Survivor Week 10

First of all, if you have not watched this episode, run DO NOT WALK over to www.cbs.com and watch it. Seriously, it may be the best episode of survivor ever aired.

Nightfall over on NoBAG, Kenny, Crystal and Sugar are rejoicing in their surprise attack on Charlie, which basically ruins Corrine and Randy's alliance. Come morning and Randy and Corrine are spitting nails. They go for a walk and just keep repeating to each other, "I HATE ALL OF THEM". "Yea, me too, and I don't think we should hide our hatred anymore". "Yea, me too". Then they sit down on logs and nod their heads and bang their cymbals together. They decide their only hope is to work on Leonardo.

Hey, it just occurred to me that the animals must have gone back to the Gabon zoo cause I haven't seen many lately. Must be the smell keeping them away.

Tree mail: Auction time. Each player gets $500. Note: Jeff is wearing a blue shirt and a green baseball cap. Not doing it for me.

First item: Beer and Peanuts. Randy jumps all over this, being an alcoholic. Sugar bids it up knowing how much Randy wants it. Randy wins it and sucks the beer down. Niiiice. Always good to be drunk during a strategic auction.

Item 2 is a mystery item. Kenny and the always hungry Randy bid it up. Randy runs out of money and Kenny gets it. It's a note: send one person to Exile and take their money. Kenny sends Bob back and takes his cash.

Item 3 is a mystery as well. Randy bids again. Sugar steps in at the last minute and bids slightly more than Randy has and gets herself peanut butter and chocolate.

Item 4 is a bath and a clean set of clothes. Unfortunately Bob is off to exile cause this would have been an excellent prize for him. Suzie buys herself a bath and gets in the tub. She doesn't stay in that long, murmurs something about it being too hot but I think Randy was leering at her.

Item 5 is a hamburger and fries, which Leonardo wolfs down.

Item 6 is another mystery. Randy must have smelled alcohol cause he bids for it and wins it. Spaghetti, garlic bread and wine. I didn't see this but I think he threw the food down and just inhaled the wine.

Item 7: a sealed note in a bottle that will give a big advantage. Corrine throws her whole $500 into it cause, "nothing taste as good as $500, unless it's a million dollars". Isn't that the weight watchers slogan??

Item 8: something for the whole tribe for $20. Randy coughs up the $20 first and gets a plate of choc chip cookies. And, therein commences the great Cookie Fight. Randy: "Jeff, if I wanted to I could eat this whole plate" Jeff: "No, you ahole, I just said it's for the whole tribe". Randy offers Sugar a cookie. She demurs. everyone else gets a cookie, Corrine gets one and a half. Randy finally offers the last cookie, "his cookie" to Sugar who takes it and gives it to Leonardo. Randy HATES SUGAR. He sits on a log, nods his head and bangs his cymbals.

Back at camp, Leonardo (I SWEAR acting dumb) thanks Sugar for the cookie, "That was the most righteous gift anyone has ever given me". Man, Christmas must suck at the DiCaprio house. Randy blows himself up and makes sure Leonardo knows that THAT COOKIE CAME FROM HIM, AND HE IS THE COOKIE FAIRY, DAMMIT. Randy, "I left the auction full, broke, half drunk and pissed off. Just the way I like to live my life". He's gonna BURN THIS HOUSE DOWN IN THE NEXT DAY OR SO.

Hold tight, wait till this party's over
Hold tight, we're in for nasty weather

Three hundred sixty five degrees
Burning down the house

Bob goes for the clue again on Exile. It's the same clue so he decides to go on his own safari. Lots of Lion King music during this respite from the evils of hell over on Nobag.

Nobag: everyone wants Randy gone. Leonardo lobbies for Bob instead. Sugar thinks Leo is really playing the game. They all agree on Bob.

Corrine and Randy hatch a plot. Randy decides to crash and burn all day, fight with everyone and make everyone vote for him. How is this a new plan?? They think that since Bob definitely is out finding the idol, the tribe will all vote for Randy, Corrine, Randy and Bob will vote for Susie, Randy pulls the idol out and Susie is gone.

Randy: "Leo, you've whored yourself out to these people". Everyone is disgusted with him and want him off. Randy is "happy with where he's sitting".

Immunity challenge: balance beam race carrying 3 bags of puzzle pieces. Enough with the damn puzzle pieces. Corrine gets to skip right to the puzzle. Arrange the puzzle blocks like dominoes and set them off. They have to go to the end and raise a flag. Leo, Kenny and Corrine in the final part. Kenny sets his blocks up from the flag end back, not the other way around. Hey, you don't think an Asian gamer is going to lose this one, do you?? This gets all bogged down and boring, but at the end of the day Kenny wins immunity.

Bob goes into the jungle with Sugar. He tells her he doesn't have the idol. She tells Bob he can vote whoever he wants but he should vote for Randy. But I have another plan.... I think there is a real Sugar/Bob alliance here that people are overlooking. Bob is just the kind of guy to fall for a pole dancer and leave his wife and children out in Iowa somewhere. Sugar tells Bob that she thinks Randy would fall for the idol. Man, Bob without his shirt on looks like a science model for the circulatory system. All veins and arteries. Ugh. Sugar on the other hand is getting fat from all the snickers bars the crew is sneaking her for lap dances. Corrine meets up with Bob out in the wild, says, " I assume you found the idol" Bob kinda nods. She goes on in rapid fire saying "the best thing to do is to give it to Randy". Bob's in the biker shorts again. He agrees, she tells him she loves him but in a "love ya, mean it" kind of way.

Bob shows Randy the idol. Um, where did he get the resin beads for the idol? Michaels?? Randy acts all cool, which is a surprise since I expected him to lunge across the hut and kill Bob for the idol. "It's your call, Bob". "Well, since you are a total a-hole and have pissed everyone off, maybe I should give it to you" " I love what you're thinking, man". This is like bad porn dialog, isn't it??

What the F is with Randy's buff head? Seriously, he has the most misshapen head. Must be the evil building up on top of his skull. God I hope his family is on the reunion show. It's like the coneheads go on reality TV. I expect a mean Jane Curtain to be his mom.

Randy unwraps the idol. "Looks like an immunity idol to me". Sugar tells Kenny and hostile looking Crystal, "tonight is going to be the funkiest night of your life. Wait for it".

Tribal. Jeff brings up the cookie incident. Randy is still pissed she took "his" cookie. Jeff is really laying it on thick. Susie, why is the cookie incident so significant? Susie " I feel sorry for Randy". Randy gets pissed again. Jeff: Corrine sounds like Randy went off. Crystal, is the tension ramping up? hahah HELL YES. Any chance Randy is playing the game? LOTS of arrogant smarmy shots of Randy looking like an evil Smurf. Randy, are you worried tonight? " 30 days is pretty good but I want to stay"

Time to vote. Everyone whispers about what a loser alcoholic bigot Randy is as they vote. Crystal does it in full voice so that everyone can hear her. Even the jury cracks up.

"If anyone has the immunity idol and wants to play it, now would be the time to do so" "Well, Jeff, I happen to have a nice piece of happiness in my pocket." Corrine looks smug. Everyone else who knows Sugar has it is dying. "The rules state that if an idol is played, that person is immune. This.....is.......not.....an.....immunity idol...... Randy's head practically swivels off. Corrine just stares at Bob. Everyone else is dying.

THE KING OF GABON IS DEAD.