Survivor Week 2

Welcome to week 2's update!  How are you all doing?  Everyone figure out who their contestant is?  After last week, you are officially stuck with your losers.  

Last week ended with an Olympian going home to keep the tribe strong.  Chrissy did not use the special idol but intends to use is as a "decoy" idol.  Alan was not expecting tribal to be so crazy, although he did everything in his power to make it so.  He's pleased with himself because he created the "power couple" suspicion.  Yea, you also created the "Alan is a crazy mofo" suspicion but, hey, enjoy your time there!  

Ashley thinks Alan is nuts.  She talks to Cowboy Ben and Chrissy after tribal and tells them there is no power couple!  Ben isn't sure who to trust but he knows the alliance of 4 is done.  

Over on Hustlers the Devon and Ryan bromance continues.  I literally expect one of them to utter "I wish I knew how to quit you" as they are voted off.  Devon actually said "I only smile when I talk strategy with you".  Ryan states that no one is connecting with Simone because she is "weird", which is hilarious on this tribe!  And, due to awesome editing, we get to see Simone coming out of the water toilet and talking about finally being able to take am aqua dump.  They tell her it is probably her super power.  You know, I have been thinking for the last 10 seasons that all of those scenes where they are all out in the water hanging and talking, that they were also shitting but learning it's true is disgusting.  Yea, makes sure those fishing kits given out as "rewards" come with as shit load of Clorox.  

Back to Simone, who says she is not an outdoors person, can't figure out how to turn on the camp air conditioning, yet she is good under pressure.  To prove herself she guts a fish with the knowledge she googled.  Ali is trying to work with Simone, because she thinks she's a useful idiot.  Ali tries to give her a motivational speech.  Speaking of Ali, is there an official padded bra of Survivor?  These ladies are all rocking the slightly padded, molded cup wonders.  Hey Donna Barnette-might be a marketing idea for you!  Ali's is pink and might I add fits her like a glove!  

On Healers, Jessica and Cole are continuing their flirtation.  " I think she's supercute but she's 30 so I guess she wouldn't go for a hot buff body with a 8 pack like me".  LOL!!!  Seriously dude, as long as you don't live in your parent's basement I think you have a shot!  Desi, the African American woman who neither my husband or I remembered ever seeing on episode 1 is apparently a former Miss Virginia.  2013 and 2016 under some strange system change.  Joe and Mike joke about being on the wrong tribe because everyone other than them are beautiful.  Joe is kinda bonding with Mike but he doesn't want to because he wants to be the alpha non trusting asshole type of player.  He's having a hard time idol searching because his scam is to try and make everyone else thing Mike has the idol but he does run into the jungle looking while everyone else is flirting.  He finds a clue on a tree and finds Cole to ask him about it.  He thinks the clue refers to the raft on the beach, so he tells Cole about it and says "I figured you had already found the idol, WHICH IS OK"  in his best passive aggressive voice.  Cole goes back to the tree and helps Joe figure out the clue is for the well and they find the clue together.  Joe is happy for 5 seconds before declaring Cole has too much knowledge now and "I might have to put a target on his back".  

JP goes fishing and gets a lobster!!  The heroes are all thrilled to eat it, even without melted butter.  He states that he and Ashley aren't a couple for several reasons, mostly because he isn't getting any.  So that romance thing is on the back burner.  

Chrissy decides she needs a partner and goes shopping.  She and JP joke that no one would consider them a power couple, hahahah, because she's so FREAKING OLD you know.  She decides not to pursue him because he's not that smart.  She also doesn't really trust Ashley and we KNOW Alan is crazy so she talks to Cowboy Ben and they decide they are the perfect NON power couple because she's strategic and he's social.  He agrees to forgo his original manly alliance with Alan.

Devon begins the day with yoga on Hustlers.  They then find a crab and Patrick gets all nuts playing with it and yelling.  Crabs scare him but he decides he needs to loudly conquer that fear.  He says he is a "wild banshee" and his strategy is to keep everyone having FUN!!!  Which would be a good strategy if he wasn't a) redheaded and 2) fucking annoying.  (Sorry about the F-bomb Donna's Mom Betty!  But he really is more than non-f-bomb annoying)  .  Lauren isn't thrilled with Patrick as he is getting on her nerves.  She thinks he is a 25 year old boy who needs to be told to SIT STILL and dial the volume down from 10 to 2.  Lauren is not what one would consider a ball of fun!  She is fisherwoman and I assume spends looooong hours alone.  The social part of the game is difficult for her and she tries to worm her way in with Ali, because nothing says PARTY GIRL like a pink bra!  Ali is surprised that Patrick's name is coming up as someone to go home so early yet she is getting tired of babysitting him.

Immunity Challenge

It's a swim thing.  Dive in, untie puzzle pieces, slide them through a cage and put together a cool sign post puzzle.  Wanna know?  Fishing kits.  With poop scooping nets.

Ali and Simone are doing the puzzle and although they get there first, they suck.  Or as Jeff said "IF IT WAS EASY IT WOULD NOT BE SURVIVOR".  Look for that little gem to show up on a puzzle some day!

The healers come back from last to win first immunity.  Heroes are second and the hustlers are going to tribal.. Devon thinks Simone is least valuable and has to go.  For some added drama, editing makes it appear to be between useless Simone and Annoying Patrick.  

Simone apologizes back at camp and laments how they were all bonding so well and someone has to go home.  She decides she has to shape the narrative around Patrick being annoying and not trustworthy.  She talks to Lauren and Ali, and Lauren agrees that although he is strong, he can't follow instructions for shit.  And he's a redhead.  

Patrick talks to Ryan about how they are both safe and how it's clearly Simone.  Patrick tells Ali it's Simone and she's like, OK.  

Ali talks to Ryan about Patrick and he says NO WAY, we'd lose every challenge.  She points out that they can control Simone but Patrick is a loose cannon.  Ryan agrees that Patrick is like a newborn that you have to watch constantly.  

Tribal:  Get fire

What's the vibe Ryan?  It's sad that we lost.  This is like a birthday party for the kid no  one likes that no one wants to go to.

Lauren says it's more like a funeral!

Ali gets to be the one to say "yes Jeff, trust is important" 

Patrick is asked about the fact that everyone who is voted off somehow impacts your game. He agrees but STRENGTH!

Ryan says it's physicality, social dynamics and that there are 6 agendas and one plan.

Simone argues that the old school is just about challenges but now it's more social dynamic

Ali says this vote will show where everyone stands

Patrick says "trust is huge, I can trust MOST here", which is apparently a huge faux pas and everyone gets all bent out of shape that he didn't say ALL.  He mumbles how he meant ALL but no one is buying it.  He says he's now nervous but he's trustworthy and wants to stay.  

Simone also says she wants to be here 100% even if the air conditioning doesn't work.

Vote:  1 Patrick. 4 Simone.