Greetings, and
welcome to Survivor Wednesday!! Yes, yes, one of these days I'll get
this email sent out earlier in the week but, HEY NOT THIS TIME!
Ok, so last time we spoke, the shit-for-brains team decided to keep a lunatic who dumped all of their rice. Because of GIRL POWERZ or something. Spencer is now the odd man out. Jtia (note: I'm not even dignifying her with 2 capital letters) notes that "this tribe is a disaster". Ya think? And why would that be nuclear engineer?? Kass agrees to go with an all girl alliance. Says, "YOU CAN ALWAYS REPLACE RICE", and Jtia is loyal. WTF??? YOU CAN ALWAYS REPLACE RICE??? With what?? Again, my major annoyance with this show lately is the total and utter lack of medically dangerous starvation. Kass thinks because they saved Jtia, that she will somehow feel beholden to she and Kitty. But that's the problem with psychopaths like Jtia. The mere fact that they owe loyalty to someone else makes them infuriated. And then dangerous.
Over on Brawn, Tony finally tells Sarah that he is a cop. She says she has cop-dar. Tony works her-"imagine a 2-cop alliance". She pledges loyalty. And just to seal the deal he lies to her about Cliff and Lindsay wanting to get rid of her.
STORM. Yea, it's just rain so this snow weary girl isn't really that upset for them. Woo is all EXCITED. Woohoo, it's REALLY SURVIVOR BABY. These people are worse than the "fans" -they can't WAIT for the game to get all miserable and deceitful. Dude, it's gonna get bad enough soon enough. Chill.
Tony is still working Sarah. He has an entire story concocted about Cliff and Lindsay. They form the Blue Blood Alliance. It's like curling up with a nice snake.
And now over to the Beauty tribe, and thank you Mark Burnett for ACTUALLY accompanying this tribe with nice lilting background music. Pageant girl is all upset. " It's a survivor nightmare". NO, IT'S SURVIVOR. LT doesn't think much of the girls. "They don't do anything". LT leaves the wet shelter and finds the idol. Which is apparently not that well hidden!
Treemail: It's a water throwing challenge. Kitty makes everyone go into the water and "practice". Which basically means Kass, Spencer and Jtai throw water at her cleavage.
Challenge. And, yes, it's the throw water into a bucket (actually throw a bucket from one to another, then throw the water to the third person), fill a cylinder up to release a ball and then complete a totally awesome vertical puzzle. Wanna know? Comfort and a tarp for the first team, and a tarp for the second team.
Spoiler alert-the practice did not help the brains tribe. They really suck. Beauty comes out ahead and goes to the puzzle, followed by Brawn. At this point I swear the producers just gave Brains the water because I never say them amass enough to raise an olive let alone the ball. Brawn kills the puzzle and wins the comfort, Fortunately Brains kept Jtia a loooong way away from the puzzle, and they come from behind to beat the beautiful people and win the tarp.
Tony carries the goods back to camp and once again searches and finds the clue. "These people are idiots". They set up their Pier 1 Imports Survivor collection and the place really does look like a homey hell hole. Sarah tries out the hammock and lands on her ass.
And so now it's time for the beautiful people to scramble. "The energy is about to turn dark". It's apparently a choice between Morgan and Brice. And now, the moment you have all been waiting for......Brice. First up, on what criteria is Brice considered beautiful? I just do not see it, and puleeeaaaaze stop with the he's all fashionable. He dresses like a character from an 80's sitcom on the CW network. He says he is more than beautiful, he is "a social threat". LMAO. And he says that in his most annoying voice. I seriously cannot stand him.
Morgan thinks Jeremiah is with them. They need to bring in Jefra, Is Jefra one of the Dugger kids? Like once they ran out of good J for jeebus names?? Morgan talks to Jefra who is all confused. Mostly because she thought her whole job was to be beautiful and not, like, to think. She's all, people have alliances??? Jefra talks to Jeremiah, who tells her no, we're sticking with the original alliance, although he doesn't want to vote against Morgan. They decide to split the vote, so it would be a 2-2-2 tie, and then to vote out Brice for the win.
Jeremiah wants to take over the tribe. From I guess LJ. But he's upset because "somebody's feelings are gonna get hurt". Awwwww. Bless his HOT little heart. Seriously, this dude is HOOOOOT IMO. Like he could go 50 shades of whatever color he wants on me. He reminds me of one of the older brothers on another 80's show-like one of those 8 is enough or something shows where there was always a hot older brother who you just KNEW was borrowing the big family station wagon and banging the HELL out of the cheerleader team, and then smiling as he drove his little brothers and sisters around in the studly sperm mobile.
Tribal. Jeff is in blue but, meh, I have Jeremiah on my mind. It is perhaps the most boring tribal ever.
ARE YOU JUST BUNCH OF BEAUTY CLICHES? Um, probably although nobody on this tribe knows what the words cliche means.
Brice: I'm beautiful. I'm like a beautiful caterpillar who has turned into a beautiful butterfly, flying around being beautiful and eating plants. LMAO-THAT is almost a direct quote.
Jefra: This has been like a big fraternity party, but without the keg and the group sex. Then there was a storm. And now there is paranoid. And apparently there was strategery but I wasn't aware of anything because this beautiful butterfly was annoying the shit out of me.
Brice: There were formalized groups yes. Me and Morgan (MORGAN AND I YOU ILLITERATE SHIT) were on the outs. Alexis has never talked to me. And I'm, like? Social? Everyone should pull their weight DOT DOT DOT harumph.
Brice: TALK ON THE TOWN is there may be idols.
Jeremiah: Whatever happens, I'm gonna have the sadz. But my hair is gonna look GREAT.
Jeff is basically out of "tough" questions. Time to vote. It's a 3 way. Tie that is. Revote....and Brice gets to fly off but not before standing and staaaaring at Jeff for such a long minute I thought he was gonna go in for the tongue.
Ok, so last time we spoke, the shit-for-brains team decided to keep a lunatic who dumped all of their rice. Because of GIRL POWERZ or something. Spencer is now the odd man out. Jtia (note: I'm not even dignifying her with 2 capital letters) notes that "this tribe is a disaster". Ya think? And why would that be nuclear engineer?? Kass agrees to go with an all girl alliance. Says, "YOU CAN ALWAYS REPLACE RICE", and Jtia is loyal. WTF??? YOU CAN ALWAYS REPLACE RICE??? With what?? Again, my major annoyance with this show lately is the total and utter lack of medically dangerous starvation. Kass thinks because they saved Jtia, that she will somehow feel beholden to she and Kitty. But that's the problem with psychopaths like Jtia. The mere fact that they owe loyalty to someone else makes them infuriated. And then dangerous.
Over on Brawn, Tony finally tells Sarah that he is a cop. She says she has cop-dar. Tony works her-"imagine a 2-cop alliance". She pledges loyalty. And just to seal the deal he lies to her about Cliff and Lindsay wanting to get rid of her.
STORM. Yea, it's just rain so this snow weary girl isn't really that upset for them. Woo is all EXCITED. Woohoo, it's REALLY SURVIVOR BABY. These people are worse than the "fans" -they can't WAIT for the game to get all miserable and deceitful. Dude, it's gonna get bad enough soon enough. Chill.
Tony is still working Sarah. He has an entire story concocted about Cliff and Lindsay. They form the Blue Blood Alliance. It's like curling up with a nice snake.
And now over to the Beauty tribe, and thank you Mark Burnett for ACTUALLY accompanying this tribe with nice lilting background music. Pageant girl is all upset. " It's a survivor nightmare". NO, IT'S SURVIVOR. LT doesn't think much of the girls. "They don't do anything". LT leaves the wet shelter and finds the idol. Which is apparently not that well hidden!
Treemail: It's a water throwing challenge. Kitty makes everyone go into the water and "practice". Which basically means Kass, Spencer and Jtai throw water at her cleavage.
Challenge. And, yes, it's the throw water into a bucket (actually throw a bucket from one to another, then throw the water to the third person), fill a cylinder up to release a ball and then complete a totally awesome vertical puzzle. Wanna know? Comfort and a tarp for the first team, and a tarp for the second team.
Spoiler alert-the practice did not help the brains tribe. They really suck. Beauty comes out ahead and goes to the puzzle, followed by Brawn. At this point I swear the producers just gave Brains the water because I never say them amass enough to raise an olive let alone the ball. Brawn kills the puzzle and wins the comfort, Fortunately Brains kept Jtia a loooong way away from the puzzle, and they come from behind to beat the beautiful people and win the tarp.
Tony carries the goods back to camp and once again searches and finds the clue. "These people are idiots". They set up their Pier 1 Imports Survivor collection and the place really does look like a homey hell hole. Sarah tries out the hammock and lands on her ass.
And so now it's time for the beautiful people to scramble. "The energy is about to turn dark". It's apparently a choice between Morgan and Brice. And now, the moment you have all been waiting for......Brice. First up, on what criteria is Brice considered beautiful? I just do not see it, and puleeeaaaaze stop with the he's all fashionable. He dresses like a character from an 80's sitcom on the CW network. He says he is more than beautiful, he is "a social threat". LMAO. And he says that in his most annoying voice. I seriously cannot stand him.
Morgan thinks Jeremiah is with them. They need to bring in Jefra, Is Jefra one of the Dugger kids? Like once they ran out of good J for jeebus names?? Morgan talks to Jefra who is all confused. Mostly because she thought her whole job was to be beautiful and not, like, to think. She's all, people have alliances??? Jefra talks to Jeremiah, who tells her no, we're sticking with the original alliance, although he doesn't want to vote against Morgan. They decide to split the vote, so it would be a 2-2-2 tie, and then to vote out Brice for the win.
Jeremiah wants to take over the tribe. From I guess LJ. But he's upset because "somebody's feelings are gonna get hurt". Awwwww. Bless his HOT little heart. Seriously, this dude is HOOOOOT IMO. Like he could go 50 shades of whatever color he wants on me. He reminds me of one of the older brothers on another 80's show-like one of those 8 is enough or something shows where there was always a hot older brother who you just KNEW was borrowing the big family station wagon and banging the HELL out of the cheerleader team, and then smiling as he drove his little brothers and sisters around in the studly sperm mobile.
Tribal. Jeff is in blue but, meh, I have Jeremiah on my mind. It is perhaps the most boring tribal ever.
ARE YOU JUST BUNCH OF BEAUTY CLICHES? Um, probably although nobody on this tribe knows what the words cliche means.
Brice: I'm beautiful. I'm like a beautiful caterpillar who has turned into a beautiful butterfly, flying around being beautiful and eating plants. LMAO-THAT is almost a direct quote.
Jefra: This has been like a big fraternity party, but without the keg and the group sex. Then there was a storm. And now there is paranoid. And apparently there was strategery but I wasn't aware of anything because this beautiful butterfly was annoying the shit out of me.
Brice: There were formalized groups yes. Me and Morgan (MORGAN AND I YOU ILLITERATE SHIT) were on the outs. Alexis has never talked to me. And I'm, like? Social? Everyone should pull their weight DOT DOT DOT harumph.
Brice: TALK ON THE TOWN is there may be idols.
Jeremiah: Whatever happens, I'm gonna have the sadz. But my hair is gonna look GREAT.
Jeff is basically out of "tough" questions. Time to vote. It's a 3 way. Tie that is. Revote....and Brice gets to fly off but not before standing and staaaaring at Jeff for such a long minute I thought he was gonna go in for the tongue.
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