Hello people!!  I'm going to try to bang through this update because I have wrapping and buying and baking and cleaning to do still!!  Is it me or is this a VERY late finale??  Late or not this has been a spectacular season of Survivor game play!!  Particularly once Jeff shut the HELL up with the David and Goliath junk philosophy.

So we begin this episode after that amazing tribal where Christian played his idol and Gabby ended up on the jury.  Christian still got 5 votes and is now suspecting Nick's motives.  

Nick surmises that there is another idol in play.  While looking for it he decides to make a fake idol and hides it, hoping someone will find it and try to use it. But like a kid on Christmas, that idol was burning a whole in him and he decided, in front of Ang and Christian to pull it out and pretend to find it to give himself time to find the real one.  He thinks, HOW EASY WAS THAT!!  And now the search is over.  

Nick tells Kara about the idol.  Davie hears the story as well but doesn't believe it.  He must know Nick is a snake by now.  He wonders, "what if that was his old idol?" and decides to keep looking-tells Christian he is gonna need all the help he can get to take him out.  Christian isn't so sure about taking him out because, like everyone left, they need someone WORSE to hide behind.  

Reward challenge:  Untangle enough rope to get through an obstacle course and to the beanbag throw.  Of course you also need enough rope to pick up the missed bean bags but not everyone thinks of that in their initial zeal.  Wanna know?  A helicopter ride to a resort where they can order off the menu.  Including the Fijian bang bang with the happy ending, Jeff??  Davie wins reward.  Davie is also a dead ringer for Lavar Burton in his starring role as Kunta Kinte in Roots with his bandana on his neck and his stroooong black sweaty chest.  

Who so you want to join you in an afternoon in the big Massa's house Kunta?  I'll take Master Nick.  You get another pick but does anyone want to plead their case?  Angelina plays her Rice Card ONE MORE TIME.  He picks Kara.  Ang thinks Davie  just made a million dollar mistake.....  

Returning to camp Ang is STILL ANGRY she can't still be using that rice as a cudgel.  I mean, what's the point of using your YALE SKILLS on these low class people?  She decides to make herself a big old pot of revenge rice, which apparently is NOT best eaten cold.

On the reward Davie explains he wanted to keep his frenemies (Nick) close and his friends (Kara) closer.  I must have missed his bonding with Kara.  He decides while on the reward he will talk to Kara about getting rid of Nick.  She tells him that Nick might have 2 idols.  He needs to go.  Davie says they need to blindside him.  Whatever we do, DO NOT TELL NICK OR ANGELINA.  Kara sees this as a way to take "her game" to the next level.  

Kara talks to Alison.  Tells her that Davie wants to take out Nick without Angelina or Mike knowing.  Alison is like, OMG ANOTHER WEEK WHERE IT'S NOT ME!!

And then Alison runs right to Mike.  Says she's doing it to "prove her loyalty".  To a snake. OK.  

Mike says this will break the game wide open but he's torn because he is bonded with Nick. 

Davie still thinks there is a real idol out there.  So he looks and WHAT A FUCKING SURPRISE finds a clue to an advantage.  "Chose your moment and return to the merge feast area.  He waits until it is raining and goes out.  It's an idol to be used only at the next tribal BUT.... There are 4 urns and he can prolong the life of the idol by picking the right urn.  However it will cost his next vote.  Davie stands there heavy in thought and asks God, who watches Survivor and waits until he's needed to throw the game.  He calls on God to give him a sign, maybe have the fire point to the right urn.  Instead God flips him off and the flames point away from them.  

Immunity Challenge

Cmoninguys!!!

It's a waiter challenge.  Stand on a perch and balance BALLS on a disk.  And it's all BALLS BALLS BALLS from here.  Now, I have actually been asked to NOT include any BALL jokes in this update (Jeff Sellman I am looking at you tying my hands on the best material of the season).  But before I get to the BALL jokes, I want to point out that Jeff was wearing little pedi socks in his shoes like a girl.   (Jeff Probst, not Sellman, although I don't ACTUALLY  know Jeff Sellman wasn't wearing pansy little girl pedi socks either).  And also before we get to the BALL jokes can I say how UNGODLY gross  those ugly high wasted leggings of Angelina's are??  I  mean, Jesus, there must be a swarm of dead fish loving insects just riding on her crotch at all times.  

BALLS BALLS BALLS.  Jeff is just making one double entendre after another!!  It's just a damn shame I promised JEFF SELLMAN that I wouldn't mention all of the BALL JOKES out there.  Sigh.  

After all of the descending, and dropping, on the move balls and hanging ball jokes we AREN'T going to talk about, it comes down to Mike vs Alison.  And has anyone noticed Alison routinely has bandaids on her feet??  WTF??  Is she shagging that Aussie medical dude off camera??  Since when do they get bandaids???  

Mike wins immunity.  

Back at camp Nick says that Alison is a big threat and he's worried about the David vs Goliath numbers.  Nick tells Ang and Kara that he wants Alison. Nick tells Mike it's Alison.  Mike  says there are 2 scenarios but he's feeling bold and wants Christian.  

Mike talks to Angelina about Christian.  Ang thinks Nick is a bigger threat.  Mike talks to Nick about Christian.  I am already crying about this.  

Nick says he is worried that Alison has an idol. He tells Davie that his second one is fake. Now Davie doesn't want Nick out, wants Alison to go.  But either way he is playing his idol.  

Mike decides to "lay out the cards" and tells Nick that Davie is gunning for him.  But instead of going for Davie they should go for Christian this time....

Tribal

Nick says they are all still going  mph but that MORE aggressive play is needed

Angelina says  her vote is more about who is left

Davie says his mind is in a frenzy with who to trust

For the first time I am convinced Jeff's astute and pointed questions are dubbed in later

Christian points out that everyone left has written his name down at some point

Ang says the game is now fluid

and Davie agrees that every tribal has different voting blocs

Mike says that everyone left really likes each other so you still want to work with people that you have voted for

Nick says this is high level of gameplay

Alison says that once you do survive you are an even bigger threat

Christian jokes that everyone can stop voting for him now because he is willing to work with anyone

Mike says this could be a million dollar vote and because he is safe he wants to make a big impact

Time to vote.....

Any idols??  Davie plays one.....for himself.  Alison is just sitting there taking her pulse.  Maybe we should stop tribal and have medical pull her?

Nick plans an idol.......for who??  He says it was a fake idol but he wanted to read people's faces. Angelina tells him he doesn't need to.....he decides to play the real one for himself.  

Davie gets 2 votes....Alison gets 2.....and GOD DAMMIT Christian is voted off.   Nick realizes he wasted his idol.  

  

So...tomorrow night!!!  Get all your shit done by 8 because I think it is going to be a BARN BURNER finale!!!  Good luck to everyone and in this  house I will be holding my nose and rooting for Mike.  

Survivor: Play that damn idol!!

Hello and welcome to another week of Survivor!  WHAT AN EPISODE!!  Finale is scheduled for next Wednesday so congrats to everyone still hanging in!  I don't think I have paid, so Nancy do you want to double check where we are?

So, last week we had a blindside that Nick was unaware of in advance.  He's totally pissed off at how DUMB the David's were to blow the numbers when they worked so hard to get back on top.  Nick tells Christian that Gabby just flipped and the Mason Dixon alliance is dead.  

Reward Challenge- and it's the big family day!  So we have:

Davie's mom Hazel who says he has always been an explorer

Alison's mom Willa

Kara's HUGE brother Eric

Nick;s dad Jim who is also huge

Gabby's mom Carnita who says Gabby is type A and calls her constantly to calm her down.  Well, move over Carnita because that role is now filled 24/7 by Christian

Angelina's mom Anna-who within the first 30 seconds gets to hear all about the fucking rice deal.  IS IT ME OR ARE THESE MOMS REALLY YOUNG??

Mike's gentleman friend Josh.  Mike says it gets harder when you see everyone has a network of people pulling for them

and...Christian's very shy girlfriend Emily.  She tells him he looks like a crazy man and he just keeps apologizing to her.  It's clear he really adores her and it's also clear Gabby is taking note of every second of their interaction.  

They no longer have the families actually participate in the challenges, which is a bummer, but instead the survivors are paired up and go through an obstacle course, dig up keys and have to throw and land 2 balls on a perch.  

Angelina and Nick win.  They get to pick 2 other couples and pick Davie and his mom, and Mike and Josh.  On the way out Christian tells Emily to enjoy the flight home and watch a lot of movies.  

The reward is food.  And maybe a boat ride.  I can't really remember but they are all together eating.  Nick tells his Dad that "this could be the final 4".  Angelina announces to the group that this is her preferred final 4, and Mike says they have to figure out how to make it happen.  Davie isn't so sure because they're basically all Goliath  and him, and he is starting to rethink this whole final 4 thing...

Back on the beach Christian is talking about Emily and how shy she is.  I think it's more of a clinical issue but yea, let's all just go with 'shy".  Meanwhile Gabby realizes that he was comforting Emily like he does her.....Hmmmmm.  

And then her eyes turn dark green, she rips out of her red plaid shirt and green pants and says to Alison, "I think we need to get rid of Christian".  She says she needs to show the jury that she can play her own game.  She doesn't want to be seen as Christian's side kick because she basically has been Christian's sidekick for 31 days.  Kara is like I'M ALL DOWN WITH THAT.  

BANG,  we are back to the immunity challenge.  Stand holding a pole in the palm of your hand that is attached to a bucket of water.  Given the last IC took 5 hours and Jeff had to listen to Christian explain quantum physics, they went into the challenge closet and found the fastest one they could.  Oh and to make it go even faster, every couple of minutes they had to move their feet.  (And DO NOT tell me those bugs biting everyone during the challenge weren't being thrown in by the camera crew).  

It comes down to Kara and Davie and Kara wins immunity and they unleash the kracken of tribal jockeying.  

Gabby says for the 1000th time, "it's time for me to make a BIG RESUME BUILDING move".  Gabby talks to Christian and he says they have to get Alison out.  Gabby thinks PERFECT we can blindside him!  And then of course Gabby goes away to cry about having to get rid of her best friend.  

Gabby tells Nick and Davie that Christian is the biggest threat and he's been getting all of the credit for the big moves.  Nick is like, "CHRISTIAN IS DEAD TO ME".  So now he's fine with further decimating the David numbers.  

Nick and Davie tell the plan to Mike and Ang, and they decide that if he uses his idol, Gabby is the back up.  Davie though isn't all on board with this because if Christian goes, who is going to be his shield?  

Davie tells Christian "you gotta be careful about Gabby, she is gunning for you".  Christian is STUNNED.  He asks if Nick is in with the plot and Davie tells him he is.  

Christian decides he has to repair things with Nick so he goes and apologizes to him, says he "made an error and I understand why you are angry".  Which is so refreshing from the usual "sorry if you got upset" bullshit apologies of today.  Nick says he doesn't trust him anymore but he'll manipulate him back.  Nick tells him, "As long as it's Alison, I'm cool with it".  Christians heads into tribal saying he has Nick back in his good graces but still isn't sure if he needs to play his idol tonight.  PLAY THE FUCKING IDOL!!!

Tribal, and clearly Carl has drank all the beer at Ponderosa and is still mad.

Angelina says some people were mad about the big move last week

Nick says that "just because someone makes a big move doesn't mean it is a good move

Christian says it effects them going forward or probably something much more intelligent that went over my head.

Nick says he and Christian rebuilt their relationship.  And then I'm sure he winks.

Gabby says she is now ALL CONFIDENT about her ability in the game

Alison says that she is now a bigger target.  

Angelina says not everyone has a target on their back just "someone who I don't see an ending with"

Nick says something about putting people on the jury that you don't want to go up against.  PLAY YOUR FUCKING IDOL CHRISTIAN

Mike waffles about it never being easy or safe and then moves might not be the right choice.  

Time to vote.

PLAY YOUR FUCKING IDOL CHRISTIAN

Anyone have an idol?

PLAY YOUR FUCKING IDOL CHRISTIAN

Christian, "hang on Jeff, I'm not sure yet".....he looks around

PLAY YOUR FUCKING IDOL CHRISTIAN'

"Ok, something is telling me to play it.

Gabby asks him how he got that big brain.

Christian gets 7 votes, DOES NOT COUNT.

Alison gets 1 and

GABBY GETS TO GO TO PONDEROSA and melt down alone with Carl. "Sorry Christian, I love you...." "See you soon!!"

Giant Survivor Recap

Good afternoon and welcome to this week's update, which will also include the night before Thanksgiving AMAZING TRIBAL.  Sorry there was no update last week, please forward your complaints on to Verizon, who left me without cable for 7 days!!  Thank GOD there are no sports fans in this house!!

So the week before last included one of the most amazing tribal councils ever.  Feeling this was their last chance to keep the game from become a Goliath romp, the David's pooled all of their ammunition.  First, Davie played his "steal a vote" and took Alison's vote (ignoring correctly her promises to join the Davids).  After the vote Dan, who was the target played his idol.  Upon opening the basket, Jeff revealed that the new MOST POWERFUL tool ever, the idol nullificator, had been played and Dan's idol no longer had any power.  Dan's face when he was voted out was priceless!!!

So now we have 10 people left with a 5-5 split and the first equal chance the David's have had in a long time.  Carl says they are "masterminds" that will make Survivor history, and their goal now is to bury the Goliaths.  

Ang is all WTF happened?  She believes she was stabbed in the back by her own alliance-says she can be much more vicious than she's been to date.  

It's early morning and the scrappy Davids are all up looking for a new replacement idol or advantage.  He and Davie decide to look at the other side of the beach where so far nothing has been found.  They of course find all the signs and the rock path the producers left leading them RIGHT TO A CLUE.  The clue tells them they have to be daring, sneaking out of camp and going to the farthest point to find the idol hopefully without being noticed missing.  

Reward Challenge:  2 teams, rope bridge and then basically throwing giant rolling pins on a giant ladder.  Wanna know??  A picnic with wraps, salads and alcohol.  Yay for alcohol!  Team 1 (purple): Ang, Nick, Carl, Kara and Davie.  Team 2 (orange): Alec, Alison, Gabby, Mike and Christian.  Alec is a crazy challenge winner and the orange team comes from behind to win.  

At the reward, Alec says he was the star.  He thinks that this is his opportunity to get back into Gabby and Christian's good graces.  He claims he wasn't part of Goliath the last vote and basically says he's putting on the waiter charm in order to get a big tip from G and C.  Alison also tries to suck up saying she is NOW totally committed to working with them.  Gabby thinks she has more options now on who to work with.  

On the reward, they get their letters from home and it's all determination and tears now.  Christian says he is now a force and needs to make hard decisions.  I'm so totally into Christian-he's such a strange dude but in a hot way.  Is it just me ladies??

On the beach Carl is frustrated, having never gotten a reward challenge.  No food is no food.  Carl tells the losers that Alec is a challenge beast and asks if anyone knows if he has an idol.  Kara is like, really??  In front of me he is asking over confidently about my alliance member??  

Returning to camp, both Alec and Alison barf up the excess food they stuffed down their gullets.  Nick just needs them to go to bed so he can get the idol.  

Later in the night Nick takes off and Davie tries to cover for him.  Alison is still up but is too busy throwing up the Chicken Caesar wrap made with that bad romaine we keep hearing about.  Nick walks into the light, literally, and finds the idol.  "People are going to find out that I'm strong soon".  

Immunity Challenge.   Although today would have been a good day for the disgusting food, instead it's a balance thing, the twist being you have to hold onto a handle behind your head.  Jeff: "if you feel secure you can opt out and feast on nachos and beer.  Ang, Carl and Nick opt out.  

Ang and Carl clink beer bottles and toast to the future and Alec losing.  

After 2 hours it's Christian, Gabby and Alec.  Alec is telling them he is going to win no matter what.  Gabby is upset because she thinks this is the only challenge she has a shot at winning but he gets into her head and she drops out.  So it comes down to Christian and Alec.  Alec keeps up telling Christian that no matter how long it takes, he's not going to win.  After 3 hours Christian asks Jeff if he can tell a story and then continues to talk science and god knows what all for about 2 more hours.  He's funny as hell saying when is he ever again going to get the chance to say, "Jeff, by the way...".  It's really brilliant because it keeps his mind occupied and drives Alec nuts.  Christian tells Alec that he's safe but Christian isn't.  He also tells Alec that he may never again get the chance to win immunity again.  Alec appears to get dizzy and drops leaving Christian to win immunity!!  Tribal isn't for a day and a half which is a long time for plans to go awry.  

Alec thinks that he lost mentally.  Says he couldn't handle it.  "People see me as too much of a threat".  

Carl wants Alec gone.  He's too much of a challenge beast.  Gabby, who is waaaaay too "sensitive" thinks Carl is being too controlling.  Calls him the godfather.  She is infuriated that he told Kara their desire to get rid of Alec.  

Christian and Gabby have yet another therapy session.  Gabby wants to know why Kara had to know about the last tribal when she didn't know.  She feels like her not knowing made her look stupid.  Christian tells her that she's being too emotional, tries to calm her down.  Christian thinks Carl and Gabby are on a collision course.  

Alec talks with Alison and they think Carl is blinded by power and driving things.  He tells Nick and Kara that they should get rid of Carl.  He tells Christian.  Christian was thinking of getting rid of Alec but he wonders if having Alec still around takes the target off him.  Says he needs people to perceive other threats around.   

Tribal:

And first can I point out that Elizabeth actually looked BETTER before she got cleaned up for the jury???

Christian says it was very vulnerable of him to say that he could win that challenge.  He also talks about always having the memory of having Jeff as a captive audience. 

Alec says he also felt vulnerable but he got dizzy

Jeff asks Nick about sitting out and eating and he says in fact other people were saying they should have eaten as well.  

Carl points out that it was so far his only chance for food

Kara digs him that he apparently felt comfortable enough to sit out.

Christian says it's a calculated decision to make

Angelina says something about it being part of her calculation to sit out.

Alison says that she doesn't buy ANYTHING Ang says anymore.

Ang calls her a hypocrit and says all of this is about more than her eating nachos, and points out that last week's vote said a lot.  

Alison says that there are no blurring of lines between Davids and Goliaths-says "we all know Alec is going"

Alec points out that he may be a threat but he also may be a shield for some people.  

Christian says something about every strength can also become a weakness

Carl doesn't think they were $1 million nachos.  'I feel I made the right decision based upon my connections'.  

Time to vote.  Any idols?  Nope, for a change! Carl gets 1 vote and Alec is the next member of the jury.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!!

We are now at 5 Davids and 4 Goliaths.  Nick (famous last words) "we have all of the power now".  

Alison cries about Alec going and Christian comforts her.  She tells him "I always wanted to work with you".  She says that she is now the biggest threat, wants to know if she missed her opportunity to work with Christian and Gabby.  

Reward Challenge- 2 teams, swim to a ladder, climb way up and jump off.  Dive down and get buoys and then sink baskets.  Christian sits out.  Wanna know?  A speed boat cruise and a chicken dinner.  Orange: Kara picks Carl, Davie and Mike.  Purple: Alison picks Nick, Gabby and Alison.  Orange wins reward and Jeff's personal speedboat picks them  up for reward. Carl starts drinking beer almost immediately.  

Kara says it's a great time to reconnect with Carl and Davie.  Mike says it's a good time to suck to the new kings.  Carl keeps sucking the beer down and declares that Alison has to go next.  Kara is pissed off that he thinks she would go along with that.   Davie is also drunk.  He says something about now being an athlete and proving his "black heart".  Carl says there are people remaining that are shady.  Says Alison is shade but I LOVE YOU GUYS!!  Kara says she is just a pawn in his game, and she knows where his head is now (up his ass IMO).

Back at camp Gabby is on another whine.  Carl is perceived as calling all the shots-we need to remove him AND get the credit.  Gabby tells Alison she wants to blindside Carl.  

Meanwhile Carl is still drunk, telling Davie, Ang and Nick that it's Alison next.  Ang is his new best friend.  She says it's those 4 and Christian will go along.  They decide to now tell Gabby-says that Ang has now replaced Gabby.  

Mike says that Carl is the godfather and he is OK with the blindside.  Alison is just "hey it's not  me so I'm cool".  

Carl tells Christian but says they're not telling Gabby.  Christian says he loves to defer to someone half sloshed.  He decides that's the final datapoint that Carl has to go.  Christian tells Mike he's ready to flip on Carl.  Mike feels like it's all a win win for him-either the godfather goes or wonder woman goes.  

In the morning Christian tells Gabby "now I'm telling you the real plan, wink wink".  Gabby is glad she is making a move- "do people think I'm stupid"?  No, Gabby, they think you are an emotional nut job with the constant tears.

Ang and Alison talks about the rice being depleted.  Ang says it's her chance to use her mad negotiation skills from her YALE MBA class with Jeff.  Seriously, I shudder to imaging what kind of assholes there are in the Yale MBA program.   Mike is aggravated that she has basically done an inventory of everything they have and is ready to sell it all for a bag of rice.  

Challenge: Over an obstacle, then the spinny post which makes me sick watching it, then cross a balance beam, followed by a word puzzle. 

Ang: Jeff the tribe is wondering if you are open to negotiating for rice?  Jeff: what's your offer?  

Ang: all of the fishing gear, all of the cook stuff, 2 chairs, the hanging seat, sex with all of the women remaining, the men will wash your car every week for life.... for a bag of rice?

Jeff:  Or, someone could give up a shot at immunity and I'll send rice rationed every day

Ang: I'll do it!!  He was probably going to offer that deal anyway but Ang thinks she just got a big item for her resume.  CAN I SAY HOW EFFING SICK I AM OF THIS WHOLE RESUME SHIT???

I totally was guessing Carl and Davie would stagger hungover through the challenge but I underestimated their capacity for drinking.  They all end up at the work puzzle which has 11 letters from the 13 they have.  Carl gets "perceptions" but that's not the right word.  However it is close enough that both Davie and Alison realize what the answer it.  Davie wins immunity seconds before Alison gets it.  

Ang thinks the rice negotiation was the best case scenario.  "I was able to close the deal with Jeff AND we can now take Alison out.  Ang is all "oh, it's ok, you all don't have to thank me for the rice.  

Carl says, "no discussion.  It's Alison.  We are using Mike and Ang for the vote".

Alison tells Kara that she knows it's her.  She says her game depends on Christian, Gabby, Kara and Mike.  "We need to keep Mike with us".

Mike: "I'm a brilliant director and actor.  It's easier for my game if Alison goes but Carl is totally annoying".

Christian says "Mike is an actor but I have to trust him".  Gabby: "If Carl goes home I'll be vindicated.  But if he doesn't. I'll be exposed."

Tribal

Kara says although it appeared there was a shift last week with the unanimous vote, nothing is official until it's signed.

Alison says last week's vote was to prove alliance to the Davids

Ang says they are now giving each other permission to play hard without hurt feelings

Alison says it has been too calm at camp, which is discomforting

Carl says some arrogant shit like "if they want to come talk to me they can"

Gabby says conversations this week have been very deliberate.  You have to have confidence in your alliance

Mike says it's now not just as easy as picking off Goliaths

Ang says some bullshit about nervous energy and brings up her big rice deal ("nobody has ever done a deal this big in the history of this country"-where have I heard that recently??)

Davie says again that although there could be one plan there are 9 other personal plans going on

Vote...Idol? Nope

Alison 4....Carl 5 and there are a lot of very confused looks!!  

Jeff: "The lines have blurred".

And may we not have many more of these 2 hour episodes to cover!! Seriously is anyone still reading???