Amazing Race Update 1

Ay, tis an Irish Proverb: May you always find an accommodating ass.

Whoa, good contestants this time-with the exception of the lesbians, not a marriage in the group! Let's mock them:

First up-the Asian dad and his daughter, Ronald and Christina. Dad "wasn't around much when she was growing up". Wouldn't it be funny if against stereotype he was in jail, not working?? I know I'm getting old when Christina's comments that Dad is "almost 60" and doesn't have much time left, so she wants to get to know him while there's still time. I thought 60 was the new 40?

Kynt and Vyxsin-the Goth couple. I hear Maybelline is gonna sign him for their new ad campaign on how to get your lip gloss to stay put for hours and hours. "These best friends have been dating on and off for over three years", even though he's totally GAY. You disagree? Their bio says, "together they enjoy shopping, dancing and doing each other’s hair/makeup". No further comment needed.

Lorena and Jason-pondering the marriage questions, although Jason says on national TV, "I'll always feel like one foot is out the door". Hmmm. You think she knew this before it aired the other night? Frankly, the way he treated her while driving (and going the wrong way, mind you), I'm hoping she turns out to be more like Lorena Bobbit.

Kate and Pat: Looooove them. They aren't gonna be "wimps for Jesus" and hold doors open for anyone. Finally, some TV Christians I can get behind. But, please tell me they are not gonna keep dressing to match. I know that lesbian wardrobe can get a little limiting, but c'mon. Also, did I hear one of them really say "Amazing Race is like a love letter to the planet"?? Maybe Phil will get the next Nobel Peace Prize.

Shane and Jennifer. Here's the team to HATE, and I don't think I'm going out on a limb here. I thought they were sisters, but I think they got their noses and breasts from the same guy. Would it be wrong of me to suggest that there really were 10 contestants but 2 of Hefner's "girls next door" escaped under the ruse of running the Amazing race?

TK and Rachel. EEWWWWW. Like, it's leg 1 and these 2 already look dirty and disheveled. These 2 are newly dating, she owns a high-end flower show and he's a substitute teacher. I think that's code for unemployed surfer.

Mariana and Julia: these 2 are a little too close for me.

Nate and Jennifer. I'm thinking these 2 are gonna win the award for most usage of the word "baby". And, GOD I HATE THAT!!! Although there wasn't a lot of baby talk when the donkey wasn't moving. Key line from their bios: " both admit they couldn't stand each other at first, but soon grew closer and started dating". Given they've broken up several times in 2 years, should be good to watch them fight their way around the world.

Nicholas and Donald, grandfather and son-The son is a friggin airline pilot, even though I don't think he's old enough to reach the pedals. Granddad seems to like to curse a lot, so you gotta respect that. Does the Asian daughter know he's 68 and still breathing?

Azaria and Hendekia-OK, it took me almost the whole show to figure out they are actually brother and sister, not married. Again, a little creepy but they seem to get along. First place, baby!! They won a trip for 2 to Banff, which is also a little creepy to think about. My money is (literally) on them winning the whole thing.

Ari and Staella: What more can you say about these 2?? They're best friends, basically because no one can stand either of them. Another straight girl hooked up with a gay guy. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. These 2 caught the curse of the stolen taxi, and the bad Kharma bit them in the ass, literally.

OK, so what happened on episode 1: Teams left the playboy mansion, got lost, caught 2 flights to Shannon Ireland, first flight was late, Az and Hendekia ordered 2 taxi's for them and Ronald and Christina. Ari and Staella stole the taxi. Teams took 2 ferries, had to ride tandem bikes, got a roadblock (Phil explained what a road block was in that sexy New Zealand accent), one had to pedal a bike on wires across a river, the second partner was suspended below, and ended up at a farm where they had to load 15 bars of peat in baskets on donkeys and then walk the donkeys.

Can I say, first of all, that I want to be a donkey in my next life? And how cool would it be if your spouse or boss was trying to get you to do something you didn't want to do and you just stood still and made donkey noises REALLY LOUD?? Let's all try it this week.

OK, back to the suspense. The NICE people, who treated their donkey's with respect, all made it. Nate and Jennifer got a stubborn donkey, as did Ari and Staella (so much for choosing the donkey who looks "lonely"-that means it's a psycho donkey). About half an hour of the show was spent watching these 2 teams alternate crying and yelling at their donkeys while everyone else passed.

Bottom line, Ari and Staella should have never stolen that taxi.