But I'm getting ahead of myself. Week 2! Is that possible? I love these smaller teams because I can figure out who everyone is before they merge. No hiding on a small tribe!
Blue Collar: And now we know. After 30 seasons and 15 years the epic social experiment known as Survivor has answered one of life's biggest questions. Namely, DO SURVIVORS SHIT IN THE WATER? The answer boys and girls is a resounding yes. Dan was out "doing his business" with his underwear on just one ankle when the underwear undertow came and snatched it away. He is now sans trous and is wearing a shirt diaper. "I can't raw dog in jeans". OR DID HE FAKE THE INCIDENT?? Lindsay thinks he might have to prove he's a funny amusing guy instead of the absolute dicknozzle he has been of late.
White Collar are still working on fire. Seriously, do these people outsource sex? They finally got it on day 4 and are assuming those rough and ready blue collars have had it for days. Max loves his some beach. He especially loves it naked. "Richard Hatch 2.0". Max is a professor of Survivor (and moms and dads, doesn't that make the tuition go down that much easier??) so the question is one of is this deliberate or is he just a kook? From the start I didn't understand how he qualified for white collar instead of something else. Shirin gets in on the pantless thing too. It's nice to air out the privates as we like to say in Spring City. She's cleaning pots on sharp rocks without the bottom half of her attire. Poor married Tyler and Joaquin apparently can't stand it. In fact, it makes them so uncomfortable that they stand and watch for a while.....
No collar: Hali thinks working a tiny bit harder for a deaf tribemate to hear you is a pain in the ass. Girl, you are gonna love when your parents get older! "Mom, have you seen my sweater?" "4:30 dear". In fact both Jenn and Hali think it's annoying. They run off to skinny dip without asking Nina to come. She has a meltdown over it. Thinks they should have included her. Jenn thinks she should just GET IT TOGETHER because there is NO CODDLING. Ain't no Americans with Disabilities Act on Survivor!
BC is playing basketball. Well everyone but Mike who has a giant piece of firewood up his ass. C'mon we all know this jackwad. Hell, some of you might be anal always cleaning up jackwads. Sit down! Relaaaaaax. Nobody needs to be all work and no play!
NC: Vince-whose-eyes-are-too-close-together is also annoyed. He's 33 and jealous of Joe. (Oh, before I forget THIS WEEK'S TALKING POINT HAS TO BE WHO DOES JOE LOOK LIKE?? No, it's not you John Sellman but he is some actor's Doppelganger and I can't figure it out). He needs acknowledgement and affirmation so he confronts Joe in a just such a typical animal posturing scene. He's hanging on the shelter, arms up, chest thrown out telling Joe he's full of ego and forcing Joe to AFFIRM and ACKNOWLEDGE all of his young testosterone ills. God, if there was ever a time for those "low T" adds! Will's like "it's finally the alpha dog fight". Joe thinks Vince has issues and is a loose cannon. Hmmm, what was the first clue?
Will, Nina and Vince are in a kind of alliance against the youngsters, Jenn, Joe and Hali.
Challenge. It's another water thing. Start on a platform, dive in, swim to another platform and uncoil a vertical thingy with 5 buoys (aka balls), jump off, swim to a horizontal thingy and unwrap the ball from there and swim to the final platform. When you get all 5 balls, you get to play basketball. SEE MIKE, IT WAS TRAINING!
Wanna know? FISHING EQUIPMENT! Mmmmmm and a snorkel mask so you can swim clear of the poop. Second winners get a spear, a line and lures. Who's sitting out? Dan wants to do the challenge. Jeff is like WHAAAA? He says "I'm gonna surprise you for a fat guy".
Dan goes first against...I don't remember. He actually gets through and to the platform first. He then promptly falls to his knees clutching his heart and suffers a massive heart attack. Ok, THAT didn't happen. Blah blah, challenge goes on. Will gets totally stuck in the horizontal part and loses a shit load of time.
The white collar guys get to the basketball court first and all those long boozy nights on the corporate BBall team bonding with the other corporate sharks comes in handy. The blue team is right there with them with Sarah I think sinking a few balls. The NC? Nada. Just an epic loss. Joaquin kills it for the white collar win, and let's see what they do with all that fishing stuff! Second goes to the blue collars and the misfits have to go to tribal.
Vince: Joe and I are now in a cold war with missiles pointed at each other. They all admit they are not good with making decisions. Some people think Will is deteriorating due to the physical limitations. Vince tells Will that he is totally down with blindsiding Joe. She and Vince are nervous about Will so she goes to talk to him.
Joe is talking strategy with Jenn and Will. Interesting. Jenn wants her creepy ex lover gone. Joe wants Nina because of the weakness. They decide to split the vote 2 Vince, 2 Nina and then force a re vote.
Will tells Vince their plan and they decide to all stick together and take out one of the others. Joe? Vince is a pussy and is afraid the tribe won't be as strong. He wants Jenn.
Nina talks to Will, asks how he is physically. He's surprised and says he's fine. She tells him Vince is concerned about his health and his performance in the last challenge. BULLSHIT! Will is pissed because it was only one challenge....
Tribal council. Blah blah fire is your life.....
Jeff asks about the group dynamics. Nina says it's the young vs the old. Hali, Jenn and Joe vs she, Vince and Will. She expresses her frustration about not being able to hear all of the time but not wanted to be the old person who keeps asking "what??" .
Jenn says she's never been around anyone who wasn't perfect. "I have compassion but....."
Vince states that he's in the middle and is trying to be the glue.
Joe says they are all feeling each other out and the person that is supposed to go home tonight will.
Jenn points out it's a numbers game and they need their stronger players.
Will explains his performance. "Everyone knows water is the black man's kryptonite. We've talked 3-3 but is the trust really there? (Shouldn't Joe be thinking his plan ain't gonna work right about now?)
Vince agrees it could be him but he's playing with his gut and not his head.
Jenn states that the original plan should go forward. I think she's figuring out Will might not be on board. BUT OMG IT'S ALSO SURVIVOR TRIBAL COUNCIL AND IT'S JEFF PROBST!!!
Will says his plan is to go back to camp, drink some warm water, let the bugs feast on some more chocolate and see as little of Jeff as possible until the end.
Time to vote!
Nina gets one vote.....Jenn gets 2 and VINCELOT gets 3 and is leaving us. NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Too soon, too soon.
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