Survivor China Episode 1

Man, it's a little hard getting back in the swing of it, my head is full of comments! First of all, notice tonight that they have tweaked the soundtrack of SURVIVOR CHINA to reflect that this is a MONUMENTAL UNDERTAKING, NEVER ATTEMPTED BEFORE. Having 16 people actually LIVE in China for 30 plus days. Man. Wait till the 50 bazillion Chinese find out their lives are just one big reality show. I totally can't wait for the Tiannenman Square challenge. And if anyone knows how to spell Tiannenman, you get a gold star for the day.

Ok, so the music is a combination of that African chanting but with a Chinese accent. Kind of haunting and yet simplistic.

My man Jeff is looking dimpled and hot. I was a little disappointed by the safari outfit. I kind of expected him to be in chinese attire, maybe a little velvet hat with a tassel, or a collarless jacket. And some silk elastic waist pants. Ahhhhh.

Where was I? So, you knew when you saw them walking in with tons of luggage that they weren't gonna get to keep any of that. Is that for them to do their hair after they're kicked off? Or don't these people know they are going on Survivor, where you wear the same thing for 30 days. Like, "hey, I think they changed the rules this time and we get to have electricity and change out clothes every day".

So, first lamb up to the slaughter is the christian radio host, Leslie. Um, did you NOT just hear Jeff say the is NOT a religious ceremony at the Buddhist temple? And, did she really say when she walked out that "I'm not really religious but my religion says you can't worship anyone but one God". Yea, they really give those christian radio talk shows to people who are NOT REALLY RELIGIOUS. Good one. Kinda spooky that she hooked right up with the grave digger though. And, can I say that the grave digger is pretty cool. I just may have to take that cremation thing outa my will.

Courtney! Chill girl. Even without the buddhist ceremony, you ain't gonna get to sit under at tree and drink lemonaide until your ass is kicked off this show.

Teams are split into Zhan Hu, meaning Fighting Tiger and Fei Long, meaning Flying Dragon. I was kinda hoping for Chow Mein and Stir Fry as the tribe names for ease in the pool.

First up, the shelter game, which is when all the personalities come out. And believe me, having been recently house hunting with my husband, it ain't just in survivor that the whole shelter fight takes place. Let's see who can, in one day, annoy more people with either anal stubborn tendencies or laziness. Couldn't you just suck it up for one day and say, "just let me know where you want me to hammer in this big stick for ya". I swear these people are all socially retarded in some ways.

Challenge time. I'm guessing the dragons had to get SAG cards, since I can pretty much guarantee that you will see a dragon in every darn challenge. And OH MY GOD. After this challenge you can BET Jeff called Mark Burnett on his honeymoon with Roma and said, "Dagnabbit, get Nike to send us some sports bras and shorts or I'm off this show"!! Holy Bali Underwire, Batman! There ain't enough pixilation for Sherea.

So, blah blah blah, Team Feng Shui ends up victorious and gets fire. I asked my husband where the beaches were. And he laughed and said, "honey, this is China, there ain't no beaches". Huh.

Ok, enough about my marriage. Back at camp, Team Zhan Hu (yea, I had to go back and look it up) compete in the final, who is a bigger a-hole competition, with Chicken in the big hairy chest taking on PG, a local favorite (get it?) in the tight-ass face. Ashley is a close vomiting third.

Final vote? Bye bye Chicken. Back to the farm!