First up, in yellow with a name that sounded like Messiah but couldn't possibly be, are the smug white collar workers. These are people who Jeff tells us like to make the rules and be "in charge". LOL, what could be worse than an entire tribe of type A's?
So is a very pretty Asian woman who "has made everyone who has ever worked for her cry"
Max is a former college professor who has taught a class on Survivor and now is some kind of "consultant". AKA out of work.
Carolyn is the old 52 year old "corporate exec" who I believe. Seriously, making it to 52 in corporate america I gotta take my hat off to her. She must drink like a fucking fish. She says something about WC (white collar's) being goal oriented but the problem is everyone wants the same goal.
Joaquim, whose name I will misspell every week and I don't give a flying crap. He's SLIMY, slick and wearing a freaking suit and tie.
Shirin is a Yahoo executive who has applied to Survivor for 10 years. She says nothing memorable.
Tyler is an ex-talent executive. AKA, he's also unemployed. He's kinda geeky and I can't read him.
Blue collar (BC) are a rambunctious bunch who are pretty funny. They believe they single handedly built America (did anyone tell the 1%ers??).
Lindsey is a hairdresser, single mom and a crop top girl. She feels like she is the strongest mentally.
Mike is something with "Ooool" which I think is Texan for oil. He likes his hands dirrrrrty.
Dan is the older postal employee who should be watched closely for insanity. He wants to be remembered for....anything.
Rodney thinks people will think he's a meat head but "I'm filet mignon while these people are steakers".
Rounding out that tribe is state trooper Kelly and Sierra who's a "barrel racer" and who totally fell off my radar screen.
Finally, the free spirited no collars. These are kinda what you would expect.
Jenn is a sailing instructor and likes to work sometimes. She believes money makes life easier
Hali is in law school because she wants to save the world and live off nothing with huge ass law school bills
Vince, featherman, is like Coach's brother, who got kicked in the head by a mule in childhood. No idea how he's gonna survive without pot for the 39 days.
Joe is a jewelry designer. He's this season's eye candy.
Nina is 51, deaf with cochlear implants. Does that mean she can hear now?
Will, who is a "youtube" sensation. LOL, he's the guy dancing with his wife in the gas station video.
So those are our peeps. Jeff is really beating the crap out of the distinctions between tribes. Jeff, honey, it's a freaking reality show not a graduate sociology class! We're all hear for the drama, fighting, starvation and relief from the freaks at our own jobs. Everyone is gunning for the WCs, and they're pretty smug about it.
Finally, Jeff has each tribe pick someone to represent them. Jacquin and Dan volunteer. The beatnicks have a little fun, Will promises everyone sandwiches and he gets picked. Jeff is like, "where are you gonna get sandwiches"? And the WC's are all "look, the stoners can't make a decision". But the stoners are happy.
Now, pick a second person. Joaquin lets his penis make the decision and he picks So. Dan and Mike bro hug, and Will picks Jenn because 'she has a nice smile". Can you tell I'm already loving this season??
At camp, the two have to walk away and make a decision. The NC's pre decide something. I kinda lost track here. The choice s between honesty and deceit. Honesty gets you a big bag of beans, deceit gets you a little bag and a clue to the immunity idol. NC goes for the honesty of course. Dan and Mike debate for a few minutes, thinking villains usually win but ultimately go with honesty because it's too early to be a villain. They return to camp and tell them what they did. Sierra doesn't believe them for a minute.
And of course, WC picks deceit and spends their time coming up with a lie, just like most management meetings I've been in. The tell this lame story about 3 choices, honesty, deceit and juuuuuuust right. So is starting to think she has made a deal with the devil. He's totally hitting on her and he says they are now in an alliance. He calls her honey I think? Not enough sensitivity training??They said they took juuuuuust right because there could be consequences or something. Seriously, they can't bluff better than this?? Carolyn isn't buying it but she says she'd have done the exact same thing. Carolyn and Shirin bond, and bring Max into their group because they all feel like Joaguin and So are too tight.
BC: They find crabs to eat, make shelter and build a fire. LIndsay and Rodney compare tats. He tells her about the one for his sister who he found murdered. He's working it because he wants girls on his alliance because "they'll sit back and let me lead".
Mike finds a scorpion (really??? Neutered to not sting I'm sure) and chops the tail off and eats it. He's all "I'm gonna have protein in my belly", until he barfs it up and has to lie down. Dumbass.
NC: OMG IT'S OUR FIRST COCONUT, LETS CELEBRATE! If only we had some weed! Vince, aka featherman, approaches Jenn and says they have an instant connection. She's like ok. He is a person who develops "instant attraction to women". LOL! Stalker tendencies?? Jenn immediately thinks he's a little too intense and decides to smile and nod. LMAO-and every woman in this pool understands how this to intense thing is creepy. Vince is off to build the shelter but Joe doesn't like his design and the two start their pissing contest.
BC: Dan is also arguing about their structure because he is fat and it doesn't seem strong enough to him. He has no social skills and as the oldest doesn't get the youngsters. They are laughing and calling him "dumbledorf". Meanwhile is on the beach in a speedo putting his pants back on (WTF?) and his buddy Mike comes to cheer him up.
NC: Finally, after 29 seasons we have someone who watched a youtube video and practiced making fire!!!!!! Joe promptly makes fire after he and Jenn do a little back and forth with her saying stuff like 'can I blow on your wood for you, sir?" Vince is totally jealous and calls Jenn over to ask if she likes Joe better and if she wants our of their "us". He wants to know if she is more attracted to him and if she wants Joe more than him. It's like Animal Kingdom "the weaker male must now roll over exposing his flaccid penis acquiescing to the alpha male, thus giving up his mate". Jenn tries to comfort him but he's still creepy. He is also paranoid and a LONG HUGGER. UGH. I utterly hate that in someone. She's like dude, we smell bad and I don't want you armpit near my body. I can't wait until tonight when he tries to mount her.
WC-finally! Tyler thinks their shelter is only average, and that they should have upgraded to the Travertine tile. They also are surprised at how hard it is to make fire. They joke about hiring some blue collar person to make fire.
Carolyn is convinced So and Jacquin found an idol clue so she stalks So all afternoon. So leads her to the spot by the well and Carolyn looks for a tree that looks like the typical IDOL HIDDEN HERE tree. She finds it. And, that my children, is what 52 years of experience gets ya.
Immunity Challenge!
Race down a ramp, go through an obstacle course, use knots or keys and locks to unlock a ladder, use it to up, over and down, chose a bag of puzzles, do something else with the ladder and then complete a puzzle. Jeez, Jeff, don't shoot your challenge wad on the first night! There are 3 bags of puzzles. One with 5 pieces that's a tangram anagram puzzle (yes, I know that and i know that you are impressed). The second one has 10 pieces and is that 3D tree from a couple of seasons ago. Finally, a 50 piece basic squares with a picture puzzle.
Wanna know? 2 teams get immunity, first place gets a firemaking kit, second gets fling and 3rd gets to have the first loser on it.
So, out of the gate pretty even. They get to the locks, and everyone tries the locks-it's like 20 keys 3 locks. One by one they switch off and do the knots. So with her origami genetically superior fingers gets the ladder opened first. NC gets theirs second the the BCs are struggling. NC is first up to the puzzle and choses the 10 piece one. which is spatial. WC picks the easy 50 piece one, surprisingly and Shirin starts work on it. Apparently you can switch out people. BC finally gets the knots untied, gets the ladder but can't figure out how to use the ladder to get the puzzle! Finally they do and they also pick the 10 piece tree.
Joe steps in and finishes the puzzle and NC wins immunity! Vince's masculinity takes another hit. Shirin can't get anywhere with the puzzle and Max takes over. The BC steps up and wins the second immunity, leaving the WCs in the dust. And you know they hate that!
Everyone is decided that Shirin and Carolyn are the weakest and it has to be a girl going home for strength. So surprisingly targets Carolyn instead of Shirin because at least Shirin stepped up. She tells Jacquin and he doesn't care as long as he gets the hot girl. Carolyn is suspicious that So is talking to everyone so she confronts her and Jacquin who are like, noooooo, it's not you, in their worst lying voices. She talks to Tyler and tells him she knows that they don't have the idol because she does. Max is wavering about his "alliance", because he doesn't want to be with the weak kids, he wants to be with the other power people. Tyler states that someone is gonna be surprised tonight.
Tribal
Blah blah fire is your life. Get a new line Jeff.
Jacquin-we explained about the 3 boxes Jeff and why we chose juuuuust right.
Shirin-there are some biiiiig holes in that story!
Max-I can't blame them because everyone of us ruthless bastards would have done the same thing and lied.
So says she is in an alliance with 4 people. which is a surprise to Carolyn. So says, yes, me, Tyler, Max and Jacquin.
Carolyn is like reeeeallllllty. She tells them Max and Shirrin are with her.
So tells Carolyn basically we're voting for you. You don't do anything and you didn't step up.
Carolyn says you lied and you didn't trust me. Plus all you did was open knots.
Consensus is that opening the knots was a big deal
Carolyn calls bullshit on So.
Tyler says that they need strength
Max-"I'm just thanking the Gods for the perfect Survivor tribal with a wicked downpour and a lot of drama.
Vote. Anyone have an idol??? Carolyn doesn't play it.
Carolyn II
So IIII and is the first out of Survivor: Worlds Apart!! I'll bet she still gets her bonus.
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