Welcome to the Halloween edition of the Survivor Update!  Hoping this update treat is more like a Reeses and less like a box of raisins. 

Natalia was blindsided last week and Kara is upset that she didn't know it was happening, which honey is how you do a blindside.  She feels NAKED!!  Alec blindsided and backsided me!!  Alec'hey baby. you and I are still together.  But now the David's have the numbers...

On Green the sun is out, everyone is laying on the beach drying their soggy privates out and Gabby is HAPPY.  And then the storm comes.  And comes and we get to see everyone on all beaches wet with no fire and miserable.  And it gets worse. Someone must ring a bell when there is tree mail because there is no way Carl would just happen to go out and find tree mail.  But alas, he does and they are all evacuated while a cyclone hits.  Davie is happy to "get his black ASS out of here".  

Next day all of the camps are a mess,  Signs down, flooded and on the tribe with the comfort items SOME OF THE ADIRONDACK CHAIRS ARE KNOCKED OVER!

Challenge:  It's a reward one.  First team gets chickens and a rooster.  Second gets a dozen eggs and third gets nothing.  The challenge is:

Poles

Sandbags in a net

Slingshot

2 targets

Can you tell I don't even care what the challenges are anymore??  

Wrestler John looks like an old toy I had called Stretch Armstrong.  He's buff with loooong arms and a tiny waste.  Seriously he looks much better without clothes.  Which is also a problem I have.....  (Here's a funny story that can also be a scary halloween one.  I had a stretch armstrong doll for ever-you could literally pull it's lets and arms to like 6 feet long and it would shrink back.  I kept it in it's original box and had it in our attic at our old house.  Until we moved when I went to pack up the attic and SOMETHING HAD GOTTEN INSIDE THE BOX AND LITERALLY EATEN STRETCH ARMSTRONG.  All that was left was his little shirt and pants.  I gotta believe whatever the hell lived in my attic ultimately died of cancer from whatever was in Stretch)

Ok, where the hell were we??  Oh, Orange wins the chickens, Purple comes from behind and wins the eggs and Green gets nothing.  Because there was no puzzle for Christian to solve in his head.  

Davie is thrilled with the KBC-kentucky boiled chicken.  Kara is still simmering and she talks to Carl.  Says she needs a new alliance and that they can't go into the merge with Alec because he is untrustworthy. She also talks to Elizabeth who wants to trust her but can't really.  She thinks Alec has more loyalty now that he has double crossed his original tribe and Kara is the one that needs to go.  

On purple, Angelina is a vegetarian and is excited with the eggs because she hasn't eaten any protein.  Call me crazy but I think there should be a get out of vegetarianism card when you are on Survivor. Or basically when you are anything other than a first world citizen.  Natalia wants them to cook the eggs up and gobble them down  right away.  Lyrsa wants to save them and says that cooking them will make them go bad faster.  No idea if this is true.  These two go head to head.  Mike says that Natalie has a masters degree in ungraciousness.  He's ready to have Survivor without her.  

The boys are bonding on Green.  They're calling each other Bro-chahontas. Gabby is an outsider.  Former fat guy Dan goes looking and finds an idol clue-the idol is at the next immunity challenge.  He says that fat him would be proud.  I'm sooooo over this but I am 1000% expecting at the reunion show to meet Fat Dan again.  

Immunity Challenge.  Here are the refrigerator magnets used today:

Up and over a wall

Climb platform

Use rope to lift a bridge

Slide down a fire pole

Untie a ball

Use the little ball and this 2 rope thing to move a ball up a vertical maze-this part if really cool.  

During the ball part Dan gets his second idol.  He tries to eat it because HE USED TO BE FAT.  

Orange comes in first,Green comes in second because Christian has a PhD in moving his balls, and Purple is going to tribal.  Still unsure if they have in fact eaten all of the eggs.  

Natalie starts the bidding off with IS IT NICK OR LYRSA???  People half halfheartedly discuss Lyrsa going.  Angelina tells Natalie that she wants Lyrsa's jacket when she goes.  Asks Natalie to make that happen.  Natalie asks Nick to steal the jacket.  She's really bullying him to get the jacket.  "Nick, is that jacket worth $1 million???"

Nick tells Lyrsa that Natalie wants him to steal her jacket.  Mike just can't deal with it anymore.  Mike talks to Angelina about but she's nervous because IT'S A BIG MOVE.  

Tribal

Angelina says it's critical that they remain Goliath strong

Lyrsa points out that nobody knows what they are doing on the other tribes

Nick says that he's never at the center of drama-he's collaborative

The topic of the eggs comes up and Lyrsa tries again to point out that she is a chef and they didn't have the temperature for the eggs

Nick says it gets blown into drama but there really only needed one or two people to make that call

Angelina "has to jump in here" and be her usual pollyanna self.  

Nick says something about Natalie having strong opinions

Lyrsa points out that everyone has had an issue with Natalia

Nick says he tried to talk to her but all she wanted was the jacket

Natalie says that she was negotiating not bullying BECAUSE SHE IS IN SALES

Lyrsa says she is mean and impersonal

Natalie asks Angelina to help her out

Angelina says some horseshit about "she was trying to get the jacket out of love for me"

Mike points out that Angelina is a peacekeeper-she walks a very fine line with Natalie.  He says it's about having the #'s vs having people you can work with and trust

Natalie closes with "but you should see those jackets!!"

Jeff says that she is a person who always needs the last work

To which Natalie says "Not Really...."

Vote.  Lyrsa 2 and Natalie is finally off.  Angelina gives her a hug and then asks for her jacket.  

Natalie??

Natalie??

Natalie???

Ahhhhh.  Enjoy tonight my little goblins!

Survivor Week 4: Drop Your Buffs

If it's Wednesday afternoon you know I am furiously writing a Survivor update!!  

Day 10.  COME IN GUYS!!  But before we change the tribes, let's DASH Elayne Baker's hopes of winning the pool by having her "serious athlete" bail because of a little knee injury.  I didn't even get the Aussie medical dude to make me believe it was justified and now just "oooh, I'm eligible for some Oxy" lame ass excuse.

So, the for the rest of you it's an UNPREDICTABLE TWIST.  Drop you buffs!  It's a tribe re-sorting with the addition of one new tribe that gets nothing.  And apparently Exhile Island because the two people who left due to medical issues fucked up the numbers.    And LOW AND BEHOLD, each of the 3 new teams has a majority of Goliaths.  Totally random!  Who would have thought it POSSIBLE!!

We have the new Purple tribe called Jabeni (Jaboni???) consisting of:

Natalia

Mike

Angelina

Lyrsa

Nick

Orange (Vuku)

Natalie

Kara

Alec

Davie

Elizabeth

Green (Tiva)

John

Dan

Alison

Christian

Gabby

Carl gets to go to Exile Island.  

The new orange people are all excited because they have a GREAT BEACH!!  Why, it's almost like the producers decided to make have and have not tribes!  Alec is happy that "we have the numbers".  Davie, who was originally excited about the opportunity to "start playing the game" realizes he now must start befriending the Caucasians.  He makes some analogy to his driving a great car and how that will help him fit in.  Elizabeth, also on the bottom, starts bonding with Kara and talking about horses.  Natalia ain't happy about this horse talk and thinks Elizabeth and Kara are way too close too soon.  

Exile is probably the same exile that's been used in 7 other seasons.  There's a note that says something about catch me before I'm swept away, which Carl correctly figures out means all of the coconuts being swept out to sea.  He throws himself in (with his cowboy boots still on I think) and scrambles.  After the cameraman points the camera directly at it, he finds the coconut held together with blue string and gets an advantage in the game- an  idol nullifier, which is kind of a cool advantage but not really "just like the sling that took out Goliath".

On purple Mike realizes that they have the Davids of the Davids with Lyrsa and Nick and that basically their entire tribe is the bottom 5 of the game.  Natalie is throwing her considerable weight around and saying she wants Lyrsa and Nick GONE.  And then she starts ordering EVERYONE around.  Haven't we all worked for this kind of person that is soooo awful that everyone is looking at each other like, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME??"  Angelina comments that Natalie just sits on her throne and tells the peasants what to do.  Nick immediately sees this and thinks he has found a crack in their alliance.  He talks to Mike about how crazy she is and tells him he wants to work together, calling this alliance Rock Stars!  

Finally, on green they have nothing.  Christian decides since he can't really do anything physical he will go with the Charm Nuclear Warfare which trust me, so far is working on me!!  He talks to John all about slamtown and John admits that he himself is kind of socially awkward.  Gabby gets upset that he's bonding with his DUDE BRO'S, and does her one trick pony of crying WHAT ABOUT MEEEEE to Christian.  LOL, the whole time they are having their "talk" they are being filmed in sepia.  She thinks they are all the cool kids at the lunch table, and she is only able to talk to Christian. Seriously, is he just being nice or does he think he'll finally be able to lose his virginity??

Challenge, and I realize we have yet to see many of these people in bathing suits.  2 tribes will get immunity but only the first tribe will get breakfast treats and coffee.  

It's one of those caller and blindfold things, this time with the caller riding on basically a wheel barrow being pushed by 2 people through a maze, and then a blind table maze.  Interestingly enough quiet Gabby is one of the callers, along with Kara and Angelina.  Gabby is really good at it, which isn't surprising given that she is a technical writer.  Angelina leading Natalie and Nick are horribly off course.  At the table maze it's Green flying through it for the first place win, and orange with a lead as purple is still working themselves back to the course.  Orange drops their ball, giving the purple tribe time to catch up and with endless tries at getting the ball in the last drop, Purple pulls it out and wins the mini immunity, sending Orange to tribal.  

Orange has to decide Davie or Elizabeth.....or maybe not.....Elizabeth realizes she has a 50/50 chance but she isn't giving up: Git yer butt in gear to find an idol.  

Davie already has the idol so he goes for plan B which is to tell Natalia that Elizabeth wants her out and he really wants to work with the Goliaths.  Natalia goes balistic and automatically says "she has to go".  

Elizabeth tries her hand at Alec, telling him he needs a resume builder BIG MOVE.  He's worried about showing his hand this early.  She tells him she's willing to add her vote for Davie.  Alec talks to Kara and Natalia about voting for Davie instead of Elizabeth but Natalia once again isn't having any of it.  He thinks that she doesn't trust anyone.  Natalia threatens him-if you don't vote with us you have no future.  

Davie taks to Alec and asks him if he really trusts these girls....

Tribal and Carl returns but has no vote.  

Jeff asks Natalia if it's clearly either Davie or Elizabeth.  Yes, we all decided.

Elizabeth says she's so concerned she almost pooped herself, but she can be loyal to anyone

Davie pleads his case and points out that Elizabeth has friends on the other side and a great story

Natalia is excited that the game has started.  

Elizabeth points out that in this modern era of Survivor one has to go down burning, and that big moves are important.

Natalia says that Elizabeth is desperate and that it's too early for big moves.  

While she is talking Alec gets up and goes to whisper in Elizabeth's ear.  Natalia says that she is TOTALLY PISSED OFF and has no idea what just happened.  

Alec them talks to Kara and Davie and Natalia asks ARE YOU VOTING ME OFF?? Kara leans over and says something to her and she says, "LET'S VOTE!"

Vote:  Elizabeth 1, Davie 1 and Natalia is VOTED OFF THE ISLAND!  Woohoo!!  Good riddance!!!  

Survivor Week 3: First Goliath to Go is.....

Welcome back to another fun recap of this season's Survivor!  I, for one, am already liking this show-mostly because I have figured out MOST of these people.  Still having trouble with the dark haired women though!  

Coming off last week's DRAMATIC ROSE CEREMONY, oh wait, BLINDSIDE!!  Davis is pissed that Big Bang Christian didn't tell him how it was going to go.  Christian tries to explain how Gabby got to him and Davie decides that Gabby is the dangerous one.  However, they rejoice that Mason-Dixon is in charge!!

Carl is crying he's so upset about Jessie, some young white girl he met 3 days ago and who has now apparently become his daughter in his mind.  He decides to avenge his non-daughter's honor he needs to "turn it up a notch".  Carl talks to Bi who says she's WIDE WOKE now!  She also blames Gabby and wants to take her out.  

The Goliaths have fish and it's all happy times there!  The wrestler says it's time to break out his old school human to human skills and connect with everyone.  He especially wants to work with Natalie who he thinks just wants to be  the boss bitch.  

Jeremy and Mike continue to be joined at the hip.  They go fishing and Jeremy is afraid to lose the fishing spear.  He tells Mike all about his father having Alzheimer and how sad it is that he is not able to see how much Jeremy appreciates him.  Mike believes that Jeremy is a person of depth BUT his actions make him look like a money grubber.  He doesn't want to be taken down with him in his inevitable flame out.

Gabby and Nick spend some time discussing John and "slamtown" and how much they want to meet him.  I guess they are big wrestling fans.  

Bi and Nick spend time bitching about Gabby saying how fast she got Jess out and how scary that is.  They want her OUT!

Jeremy is beginning his flame out by wondering why there are so many side conversations, what with all of the other potential activities when one is sitting on a beach without any technology to look at.  He wants to get to the merge but the side conversations are signs to him of "distrust".  He literally brings the tribe together to have a meeting about it.  He thinks they need to slow the game strategy down because there's nothing to talk about until they start losing.  Kara thinks he is paranoid.  Mike thinks he is the one spinning right now.  John and Angelina conclude that it's all just strategy to keep people wanting to get rid of Natalie instead of possibly him.  

Jeremy begins to spin about Dan and Kara being to close.  He runs around telling people that he found the idol in Dan't pocket.  John thinks this shows that Jeremy is playing too hard and he doesn't trust him.  

Challenge-and it's raining.  One person does an obstacle course, 3 people unbraid ropes and there's a sled and then a pyramid puzzle.  Wanna know?  Immunity and the Pier 1 Imports comfort stuff.  Goliath has to sit one person out and Natalie insists she wants to do the puzzle.  

Again Bi goes up against Alec but this time Alec gets stuck and loses time.  It all comes down to the puzzle just like you knew it would.  The Davids win immunity finally!!  Bi hurts her athletic knee.  Later she says something about spraining her MCL previously and she already has a knee brace.  Remember when they got one luxury item instead of all the luggage they can carry??  

Most people realize Natalie was NOT the best choice to do the puzzle.  Natalie says it is what it is!  She approaches Jeremy looking for her "support from her brother"...  He basically tells her to look elsewhere and says she has poor communication skills.  

Alison and Angelina talk and Alison thinks Natalie is digging her own grave.  Angelina thinks Jeremy is a better first choice because they can get rid of Natalie any time.  Angelina is really committed to getting rid of Jeremy and she talks to John and Dan about it.  Mike thinks Natalie is a demoralizer and is confused because he thought it was kind of a done deal.  Natalie tries to argue about Natalie but Angelina is pretty insistent.  

Natalie tries to plead her case to Kara and Dan but Jeremy comes up and sits down beside them and a fist ensues when he doesn't want to let her talk and she doesn't want to talk with Jeremy around.  It's a huge crazy scene with Jeremy going nuts and cutting her off.  

Tribal-get your fire because in this game fire equals your life.  It's really raining and there's crazy lightening.  

Angelina says that she always figured the lightening at tribal was fake.  

Mike says something about how he was enjoying sleeping with a tiny basket as a pillow and how his standards have been lowered. 

Jeremy opens the can of whoop ass by saying everyone gets along EXCEPT NATALIE.

Natalie tells Jeff that Jeremy has her as his target

Jeremy tells him that it's her against everyone else and that she's 58 years old and can't deal with people.  

Natalie tells him that Jeremy is ridiculous and completely un self aware of himself

Jeremy says he "guarantees" that if he died, 9 people who be crying over his body but if she died no one would come to her funeral.  Which to me seemed a bit extreme, LOL!

Dan points out that she speaks down to people and says she's used to being a boss but they aren't her employees

Ang says that she believes Natalie doesn't realize who she is being perceived.

Alison says there are no second chances to change people's opinions

Natalie wonders why all the vitriol directed at her?  Why am I a threat?  Says at 57 she is a senior citizen AND RIGHT THERE I WANTED HER ASS TO GO.  

Jeremy predicts that when they merge she won't be aligned with them and Natalie promises she is.

John says his goal this vote is to keep the tribe strong and move forward.  

Time to vote:  Natalie gets 1 and Jeremy is the first Goliath to go.  

David and Goliath Week 2

So onward to week 2!  And it's RAINING.  Team Goliath has no fire and everything is wet.  It's CRUSHING.  IS THE END IN SIGHT??":  LOL.  Day 3 I believe.....

Over on David, it's either morning or not raining somehow.  Anyway Nick and Christian chat.  Nick says he knows he was supposed to go home because no one is talking to him.  Christian says it's a good thing they didn't have to go to tribal because there is still "alliance ambiguity".  Nick thinks one of the girls needs to go.  Like, apparently just out of the blue if they don't have a penis let's vote em out.  Oh, and along with some misogyny we need a cool alliance name.  How about "mason dixon"?  Suuuuuure, why not??  

On Goliath they get tree mail- "it's been unrelentingly raining for 3 days.  Here's a fire making kit and a tarp, Love Jeff."  .  Jesus.  Remember whey they starved and had to jump into the flooded out campground to get half a bag of friggin rice??  Survivor kids today have it soooo easy.  

Dan still thinks he is living the dream.  Losing more weight on the Survivor diet, got a hot blonde girlfriend AND an idol!  Kara asks him where the idol is and he says, "over there in my jacket wrapped in a sock., No one will EVER look there."  Kara is starting to get the vibe that he's a creeper stalker and is being too obvious about their alliance.  People are noticing too. Alec thinks Kara is playing Dan.  

Natalie tells Kara to "chill out on the couple thing".  Kara complains to the other girls that he's too much.  They all check their dance cards and realize that each of them has a male alliance that they can control so they're in charge.  They decide to go for Natalie.  

Jeremy and Mike are bonding.  While Mike watches, Jeremy goes through Dan;s jacket and sees the idol.  He tells Mike.  Mike thinks he has gone from the bottom and now has new life in the game.  "info is now the advantage".

On Orange Davie decides his role is to be the provider.  And while he is providing he is praying and looking like a ninja.  He finds a strange string on a branch and them he finds the idol.  

Carl states that it was going to be Nick but then Pat went home.  He talks to the girls and mansplains to them that Lyrsa is the weakest and she should go.  You are the weakest link, goodbye.  Oh, sorry wrong game.  Elizabeth doesn't think that adds up to her.  She is in an alliance with Lyrsa and she "aint gonna sit back-git into gear!"  She tells Lyrsa what Carl said.  Lyrsa asks who the F won the first challenge??  She wants to confront him but realizes she can't.  But she wants him OUT.  

They're all frolicking and crabbing over on Goliath.  Natalie says they are all childish and she ain't doing any of that. Seriously, all she has done is snarl and sit on her ass the entire time.  The boys stand around and talk about her lack of social awareness.  John likes her and wants to be her secret alliance.  He tells her that they are all talking about her.  Natalie loses it and decides she isn't going out quietly.  Why the old lady???  I'm the weakest!!!  She runs around confronting everyone, says she's going to push things with Natalie Napalm.  

Jeremy tries to give her some advice.  Starts talking to her about her lack of self awareness and she argues with him.  "You don't have to define self awareness for me!!!"  She totally won't listen.  He says, she's been married for 24 years to someone who must love her so she isn't about to change her ways.  Ya gotta wonder what all of those young employees of hers are thinking watching this.....

Challenge, and yes that was a cyclone.  

Wanna know?  Immunity and a fancy fishing kit with a first ever POLE.  

The challenge starts with a 2 rung ladder where you have to stand on one rung and reach under and pull the lower one out and reposition so you can climb.  The Davids make the most ridiculous choice to have Bi do the challenge and she is too small to reach around and move the rungs.  They get crushed so bad in the part of the challenge.  Part 2 is a raft they swim out to get keys I think and part 3 is a pretty elaborate puzzle.  It's a blow out although the puzzle takes an hour to complete and surely there was time for David to recover. But no.  Goliath wins immunity again.  

Christian says it's time to pick the scab off all the boiling blood.  Lyrsa says it's like the Goliaths are invincible and SO DAMN LARGE.  Bi says that with her sport it's not about size but about finding solutions to the obstacles.  

Gabby approaches Jesse and Bi and asks who they are all voting for.  They say Lyrsa and don't want to discuss it any further.  "Simple and easy".  Gabby is upset because she is also one of the weakest and worries about next time.  

Lyrsa and Elizabeth talk.  Lyrsa is pissed.  Elizabeth asks, "why not Jesse??"  Lyrsa agrees because Jesse is the glue between Bi and Carl and getting rid of Jesse would get rid of that threesome.  They talk to Gabby who agrees.  Christian walks up and they hit him with it.  He's surprised how fast the game is going but happy because that's about how fast his computer brain goes.  He sits with Gabby who asks him if he wants to play with him.  In the sand??  No IN THE GAME.  She begs him pretty hard.  He talks with Nick about whether to go with the safe, easy vote of Lyrsa or the risky move of Jesse which will lay down alliance lines.  

Tribal

Lyrsa-yes I knew it was going to rain but not like this.

Bi and Carl both say everyone got all tight

Elizabeth says the crisis brought them all together

BUUUUT

Lyrsa says you could cut the tension with a knife. "I know I am on the chopping block" but I don't know why.

Jesse says that if you were waiting until tribal to start figuring out who to vote for you need to check yourself. It's a game for a million dollars

Gabby says she gets that but in fact they've all been playing all along

Bi states that her vote is on performance tonight and she's decided.

Christian waxes about how yes people are playing individual games at this point BUT there are not 9 targets,  The vote has been narrowed to a few choices.

Nick says something about it being a game of deceit and you need to balance trust with what will advance the team.

Christian says that we are too early for a merge to trust has to take a backseat to what will help the team succeed.

Jesse says the game has much more high nerves than she expected but it's also exhilarating.

Christian goes on eloquently about risk, excitement and roller coasters.  But I didn't write it down.  LOL!!

Time to vote!  

Lyrsa 4 and SURPRISE!!!  Jesse gets  votes and is gone!  WOW!!!