Ok, first of all, for the record, this summary is late due to NO FAULT OF MY OWN. First my brother called during the episode last week. I know, I know, WHY DID I ANSWER THE PHONE??? Next, I tried to watch it on demand, and my cable went out for an hour. So I just finally got through it and.....my Dad called during the tally'n of the votes! And if you've been following my Dad drama on FB, I had to take the call :)
Sooooooooo, at the last minute, here's the update!
As we all remember, Oz's squeeze Elyse was voted off to Redemption last week, in an amazing blindside. Oz is PISSED. Like, seriously throw in the towel and forget I'm playing Survivor PISSED. He rants to Woody how blindsides are telling.... yea, rant to Woody who you've tried to get rid of every week. He announces to all that "I'm now a free agent playing for myself". Whitney tries to tell him it wasn't personal and he's all yelling. Dawn says, "give me a break, you hide stuff from us all the time". Oz "oh yea??? How's this for hiding stuff, I HAVE THE IDOL". LOL, epic fail.
OMG, he's a baby. All righteously indignant. Every one's griping about him. Jim is loving the hissy fit. "He's just gonna take his ball and go home". Well, he's gonna take his ball and sit in full view of everyone and do yoga on a rock. Woody has the final comment on the night "he really is behaving like a stupid bitch".
On blue, Coach is all crazy happy about finding the idol. He told Sophie and Albert but isn't telling Brandon. Brandon wakes up all after the clue like a rabid dog, running around sniffing for the clue which he of course being a Hanz finds in the tree trunk. Because that's where Hanz's hide all their valuables and illegal weapons. He shows Coach the clue, because he has a perverse need for approval, then he goes all bloodhound on the beach looking for the idol. It's really extreme insanity. Nobody now wants to tell him Coach has the idol because he's OBSESSED. Funny though, you'd have thought GOD would have given him the 411. Coach is getting a little freaked, having a Russell flashback.
Duel. It's Elyse vs bedraggled Christine. Sophie and Rich, and Oz and Keith are watching. Jeff: "Christine, redemption has become your home". Yes, unfortunately. "It's really hard, boohooo". Shaddup.
Today's challenge is....shuffleboard. C'mon, stop letting grampa design these challenges for god sake. Rick calls to Christine, "Come on, you can do it" and she gives him the finger.
OK, so it's shuffleboard. 'Nuf said. Even trying to make it look interesting, it's not. Christine wins and has to shuffle off to redemption. Rick and Sophie discuss that if she comes back into the game, she's gonna kill them all. Which is probably true.
Blue tribe. Rick and Sophie tell the tribe what a hag Christine has become. Not too many shocked faces.
Edna is still cozying up to Coach, who gets tingles down one leg whenever she's around. He calls her "my little friend out here". Yea, kinda strange. She tells him "we'd be a good, unsuspected team". He tells her not to worry, she's safe and Mikayla is the next to go. He asks her if she's "ready to follow him into battle". There is just something creepy about the whole thing.
On Red, Oz realizes what a douchebag he was and tells Keith he's willing to look past it. He then apologizes to the whole tribe. Jim is loving it. He's got no where to go without us.
Challenge: Race to assemble an IKEA wheelbarrow, drive it through a half assed maze and load it up with coconuts. Then reassemble the wheelbarrow into a slingshot and fire the coconuts at targets.
Wanna know what you're playing for? A trip to sliding rocks water slide, and lunch.
Oz and Dawn are trying to move the wheelbarrow in one of the most unmatched pairs I've ever seen. Blue gets a big lead. But then when it comes to shooting coconuts, Mikayla sucks it big time, HEY USE BOTH HANDS!!! Coach suggests to her over and over again to sit down and let Albert and him shoot the nuts but she refuses. Red of course wins immunity and a visit to wallyworld.
It's a giant Red tribe bonding experience. Nice lunch and then some play time. Even Woody, who is terrified of nature in general goes down the slide.
Blue. Albert wants to keep Mikayla and ditch Edna. He tells her this and tells her he can work on Coach. He makes the case to the others for Edna going. She's too smart and too weak to keep. Everyone pretty much agrees.
Albert talks to Brandon. He now doesn't like Edna, doesn't like her face. Says she looks like she's trying to fool me. But he wants to be a radical for God (aka terrorist??) so he's gonna stick with Edna because they once had an alliance and get rid of Mikayla. Who apparently doesn't give him the hards anymore.
Albert talks to Coach. It's Edna. Coach says no, because it's his fault that they lost the challenge. Mikayla refused to listen to him and is therefore unloyal. Edna would have done what she was told.
Coach talks to Rick. There's railroading going on. Edna will do what she's told. It's basically all in Rick's hands.
Tribal.
It's BORING. All back and forth about strength and loyalty. Is it better to use strength to get to the merge with numbers, or be certain of loyalty when you get to the merge? HEY, IS IT BETTER TO GET TO THE MERGE WITH A RADICAL FOR GOD??? They never listen when I yell at the screen.
Brandon pipes up, "I don't get this. We already agreed that Edna is our 6th person. Vote me out today if we're not gonna stick with loyalty". DO IT DO IT DO IT!!!! "If it's not about loyalty, then you can just throw that million dollars in the fire". Which tells me Brandon is playing a much different, more psychologically insane game than Survivor.
Coach: you can be too honest in this game...
Brandon :You can't tell a half lie, you can's smoke half a cigarette (well, actually you can), you can't have a little lasciviousness. THE WORLD IS BLACK AND WHITE.
Time to vote!
Edna 3, Mikalya 5. Christine, some competition is coming your way!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Survivor Blindside!!
Word. I walked 60 miles in 3 days, but the hardest thing I have done in the past week was to RE WATCH that disgusting meat eating challenge so I could blog it for you guys.
Ok. So, Christine and Stacey meet up for a good old bitch session at Redemption Island. Coach is running things...."It ain't hunky dorey at camp". Stacey wants to take coach down.
Blue camp. Brandon is crying (literally) about Mikayla saying the most annoying thing about him is his uncle. She's "clearly prejudiced against Hanz's". Hmmm, maybe because your uncle truly is an evil person?? And, even you say sometimes you want to be different from him, and reclaim the family name but when someone else comments on what an ahole he is, you go all wussy and stand with him and defend him?? GOD I wish there was a whole other reality show where we could watch Russell watch his nephew on Survivor. Because I think Russell would think Brandon is a damn pussy.
Redemption duel. Mikayla and Albert attend, as do Dawn and I think Whitney? Some blonde chick. BANG, right outta the gate Stacey is spewing it. "those 2 are liars...it wasn't a team. Benjamin is making all the decisions" On and on. She refuses to call him Coach. The red team is just soaking it up.
Duel is to drop balls into chutes, pick them up when the come out the other end and repeat. Adding balls when told to. Stacey is just too consumed with meanness to pay attention to spacing the balls or basically anything else. Man, she must be one MEAN ASS mortician. And even though Christine bobbles the balls a couple of times, Stacey drops one and is out.
Back at camp, Albert tells Coach all that Stacey said. He apparently has an issue with being called Benjamin! Who knew!! He's pretty pissed that the other tribe was given all this info. "Can this day get any worse??"
On the red tribe, Oz and Elyse are basically dry humping each other, in the hammock and in the bed. She says they are pals. Uhuh. Woody is just the little worker bee. He's also annoyed with Oz and Elyse lying in bed all day.
Dawn and that other girl return from the duel. They tell everyone what they heard, that Coach is running the show, that he and Albert are aligned. Oz says "if he's smart, he'll get rid of Albert". Jim's like, "oh no you didn't just say that"! He thinks Oz just revealed his strategy.
On blue, Albert is looking for the clue, and finds it. He goes looking for the idol but can't find it. He shares the clue with Coach and Sophie. Coach goes looking for it and finds it. He's almost giddy with excitement.
Red: Oz and Woody go fishing. Woody says he has no skills or confidence. Oz is a great fisherman. He's also a manipulator "I feel like they are all becoming my tribe..." Famous last words! Woody says that this Oz is the middle aged Ozzie. He gets fish but he's really a lazy ass, arrogant fisherman. No love lost there!
And, then it's the challenge. Which, if you saw it, you don't need a replay. And if you didn't see it? Be utterly thankful. Disgusting. 2 roasted pigs are hanging, teams have their hands tied behind their backs and have to bit off chunks of pig and then spit them into baskets. They win immunity and spices, veggies and bread.
I'm not even gonna comment on the people helping each other get the meat out of their teeth. Ugh.
Bottom line, the blue tribe wins the challenge by 2 oz. OMFG, they also get to take the spit out meat back to camp and eat it. Bad, bad, bad, bad.
Red tribe. Woody announces they are all probably gonna get oral herpes from the challenge. LOL. He's like 99% of people have it anyway... He then offers to open coconuts for the team, while Oz lays on his ass with Elyse watching. "Woody's putting on a display of working hard, but he's gone".
Dawn wants to break up Oz and Elyse. Jim still needs another vote. He goes and talks to Keith about Oz's comment regarding getting rid of Albert. Keith is all up for getting rid of Elyse but is afraid Oz will hold it against them if they blindside him.
Keith talks to Whitney. She is also afraid of messing things up with Oz.
Tribal:
Oz: Where are we? We're far from the merge so it's all about strength now.
Elyse: We're strong across the board
Woody: The novelty of tribal has worn off for me.
Jim: Nobody lost the challenge for us. We all could have gotten more food. Lots of injuries though
Jeff: Injuries?? Does legal know?? Cuts, gums, chipped teeth, dislocated jaws...
Dawn: Woody is endearing and I'm learning to be more tolerant of him
Keith: I thought Woody mentioning oral herpes was gross and not funny
Elyse: I feel sorry for Woody
Woody: I know I have quirks but I do think that I am likable.
Elyse: Is it gonna be hard to vote Woody off? He'll appreciate the experience. LOL.
Time to vote and tally. Woody, 2 votes. Dawn, 2 votes (which explains Keith and Whitney), and Elyse is voted off with 3 votes. Bwahahahahaha. Oz looks shocked. Should be good tonight!!!
Ok. So, Christine and Stacey meet up for a good old bitch session at Redemption Island. Coach is running things...."It ain't hunky dorey at camp". Stacey wants to take coach down.
Blue camp. Brandon is crying (literally) about Mikayla saying the most annoying thing about him is his uncle. She's "clearly prejudiced against Hanz's". Hmmm, maybe because your uncle truly is an evil person?? And, even you say sometimes you want to be different from him, and reclaim the family name but when someone else comments on what an ahole he is, you go all wussy and stand with him and defend him?? GOD I wish there was a whole other reality show where we could watch Russell watch his nephew on Survivor. Because I think Russell would think Brandon is a damn pussy.
Redemption duel. Mikayla and Albert attend, as do Dawn and I think Whitney? Some blonde chick. BANG, right outta the gate Stacey is spewing it. "those 2 are liars...it wasn't a team. Benjamin is making all the decisions" On and on. She refuses to call him Coach. The red team is just soaking it up.
Duel is to drop balls into chutes, pick them up when the come out the other end and repeat. Adding balls when told to. Stacey is just too consumed with meanness to pay attention to spacing the balls or basically anything else. Man, she must be one MEAN ASS mortician. And even though Christine bobbles the balls a couple of times, Stacey drops one and is out.
Back at camp, Albert tells Coach all that Stacey said. He apparently has an issue with being called Benjamin! Who knew!! He's pretty pissed that the other tribe was given all this info. "Can this day get any worse??"
On the red tribe, Oz and Elyse are basically dry humping each other, in the hammock and in the bed. She says they are pals. Uhuh. Woody is just the little worker bee. He's also annoyed with Oz and Elyse lying in bed all day.
Dawn and that other girl return from the duel. They tell everyone what they heard, that Coach is running the show, that he and Albert are aligned. Oz says "if he's smart, he'll get rid of Albert". Jim's like, "oh no you didn't just say that"! He thinks Oz just revealed his strategy.
On blue, Albert is looking for the clue, and finds it. He goes looking for the idol but can't find it. He shares the clue with Coach and Sophie. Coach goes looking for it and finds it. He's almost giddy with excitement.
Red: Oz and Woody go fishing. Woody says he has no skills or confidence. Oz is a great fisherman. He's also a manipulator "I feel like they are all becoming my tribe..." Famous last words! Woody says that this Oz is the middle aged Ozzie. He gets fish but he's really a lazy ass, arrogant fisherman. No love lost there!
And, then it's the challenge. Which, if you saw it, you don't need a replay. And if you didn't see it? Be utterly thankful. Disgusting. 2 roasted pigs are hanging, teams have their hands tied behind their backs and have to bit off chunks of pig and then spit them into baskets. They win immunity and spices, veggies and bread.
I'm not even gonna comment on the people helping each other get the meat out of their teeth. Ugh.
Bottom line, the blue tribe wins the challenge by 2 oz. OMFG, they also get to take the spit out meat back to camp and eat it. Bad, bad, bad, bad.
Red tribe. Woody announces they are all probably gonna get oral herpes from the challenge. LOL. He's like 99% of people have it anyway... He then offers to open coconuts for the team, while Oz lays on his ass with Elyse watching. "Woody's putting on a display of working hard, but he's gone".
Dawn wants to break up Oz and Elyse. Jim still needs another vote. He goes and talks to Keith about Oz's comment regarding getting rid of Albert. Keith is all up for getting rid of Elyse but is afraid Oz will hold it against them if they blindside him.
Keith talks to Whitney. She is also afraid of messing things up with Oz.
Tribal:
Oz: Where are we? We're far from the merge so it's all about strength now.
Elyse: We're strong across the board
Woody: The novelty of tribal has worn off for me.
Jim: Nobody lost the challenge for us. We all could have gotten more food. Lots of injuries though
Jeff: Injuries?? Does legal know?? Cuts, gums, chipped teeth, dislocated jaws...
Dawn: Woody is endearing and I'm learning to be more tolerant of him
Keith: I thought Woody mentioning oral herpes was gross and not funny
Elyse: I feel sorry for Woody
Woody: I know I have quirks but I do think that I am likable.
Elyse: Is it gonna be hard to vote Woody off? He'll appreciate the experience. LOL.
Time to vote and tally. Woody, 2 votes. Dawn, 2 votes (which explains Keith and Whitney), and Elyse is voted off with 3 votes. Bwahahahahaha. Oz looks shocked. Should be good tonight!!!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Survivor: God Must Be Proud.
If it's Tuesday, it must be time for me to feverishly write up the Survivor blog! Because, you know, God wants me to.
So, right up at Savaii, Ozzie and Elyse are snuggling up in a hammock. Smart strategy. Jim sees it and is worried they are getting too friendly. He runs through the jungle yelling "ROB AND AMBER, ROB AND AMBER" at the top of his lungs, straight up to the main strategizer, Woody. Yo, Wood, Elyse is a variable we can't control. She should go. And, wow, IT WOULD BE A BIG MOVE IN SURVIVOR HISTORY. That, in a nutshell is what Woody's whole life has been leading up to, and no doubt why GOD put him on this earth. They shake.
Upolu. Brandon, dude that Hanz family needs to be banned for life from reality TV shows. "This game is all jacked up on Mountain Dew". Ok, he didn't say that but name the movie it's from. "This game is all jacked up with emotion! My pride got to me!" That and the apparently 7 voices in my head at all times. "I shouldna did that". (LOL I have been walking around saying that all week) He goes AGAIN to apologize to Mikayla. She's all, "What a freaking fool. Think before you do something stupid! But look who his uncle is... (literally, followed by a clip of swimming sharks).
Brandon now goes to Edna and tells her he can't lie anymore, there's a core alliance between 5 people not 6, and you are not in it. She's upset. However, unless they didn't show it, at NO TIME does she confront Coach.
Now, I'm not a doctor, although I play one in my own medicine cabinet, but I have heard if you keep a chronic masturbator from wacking off hourly, you get this kind of Brandon-esque behavior. 'S true. You can google chronic masturbation. Preferably from your work computer...LOL.
Savaii: Tree mail. Who wants to go to the 2 PERSON DUEL. Woody wants to go. Who else? Crickets..... Jim says he'll go but he's worried about being too close to the Wood.
They finally get bathing suits. Dawn is happy because she hasn't gone swimming in her underwear because she is a mormon. Well, that just disqualified her from being president of the United States. She's also 40. 40..Forty...Four-Oh. Forty. So she thinks she's the Rudy of the tribe. Rudy, who was like 65 years old.
Before he leaves Jim starts to go on about maybe the tribe should pretend they are weak so that the other tribe starts to think they are weak... and Ozzy starts getting annoyed. "Chill out Bro!" Afterwards, Oz says no strategizing. And Dawn thinks, hmmmm, that's be cause he already strategized without me.
Duel: Christine vs Papa Bear. Papa seeing Wood and Jim "doesn't bother me in the least". Also attending are Brandon and Edna. Brandon has to apologize to her, and says he came clean to everyone else (about the Hanz thing, not the wanking thing), and he want to come clean to her. She accepts it but doesn't buy it.
It's the sandbag toss on the wooden crate challenge. Didn't we just see this??
Papa sucks it, Christine gets a really good lead, blows it, Papa comes on strong, it's tie, it's not, it's tie, it's not, it's tied at 9.....Christine wins! Papa bear rambles on how this has all been a dream.
Upolu: Edna thinks she needs to be cautious and polite. But she goes off trying to be just plain annoying as shit. Just laughing, asking a bazillion questions, even agreeing to walk on Coach's back . Stacey is annoyed.
Which finally brings me to Stacey. Ahhhhhhhhhh. Stacey is one mofo hard ass. Seriously, she reminds me of one of the women on Women of Cell Block H. Like the mean one everyone was afraid of.
Savaii: Woody talks to Dawn about when they were off the camp. Any strategizing? Dawn, "nope". Woody, "we should do something..." Dawn wants Oz to go but would agree to Elyse too.
Challenge, light blue.
3 people from each tribe, 2 men 1 woman, have to hold a pole on their shoulders while the other tribe decides which person gets weight added to their poles. Wanna know what you're playing for? Chickens (1 rooster and 2 hens, which I hear are known as chickens)
Savaii: Keith, Jim and Dawn
Upolu: Brandon, Albert and Stacey
After 26 minutes, Brandon and Jim both have 200 lbs, Keith and Albert have 180 and the ladies (and I use that term loosly) each have 100. Keith is the first out at 180. Apparently 220 lbs is a Survivor record, and Brandon and Jim are about to tie it. But first, Albert falls over. So he's out. 240 lbs, a new record, and Jim then Brandon both are out. It comes down to Dawn and Stacey. BTW, I just checked. Stacey is 44 years old. But she shuts the hell up about it.
Stacey has the pole sitting on her butt. So she's good for hours. Dawn is struggling, and ultimately shifts the pole down her back as well. It's 44 vs 40...struggling....struggling..... But Dawn wins!! Everyone is really happy for her! Well, except Stacey...
Back at Upulu, Coach is saying all nice things about how great Stacey did, and how they just need to let it go and move on, and Stacey's all like, "screw you!!!" Such a charmer. Edna's all worried. She asks Stacey if she should pack her stuff. After a long pause Stacey says, "Girl, you ain't talked to me for days, I don't know what you should do".
Coach talks to Stacey. "Where do I stand". "I'm not gonna lie to you, it's between Edna and you". Stacey:" Well, I might not walk on your back but I do pull my weight..." Stacey leaves then runs into Brandon..."you better watch out, Mikayla, Sophie and Albert are talking..."
Brandon runs right to Coach and says, "well we got us another problem". "AGAIN???" Brandon starts telling him what Stacey said and Coach loses it. STOP IT!! You're listening to someone on death row over your alliance. This game is gonna get a lot worse so you gotta stop taking everything as fact". COACH, WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!
Sophie "I gotta reshuffle some stuff. Brandon is a mini Russell Hanz (which is redundant in itself)." Coach..."he could ruin us all...I'm here for the 3rd AND POSSIBLY FINAL time (god lets hope so), and I can't trust him.
Tribal, dark blue of course.
Stacey, I held on as long as I could
Coach, is it a good news/bad news being the one that held on but ultimately lost it? Nope, Stacey wasn't on the fence today, she pulled her weight.
Sophie: Strength is defined by numbers and by physical strength in this game. So if you come down to the merge with the numbers, but with people you can't trust, that's not safe.
Jeff "let's try some group therapy"
Rick, what is most annoying about Albert? HUH? I'm just sitting here trying to get away without ever talking. "I guess his snoring"
Brandon, what's most annoying about Edna? She talks A LOT
Edna-does that ring true? Nope
Edna, what's annoying about Stacey? It's difficult to engage her.
Stacey-true? "What this asian white girl want from me? I open up when I need to and when I want to".
Mikayla, what's annoying about Brandon..."Who his uncle is..." Jeff, who is his uncle? Russell Hanz. "oh you told them??"
Mikayla, blood's blood.
Brandon (cue the harp) "I'm proud of being a Hanz. I love my uncle and he played well. Sometimes we fight the temptation...I wanna be someone God is proud of... (oh for crap sake...was he treated like Carrie as a child, locked in the dark closet with the creepy Jesus picture staring at him all day??) It all went down with my family when Russell went baaaaad. I don't wanna be baaaaad I wanna reclaim the family name. CrazyHanz.
Albert: trust is what tonight's vote is all about.
And, OF COURSE I'm all about thinking lil Hanz is going to redemption island, where Jesus IS NOT, but nooooooooooo.
Stacey is voted off. Coach wants everyone to hug her but she ain't having none of that!
So, right up at Savaii, Ozzie and Elyse are snuggling up in a hammock. Smart strategy. Jim sees it and is worried they are getting too friendly. He runs through the jungle yelling "ROB AND AMBER, ROB AND AMBER" at the top of his lungs, straight up to the main strategizer, Woody. Yo, Wood, Elyse is a variable we can't control. She should go. And, wow, IT WOULD BE A BIG MOVE IN SURVIVOR HISTORY. That, in a nutshell is what Woody's whole life has been leading up to, and no doubt why GOD put him on this earth. They shake.
Upolu. Brandon, dude that Hanz family needs to be banned for life from reality TV shows. "This game is all jacked up on Mountain Dew". Ok, he didn't say that but name the movie it's from. "This game is all jacked up with emotion! My pride got to me!" That and the apparently 7 voices in my head at all times. "I shouldna did that". (LOL I have been walking around saying that all week) He goes AGAIN to apologize to Mikayla. She's all, "What a freaking fool. Think before you do something stupid! But look who his uncle is... (literally, followed by a clip of swimming sharks).
Brandon now goes to Edna and tells her he can't lie anymore, there's a core alliance between 5 people not 6, and you are not in it. She's upset. However, unless they didn't show it, at NO TIME does she confront Coach.
Now, I'm not a doctor, although I play one in my own medicine cabinet, but I have heard if you keep a chronic masturbator from wacking off hourly, you get this kind of Brandon-esque behavior. 'S true. You can google chronic masturbation. Preferably from your work computer...LOL.
Savaii: Tree mail. Who wants to go to the 2 PERSON DUEL. Woody wants to go. Who else? Crickets..... Jim says he'll go but he's worried about being too close to the Wood.
They finally get bathing suits. Dawn is happy because she hasn't gone swimming in her underwear because she is a mormon. Well, that just disqualified her from being president of the United States. She's also 40. 40..Forty...Four-Oh. Forty. So she thinks she's the Rudy of the tribe. Rudy, who was like 65 years old.
Before he leaves Jim starts to go on about maybe the tribe should pretend they are weak so that the other tribe starts to think they are weak... and Ozzy starts getting annoyed. "Chill out Bro!" Afterwards, Oz says no strategizing. And Dawn thinks, hmmmm, that's be cause he already strategized without me.
Duel: Christine vs Papa Bear. Papa seeing Wood and Jim "doesn't bother me in the least". Also attending are Brandon and Edna. Brandon has to apologize to her, and says he came clean to everyone else (about the Hanz thing, not the wanking thing), and he want to come clean to her. She accepts it but doesn't buy it.
It's the sandbag toss on the wooden crate challenge. Didn't we just see this??
Papa sucks it, Christine gets a really good lead, blows it, Papa comes on strong, it's tie, it's not, it's tie, it's not, it's tied at 9.....Christine wins! Papa bear rambles on how this has all been a dream.
Upolu: Edna thinks she needs to be cautious and polite. But she goes off trying to be just plain annoying as shit. Just laughing, asking a bazillion questions, even agreeing to walk on Coach's back . Stacey is annoyed.
Which finally brings me to Stacey. Ahhhhhhhhhh. Stacey is one mofo hard ass. Seriously, she reminds me of one of the women on Women of Cell Block H. Like the mean one everyone was afraid of.
Savaii: Woody talks to Dawn about when they were off the camp. Any strategizing? Dawn, "nope". Woody, "we should do something..." Dawn wants Oz to go but would agree to Elyse too.
Challenge, light blue.
3 people from each tribe, 2 men 1 woman, have to hold a pole on their shoulders while the other tribe decides which person gets weight added to their poles. Wanna know what you're playing for? Chickens (1 rooster and 2 hens, which I hear are known as chickens)
Savaii: Keith, Jim and Dawn
Upolu: Brandon, Albert and Stacey
After 26 minutes, Brandon and Jim both have 200 lbs, Keith and Albert have 180 and the ladies (and I use that term loosly) each have 100. Keith is the first out at 180. Apparently 220 lbs is a Survivor record, and Brandon and Jim are about to tie it. But first, Albert falls over. So he's out. 240 lbs, a new record, and Jim then Brandon both are out. It comes down to Dawn and Stacey. BTW, I just checked. Stacey is 44 years old. But she shuts the hell up about it.
Stacey has the pole sitting on her butt. So she's good for hours. Dawn is struggling, and ultimately shifts the pole down her back as well. It's 44 vs 40...struggling....struggling..... But Dawn wins!! Everyone is really happy for her! Well, except Stacey...
Back at Upulu, Coach is saying all nice things about how great Stacey did, and how they just need to let it go and move on, and Stacey's all like, "screw you!!!" Such a charmer. Edna's all worried. She asks Stacey if she should pack her stuff. After a long pause Stacey says, "Girl, you ain't talked to me for days, I don't know what you should do".
Coach talks to Stacey. "Where do I stand". "I'm not gonna lie to you, it's between Edna and you". Stacey:" Well, I might not walk on your back but I do pull my weight..." Stacey leaves then runs into Brandon..."you better watch out, Mikayla, Sophie and Albert are talking..."
Brandon runs right to Coach and says, "well we got us another problem". "AGAIN???" Brandon starts telling him what Stacey said and Coach loses it. STOP IT!! You're listening to someone on death row over your alliance. This game is gonna get a lot worse so you gotta stop taking everything as fact". COACH, WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!
Sophie "I gotta reshuffle some stuff. Brandon is a mini Russell Hanz (which is redundant in itself)." Coach..."he could ruin us all...I'm here for the 3rd AND POSSIBLY FINAL time (god lets hope so), and I can't trust him.
Tribal, dark blue of course.
Stacey, I held on as long as I could
Coach, is it a good news/bad news being the one that held on but ultimately lost it? Nope, Stacey wasn't on the fence today, she pulled her weight.
Sophie: Strength is defined by numbers and by physical strength in this game. So if you come down to the merge with the numbers, but with people you can't trust, that's not safe.
Jeff "let's try some group therapy"
Rick, what is most annoying about Albert? HUH? I'm just sitting here trying to get away without ever talking. "I guess his snoring"
Brandon, what's most annoying about Edna? She talks A LOT
Edna-does that ring true? Nope
Edna, what's annoying about Stacey? It's difficult to engage her.
Stacey-true? "What this asian white girl want from me? I open up when I need to and when I want to".
Mikayla, what's annoying about Brandon..."Who his uncle is..." Jeff, who is his uncle? Russell Hanz. "oh you told them??"
Mikayla, blood's blood.
Brandon (cue the harp) "I'm proud of being a Hanz. I love my uncle and he played well. Sometimes we fight the temptation...I wanna be someone God is proud of... (oh for crap sake...was he treated like Carrie as a child, locked in the dark closet with the creepy Jesus picture staring at him all day??) It all went down with my family when Russell went baaaaad. I don't wanna be baaaaad I wanna reclaim the family name. CrazyHanz.
Albert: trust is what tonight's vote is all about.
And, OF COURSE I'm all about thinking lil Hanz is going to redemption island, where Jesus IS NOT, but nooooooooooo.
Stacey is voted off. Coach wants everyone to hug her but she ain't having none of that!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Survivor: The confession booth is open
Redemption island. Not a fan, personally... Christine meets Semhar. Semhar asks about Coach- "He's a big fat pain in the ass". LOL.
Upula tribe returns from tribal. Mikayla is pretty upset and can't figure out what she did to Brandon. She's talking to Coach and Brandon interrupts. Then he goes on his "I'm a christian and I'm guilty of lying" rant. Seriously, Thanksgiving at the Hanz family, Russell is gonna kick his junior ASS for this behavior.
Tree mail: send 2 people from each tribe to the redemption challenge. Coach asks to go, as does Stacey. Oz and Elise from the team that starts with an S.
Time for the Duel. Ugh, not that whole duel thing again! In come Semhar and Christine. Christine says Coach didn't like me from the very beginning. Semhar says Redemption is SCARY.
The duel is a balance challenge. Balance a wooden idol on poles, keep adding poles. Yea, we've seen it a million times. Ooooh, but what we haven't seen a million times is Semhar do her rap to calm down. "I would give birth to 10 of your children without any drugs...I can't wait to meet you". It is really long and really bad. And EVERYONE is laughing.
Duel is on. Semhar is moving all around. Strange. Jeff, god love him, just keeps blabbing away! Shut up!!!!! Finally Semhar loses and then gets all upset because she has abandonment issues. Jeff's like, um, you signed up for this game! Seriously, she's a wackadoo.
Back at Upula, Brandon is melting down. He's all upset because he's been lying. "I don't want to play games anymore". He calls everyone over and takes off his shirt, tells them he's Russell's nephew. "I'd rather make friends than win $1 million dollars.". Haha, the odds of either are pretty slim!
MIkayla things he's untrustworthy, and a nutter.
Brandon goes YET AGAIN on his I love GOD bullshit. He tells Coach he's sorry he didn't tell him in advance he was gonna do the big reveal. Coach "I commend you for being honest". Privately Coach thinks it was a big mistake. Brandon is still an asset, I trust him but not as much. C'mon Coach! The dude is nuts!!!
Oz's tribe. Papa Bear knows he, Dawn and Woody are all the weakest. He says he didn't bond with anyone. Oz says he and Keith are like bro's, he tells Keith about the idol, Keith immediately tells Whitney (who has a strange thing about pushing Keith in the hammock). They're both kinda pissed because it gives Oz even more power.
Mikayla confronts Brandon. Wants to know what his problem is, says he's sneaky. Do you want me out because you don't like me?? He stammers (what with being this close up to her and all) and basically blames her for her confrontational behavior. Says she's too aggressive. He YET AGAIN calls everyone over (ok, i'd get rid of him for that alone), goes on a rant and says he wants to be kept "out of the drama". hahahaha, he IS the damn drama!!
Sophie-"he's a total loose cannon!!" "He's torn between some effed up religious beliefs and inherent evil".
Brandon melts down once again. Seriously dude, Midol helps with PMS. He "failed", his daddy wants him to love God and be good. "I want to do good...Lord don't let me sin..." then he falls asleep in the sand. WHOA.
Coach is "concerned" about Brandon. Ya think Dragonslaya?? The tribe thinks he's like Russell, it's a different kind of aggression but it's still aggression.
Challenge (green)
1 person runs down a floating bridge while the rest of the team unwind rope attached to a boogie board. At the end, the person grabs a bag then rides the boogie board back in while the team winds it back in. The have to get 5 bags of banners. Next 2 team members are up on a platform, and they go fishing for the bags. Then unfurl the banners and SOLVE THE PUZZLE.
Looks like in addition to immunity they are playing for coffee and tea and stuff.
First up, Oz vs Brandon. Oz's team can't get the rope out and it gets all tangled up. Brandon is way ahead. Next up, Dawn and Albert. Dawn kicks ASS and makes up all the lost time. Oz vs Mikayla, followed by Dawn and Brandon. Dawn falls in the water and Brandon makes the time back up. Finally, Oz vs Albert, and it's close but Oz loses his board.
Coach and Edna vs Elise and Whitney go fishing. Coach kicks it, and the blue team wins immunity!
Red team: Papa Bear is the slowest. Oz says it's between Woody and Papa Bear. Nobody really cares which one goes first but they decide on Pap. Oz tells Woody it's Pap. Woody is upset he's always on the bottom. You'd think he's be used to it by now!
Oz tells Pap it's Woody, but Pap knows they are lying. He RUNS out into the woods to find the idol. Elyse sees him running, which is apparently quite unusual. She and Jim follow him and find him digging in the sand like a gopher. Pap can't find it so he makes a fake one, and returns to camp with a big smile and a big bulge in his shorts. Woody thinks he's faking it. Pap tells Jim he found it.
Tribal: dark blue :)
Woody: I'm trying to be more of an asset Jeff. Jeff: Are you always this defensive in life??
Pap: Woody is a physical threat to himself.
Woody: there are multiple levels of leaders in the tribe, but yea, OZ is in charge.
Pap: I'd usually be a leader, Jeff, but these 5 took over and I have nothing in common with them
Dawn: We don't have many things in common, but the leadership does shift as the day goes on.
Pap: You're delusional, Dawn, it's OK to admit you're on the outs
Jim: I think Dawn is right on.
Oz: Well yes, Jeff, I did leave the game before with an idol in my pocket, thanks for the reminder. An idol could change the game.
Woody: You have to weigh the pros and cons of searching and finding an idol. WTF??
They vote, and Papa Bear is off to Redemption.
Upula tribe returns from tribal. Mikayla is pretty upset and can't figure out what she did to Brandon. She's talking to Coach and Brandon interrupts. Then he goes on his "I'm a christian and I'm guilty of lying" rant. Seriously, Thanksgiving at the Hanz family, Russell is gonna kick his junior ASS for this behavior.
Tree mail: send 2 people from each tribe to the redemption challenge. Coach asks to go, as does Stacey. Oz and Elise from the team that starts with an S.
Time for the Duel. Ugh, not that whole duel thing again! In come Semhar and Christine. Christine says Coach didn't like me from the very beginning. Semhar says Redemption is SCARY.
The duel is a balance challenge. Balance a wooden idol on poles, keep adding poles. Yea, we've seen it a million times. Ooooh, but what we haven't seen a million times is Semhar do her rap to calm down. "I would give birth to 10 of your children without any drugs...I can't wait to meet you". It is really long and really bad. And EVERYONE is laughing.
Duel is on. Semhar is moving all around. Strange. Jeff, god love him, just keeps blabbing away! Shut up!!!!! Finally Semhar loses and then gets all upset because she has abandonment issues. Jeff's like, um, you signed up for this game! Seriously, she's a wackadoo.
Back at Upula, Brandon is melting down. He's all upset because he's been lying. "I don't want to play games anymore". He calls everyone over and takes off his shirt, tells them he's Russell's nephew. "I'd rather make friends than win $1 million dollars.". Haha, the odds of either are pretty slim!
MIkayla things he's untrustworthy, and a nutter.
Brandon goes YET AGAIN on his I love GOD bullshit. He tells Coach he's sorry he didn't tell him in advance he was gonna do the big reveal. Coach "I commend you for being honest". Privately Coach thinks it was a big mistake. Brandon is still an asset, I trust him but not as much. C'mon Coach! The dude is nuts!!!
Oz's tribe. Papa Bear knows he, Dawn and Woody are all the weakest. He says he didn't bond with anyone. Oz says he and Keith are like bro's, he tells Keith about the idol, Keith immediately tells Whitney (who has a strange thing about pushing Keith in the hammock). They're both kinda pissed because it gives Oz even more power.
Mikayla confronts Brandon. Wants to know what his problem is, says he's sneaky. Do you want me out because you don't like me?? He stammers (what with being this close up to her and all) and basically blames her for her confrontational behavior. Says she's too aggressive. He YET AGAIN calls everyone over (ok, i'd get rid of him for that alone), goes on a rant and says he wants to be kept "out of the drama". hahahaha, he IS the damn drama!!
Sophie-"he's a total loose cannon!!" "He's torn between some effed up religious beliefs and inherent evil".
Brandon melts down once again. Seriously dude, Midol helps with PMS. He "failed", his daddy wants him to love God and be good. "I want to do good...Lord don't let me sin..." then he falls asleep in the sand. WHOA.
Coach is "concerned" about Brandon. Ya think Dragonslaya?? The tribe thinks he's like Russell, it's a different kind of aggression but it's still aggression.
Challenge (green)
1 person runs down a floating bridge while the rest of the team unwind rope attached to a boogie board. At the end, the person grabs a bag then rides the boogie board back in while the team winds it back in. The have to get 5 bags of banners. Next 2 team members are up on a platform, and they go fishing for the bags. Then unfurl the banners and SOLVE THE PUZZLE.
Looks like in addition to immunity they are playing for coffee and tea and stuff.
First up, Oz vs Brandon. Oz's team can't get the rope out and it gets all tangled up. Brandon is way ahead. Next up, Dawn and Albert. Dawn kicks ASS and makes up all the lost time. Oz vs Mikayla, followed by Dawn and Brandon. Dawn falls in the water and Brandon makes the time back up. Finally, Oz vs Albert, and it's close but Oz loses his board.
Coach and Edna vs Elise and Whitney go fishing. Coach kicks it, and the blue team wins immunity!
Red team: Papa Bear is the slowest. Oz says it's between Woody and Papa Bear. Nobody really cares which one goes first but they decide on Pap. Oz tells Woody it's Pap. Woody is upset he's always on the bottom. You'd think he's be used to it by now!
Oz tells Pap it's Woody, but Pap knows they are lying. He RUNS out into the woods to find the idol. Elyse sees him running, which is apparently quite unusual. She and Jim follow him and find him digging in the sand like a gopher. Pap can't find it so he makes a fake one, and returns to camp with a big smile and a big bulge in his shorts. Woody thinks he's faking it. Pap tells Jim he found it.
Tribal: dark blue :)
Woody: I'm trying to be more of an asset Jeff. Jeff: Are you always this defensive in life??
Pap: Woody is a physical threat to himself.
Woody: there are multiple levels of leaders in the tribe, but yea, OZ is in charge.
Pap: I'd usually be a leader, Jeff, but these 5 took over and I have nothing in common with them
Dawn: We don't have many things in common, but the leadership does shift as the day goes on.
Pap: You're delusional, Dawn, it's OK to admit you're on the outs
Jim: I think Dawn is right on.
Oz: Well yes, Jeff, I did leave the game before with an idol in my pocket, thanks for the reminder. An idol could change the game.
Woody: You have to weigh the pros and cons of searching and finding an idol. WTF??
They vote, and Papa Bear is off to Redemption.
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