We are in Fiji again. Survivor has been in Fijii 7 times, and the last 6 straight. Jeff no doubt owns a time share for June/July. It would not surprise me that the show owns the beaches they are filming on, and that they are fenced off from animals and natives. I'm sure that's also where Mark Burnette off shore's his money.
So we start as we always do with 14 bright eyed newbies anxiously awaiting their 15 minutes of fame. On a boat. Jeff is blabbering and then up comes ANOTHER BOAT with 4 returning survivors. All of the women wet themselves over Joe with his little man bun. Seriously it was ridiculous. Poor Jeff. Also joining is David, who I completely forgot about but was a scary little wimp the first time he played and is now all full of himself having figured out how to shit in the shallow water. We also have 2 returning women, Kelley Wentworth, who I am almost positive Jeff has slept with, and Aubry who I am also positive Jeff has NOT slept with.
They have a boat with supplies, 2 minutes to grab stuff and then jump into the ocean and swim. Keith can't swim, which is in keeping with the Survivor black guy stereotype. Just a few notes to start off: There's a news Anchor named Rick who's amazed at all of the food they have. Kelley Wentworth wants to be all about "relationships" this time around as opposed to being the bitch she was previous 2 times she was on. David wants to be "helpful" to the newbies.
The tribes are divided as follows:
Manu-Blue
Kelley-31 in Marketing
David 44 television writer originally from Philly
Reem 46, sales
Chris 25, sales
Kieth 19 Pre Med
Lauren 21 Student
Rick 33 TV anchor
Don "Wardog" 38 law student/former military
Wendy 25 has an etsy store
Kama-Yellow
Aubry 32 marketing
Joe 29, hangs around looking hot
Aurora 32 divorce laywer
Eric 34 firefighter
Gavin 23 YMCA director, clearly needs the money
Julia- 24 medical assistant formerly of Hazleton PA
Julie 46 "toymaker"
Ron 46 a teacher at the "Ron Clark Academy" which was the subject of a made for tv movie and he's been on Oprah
Victoria 23 waitress but she still has time, bless her heart.
OK, back to the show. Everyone is busy building shelter and making fire. The women of Kama are mainly watching Joe work, as is someone who says "I'm gay and I'm team Joe".
Wendy is talking with Reem and is making noises. She is an adorable little thing with a mild form of tourettes. Which is a real disease but also makes me laugh because there once was a 60 minutes episode (back in the 70s) I believe about an old white woman in the south whose form of it forced her to repeatedly say the N word whenever she was around a person of color. It was tragic and so fucking politically uncorrectly funny. But, damnit, I digressed YET AGAIN.
The Ron Clark Academy was the only one smart enough to know there was probably an advantage hidden among the gear on the boat. He found it and reads it- "dig 3 feet east of tree mail". Off he goes and finds an advantage which has a menu of options it can be used for (I forgot to write them down) but it has to be used in the first 3 tribals.
Joe and Aubry are feeling "good vibes" from everyone and are hoping to not be targeted first. They decide to lay low.
Everyone is pairing up and sizing each other up. Eric and southern boy Gavin aren't sure about Joe and Aubry being back. Eric wants Aubry gone in the typical male threatened by a strong woman pissing contest.
Reem is the mom. And is spending time cleaning everyone's room and reminding them to drink water. She appears to keep taking people's wet things and laying them on the wet sand to dry. 19 year Keith is missing his mom and is very happy for Reem to mother him. Next thing you know Reem is in the water helping Keith practice his swimming. Wendy is also tagging along. Rick the news dude sees it and immediately gets all "omg those 3 are bonding". They're "dividing themselves from everyone else". They all laugh because those 3 are the perceived losers and they've self sorted themselves out.
Challenge: Ok, it has like 15 parts with an obstacle course, a rope one person has to climb and ring a bell, then a balance beam which leads to knots that when untied open the balance beam to be not so narrow, Then someone climbs a crows nest and something something there's a giant puzzle. Oh, the rope climb in step 2a is exactly the thing from the president's physical fitness crapola from junior high so I now know why you would want that skill.
So, blue can't get over the balance beam while Joe the beautiful kicks ass. Kelley takes a BIG FALL , and everyone ends up at the puzzle. Yellow wins immunity sending blue to tribal.
Reem, Wendy, Rick and Keith are at the well and Reem and Wendy are discussing getting rid of Kelley or Lauren who seem to have paired up. Keith doesn't like that and runs to David et all to tell them. David want Reem out. People seem to be cool with it. Wardog decides to pull Wendy aside and get her take but she's in with Reem and says she can't help her age. Wardog then suggests voting Wendy out instead. Wendy tells Keith and Reem that everyone is targeting Reem, who confronts David and Rick but ultimately gets nowhere. "Screw them"
Tribal and FIRE IS YOUR LIFE.
Basically it starts as someone pointing out there are several mini groups and then Jeff says, "Reem you seem annoyed" and it goes down hill from there. Bottom line is everyone is crapping on Reem, saying she's mothering them, etc. Reem tries to argue her way out, saying things like "if you didn't want me touching your stuff, you should have said something" but even Reem realizes about half way through that indeed the "old lady" is probably the one going home first as literally every one is jumping on her.
Finally Jeff puts an end to it and they vote.
Kelley 1
Wendy 3
Lauren 1
Reem 5 at least.....
Reem leaves and gets to a fork in the road-wanna keep playing? Take a torch and follow the path to a boat. Last thing we see is her getting out of the boat on an island and saying..."OMG there is nothing here....."
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