Survivor BEST EVAH Finale

WOOOOO FUCKING HOOOOOOO!!!!!  Wasn't that the BEST season of Survivor EVAH???  Holy crap, epic, and has there EVER been a more worthy winner than Sarah.  Seriously, they should JUST STOP FILMING the show because NO ONE WILL EVER BE MORE DESERVING as a winner!!!!!

On a totally unrelated note, congrats to Stacy and MOI for winning the pool this season!!!!  

My summary for the last show basically looks like this:

Bang. Immunity Challenge.  Brad wins.  Fuck.

Tribal

Basically EVERYONE plays some kind of idol, and only Cirie is left without one and goes home with loving remarks from Jeff.  

Commercial

BANG.  Immunity Challenge

Brad wins immunity.  Fuckety fuck.

Tribal

Aubry goes home.

Commercial

BANG.  Immunity Challenge.  Jesus, there's no interaction or talking this season!  The good news is we don't have to do the bullshit walk of former torches hall of fame.  

Brad wins immunity.  JESUS FUCKING CHRIST PEOPLE, WHY DIDN'T YOU GET RID OF HIM WHEN YOU HAD THE FLIPPING CHANCE?????

Sarah and Tai are paid by the producers to discuss whether or not to pull a tie and go for fire.  I mean, there has to be some intrigue in this finale.  Ultimately Sarah thinks, what am I nuts to go with fire???  

Tai is voted off.  

Final Tribal with Sarah, Brad, and that other guy.  LOL!  I think Troy gets one question and it's basically, who should win, Brad or Sarah.  

Brad does his attorney thing.  Lots of people shaking heads.  Sarah is basically all, you know I legit beat all of you and the only reason Brad is here is because he's an athlete.  

And TOTALLY SHOCKING TO ME,  the jury votes in the best way possible and SARAH WINS SURVIVOR!!!!!  

WOOOOO FUCKING HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Thank you Nancy Dudak, official Accountant to Survivor Industries.  Pay up people, I need the money!  

And thank you all for your comments and amusements!  Have a GREAT summer and we'll be in touch next Fall.  

-Elayne

Survivor on Steroids

Tomorrow!  Tomorrow!  I might win tomorrow!  It's only a DAAAAAAAYYYYY AAAAAA WWWAAAAAYYYY!!

Woohoo! The have-never-won Bakers have 2 people still in the game, Tai with 2 immunity idols, and Sarah with an advantage and a vote steal!!  Who wants to bet Tai goes to the jury with those 2 idols in his pocket, and Sarah THE BEST GAME CHANGER OF THIS SEASON, loses??  

So, where are we going into FINALE??  After Sierra was voted off, Sarah looked "shocked", which Aubry pointed out to the other witches of Maku Maku.  They believe it is because, although she voted for her, that she is trying to gather favor on the jury with people she has screwed over.  Or as I call it PLAYING THE FREAKING GAME.  Sarah does get the legacy from Sierra which gives her immunity at 6 remaining people.  Sarah hates Andrea-WHO DOESN'T!  She wants her gone but wants it to be the right time.  

Immunity Challenge.

It's the Brady Bunch JAN, YOUR BRACELET!!! one handed house of card building.  While they begin building Jeff gives them the lowdown that Cochran set a record in this apparent "Survivor Classic" with a 174 minute win.  Blocks and houses are falling faster than an Oklahoma trailer park in a tornado but Aubry is steady as hell.  Until she runs out of blocks and has to go down a few levels and begin again with the 2 blocks leaning against each other style of building.  This works and Aubry gets it done in 6 minutes!!  Aubry barely has the necklace around her neck when Andrea starts talking about getting rid of my girl Sarah.  

Aubry wants Brad to finally go.  She talks to the girls and Michaela is all, wait, I gotta get him to catch some more fish before we shit can him.  She stalks Brad for fish and to make sure he's not looking for an idol.   He's not happy about her asking him to get her fish.  

Andrea starts to lobby for Sarah to go, but Aubry wants Brad.  She tries Ciri but she wants to keep Sarah one more week.  Ciri then tells Sarah that Andrea is gunning for her and Sarah thinks they should get rid of Andrea.  Ciri is weighing the options.

Tribal, and it's not even 8:30 so we are banging through 2 eliminations tonight because no one has had to be medivac'd out this season.  

Aubry says that there have been a lot of names put up tonight

Sarah says that if you trust your support you don't brake what isn't broken.  I love Sarah and always imagine she is like Frances McDormand in Fargo back in her real life.  

Troy, who I can't believe is still hanging around doing basically nothing, says they should use the people at the bottom.

Aubry says it ain't bottom feeding time yet.

Ciri says she was surprised at the lack of any scrambling today

Andrea agrees it was strange that there wasn't any deal making going on

Brad basically says what's the point in talking to Andrea since he's already voted for her twice.  He just hopes one of the other ladies will approach him. 

Sarah hopes the jury will reward a GREAT GAME CHANGER PLAYER, oh and she was just rhetorically asking that for a friend.  

Aubry says people underestimate the emotions of how they were voted out

Tai wakes up from his stupor and says blah blah personal relationships

Andrea,  hilariously, says game play should be rewarded but not people who rub salt by being nice all day and then voting someone out.  I think that's a hint to Sierra.

Michaela's great wisdom for tonight is: tonight is about advancing your group without screwing up your endgame.

They vote, and no idol is played.  Brad gets 2 votes and Andrea goes home with 5.  Aubry says, "nice play".

Jeff gets his required last word:  When all hope is lost, keep talking someone maybe listening.  I think he was misquoting Churchill.  

Back at camp, Ciri checks in with Aubry to see if she is ok.  She says she is but is upset that her ally is gone.  She says her game play is always highs and lows.  Tai sees she is upset and tries to comfort her, which Ciri notices and worries about how Tai plays on people's emotions.  

Bang, another IC.  This one is standing on a pole in the water, using a bucket to fill something and raise a key, swim in and use the key to get..wait for it.....puzzle pieces.  

Let's just cut to the chase.  Brad wins immunity.  Hellooooo people!!  Brad could steal the Baker's pool winnings!! Ciri says she is ready to take someone out who is a threat to her.  

Troy feels vulnerable so he is planning to take his idol to tribal tonight.  The fact that he still HAS an idol is ridiculously bad game play from the women.  Aubry and Tai talk.  Tai has decided he is now ready to make a big boy move and wants to get rid of Sarah.  Aubry wants Tai gone.  Aubry tells Ciri that Tai wants Sarah gone.  Ciri tells Sarah that Tai wants her gone, but Sarah trusts Tai more than she trusts Aubry.  To show how much she trusts Tai, Sarah gives Ciri her steal a vote advantage to "hold", telling her if Sarah goes home then Ciri can keep it but after tonight's tribal Ciri promises to return it.  

Ciri still doesn't trust Tai, and worries Sarah is going home tonight.  She talks with Michaela who also realizes Sarah going home could mess things up so she encourages Ciri to use the steal a vote to save Sarah by taking away her vote.  Ciri also decides to tell Tai what her plan is to save him at Tribal so he won't use his idol.  Ciri begs him to not tell anyone her plan, but now Tai is completely worried that people are targeting him.

Tribal

Sarah says there was a lot of sneaking around and lying going on today and she hopes she knows the truth going into tonight

Ciri agrees that there was a lot fo lying and untrue story telling.  

Michaela says something about only a few people are lying tonight but those that aren't lying aren't being trusted because of their past lying.

Tai doesn't like all of the lying because he is trusting

Troy gets his one line of tonight with "if you say too much it could be deadly.  Even favors can be deadly

Michaela says tonight's choice is between staying with your alliance or making the big move.  It's a time for risk or to just be happy where you are vote.

And then they vote BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Ciri tells Jeff she wants to play an advantage to expose a rat and save someone.  She announces she is stealing Sarah's vote.

Sarah calmy slaps her down and says, "oh, that's my advantage and it's non transferable".  LOL!!!

Jeff has Ciri read the advantage which says it can't be transfered.  Sarah takes it back and goes to whisper in Tai's ear.  Ciri then whispers to Sarah that she is trying to save her, and Michaela backs this up.  They then get mad that Troy is listening in.  Brad tells Sarah not to believe Ciri and it goes off the rails for a bit.  

Sarah decides to steal Tai's vote.  They vote, no idol is played and MICHAELA goes home.  WHAT??  I did not see that happening!!  

Survivor: Tai's Man?!?!

Hey, wasn't this season usually over around Mother's Day?  Are we getting close??  Has everyone paid??  Have I paid???

So, PREVIOUSLY ON......SURVIVOR

Zeke went to Ponderosa, and the bottom 4 are still there.  They realize voting for Tai probably wasn't a good idea (and I think we missed something about why they did it.  Wonder if it'll be respliced into this week/'s episode?)  They maybe lost him as part of their 4.

Michaela points out that the majority already turned after only 1 vote.  Cirie and Andrea think they need to break up Sierra and Brad (YA THINK???).  Sierra clearly is on the bottom and has nothing to lose.  She says Sarah burned me but.....she goes and tells Sarah about the legacy idol.  Tells her she can either use it or will it to her.  Sarah thinks that maybe she should keep Sierra and get rid of Brad.  

Challenge.  Ahhh, it's the loved ones challenge.  Everyone's loved one comes out one at a time from the bushes.  Sarah's husband, Andrea's Mom, Aubry's sister, Sierra's Dad,  Michaela's Mom- making Michaela very emotional.  Out comes Troy's brother, Ho girl Monica joins Brad, Cirie's son who just graduated comes out, and then....Tai's PARTNER???  Seriously is that HOT guy with Tai??  Crazy Tai has to immediately ask how the cats are.  LOL.  

They're tethered by 2's to do an obstacle course that includes that dig and burrow under a log thing that causes me to have an instant anxiety attack for some reason.  They also trot out the sandbags, some keys and a chest.  Ends up with a table and things that need to be knocked down with the sandbags, totally not in anyway meant to throw the game to a freaking BASEBALL PLAYER.  

And, WHAT ARE THE ODDS???  The group with Brad wins.  Brad, Aubry and Andrea.  Michaela throws a bit of a fit.  They get a BBQ with their loved ones.  Wanna chose someone else??  Everyone's cryin and beggin.  They pick Cirie of course.   And one more???  Sarah.  Micheala is PISSED OFF but Andrea says she'll get over it.  

Cirie points out to her son there is no bathroom on Survivor and he is appalled.  Brad and Monica flip burgers and discuss strategy.  Monica thinks Michaela will flip.  

Tai and Michaela are  in the water talking.  "You can see where the loyalties are"  Micheala hopes to join up with Tai.  

Sierra and Troy are also alone and they say they are still together.  They discuss grabbing Micheala to join them.  They discuss it with Michaela.  She says she is just trying to figure out how to survive the next 9 days.  Michaela tells them Andrea decided Zeke.  She needs to be next.  They agree they don't need no steak.  

Immunity Challenge:  Stand on a perch holding a buoy.  Brad wins immunity.  Dammit.  

Andrea and Aubry tell Tai it's Sierra.  Michaela and Tai decide Andrea.  They tell Sierra but tell her to be cool about it.  

Aubry tells Sarah it's Sierra.  Sarah is ambivalent because she thinks she'll get that legacy idol.  Sarah talks with Sierra.  She says Brad, Sierra, Micheala and Tai are all going with Andrea.  Sarah just wants the idol.  She tells Michaela about the legacy idol.  

Tribal

Andrea says something about consequences.

Sierra says it's still the same 4 on the bottom but they've gotten closer

Aubry says every interaction with people adds up

Brad says immunity helps him but not his 4 group

Sierra says Andrea is a threat in challenges

Andrea says that the bottom 4 are now considered underdogs and could win if they get to the end

Micheala is this week's philosopher:  "We" is relative to who feels they are the big W.  It can quickly flip to an M for ME.  

Andrea says something about hearing a lot of red flags today

Seirra says that people who bother to talk to her get her vote.  

Andrea says some people who talked to her were probably lying.  

Vote...Andrea 3, Sierra 5 and is gone.  Sarah is like, WHERE'S MY DAMN IDOL??  But off camera Sierra still wills it to her.  

 Christ, with all of the blindsiding and drama going on in the country it's hard to remember what night the OTHER reality show is on.  Missed last week's update, which is sad because I did not get to say adios to Debbie.  

It was "quite a blindside", and Brad has the sads.  Sarah announces she flipped because to win this season you need to be known as a GAMECHANGER.  Zeke has to also jump in and announce that Debbie went to Ponderosa because SHE ACTED LIKE SHE WAS IN CHARGE.  

Bang, challenge.  Apparently this season the interpersonal drama and discussions aren't worth even covering.  The remaining miscreants are divided into 2 teams, and it's that challenge from last year where someone sits on a chair thingy and 2 people move them around to gather 30 numbers in order.  Think Circue de Soliel but no way near as attractive.  Then, of course, there is the obligatory word puzzle.  Wanna know?  A chopper will take you to a luxury resort for american crap junk food and a chance to smell up a bed at the luxury resort.  I couldn't tell if there was a shower and soap included this time around.  Apparently Walmart chose not to provide any towels.  

The puzzle apparently has a long word in it so it takes about 50 minutes to get.  Jeff has to give them a clue "it's a METAPHOR FOR THE SEASON".  Zeke figures out the long word is reinventing and they win with reinventing how this game is played.  Andrea, Sarah, Zeke and Aubry to away with Brad, so you know something is going to happen.  Brad confirms this with "I'll be with the people I need to be to change the game".

Zeke is waxing bullshit about how climbing mount everest is harder the closer you get to the top.  LOL, done a lot of mountain climbing Zeke boy?  Brad bonds with Zeke over the 2007 Florida-Oklahoma game and Zeke talks about watching it with his Dad and  COME ON PEOPLE who else was wondering if Pappa Zeke was enjoying that moment with his son or his daughter??  

Andrea is doing the slow burn.  Zeke should know better than to talk to Brad.  Plus, let's be honest, that male thing about reliving football games is god damn annoying.  

Back at camp, they're all STARVING.  Hey, speaking of that, on Ponderosa Hali weighed in and only lost 2 pounds. Yea, see, that would be me.  They'd be like, how did you gain 10 pounds?  THERE'S CARBS IN THAT RICE!  

Tai and Troy are happy that they're still there.  Tai feels like he is on the bottom.  "My name come up, me play idol".  

They come waltzing back to camp, not any cleaner I might ad, and Aubry is concerned about Brad and Zeke.  Cirie and Andrea talk and wonder if it's time to take out Zeke.  Cirie thinks Zeke is way more threatening and they decide to feel out Sarah.  Sarah is now in the Zeke camp she tells them she isn't concerned about him because she has a plan for him, and she has a backup.  She tells Cirie about the steal a vote and tells Cirie Zeke can wait until later.  Sarah thinks she can always flip again and decides to see what happens.  

Zeke decides it's to eerily calm and is nervous.  He thinks at this time in the game his scheming play should be winning him bigly.  

Zeke talks to Sarah, who says she trusts him.  He wants to make a final 5 with her and Brad and Troy.  Zeke talks to Brad and Troy and offers them final 5. He asks them to go along with him this vote and then they can do a big vote next time.  Brad is all "i've moved on up in 24 hours!"

Immunity Challenge.  Stack blocks on a beam with this grid thing they have to walk around, then do the dominoes thingy off the beam.  Andrea wins immunity.  

Andrea wants to make that big Zeke move.  She and Andrea talk and Sierra walks up to plead her case.  Promises to vote with them no matter who it is.  

Cirie tells Sarah that Andrea wants to blindside Zeke.  Sarah thinks that just because Andrea has a little power around her neck she wants control.  Sarah agrees with them but not really.  Aubry is OK with Zeke.  

Micheala isn't on the Zeke train.  She and Sarah talk and Michaela doesn't like the plan and thinks it makes no numbers sense.  She's kind of right as it keeps the game still too close for one flipper to not screw up.  

Tribal

Sarah admits she told people she flipped.

Brad says that is immediately put their 4 on the outs

Tai basically says something like, "bottom, yes"

Sierra agrees.  Bottom

Zeke says it's now 6 vs 4, which is a mirror of last week.  (PSSST, SEE HOW FAST THAT HAPPENS ZEKE?)

Andrea says it, though, and ever changing 6

Michaela says that if the 6 stick together then they can all progress

Zeke says, he agrees that is's not the time

Sierra tells them she tried to plead her case and she will go wherever they want

Sarah says at this point everyone is making that same pitch.  Keep me another day!

Micheala says she listens to the pleading but you have to turn your heart down.  

Andrea says that sometimes a relationship will get you to the end.

They vote.  Idol?  No.

Tai gets 3 votes-from Sierra. Brad and Troy which doesn't make much sense to me unless they think the others were going for him.  I can't even understand Zeke telling them to vote that way.  

Sierra gets 2 votes, and Zeke gets 5 votes amid Michaela crying.  

Hali, on the jury says, GAME CHANGERS!!  Debbie says, nope IDIOTS.