoying $20 cups of coffee, the Docs con a nice gentleman into buying them a travel guide to Korea. He's very charming. I'd have slept with him for a travel guide. Just sayin'.

The Tatts finally get out of time out and arrive at the airport just as the 12:25 am flight leaves. YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOO SCREWED NOW. They have a 9:30 am departure. Buh bye.

More political situation chatter. In South Korea. The Docs get lost. But find the bridge. They have to do river rafting, then find a humvee to take them to a MILITARY BASE. On the SOUTH KOREA SIDE I hope. Because, you know, NORTH KOREA is not a US ally. All 3 viable teams are close.
At the base, it's a roadblock. Martial arts training. Teams need to match a headband with KOREAN writing on it to one worn by a soldier. When they get the right one, the soldier will perform a KICK ASS martial arts action to break a board and provide the next clue. Thomas goes first and gets it right. Brooke gets it wrong once.

After this, teams have to find the World Cup Stadium in Seoul. THEY HAVE TO TAKE THE SUBWAY. Thomas finishes and they are off, Brooke finishes, then Kat. Jill and Thomas are on the first train. And, can I point out how GREAT the public transportation is in all of these countries?? Infrastructure, baby, infrastructure. HSN and the Docs are on the second train.

At the stadium, it's a Detour: full throttle or full bottle. In full throttle, teams must suit up and "speed" skate 24 laps. In full bottle teams must go to some market, deliver 6 giant ginseng roots in bottles.

Claire can't skate but agrees, kinda passively-aggressively if you ask me, to do the speed skating. THEY TAKE A CAB TO THE RINK. Jebuz ladies, can you NEVER read the clues?? They beat Jill and Thomas to the rink, and JT spend the rest of the show trying to figure out how they got there first.

Right about now the Tatts arrive in Seoul. I'm not even gonna cover them anymore, Toast.

HSN does the skate thing, followed quickly by Jill and Thomas. Find your next clue at Han Riverside Park-some airplane sculpture. Jill starts to ask people where the park is while Thomas yells at her, "You can't ask old people". WOW. I hope they don't win. HSN get to the park first: make your way to the Pitt.

HSN are first to arrive BUT they have incurred a 30 minutes penalty for taking the cab. They have to sit on the curb and wait.

Jill/Thomas get a lame cab driver. They decide to bolt to another cab. "Oh good, a YOUNG driver".

Jill and Thomas are team #1 and win a trip to Argentina. HSN are team #2 and ARE IN THE RACE TO BE THE FIRST ALL GIRL TEAM. Docs are team #3 and ARE IN THE RACE TO BE THE FIRST ALL GIRL TEAM TO WIN THE AMAZING RACE. They would also be the first doctor team, but whatever.

Tatts are pushed across the DMZ (drink) into NORTH KOREA and are now cleaning Kim Jong Ill's jeeps. Or that's what it looked like to me anyway. They are eeeeeeeliminated, In his losing interview, Boy Tatt says he is "a changed man" because of the race. Uhuh, he'll be back verbally abusing Girl Tatt within 24 hours.

CONGRATS TO THE FINALISTS AND GOOD LUCK!!!!!