Wow, it seems like it should be more than just week 2. Whole lot of drama going on! Note: the show is taking place on a Polynesian Island, although it has no name apparently.
So the ladies return to the ONE WORLD camp, minus Courtney. Mike is there to greet them, saying "I took care of your fire for you", Nice, but he was really there to get the dirt.
Alicia is all happy about tribal council, says it went just as she had planned it. Christina comes over to talk to her and try to smooth things over but Alicia is just rude. "We're fine" said in that way that most men know means "I wouldn't close my eyes tonight if I were you..." She says she's let Christina drown, because she has her 5.
Sabrina, who is just sooo clearly a teacher, calls a meeting. Says they need a leader and a plan. They elect her as leader, which she calls 'managing the airheads'. Not sure if volunteering to herd these cats was a good strategy. It's clear that there is a young girl old lady thing going on.
Tree mail: 2 very large boxes with a note saying it's a do it yourself challenge. Harrumph. Jeff was probably busy sweet talking his new wife, that little bitch. Teams have to untie the knots in the box to win a tarp and some Martha Steward for Target camp furniture for reward. They clearly have not handed out the bathing suits yet. Tarzan is in a mini speedo grape smuggler thing. It's gross. Someone in gray underwear missed the pixilation fairy, and not in a good way.
So, once you until the box, there's just a ginormous bunch of knots to be untied. Seriously, I haven't seen anything like that since I looked in the bottom of my jewelry box. It's a close challenge but the men win.
They all set up their tarp and set about decorating the man-beach. All except Colton who just does nothing and then tries to hang with the girls. They keep sending him away. He has the sadz. Finally Sabrina is all, 'dude we're going to have a meeting now and you have to leave". She says he's like a virus and there's no cure for him. He comes back and cries that he has no friends on the island...please let me stay.....
Later, Tarzan is doing some very strange and totally not erotic dance. It's just freaky considering there is no alcohol in ONE WORLD. Colton shows the 4 non-frat boys the immunity idol. They are geeked out of their minds at the implications. "We have GOT to get rid of the muscle".
Challenge, Jeff is in green. Hmmm, it might not be a recycled challenge and there might not be a puzzle. What is this ONE WORLD we've stumbled onto?? It's a very long balance beam out in the water. Each tribe lines up and the people the most farther out have to basically cross over the others on the way to the end platform. NO MORE THAN 2 PLAYERS CAN TOUCH. Tarzan sits out, oh and Hoooorayyyyy they have swimsuits.
The dwarf goes first for the men and nails it. The women just plain suck at it. Kat goes first and is a total idiot. Half the time she jumps in the water when she doesn't need to. They are just awful. And I think it must be a female unconscious response to reach out to help people who need help because the 3 people touching thing kills them.
Bottom line, men kick ass and win immunity yet again.
Back home, will it be Nina or will it be Kat? The older women are trying to strategize how to go to the younger women and break up their alliance. Nina talks to Chelsea who works on Kim. They are both troubled by what a spaz Kat is but they're not sure they want to break the alliance.
Tribal:
Jeff starts right off saying this is the worse start in Survivor history for any tribe. Hmmmm, even after just 2 weeks? But I'll take him at his word. He asks what the strengths are and Kim says she's a good communicator. Jeff kind of loses it and says "I feel like I'm talking to 6th graders! He points out that it is a very dysfunctional tribe. He asks if people have gotten to know each other.
Nina, do these women know what skills you bring to the table? I don't know Jeff, some people know I am a retired police officer who does well with stress and is physical. She asks "what does Kat bring to the table??"
Kat says she's good in the outdoors, she's in sales so she's good with people but that she's young. She says she knows she let the tribe down.
Nina points out that Kat is in fact not a great athlete, and that she went in the water twice when she didn't need to. She can't handle stress.
Kim says, "it's between Nina and Kat this week".
Chelsea admits that given what the now know, they would all probably form different alliances.
Monica concedes that they don't listen to the older women. 'Monica figured out the challenge but nobody was listening to her".
Kat cries and says, "it's all my fault. I've never failed at anything before".
Jeff is all, "you've never failed at anything before??? WTF???"
Kat: I don't try anything if I could fail it. Kat also tries to throw Christina under the bus, saying she isn't playing the game but that goes unchallenged.
Sabrina: "This is why men are different".
Time to vote. Second person voted off is Nina.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Amazing Race 20 Week 1
First up, I have to say Jeff and Eileen, you are either the most unlucky people on the planet OR your couple were not really Asians.
In any case, welcome to the Amazing Race! And the gods must have smiled on Donna this season as Phil starts off wearing bicycle shorts and a tight bicycle top. Still never seen him hang out of a cool ass helicopter like my man, Donna. So, who do we have this season?
A pair of clowns (Dave and Cherie). I totally dislike clowns.
Team toothless, aka Bopper and Mark. Best buddies in the trailer park.
Sisters Misa and Maya who at first appeared to be Asians but clearly were not.
The big bromance couple, Brandon and Rachel.
Team we're-from-jersey-what-exit? Joey Fitness and Danny
Cops Nary and Jamie
Returning vet and his wife, Rachel and Dave
Twin musicians Eliot and Andrew
The Kountry Kousins Kary and Stacey (who are sooooo not my old snowboarders I could cry)
Team infidelity Vanessa and Ralf
Border patrol agents Art and JJ
Teams have now changed out of biking gear and into regular clothes, IF you consider a green sequin shirt regular. Phil is now in a left over 80's members only jacket. Soooooooo not Jeff. There is an express pass this season given to the winners of the first leg.
The first clue in hidden inside the basket of a whole shit load of mini hot air balloons. Once you get the clue, drive your FORD TAURUS (product placement DING).
Fly to Santa Barbara, Argentina. 6 teams get on the first plane the rest 2 hours delayed. Right off the bat toothless Mark is blowing chunks out of the car window since he gets so car sick. "We ain't stoppin' to throw up".
On the first plane are: twins Eliott and Andrew, bromance Brendon and Rachel, cops Nary & Jamie, border patrol agents Art & JJ, veterans Rachel & Dave, team infidelity Vanessa & Ralph. Last 2 to find the clues were Bopper and Mark and Asian-lite, Misa and Maiya.
Once in Santa Barbara teams have to find the Salta Airport. The clowns are already in last place and are crying. Which is kinda clownlike. It's a Roadblock. Who has a good sense of direction? That person has to find their team mate AFTER they have jumped out of a plane. It's all scary and them it's cool. I think Mark throws up. The grounded team mate has to drive a couple of miles and them run out into the dessert to find their partner. Jersey Danny can't drive a stick shift. His mamma back in Jersey told him he should learn.
Danny's driving skills led Joey fitness to wait after his jump, while Maiya drove her car into a ditch of sand and had to be pulled out, leaving Misa waiting with J'Fitness. Wonder if he was putting the Jersey moves on her.
Once the Roadblock is completed, teams have to drive to Patios de Cafayate and compete in an empenada making contest. Teams have to make 60 meat and 60 cheese empenadas, each with a different crimping style. Art and JJ, first at the contest, didn't follow the proper crimping directions and had to go back. Bromance and Returning Vets paid attention and both got through pretty fast, although the big brother couple had a few to remake, giving Rachel and Dave the opening they needed to take first place and snag the Express Pass.
While the other teams are crimping their empenadas, Misa and Maiya finally arrive in last place. They leave their suitcases in the car, which is a mistake but they get all "we make dumplings all the time, we're asian" arrogant. The race comes down to the Asianettes and Jersey Boys. Asianettes finish first and have to go back and get their luggage. They still should have won but apparently they didn't recognize Phil standing by an Argentinian band, and ran back out of the pit stop and started looking all over the place for Phil. This gave the Boyz enough time to take place #10 and Misa and Maiya were the first to be eeeeeliminated.
1. Rachel and Dave Joanne
2. Brendon and Rachel Ginnie
3. Art and JJ Terri
4. Nary and Jamie Karen and John
5. Vanessa and Ralph Kevin and Matt
6. Elliot and Andrew Donna
7. Kerry and Stacie Elayne
8. Dave and Cherie Lori
9. Bopper and Mark Amy the newlywed :)
10. Joey Fitness and Dave Susan
Out
11, Misa and Maiya Jeff and Eileen
In any case, welcome to the Amazing Race! And the gods must have smiled on Donna this season as Phil starts off wearing bicycle shorts and a tight bicycle top. Still never seen him hang out of a cool ass helicopter like my man, Donna. So, who do we have this season?
A pair of clowns (Dave and Cherie). I totally dislike clowns.
Team toothless, aka Bopper and Mark. Best buddies in the trailer park.
Sisters Misa and Maya who at first appeared to be Asians but clearly were not.
The big bromance couple, Brandon and Rachel.
Team we're-from-jersey-what-exit? Joey Fitness and Danny
Cops Nary and Jamie
Returning vet and his wife, Rachel and Dave
Twin musicians Eliot and Andrew
The Kountry Kousins Kary and Stacey (who are sooooo not my old snowboarders I could cry)
Team infidelity Vanessa and Ralf
Border patrol agents Art and JJ
Teams have now changed out of biking gear and into regular clothes, IF you consider a green sequin shirt regular. Phil is now in a left over 80's members only jacket. Soooooooo not Jeff. There is an express pass this season given to the winners of the first leg.
The first clue in hidden inside the basket of a whole shit load of mini hot air balloons. Once you get the clue, drive your FORD TAURUS (product placement DING).
Fly to Santa Barbara, Argentina. 6 teams get on the first plane the rest 2 hours delayed. Right off the bat toothless Mark is blowing chunks out of the car window since he gets so car sick. "We ain't stoppin' to throw up".
On the first plane are: twins Eliott and Andrew, bromance Brendon and Rachel, cops Nary & Jamie, border patrol agents Art & JJ, veterans Rachel & Dave, team infidelity Vanessa & Ralph. Last 2 to find the clues were Bopper and Mark and Asian-lite, Misa and Maiya.
Once in Santa Barbara teams have to find the Salta Airport. The clowns are already in last place and are crying. Which is kinda clownlike. It's a Roadblock. Who has a good sense of direction? That person has to find their team mate AFTER they have jumped out of a plane. It's all scary and them it's cool. I think Mark throws up. The grounded team mate has to drive a couple of miles and them run out into the dessert to find their partner. Jersey Danny can't drive a stick shift. His mamma back in Jersey told him he should learn.
Danny's driving skills led Joey fitness to wait after his jump, while Maiya drove her car into a ditch of sand and had to be pulled out, leaving Misa waiting with J'Fitness. Wonder if he was putting the Jersey moves on her.
Once the Roadblock is completed, teams have to drive to Patios de Cafayate and compete in an empenada making contest. Teams have to make 60 meat and 60 cheese empenadas, each with a different crimping style. Art and JJ, first at the contest, didn't follow the proper crimping directions and had to go back. Bromance and Returning Vets paid attention and both got through pretty fast, although the big brother couple had a few to remake, giving Rachel and Dave the opening they needed to take first place and snag the Express Pass.
While the other teams are crimping their empenadas, Misa and Maiya finally arrive in last place. They leave their suitcases in the car, which is a mistake but they get all "we make dumplings all the time, we're asian" arrogant. The race comes down to the Asianettes and Jersey Boys. Asianettes finish first and have to go back and get their luggage. They still should have won but apparently they didn't recognize Phil standing by an Argentinian band, and ran back out of the pit stop and started looking all over the place for Phil. This gave the Boyz enough time to take place #10 and Misa and Maiya were the first to be eeeeeliminated.
1. Rachel and Dave Joanne
2. Brendon and Rachel Ginnie
3. Art and JJ Terri
4. Nary and Jamie Karen and John
5. Vanessa and Ralph Kevin and Matt
6. Elliot and Andrew Donna
7. Kerry and Stacie Elayne
8. Dave and Cherie Lori
9. Bopper and Mark Amy the newlywed :)
10. Joey Fitness and Dave Susan
Out
11, Misa and Maiya Jeff and Eileen
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Survivor: Crazy Ass Week 1
Yo Yo Yo!!! How are y'all? Welcome back to Survivor. I'm Elayne Baker and I'm writing this while hanging out of a helicopter being just so damn cool in my lands end cargo pants and my Shore to Sea water shoes! And, of course, my BLUE SHIRT. Dayum, that shirt is gonna end up in the Smithsonian some day. And I'm going to go down and light a candle every morning for my lover.
But enough about me (as if!), 2 tribes, living together, ONE WORLD, with "no rules". Hey, do they ever say where this place is?
The 18 survivors and future hosts of The View are driven in in a truck. Come on out! Bang, here's Colton, our lime green wearing gay diva. And we have Greg who prefers to be called Tarzan. Hey, wait just a damn minute, I'm TROYzan, there can't be 2 pathetic old men on this show!
2 tribes, men vs women. Men's tribe is called Manono. Women's tribe is not called WOMANONO, but Salani which must be what the indigenous people call their whoo haaas.
Tribes now get to take all the equipment off the truck. Girls throwing their shit on one side, boys throwing shit on the other side and Michael stealing from the women. Michael is a banker, so it's just another damn day at Bank of America for him!
This season, there are hidden immunity idols but NO REDEMPTION. Thank you JESUS. Jeff sends them off in 2 different directions but they are headed to the same beach.
Kourtney is wearing a cute little whale hat. I just had to comment. We also have Greg (Tarzan) who is a plastic surgeon and a little dwarf named Leif. He's "a buff little dude".
Alicia is a tough assed special ed teacher. She assesses things and decides the 5 person alliance is herself, Kim, Chelsea, Sabrina and Kat.
Once they get to the beach, it's all just crazy time. First up, there are chickens running around so everyone takes off chasing them (how do they know there are never going to be chickens in ridiculous abundance running around)? Someone yells, "let's work together and split the chickens". Kim, who is one tough bridal shop owner grabs 2 with her bare hands. And then the women try to negotiate with the men for the chicken. Which totally misses off Matt, although I get the impression EVERYTHING is gonna piss off Matt.
The men are on a massive build shelter thing, walking around topless carrying poles and shit. Colton is just sitting on a log wishing had finished his sex change operation and could be on the girls team. He is one miserable little izod wearing man. He keeps heading over to hang with the women, Sabrina calls him Country Club Colton. Matt isn't a Colton fan. Matt is a big fan of sitting talking to the camera with his legs spread real real wide. Like there's junk in his pants that needs a LOT of room to breathe.
There is already a "frat boy alliance", consisting of Matt, Mike, "Jbird" and Bill. That whole Jbird thing is on my nerves already. Matt tells Colton if he's useful as a runner between the 2 groups he "might get to stay". Colton goes to the women and asks them for help-like sharing an idol clue or something.
The men get fire. It's still day 1 but the girls are all like nuts. They keep going over to negotiate with the men for fire and shelter help. It's pissing me off big time and it's pissing the men off. Sabrina offers fire for a chicken. Tarzan says, "we're not charmed by you". Troyzan doesn't need no chicken. Tarzan does offer to build the little women a pole for naked pole dancing. Seriously, later in the night a couple of the girls go over in their push up bras and ask if 'we can just sit by the fire and get to know y'all". That would be a no. Monica and Christina go over later and steal fire, but it dies. Finally, the next day Christina makes a deal that 2 women will weave fronds in exchange for a fire pit. This pisses Alicia off. Seriously, I think Alicia's special item is a switchblade.
Sabina finds an idol BUT, it's a boy only idol and she has to give it away before the next tribal. So much for no rules! She tells Colton who is pissing himself he's so thrilled.
Challenge: Jump off a 25 ft tower onto a new, walk across a balance beam and do something else. "It's a big drop so keep your hands in and fall on your back". I'll just skip to the chase on this one. Kourtney falls hard on her wrist, and is pretty hurt. She gets to the next stop but sits down dizzy. Jeff stops the challenge and medical comes in. They take Kourtney off for an xray. Technically the game is over and the men have won but Jeff offers then the chance to do a good will offering and finish the challenge at a later time. They say NO EFFING WAY. More bad blood between the sexes. The women are going to tribal tonight.
Sabrina talks to Colton, Tells him there is the frat boy alliance and the other 4 lesser frat boys in an alliance and he's basically the swing vote. He needs to take out the strong men first in order to save his ass. She also gives him the idol. "I love you, I love you too". GAG.
Sabrina tells the other women that even if Kourtney comes back into the game, she should go anyway. Alicia is still mad at Christina and wants her out.
Tribal. Jeff is still in Blue.
Alicia: I'm glad because I prefer the company of women.
Kat: Everyone has a role in camp. I'm in charge of fire.
Christina: I made a deal for fire
Alicia:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO a shady deal for fire went down.
Christina: You're wrong so just shut up. (OH NO SHE DIDNT). We got fire and a better pit than we could have built.
Chelsea: Yes, Jeff, we are a totally disorganized mess of hell with no leadership. Thank you for pointing out the obvious. But, we're women so it's ok.
Monica: We have no leader. We just chase the next shiny object all day long. Oh look, SQUIRREL!!
Jeff: It's not funny! You have no structure and the guys are watching it all play out!
Jeff: So, Kourtney is OK but she has a broken wrist in a couple of places and needs surgery. She's out. No one else goes home tonight. The good news is, it's only day 3. The bad news is, there are 36 days left. Namaste.
But enough about me (as if!), 2 tribes, living together, ONE WORLD, with "no rules". Hey, do they ever say where this place is?
The 18 survivors and future hosts of The View are driven in in a truck. Come on out! Bang, here's Colton, our lime green wearing gay diva. And we have Greg who prefers to be called Tarzan. Hey, wait just a damn minute, I'm TROYzan, there can't be 2 pathetic old men on this show!
2 tribes, men vs women. Men's tribe is called Manono. Women's tribe is not called WOMANONO, but Salani which must be what the indigenous people call their whoo haaas.
Tribes now get to take all the equipment off the truck. Girls throwing their shit on one side, boys throwing shit on the other side and Michael stealing from the women. Michael is a banker, so it's just another damn day at Bank of America for him!
This season, there are hidden immunity idols but NO REDEMPTION. Thank you JESUS. Jeff sends them off in 2 different directions but they are headed to the same beach.
Kourtney is wearing a cute little whale hat. I just had to comment. We also have Greg (Tarzan) who is a plastic surgeon and a little dwarf named Leif. He's "a buff little dude".
Alicia is a tough assed special ed teacher. She assesses things and decides the 5 person alliance is herself, Kim, Chelsea, Sabrina and Kat.
Once they get to the beach, it's all just crazy time. First up, there are chickens running around so everyone takes off chasing them (how do they know there are never going to be chickens in ridiculous abundance running around)? Someone yells, "let's work together and split the chickens". Kim, who is one tough bridal shop owner grabs 2 with her bare hands. And then the women try to negotiate with the men for the chicken. Which totally misses off Matt, although I get the impression EVERYTHING is gonna piss off Matt.
The men are on a massive build shelter thing, walking around topless carrying poles and shit. Colton is just sitting on a log wishing had finished his sex change operation and could be on the girls team. He is one miserable little izod wearing man. He keeps heading over to hang with the women, Sabrina calls him Country Club Colton. Matt isn't a Colton fan. Matt is a big fan of sitting talking to the camera with his legs spread real real wide. Like there's junk in his pants that needs a LOT of room to breathe.
There is already a "frat boy alliance", consisting of Matt, Mike, "Jbird" and Bill. That whole Jbird thing is on my nerves already. Matt tells Colton if he's useful as a runner between the 2 groups he "might get to stay". Colton goes to the women and asks them for help-like sharing an idol clue or something.
The men get fire. It's still day 1 but the girls are all like nuts. They keep going over to negotiate with the men for fire and shelter help. It's pissing me off big time and it's pissing the men off. Sabrina offers fire for a chicken. Tarzan says, "we're not charmed by you". Troyzan doesn't need no chicken. Tarzan does offer to build the little women a pole for naked pole dancing. Seriously, later in the night a couple of the girls go over in their push up bras and ask if 'we can just sit by the fire and get to know y'all". That would be a no. Monica and Christina go over later and steal fire, but it dies. Finally, the next day Christina makes a deal that 2 women will weave fronds in exchange for a fire pit. This pisses Alicia off. Seriously, I think Alicia's special item is a switchblade.
Sabina finds an idol BUT, it's a boy only idol and she has to give it away before the next tribal. So much for no rules! She tells Colton who is pissing himself he's so thrilled.
Challenge: Jump off a 25 ft tower onto a new, walk across a balance beam and do something else. "It's a big drop so keep your hands in and fall on your back". I'll just skip to the chase on this one. Kourtney falls hard on her wrist, and is pretty hurt. She gets to the next stop but sits down dizzy. Jeff stops the challenge and medical comes in. They take Kourtney off for an xray. Technically the game is over and the men have won but Jeff offers then the chance to do a good will offering and finish the challenge at a later time. They say NO EFFING WAY. More bad blood between the sexes. The women are going to tribal tonight.
Sabrina talks to Colton, Tells him there is the frat boy alliance and the other 4 lesser frat boys in an alliance and he's basically the swing vote. He needs to take out the strong men first in order to save his ass. She also gives him the idol. "I love you, I love you too". GAG.
Sabrina tells the other women that even if Kourtney comes back into the game, she should go anyway. Alicia is still mad at Christina and wants her out.
Tribal. Jeff is still in Blue.
Alicia: I'm glad because I prefer the company of women.
Kat: Everyone has a role in camp. I'm in charge of fire.
Christina: I made a deal for fire
Alicia:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO a shady deal for fire went down.
Christina: You're wrong so just shut up. (OH NO SHE DIDNT). We got fire and a better pit than we could have built.
Chelsea: Yes, Jeff, we are a totally disorganized mess of hell with no leadership. Thank you for pointing out the obvious. But, we're women so it's ok.
Monica: We have no leader. We just chase the next shiny object all day long. Oh look, SQUIRREL!!
Jeff: It's not funny! You have no structure and the guys are watching it all play out!
Jeff: So, Kourtney is OK but she has a broken wrist in a couple of places and needs surgery. She's out. No one else goes home tonight. The good news is, it's only day 3. The bad news is, there are 36 days left. Namaste.
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