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Simone was voted off at the end of episode 2, and she apparently left all of her clothes which include thigh high boots, and a strange leisure suit.  So, tell me, I thought they only got to carry their little survivor satchel. Where was all of this clothing??  Remember the olden days when they got one luxury item??  Ryan and Patrick try on her clothes and discuss why they like Ali waaaay more than the fisherman, Lauren.  Which is soooo hard to understand when Ali jumped off the boat and decided to only wear a pink push up bra for the next 39 days.  

Lauren and Ali chat in the toilet/ocean, while Lauren scrubs out her armpits.  Lauren is a single mother who feels like she's the only adult on the tribe.  Lauren wants Patrick gone after his saying MOST people can be trusted at the last tribal.  Ali is an ally of Patrick, thinks he is strong but also stupid and hard to control.  

Crissy and Ben are happily driving the train and are discussing who goes next?  They think Alan is a hot head but JP is clueless.  At least JP catches fish.  Ashley is still hot for JP, who she thinks is more of a provider than Alan.  But, they have to hide their relationship because of Alan.  She wants Alan gone so they can get back to flirting.  Ashley talks to Ben about Alan, keeps working the JP angle.  Ben thinks JP is like a puppy but Ashley points out he could be their puppy.  Ben reads the whole thing as a continuation of the power couple play and it kind of works against her.

On the Healer tribe, everything is GREAT!!  Everyone is HAPPY!!!  Except Joe is worried about Jessica and Cole getting too close.  Fishing apparently is their secret "alone time".  Jessica reveals that she is from a super religious background and is a virgin.  Why someone from a super religious background would want to go on a half nude reality show is one of life's puzzlements.   During their alone time, Cole tells Jessica that Mike doesn't have the idol, which he knows because Joe does.  He thinks she is his dream girl.  She is so excited that he shared his secret with her that she kisses him on the cheek!  

Patrick is relentless about searching for an idol. Ryan realizes it is making people paranoid.  Patrick has idol fever.  He owns a moving company and works harder than anyone else.  Hmmm.  Personally I think he stands around bullshitting while his underpaid workers do the moving.  Ali also realizes Patrick is a putz and tries to talk to him about his lack of social game and his relentless idol searching.  Ultimately Patrick decides he has to be himself!  So, you do asshole buddy.  

Joe is annoying everyone by being picky about food.  He thinks the potatoes are undercooked so he spits them out.  Desi think he's rubbing people the wrong way.  Cole decides he doesn't like Joe having an idol and he and Jessica discuss blindsiding him.  Cole "word vomits" to basically most of the tribe that Joe has an idol and they should use the element of surprise to blindside him.  Jessica is freaking out because it's too soon to start talk about a blindside.  He tells Roark who is full in, and he also tells Desi.  Jessica is pissed off.  

Immunity Challenge:

Obstacles, sand bags to knock blocks off a high bar, build a tower with the blocks.  Wanna know?  Ist place is chickens, second is 12 eggs.

During the sandbag tossing part of the event, Patrick won't let someone tag in.  Lauren is pissed because she has played baseball for ever.  

The heroes get the chickens, the healers get the eggs and Patrick made the hustlers lose and go to tribal.  

Lauren is pissed.  Patrick finds her in the toilet ocean and she confronts him with why he didn't tag out.  Tells him she played ball.  Says he was a one man team.  She asks if she's the one going home and he is all grinning and lying saying he doesn't know.  She calls him on it and he's just a douche nozzle about it.  Lauren decides she has to work it hard to save her ass.  

Lauren tells Ali what a douche nozzle Patrick was to her, just grinning at her even though he lost the challenge.  Ali starts to wonder if it's worth dragging a douche nozzle around with her.  Lauren, in her infinite wisdom talks to Ryan and literally says, "hey you're an oddball and I'm the old lady we should work together". LOL!!  Ryan and Devon decide they are in charge.  Devon makes the argument for going into the merge with Lauren because she's steady.  Weakling Ryan, who Lauren could literally kick his ass, is all worried about being strong and keeping Patrick for strength.  He also thinks Lauren doesn't fit into the tribe.  

Tribal

Lauren starts right in on the loss and how whatever they are doing isn't working.  Points to Patrick right away as the one who took the game as his own

Patrick says he sees her concern and that he shouldn't have been a douche nozzle.  

Lauren again repeats that she used to be the female Ty Cobb of baseball.  

Patrick says he was experiencing an adrenaline RUSH throwing the sandbags.

Lauren says, "I understand that SON, but we lost...

Ali says she isn't dwelling on the past but is focused on the future. 

Patrick is all happy to not be held at all accountable.

Lauren also points out that Patrick is a good idol hunter, says that she hasn't looked yet

Patrick grins like a fool and says it's a relief that she hasn't looked.  

Lauren thinks one of them will be blindsided.  

Jeff starts to ask Ryan something about "you know when you are in a relationship..." and Ryan stops him to say he's never been in a relationship.  "Ya know anyone??"  

Ryan admits that this is really not a happy or successful group.  

Devon pipes up that their chemistry is bad and he's voting to improve the chemistry of the tribe,

Lauren says she is doing the same to keep the tribe rolling and to make them better

Ryan states that they really need to be strong socially at the merge

Patrick states that he is good at making friends so he should stay

Ali asks, if that's true, why can't he get along with Lauren??

Patrick is douche nozzley smiling and saying he welcomes the criticism and it's a wake up call and a time to grow up

Ryan says this is a watershed moment for the tribe and after this vote they will have real unity.

Vote:

Patrick 3, Lauren 1.  Dude wasn't even a good idol hunter!!

BUT WAIT, THERE'S ANOTHER WEEK TO DISCUSS!!!!!

Bang, right out of the gate, DROP YOUR BUFFS!!  They are being divided into 3 new tribes, so not really a merge.  

On the new red tribe (they have names but does anyone give a shit??):

Jessica

Cole

Mike

Lauren

Ben 

On the new blue tribe:

Ashley

Alan

Joe

Desi

Devon

And on the Yellow tribe:

Ryan

Ali 

Crissy

JP 

Roark      

So, an interesting mix of teams!  They get to do a challenge for PB&J and potato chips.  

3 of each team are tied to ropes and they have to basically unbraid themselves, do an over under thing, and more unbraiding.  Finally hook a sled and pull in puzzle pieces, then do a puzzle.

The new yellow team, wins.  Ben says it'sa comfort they can all work together but there is a 3:1:1 ratio and he has a target on his back.  

Back at camp they are all introducing themselves and eating their sammies when Jessica finds a "special advantage" in her chip bag.  It gives her the power to block one person from voting at tribal, or give it to someone on the losing tribe. She tells Cole about it.  And Cole runs around like an idiot telling Ben and Lauren in some attempt to gain their trust.  Lauren isn't sure it it's bullshit or not but she decides to use the info.  

Roark is alone on the new tribe.  I actually forgot there was a Roark.  Ryan sees an advantage of reminding Crissy that he gave her the initial special advantage.  She asks why her? And he tells her he got a good vibe.  Crissy thinks maybe he has some Freudian complex and really wanted to play with his mother.  LOL.

Devi and Joe realize that Devon is the swing vote.  Ashley is less than thrilled to be with crazy Alan.  They talk and he kind of apologizes to her but not really.  They both realize they need to work together to get rid of one of the healers.  Desi and Joe talk to Devon and Joe comes out like a bull in a china cabinet telling Devon that the 2 heroes have already talked to him in an attempt to get them to agree to vote him out.  Joe admits he'll lie to get what he wants.  

Jessica and Cole are all giddy to be together and Lauren mentions to Ben that they are always together.  Lauren asks Mike if there was an advantage yesterday?  He says no and she tells him, "Oh, I heard there was one in a chip bag".  Mike tells Jessica that they know about the advantage and she gets all pissed off and confronts Cole.  He sheepishly admits that he told Ben and says he is sorry.  She is livid because he is a dumb ass that can't hold a secret for a day and he really hurt her use of the advantage.  She is upset that she formed a relationship with someone she shouldn't have.  

Immunity Challenge

Carry a crate of puzzle pieces through a table obstacle, under a net, and untie the pieces, some how there is a lock and a key in this sequence, and then do the puzzle.  Ali has no shirt again.  

The red tribe is 1, yellow is 2 and the blue tribe is going to tribal.  Jessica has the advantage and her goal is to help the healers.  

Devon is clearly the swing vote.  Ashley talks to him and he's kind of stand offish because as he tells her, Joe told him they want him out.  She says that's not true and Devon thinks Joe is a sketchy dude.  He says he felt like he was talking to a used car salesman the entire time.  Joe is a snake.  Desi oversees this and tells Joe she saw Devon and Ashley talking and then hugging.  Joe decides he has to use the idol and make sure they target him not Desi.  He goes all asshole on the tribe and gets into it with Alan.  Alan takes the bait and says "someone is going home BRO, and you just put your name out there".  Joe says he is voting for Ashley.  Alan asks what makes Desi stronger than Ashley?

Desi is upset because Joe just blew everything up.  Joe tells her he has an idol but she says "yea but now I'm the target".  She asks him to play the idol for her because he came out all confident and they probably know he has an idol.  

Devon gets the secret advantage.  I think something was left out of the editing here and that either Joe or Desi got the advantage to GIVE to Devon.  Thoughts?

Tribal

Alan has a mean face and he says "people were anxious to get to tribal and get this started"

Joe says he was anxious and already threw Ashley's name out.

Ashley-his actions might effect him tonight

Desi says she got thrown under the bus as well.

Joe says he got information from it all, thank you Alan

Devon says he is the swing vote and has to decide who he can work with

Joe says Alan wants me out-there are no cracks in the whole heroes tribe for Devon to fit in.

Alan says Joe is just scratching and clawing like a guy going over a cliff

Time to vote?  Devon says he has a special advantage but as he reads it, he realizes it isn't as special advantage for him, and his vote isn't going to count.  

Any idols?  Joe pulls it out and...... decides to play it for himself.  

Vote is 2 Alan. 2 Joe and Alan is off the island.  Joe tells Ashley "I read your face, thank you baby girl".  

Jeff says, You can make plans but the Survivor Gods don't care about your plans".  Deep, blue eyes, deep. Man, I need a drink after all this!!!  Have a good Survivor Wednesday people!!