Survivor Week 6

Last week we had a merger of sorts, more like a shuffle I think. Teams are now half fans half favs. Kind of like the brady bunch but without all the cute blonde curls (no offense, Chet). During a challenge, it appears Jonathan was injured and needed stitches. Cirie used her powers and Joel was eliminated. I think that catches us up, right?

So, we begin the night with Erik (AKA Leif Garret) moaning how the favs are ruining things. Ok, he may be right, but I can't get away from the fact that he's a professional ice cream scooper. Um, can you really make a living doing that? And, does that mean he can't take orders or use the cash register yet, just scoop??

Next we see Tracy, who is a really really good strategic player. However, I can't get past her nipples. Look, I'm totally hetero, but man oh man, those things are huge. I think when she got her implants (because no 52 year old looks like that with the original equipment) she went for the rubber nipples upgrade. Damn. I'm just glad we don't have HDTV in this house or I'd be without one eye today.

Back to the actual game. Challenge: "Tunnel blockage", which really should have been called "Chicken Cage Blockade". Teams have to SWIM OUT and bring back stuff to put into the cage for 10 minutes, and then the other team has to get through it. Yawn. Wanna know what you're playing for? A visit from AUTHENTIC NATIVES who will show you how to get to the closest McDonalds.

Airai kicks ass on this one, even with gimpy Jonathan. After the challenge but before the reward, medics are called in to check on Jonathan's leg. Apparently he is about to die at any moment, and is taken off the island. Ok people. It's a game for a million dollars but you're out in the jungle without any percoset or darvon, and you have a leg injury. I'd be jumping at the chance to get off. But, we have to have the MOST DRAMATIC MOMENT IN SURVIVOR HISTORY with Jonathan crying, Kathy who has known him for like, 3 hours crying, and me crying because this is really gonna kill Eliza's chances. Personally, I did think the swelling music and the flying doves was a little much.
In addition to winning the challenge, they also get to send someone to Exile Island. Chet is chosen from Malakal (is that a joke name or what?) and Jason joins him. I've never seen anyone as scared in my life as Jason leaving alone with Chet. On Exile, Chet naps on the beach (which must be a nice change from napping at the old camp), and Jason does the ridiculous clue search and finds Ozzy's fake idol. Idiot. He should have know it was a fake one since the real on says, "Made in China" on the bottom.

At Airai, the AUTHENTIC VILLAGERS come to camp. They introduce themselves as Edwin and Joe. Are you f$^$ing kidding me? Edwin and Joe are AUTHENTIC VILLAGERS?? I guess Joe was named after his mom, "Me Love You Long Time, Joe". Blah Blah Blah, they teach the Survivors how to catch fish. Although I thought they were already catching fish and eating pretty damn well.

Ok, here's an aside. I have decided that the only Survivor I would ever want to be on is Survivor: Wyoming, where you could catch steers and cows and pigs and eat REAL FOOD. Can you imagine the challenges? Wanna know what you're playing for? Sauteed onions, american cheese and buns. Damn, I would be so friggin athletic for that reward. To make it interesting, it could be Survivor Wyoming: Vegetarians vs Carnivores. Tribal council could be a drive in restaurant, with like, leather booths to sit on. The immunity idol would be a giant bust of Ted Turner. Man, it would be kick ass.

OK. Back to Micronesia. Lots of fan vs fav bitching, LOTS of images of nipple girl. You get the picture.

Immunity challenge: this is a TOTAL repeat of a former challenge. Walk 2 people out to a deck, swim out to a little tower and all climb up. Airai totally kicks ass again by having James, that big hulking stud of manhood, basically carrying Eliza and Parvati out to the landing. Airai totally wins and gets immunity.

Back on Malakal, Chet is suffering from, I think, a bunion and is totally jealous that Jonathan got off the god-forsaken island. He asks to be relieved from his suffering. I gotta say right now, this is so endemic of what is going on in american society today. People are such total wimps now a days. Used to be you had to basically throw yourself into fire to get off the island, now you can get off by having a bunion or shutting down your bladder and bowels. Ridiculous.

Nipple girl tries to talk Chet out of going home, with a plan to get rid of Ozzy. Lots more footage of the nipples. We go to tribal council, Ozzy makes a ridiculously arrogant statement about not being afraid, 'cause everyone knows whose going home, blah blah blah.

In the end, that bunion was too much for Chet to take and he becomes the 7th person to leave.