Welcome
to Amazing Race! It's been on long enough that Phil has finally
learned to say "eliminated" in 'Merikan. So, yea, week 1 didn't get
written up. Here's the low down. Teams left CA to fly to Shanghai, so
they are doing the race backwards this time around. The team who comes
in first on this leg has the potential to win 2 million dollars if they
win the whole thang. Unfortunately we are NOT doubling the pool
winnings. So, 2 flights to Shanghai, table tennis followed by and
eating challenge where my idiot Monster trucker didn't read the clue,
the search for an abacus, which no one can even pronounce anymore, the
legless girl is too slow and Abby and Ryan come in first place. Rob and
Sheila come in last and are eliminated. Got it?
Week 2 starts in Shanghai and I am starting to get a feel for these teams. Fly to Indonesia and find the Alun Alun stadium. Everyone SHOULD be on the same flight to Jakarta, except my asswipes Monster Truckers decide to fly through Hong Kong-never asking how long the layover is. 4 freaking hours. Once in Jakarta there is an earlier flight but the Rockers end up being the only team on standby that gets on. LOL someone is calling them "Long Hair-Don't Care".
And of course, it's one of those everybody sit around until 8 am when the place opens. Rockers get number 1, then everyone else but the truckers arrive. Hmmmm, WHERE ARE THE TRUCKERS??? Yea, they're still on an airplane telling the cameraman that "we might be first". Nope, you are dead last.
But fortunately it's a pretty lame challenge where teams have to get on moterbikes and race bulls on a cart. And I didn't zoom in but in order to get a pull to go FAST you either pull it's tail or repeatedly poke it in the butthole. Even when you lose, you get the clue which is LAME. So everyone finishes in the same order.
Then it's on to a roadblock. Who likes to Party?? Chose 4 kids and have them ride on a bicycle driven carosel while you make them balloon hats and poodles. Apparently when Indonesian kids go to the park THEIR parent's don't STUFF them full of junk food because no one vomited. "Gays are naturally good at balloon animals", which is a comment I an soooooo not gonna touch, is also incorrect as the gay little goat herder falls waaaaaay behind. And, what the hell is with the Indonesian girl in the Harry Potter glasses handing out the clues??
Take a taxi to the Wijaya Motor Shop (which has nothing to do with vaginas, much to my disappointment). Nor does it have to do with Wijaya Tires, or Wijaya Brothers which are the other places dumb cab drivers chose to take people. Apparently the Wijayas are a large mafia.
It's a Detour (and is it me or is Phil no longer explaining the difference between a roadblock and a detour??). Ice by the pound or Fish by the barrel. In ice, teams have to deliver 10 65lb blocks of ice. In fish, teams have to sort through 2 barrels of fish and set up a fish market stall. Only the OH MY GOD SO FREAKING ANNOYING Sri Lanka girls do the fish. Seriously, they are so goddamned annoying I cannot take it.
Everyone else is doing the ice, while the little gay goater is still trying to make his first condom hat. Lost are the truckers, the rockers and Amy/Daniel who have no nickname.
The annoying Sri Lankers finish the fish first and find Phil. They are team number 1 and Phil tells them they smell of fish, which is kinda rude. They win the Express Pass. One by one the teams finish the ice and make their way to the pitt stop. The rockers finally find the ice. Right about now the goaters finish the challenge and the little goater is all shaky and upset. They arrive at the ice at the exact same time as the truckers, so they think it's a race to the finish. Amy/Daniel are still lost-she asks if someone can call information and is told "there is no information in Indonesia".
The truckers finish and it's just the goaters, who have dropped their ice and have to repack their cart. Unbeknownst to them Amy and Daniel have arrived and are closing the gap with the ice. CBS tries to make you think it's even close, with the big goater saying, "I'm not even going to run, let's just wonder through the market saying hi to everyone.
They finally arrive at the pitt and Phil tells them they are only team 9, so they are all happy. Amy and Daniel are team 10 and are sadly eliminated.
1. Natalie and Nadiya Jeff and Eileen
2. Trey and Lexi Amy
3. Jaymes and James Joanne
4. Abbie and Ryan Ginnie
5. Josh and Brent Susan
6. James and Mark Betty
7. Caitlin and Brittany Kevin and Matt
8. Rob and Kelley Elayne
9. Gary and Will Karen and John
Out
11. Rob and Sheila Donna
10.Amy and Daniel Lori
Week 2 starts in Shanghai and I am starting to get a feel for these teams. Fly to Indonesia and find the Alun Alun stadium. Everyone SHOULD be on the same flight to Jakarta, except my asswipes Monster Truckers decide to fly through Hong Kong-never asking how long the layover is. 4 freaking hours. Once in Jakarta there is an earlier flight but the Rockers end up being the only team on standby that gets on. LOL someone is calling them "Long Hair-Don't Care".
And of course, it's one of those everybody sit around until 8 am when the place opens. Rockers get number 1, then everyone else but the truckers arrive. Hmmmm, WHERE ARE THE TRUCKERS??? Yea, they're still on an airplane telling the cameraman that "we might be first". Nope, you are dead last.
But fortunately it's a pretty lame challenge where teams have to get on moterbikes and race bulls on a cart. And I didn't zoom in but in order to get a pull to go FAST you either pull it's tail or repeatedly poke it in the butthole. Even when you lose, you get the clue which is LAME. So everyone finishes in the same order.
Then it's on to a roadblock. Who likes to Party?? Chose 4 kids and have them ride on a bicycle driven carosel while you make them balloon hats and poodles. Apparently when Indonesian kids go to the park THEIR parent's don't STUFF them full of junk food because no one vomited. "Gays are naturally good at balloon animals", which is a comment I an soooooo not gonna touch, is also incorrect as the gay little goat herder falls waaaaaay behind. And, what the hell is with the Indonesian girl in the Harry Potter glasses handing out the clues??
Take a taxi to the Wijaya Motor Shop (which has nothing to do with vaginas, much to my disappointment). Nor does it have to do with Wijaya Tires, or Wijaya Brothers which are the other places dumb cab drivers chose to take people. Apparently the Wijayas are a large mafia.
It's a Detour (and is it me or is Phil no longer explaining the difference between a roadblock and a detour??). Ice by the pound or Fish by the barrel. In ice, teams have to deliver 10 65lb blocks of ice. In fish, teams have to sort through 2 barrels of fish and set up a fish market stall. Only the OH MY GOD SO FREAKING ANNOYING Sri Lanka girls do the fish. Seriously, they are so goddamned annoying I cannot take it.
Everyone else is doing the ice, while the little gay goater is still trying to make his first condom hat. Lost are the truckers, the rockers and Amy/Daniel who have no nickname.
The annoying Sri Lankers finish the fish first and find Phil. They are team number 1 and Phil tells them they smell of fish, which is kinda rude. They win the Express Pass. One by one the teams finish the ice and make their way to the pitt stop. The rockers finally find the ice. Right about now the goaters finish the challenge and the little goater is all shaky and upset. They arrive at the ice at the exact same time as the truckers, so they think it's a race to the finish. Amy/Daniel are still lost-she asks if someone can call information and is told "there is no information in Indonesia".
The truckers finish and it's just the goaters, who have dropped their ice and have to repack their cart. Unbeknownst to them Amy and Daniel have arrived and are closing the gap with the ice. CBS tries to make you think it's even close, with the big goater saying, "I'm not even going to run, let's just wonder through the market saying hi to everyone.
They finally arrive at the pitt and Phil tells them they are only team 9, so they are all happy. Amy and Daniel are team 10 and are sadly eliminated.
1. Natalie and Nadiya Jeff and Eileen
2. Trey and Lexi Amy
3. Jaymes and James Joanne
4. Abbie and Ryan Ginnie
5. Josh and Brent Susan
6. James and Mark Betty
7. Caitlin and Brittany Kevin and Matt
8. Rob and Kelley Elayne
9. Gary and Will Karen and John
Out
11. Rob and Sheila Donna
10.Amy and Daniel Lori
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