OK, I am ready to stipulate the THE DEAF KID CAN DO ANYTHING. If, pleeeeease, they stop starting each show with everyone talking about how great it is that he is deaf and on the Race. Now, put a blind kid on this show, and that would be amazing.
Week 2 starts in the Swiss Alps. Deaf-n-Mom are first to leave. They have to fly to Munich and drive to Ruhpolding, take a cable car to the top of an alp and find their next clue. One by one they leave and about half of them are smart enough to ask their drivers to borrow a cell phone to book their travel. Why everyone does this this time around when they usually don't is beyond me.
Gay-n-Dad has a groin pull from the cheese hill. Steve cries about being mean to Linda, just like every other abuser does the morning after. Guess he got a little hillbilly loving last night. I mean, there ARE a lot of goats in Switzerland. Hearing they are going to Germany, Linda is hoping for a beer challenge cause she kin put pack a kegger on her own. Y'essum.
Deaf-n-Mom don't pre-arrange tickets but they get on the first flight, Swissair, leaving at 7:10 am. Most people get this flight. On the 8:45 flight are the mini-men and the Air Ho's.
Landing in Munich all get in their nice German built cars, and take the Autoban to the first clue. The wicked-smart Asians get there first and get the first cable car up to the top. Roadblock. "A Roadblock is a task that only one person can perform". Who wants to fly like an eagle. Cooool, the first roadblock is an acid trip. This IS the Amazing Race. Oh, by bad, one member of the team has to paraglide down (and in case you didn't watch it online and STOP the picture, it had a safety disclaimer that whoever did it had to be able to follow VERBAL CLUES). HOWEVER, if there's wind, no one can glide until the wind stops. SCREW THAT, most people say. The alternative is to "run" down the alp. Yea. 3rd Option, which I would have invented, is to THROW YOURSELF OFF THE CLIFF. Gay-n-Dad's groin injury says no way jose. He stays waiting for the wind to drop off as one by one everyone else takes off running down the path AND FOLLOWING THE SIGNS. Everyone BUT Hillbilly Momma who takes the run cause she doesn't want to get BEAT again, but misses the path markings. She ends up in butt-f-nowhere, on the side of the road crying that "he's gonna really be mad at me now".
Gay-Dad waits and waits, wondering if his groin just cost them the race, asking GOD for reduced wind when BANG the wind stops. Holy CRAP, what will the crazies say when they find out God answers GAY people's prayers too? Gay-Dad sails down the mountain and enjoys EVERY minute of it.
Hillbilly momma flags down a car and convinces someone she isn't Bigfoot but a crazy American on the Amazing Race, with a cameraman at her side (note to self: if you are ever on the race and take a path in the woods and a cameraman follows you, you can bet your ass that you have taken the wrong path) to drive her back up to the cable station. She is rejoined with Steve who pretends that once the camera is put away he won't be beating her.
Once you get off the Alp you have to drive 25 miles to somewhere no one can pronounce: Schonau Am Konigee . Detour ("A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its pros and cons".): Balancing Dolly (which does not include a sheep) or Austrian Folly. Dolly is to ride a SEGWAY (do they still make those losers?) through a lame ass obstacle course or throw pies at your partner until you find a pie with red filling. Once you finish the detour you have to find a pair of woodcutters that cut off a slice of wood that gets stamped with your next clue.
The wicked smart Asians do the pie and get their clue to go to the Pitt stop which is Schloss Hellbrunn. They step on the mat and win first place! They also win a pair of hybrid go karts???
One by one teams arrive and chose one of these lame detours. Gay-n-Dad do the Segways, as do Cara and Jamie, the mini-men and the Sistaas, who I haven't talked about much but who are almost always lost and are NEVER looking at a map.
Deaf-n-Mom decides to do the pie, and her son bitches the whole time. Gay-n-Dad get to the Schloss and can't open the friggin gate. Seriously, Phil is standing inside and all you have to do is lift the lock up and open the gate and they can't get it. They have to call someone over to open it for them. LOL.
Christie and Jodi get to the detour second to last and complete it, but then get totally screwed trying to find the little woodcutter amusement. At one point they find a barn and pick up a piece of wood and walk back to the finish line of the Segway course thinking suddenly Phil would appear. Meanwhile Linda and Steve show up and enjoy throwing pies at each other. They finish while the Air Ho's are still carrying the log around but eventually the Ho's find the clue leading them to the Pitt.
Mini-men and the sistaas are appear to be lost again. In the end, the Sistaas, and then the mini-men cross the mat in position 7and 8 respectively. It's all down to the h'billies or the ho's. They actually pull into the parking lot close together, but while the Ho's get out of their cars and run, H'billy Mom gets out and says, "I guess we gotta go git Phil" while they stroll into last place. Eliminated. Steve starts bawling about how much he loves Linda and now she always has his back. Anyway, it will give them some good stories to tell the people back at the trailer park.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Amazing Race Week 4
Ok, first up, yes I had computer problems last week but we had a new computer by last Sunday, BUT the new browser didn't allow me to go over to cbs.com AT THE VERY END OF WRITING THE ENTIRE SUMMARY to check on the order teams came in WITHOUT ERASING THE ENTIRE FRIGGIN UPDATE. Screw THAT.
It's a shame cause it was really really funny. I basically busted on Brad and Victoria who, while first admitting Brad was a recovering drug and alcohol addict, proceeded to get themselves on a plane bound for drug and alcohol capital of the world Amsterdam, and managed to delay the plane long enough so they would get stuck overnight and smoke all of the CRACK they could on the $259 AR allotted for this leg of the race. I also bagged on the wicked smart Asians cause in the first roadblock girl Asian couldn't do ANY gymnastics, because her parents took her to Child Genius Suzuki Violin lessons instead of gymboree. Yea, I had some zingers. And, then, boy Asian got them lost out in the woods cause he was following the Keebler elves directions to the Whore Tree instead of the yellow and red standard issue Race signs. Yea, it was great. Anyway, Brad and Victoria were the last, stoned, team to arrive.
Whew, on to his week which I have to write up fast cause my post-baptist church boozy lunch is kicking in and I'm getting tired. We start out in Braun, Romania overlooking Dracula's castle. First team to leave is Gay-N-Son who leave at 10:49 pm and have to fly through Moscow to Siberia (oh, and since I got screwed looking up details and spellings on the cbs site, you are getting my phonetic spellings today. Deal with it.) Once in Siberia they have to go to a hydroelectric dam. Right about now Gay-son is yammering about how his dad is part Woody Allen, Betty Grable and Judy Garland. I think that's what he said. Either that or he gets a woody when he dresses up as Judy Garland.
Oh, and just before I forget, if at any time I offend anyone with my comments, my apologies. They head to the airport. Christi and Jodi (Air Ho's) go to an internet cafe on the say. The mini-men borrow a phone and instead of calling a travel agent, they somehow call the NFL chicks. One of the NFLs cons him by acting like a travel agent and telling him there are no flights. There are lots of connection choices now that Siberia is a HOT vacation spot. However, only one flight from Moscow. 5 of the teams miss the connection in Moscow and have to take a 5:40 am flight but the Dam doesn't open until 8:30 am anyway. Once at the Dam, they get a clue to go to some Church (my notes actually say Church St. blahblahblah).
Detour: Stack or Construct. Teams have to stack firewood or construct a set of shutters and install them on a house. Beware the BLIND U-TURN. Everyone starts doing the wood. It's a bitch because there already is one wall of wood and you have to stack it so that the new wall doesn't fall and knock the other one down. The mini-men knock down their wall and go to do the shutter detour. They Gay-son woodpile also falls, as does the NFLers. All change to the shutters.
The sistas get their wood stacked and get a clue to go to some Museum. Once there, it's a Roadblock. They have to bobsled around a track in 4 minutes while finding 7 letters that spell the name of a famous Russian author. Kisha goes first, finishes in under 4 minutes but only found 6 letters. She has to wait and go again. Christie gets all 7 letters but has never heard of CHEKHOV. Kisha gets all 7 letters the second time, but doesn't know Chekhov.
Back at the woodpile, the Deaf-N-mom finish the pile and GASP use the blind u-turn on Amanda and Kris. BASTARDS!!!!! Amanda and Kris knock down their woodpile and go to do the shutters.
At the shutters, the mini-men have been walking around this little sorry ass town for EVER and can't find the sign that says, "Yo, we need some shutters". The Gay-n-sons, and Amanda and Kris join them and all walk around with their heads up their asses until Gay-dad finally finds it.
The NFLs finally restack their wood. Amanda and Kris get to the roadblock and HAVE TO GO BACK AND DO THE OTHER DETOUR, which means I am basically screwed. Kisha guesses Chekhov finally, as does Christie. They now have to go the Theater of Musical Comedy and enter the main entrance for the Pitt stop.
Nobody friggin knows Chekhov, except the wicked smart Asian dude. Deaf-Luke can't get Checkhov cause his schooling has probably been limited and because if you had to read checkhov in sign language you would choke yourself to death. He is panicking. He finally just guesses a million times and gets it right.
Everyone gets it and races to the Pittstop while my team is still stacking wood.Christie and Jodi are team #1 and get motorcycles. It comes down to the mini-men and Amanda and Kris. The mini-men for some reason don't have enough $$ for the cabdriver and get delayed arguing about it. Or, at least, CBS wants you to think that happened. But, alas, the driver takes what they have and they make it across the finish line before Amanda and Kris, who are eeeeeliminated.
It's a shame cause it was really really funny. I basically busted on Brad and Victoria who, while first admitting Brad was a recovering drug and alcohol addict, proceeded to get themselves on a plane bound for drug and alcohol capital of the world Amsterdam, and managed to delay the plane long enough so they would get stuck overnight and smoke all of the CRACK they could on the $259 AR allotted for this leg of the race. I also bagged on the wicked smart Asians cause in the first roadblock girl Asian couldn't do ANY gymnastics, because her parents took her to Child Genius Suzuki Violin lessons instead of gymboree. Yea, I had some zingers. And, then, boy Asian got them lost out in the woods cause he was following the Keebler elves directions to the Whore Tree instead of the yellow and red standard issue Race signs. Yea, it was great. Anyway, Brad and Victoria were the last, stoned, team to arrive.
Whew, on to his week which I have to write up fast cause my post-baptist church boozy lunch is kicking in and I'm getting tired. We start out in Braun, Romania overlooking Dracula's castle. First team to leave is Gay-N-Son who leave at 10:49 pm and have to fly through Moscow to Siberia (oh, and since I got screwed looking up details and spellings on the cbs site, you are getting my phonetic spellings today. Deal with it.) Once in Siberia they have to go to a hydroelectric dam. Right about now Gay-son is yammering about how his dad is part Woody Allen, Betty Grable and Judy Garland. I think that's what he said. Either that or he gets a woody when he dresses up as Judy Garland.
Oh, and just before I forget, if at any time I offend anyone with my comments, my apologies. They head to the airport. Christi and Jodi (Air Ho's) go to an internet cafe on the say. The mini-men borrow a phone and instead of calling a travel agent, they somehow call the NFL chicks. One of the NFLs cons him by acting like a travel agent and telling him there are no flights. There are lots of connection choices now that Siberia is a HOT vacation spot. However, only one flight from Moscow. 5 of the teams miss the connection in Moscow and have to take a 5:40 am flight but the Dam doesn't open until 8:30 am anyway. Once at the Dam, they get a clue to go to some Church (my notes actually say Church St. blahblahblah).
Detour: Stack or Construct. Teams have to stack firewood or construct a set of shutters and install them on a house. Beware the BLIND U-TURN. Everyone starts doing the wood. It's a bitch because there already is one wall of wood and you have to stack it so that the new wall doesn't fall and knock the other one down. The mini-men knock down their wall and go to do the shutter detour. They Gay-son woodpile also falls, as does the NFLers. All change to the shutters.
The sistas get their wood stacked and get a clue to go to some Museum. Once there, it's a Roadblock. They have to bobsled around a track in 4 minutes while finding 7 letters that spell the name of a famous Russian author. Kisha goes first, finishes in under 4 minutes but only found 6 letters. She has to wait and go again. Christie gets all 7 letters but has never heard of CHEKHOV. Kisha gets all 7 letters the second time, but doesn't know Chekhov.
Back at the woodpile, the Deaf-N-mom finish the pile and GASP use the blind u-turn on Amanda and Kris. BASTARDS!!!!! Amanda and Kris knock down their woodpile and go to do the shutters.
At the shutters, the mini-men have been walking around this little sorry ass town for EVER and can't find the sign that says, "Yo, we need some shutters". The Gay-n-sons, and Amanda and Kris join them and all walk around with their heads up their asses until Gay-dad finally finds it.
The NFLs finally restack their wood. Amanda and Kris get to the roadblock and HAVE TO GO BACK AND DO THE OTHER DETOUR, which means I am basically screwed. Kisha guesses Chekhov finally, as does Christie. They now have to go the Theater of Musical Comedy and enter the main entrance for the Pitt stop.
Nobody friggin knows Chekhov, except the wicked smart Asian dude. Deaf-Luke can't get Checkhov cause his schooling has probably been limited and because if you had to read checkhov in sign language you would choke yourself to death. He is panicking. He finally just guesses a million times and gets it right.
Everyone gets it and races to the Pittstop while my team is still stacking wood.Christie and Jodi are team #1 and get motorcycles. It comes down to the mini-men and Amanda and Kris. The mini-men for some reason don't have enough $$ for the cabdriver and get delayed arguing about it. Or, at least, CBS wants you to think that happened. But, alas, the driver takes what they have and they make it across the finish line before Amanda and Kris, who are eeeeeliminated.
Survivor Week 5
Crap, every week I SWEAR that I am not going to be doing this at the last minute and EVERY week I find myself doing it at the last minute. Man. Wait! The NCAA is on tonight. I think that means Survivor is not on. Coooooool. I know next week it's on Wednesday. Shit was it on last night and nobody told me?
So I was going to start this with the words to the Survivor theme song, but I am never sure if those are really words, if they are in English, or if you play them backwards it says "Jeff Probst is HOT". Maybe someone could look it up on the internet tomorrow during work and see if the lyrics are posted.
Ok, so first off the show starts with a rehash of last week and we see Brendan finding the idol last week. Holy shit, how drunk was I that I totally did not see that happen?? Jeez, that is embarrassing.
Ok, so at the start Stephen is scratching Taj's back. "I've never given such pleasure to a woman". Yea, like we didn't see that line coming . Taj and Stephen figure that the idol is at treemail, and they go out and uncover it. Taj, who as we all know does not have pockets but DOES HAVE A GROIN KNOT, gives it to Stephen to keep in his pocket. Stephen tells the camera that is will stay in his possession. Hmmmm.
On Timbura, Debra et al go off to wash the one pot they have. Sierra give Brendan a nudge for not telling her about the alliance. Brendan tells Sierra HE FOUND THE IDOL LAST WEEK, as anyone sober would know. Sienna is acting a little too cocky for my taste.
Challenge: the drunken walk of shame. I would have been pretty good at this one, having had lots of experience in that department, much of it from the Sellman's holiday parties. One member is seated on a spinning platform and another member pulls on a rope and spins them around. After getting all dizzy, the first member has to walk a balance beam. Just watching the spinning has me dizzy. Wanna know what you're playing for? In the worst product placement in the friggin HISTORY OF SURVIVOR, the reward is a chance to drink a cup of coffee and take a crap at the Charmin Cafe. Seriously. What, no bran muffins to go with that? Like, how do they decide who goes first, cause anyone after the first crapper is not getting any big reward in my mind. I'll spare you the challenge details, but Jalapeno wins the shits.
Brendan and Stephen are sent to exile. Cut to Tyson,,,"hmmmm, I'm getting a little suspicious that Brendan is too friendly with Jalapeno".
I am soo not going into the whole Charmin Cafe reward. However, in the hammocks at the cafe (where you go to rest after taking your huge CRAP) there are letters from home. WHEW. Cause I know personally I can never take a good crap without reading material. And, I guess if you don't have Readers Digest, then a letter from home will relax your colon just as well.
On Timbura, Coach is wondering why Brendan picked Stephen. Coach isn't happy, "Brendan has to go next". Um, weren't Coach and Brendan tight? Is this about exile island or is Coach still pissed everyone picked Brendan as leader? Hmmmm.
OMG-a huge storm picks up. Coach sticks his head up, sniffs the air and confidently tells the tribe not to worry, it looks like it'll pass. Hey, heck of a job, Brownie! 10 minutes later, torrential downpour. Erinn (the cancer): "Coach is a jackass".
Exile, Brendan and Stephen both have idols. Stephen doesn't totally trust Brendan. At Jalapeno, Sydney tells Spencer about her dream with her boyfriend. She misses him and asks Spencer if there is a special woman in his life. Spencer admits to the camera that he is gay but isn't telling anyone.
Tree mail: teams get a lacrosse sticks and a note telling them "connecting with your tribe will keep you safe". 2 members of each tribe launch balls onto a water filled field, where the rest of the tribes try to catch balls. You can catch anyone's balls. First team to 5 wins immunity.
JT catches the first 2 right off the bat for Jalapeno. Timbura catches 2. JT dives for a ball, catches it but loses a tooth. Jeff tells him to go get it cause he'll need it. lol-I seriously don't think the tooth fairy is going to Brazil. JT catches another one, it's 4 to 2. Due to his limp wrist, Spencer fails to guard Tyson and Timbura scores 2 making it tied at 4. JT is aggravated. JT misses the final ball and Spencer fails to guard Tyson and Timbura wins immunity.
JT is totally MAAAAD. Taj is mad. She thinks Spencer is lame. "Everybody should vote to do what's best for the tribe" She is also mad at Joe for not being upfront with her-every time they have to vote someone off, she thinks she knows who it will be and at Tribal it's someone different. Joe now wants to get rid of Taj. Stephen is in a tough position, tries to talk Joe out of Taj. JT wants Spencer.
Tribal Council. Time for the Probsting Questions. "Spencer, how'd you feel about your performance today?" OUCH. Jeff is meaner than he used to be. He also asks Taj if she can feel the effect of losing. "Joe, what does it feel like to be attacked by Taj?" "Spencer, do you know what the gut feeling that you're next feels like?" "Taj, what's the exile situation?" Joe asks Taj to look him in the eye and say she doesn't have the idol. Taj looks him in the eye and says she doesn't have it. Joe believes her. Jeff: "It all comes down to believing what people tell you". So true. Time to talley-ho the votes.
Spencer is the fifth person voted out of Survivor.
So I was going to start this with the words to the Survivor theme song, but I am never sure if those are really words, if they are in English, or if you play them backwards it says "Jeff Probst is HOT". Maybe someone could look it up on the internet tomorrow during work and see if the lyrics are posted.
Ok, so first off the show starts with a rehash of last week and we see Brendan finding the idol last week. Holy shit, how drunk was I that I totally did not see that happen?? Jeez, that is embarrassing.
Ok, so at the start Stephen is scratching Taj's back. "I've never given such pleasure to a woman". Yea, like we didn't see that line coming . Taj and Stephen figure that the idol is at treemail, and they go out and uncover it. Taj, who as we all know does not have pockets but DOES HAVE A GROIN KNOT, gives it to Stephen to keep in his pocket. Stephen tells the camera that is will stay in his possession. Hmmmm.
On Timbura, Debra et al go off to wash the one pot they have. Sierra give Brendan a nudge for not telling her about the alliance. Brendan tells Sierra HE FOUND THE IDOL LAST WEEK, as anyone sober would know. Sienna is acting a little too cocky for my taste.
Challenge: the drunken walk of shame. I would have been pretty good at this one, having had lots of experience in that department, much of it from the Sellman's holiday parties. One member is seated on a spinning platform and another member pulls on a rope and spins them around. After getting all dizzy, the first member has to walk a balance beam. Just watching the spinning has me dizzy. Wanna know what you're playing for? In the worst product placement in the friggin HISTORY OF SURVIVOR, the reward is a chance to drink a cup of coffee and take a crap at the Charmin Cafe. Seriously. What, no bran muffins to go with that? Like, how do they decide who goes first, cause anyone after the first crapper is not getting any big reward in my mind. I'll spare you the challenge details, but Jalapeno wins the shits.
Brendan and Stephen are sent to exile. Cut to Tyson,,,"hmmmm, I'm getting a little suspicious that Brendan is too friendly with Jalapeno".
I am soo not going into the whole Charmin Cafe reward. However, in the hammocks at the cafe (where you go to rest after taking your huge CRAP) there are letters from home. WHEW. Cause I know personally I can never take a good crap without reading material. And, I guess if you don't have Readers Digest, then a letter from home will relax your colon just as well.
On Timbura, Coach is wondering why Brendan picked Stephen. Coach isn't happy, "Brendan has to go next". Um, weren't Coach and Brendan tight? Is this about exile island or is Coach still pissed everyone picked Brendan as leader? Hmmmm.
OMG-a huge storm picks up. Coach sticks his head up, sniffs the air and confidently tells the tribe not to worry, it looks like it'll pass. Hey, heck of a job, Brownie! 10 minutes later, torrential downpour. Erinn (the cancer): "Coach is a jackass".
Exile, Brendan and Stephen both have idols. Stephen doesn't totally trust Brendan. At Jalapeno, Sydney tells Spencer about her dream with her boyfriend. She misses him and asks Spencer if there is a special woman in his life. Spencer admits to the camera that he is gay but isn't telling anyone.
Tree mail: teams get a lacrosse sticks and a note telling them "connecting with your tribe will keep you safe". 2 members of each tribe launch balls onto a water filled field, where the rest of the tribes try to catch balls. You can catch anyone's balls. First team to 5 wins immunity.
JT catches the first 2 right off the bat for Jalapeno. Timbura catches 2. JT dives for a ball, catches it but loses a tooth. Jeff tells him to go get it cause he'll need it. lol-I seriously don't think the tooth fairy is going to Brazil. JT catches another one, it's 4 to 2. Due to his limp wrist, Spencer fails to guard Tyson and Timbura scores 2 making it tied at 4. JT is aggravated. JT misses the final ball and Spencer fails to guard Tyson and Timbura wins immunity.
JT is totally MAAAAD. Taj is mad. She thinks Spencer is lame. "Everybody should vote to do what's best for the tribe" She is also mad at Joe for not being upfront with her-every time they have to vote someone off, she thinks she knows who it will be and at Tribal it's someone different. Joe now wants to get rid of Taj. Stephen is in a tough position, tries to talk Joe out of Taj. JT wants Spencer.
Tribal Council. Time for the Probsting Questions. "Spencer, how'd you feel about your performance today?" OUCH. Jeff is meaner than he used to be. He also asks Taj if she can feel the effect of losing. "Joe, what does it feel like to be attacked by Taj?" "Spencer, do you know what the gut feeling that you're next feels like?" "Taj, what's the exile situation?" Joe asks Taj to look him in the eye and say she doesn't have the idol. Taj looks him in the eye and says she doesn't have it. Joe believes her. Jeff: "It all comes down to believing what people tell you". So true. Time to talley-ho the votes.
Spencer is the fifth person voted out of Survivor.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Survivor Brazil Week 4
Yo, did y'all miss me last week?? Damn computer hard drive went and we were without internet for AN ENTIRE WEEK. It was the longest week in my life. So, no update. If I have time someday I may recreate the update from last week, but if not, bye bye Jerry. You should have brought Beeno as your one personal item.OK.
It's now time in Survivor to get out our rulers and measure our dicks. Who is the leader of Timbura? Errin pissed Coach off last tribal council by saying Brendan was a better leader than Coach cause coach is a passive aggressive NUTJOB. Erinn is THE CANCER OF THE TRIBE, and I want her head on a plate.
The next day, the tribe elects Brendan as leader, which Coach agrees with but secretly seethes with envy and states that he is stronger than Brendan. Yea, he's just been saving his strength in all of the challenges that he sucked on. Oh, and since I am already bagging on Coach, where the hell does he buy his clothes?? A renaissance fair or something? I mean, what is that style-country western meets disco meets granola?? Every time he wears that black jacket with the thing on it I want to sing "eye of the tiger".
Over on Jalapeno, Taj brings wimpy Stephen into her alliance with Brendan and Sierra. "The biggest upset in Survivor history". hmmm, we'll see. Brendan doesn't get around to sharing the info with Sierra.
Challenge: Woooohooooo. It ain't a friggin puzzle. Who can shoulder the weight?? 2 men and 1 woman from each tribe have to have weights hung on them to see who can outlast. For Jalapeno it's Joe, Taj and JT; Timbura sets up Brendan, Debra and Tyson. Hmmm, why not send up the herculeanly strong Coach??
Brendan goes out first at 180 lbs, followed by Tyson at 140. JT takes on the Rupert record of 220 lbs before dropping out, Joe is out at 140 also. The challenge comes down to TAJ and Debra. OH, wanna know what you're playing for?? A chance to raid the other camp and steal 2 items. Crap, coach better hide that jacket.
Debra drops out at 100 lbs and Taj wins the challenge for Jalapeno. Sierra and Taj head off to exile island. Timbura hurries back to their camp to hide the good stuff. JT and Joe arrive and decide to take just one container of water and one of their 2 bags of beans, thinking there might be a camp or tribe switch and they wouldn't want to be stuck on Timbura without any food.
Once back at Jalapeno, Raggedy Sandy freaks out on them with her good ol' southern logic: "It’s like you gots a hunnert guns, we'sjust gonna take seventy-five of ‘em. You kin keep twenty-five (she's quick with the math) and shoot at us later!” Sandy's meds are wearing off and she is annoying EVERYONE. She repeats everything 3 times, including "Them are farting beans". I think she is slowly dehydrating, if you ask me.
Sandy is getting annoyed at Sydney who is hitting up on all the men.
On exhale island, Taj gets the urn with the clue. She tells Sierra about her and Brendan's alliance and Sierra "gets goose bumps".
Back on Timbura, they decide to have a lazy day. Tyson dresses in a loincloth and jumps around yelling "booga booga" to the hysteria of everyone but sullen Erinn. Ahh, Erinn gets her one on one camera face time to audition her acting skills by doing her "I just suffered a breakup" routine. Tyson and the others comment on the stick up Erinn's ass, and Tyson is looking forward to seeing her "freak out" at Tribal when she is voted off.
Immunity Challenge: Shit, it's a puzzle again.
One tribe member at a time will race out on a zigzagged course, retrieve a puzzle piece and race back, at which point the next person will go. Once all eight puzzle pieces have been collected, they must be placed in the correct spot in a frame and rotated to spell out the winning phrase.
I'm hoping the winning phrase is not "Drink More Ovaltine". It's neck and neck until Sydney can't get her knot undone and Timbura moves ahead. Timbura is first to get the phrase “Escape the vote: Timbira wins immunity.”
Back at Jalapeno, Sandy is the obvious annoying choice. In the post race bath, Taj is talking WITH SANDY RIGHT THERE about how how much better Sandy is a the challenges than Sierra. JT and Stephen don't want to vote the sugar off. Cut to Sydney : "I am enjoying he sneakiness of the game".
Tribal Council: Sandy is confident that she isn't going. JT states that she is the mother figure of the tribe which says more about what a dysfunctional family it is. Sandy brings up Sydney's flirting. Jeff: "JT, is Sydney wearing your boxers?? Are YOU wearing her underwear??" Sandy tells Jeff, WHILE WINKING AT HIM, "Tomorrow there might be people upset". Yea, but not on Jalapeno as Sandy is the 4th person voted off.
It's now time in Survivor to get out our rulers and measure our dicks. Who is the leader of Timbura? Errin pissed Coach off last tribal council by saying Brendan was a better leader than Coach cause coach is a passive aggressive NUTJOB. Erinn is THE CANCER OF THE TRIBE, and I want her head on a plate.
The next day, the tribe elects Brendan as leader, which Coach agrees with but secretly seethes with envy and states that he is stronger than Brendan. Yea, he's just been saving his strength in all of the challenges that he sucked on. Oh, and since I am already bagging on Coach, where the hell does he buy his clothes?? A renaissance fair or something? I mean, what is that style-country western meets disco meets granola?? Every time he wears that black jacket with the thing on it I want to sing "eye of the tiger".
Over on Jalapeno, Taj brings wimpy Stephen into her alliance with Brendan and Sierra. "The biggest upset in Survivor history". hmmm, we'll see. Brendan doesn't get around to sharing the info with Sierra.
Challenge: Woooohooooo. It ain't a friggin puzzle. Who can shoulder the weight?? 2 men and 1 woman from each tribe have to have weights hung on them to see who can outlast. For Jalapeno it's Joe, Taj and JT; Timbura sets up Brendan, Debra and Tyson. Hmmm, why not send up the herculeanly strong Coach??
Brendan goes out first at 180 lbs, followed by Tyson at 140. JT takes on the Rupert record of 220 lbs before dropping out, Joe is out at 140 also. The challenge comes down to TAJ and Debra. OH, wanna know what you're playing for?? A chance to raid the other camp and steal 2 items. Crap, coach better hide that jacket.
Debra drops out at 100 lbs and Taj wins the challenge for Jalapeno. Sierra and Taj head off to exile island. Timbura hurries back to their camp to hide the good stuff. JT and Joe arrive and decide to take just one container of water and one of their 2 bags of beans, thinking there might be a camp or tribe switch and they wouldn't want to be stuck on Timbura without any food.
Once back at Jalapeno, Raggedy Sandy freaks out on them with her good ol' southern logic: "It’s like you gots a hunnert guns, we'sjust gonna take seventy-five of ‘em. You kin keep twenty-five (she's quick with the math) and shoot at us later!” Sandy's meds are wearing off and she is annoying EVERYONE. She repeats everything 3 times, including "Them are farting beans". I think she is slowly dehydrating, if you ask me.
Sandy is getting annoyed at Sydney who is hitting up on all the men.
On exhale island, Taj gets the urn with the clue. She tells Sierra about her and Brendan's alliance and Sierra "gets goose bumps".
Back on Timbura, they decide to have a lazy day. Tyson dresses in a loincloth and jumps around yelling "booga booga" to the hysteria of everyone but sullen Erinn. Ahh, Erinn gets her one on one camera face time to audition her acting skills by doing her "I just suffered a breakup" routine. Tyson and the others comment on the stick up Erinn's ass, and Tyson is looking forward to seeing her "freak out" at Tribal when she is voted off.
Immunity Challenge: Shit, it's a puzzle again.
One tribe member at a time will race out on a zigzagged course, retrieve a puzzle piece and race back, at which point the next person will go. Once all eight puzzle pieces have been collected, they must be placed in the correct spot in a frame and rotated to spell out the winning phrase.
I'm hoping the winning phrase is not "Drink More Ovaltine". It's neck and neck until Sydney can't get her knot undone and Timbura moves ahead. Timbura is first to get the phrase “Escape the vote: Timbira wins immunity.”
Back at Jalapeno, Sandy is the obvious annoying choice. In the post race bath, Taj is talking WITH SANDY RIGHT THERE about how how much better Sandy is a the challenges than Sierra. JT and Stephen don't want to vote the sugar off. Cut to Sydney : "I am enjoying he sneakiness of the game".
Tribal Council: Sandy is confident that she isn't going. JT states that she is the mother figure of the tribe which says more about what a dysfunctional family it is. Sandy brings up Sydney's flirting. Jeff: "JT, is Sydney wearing your boxers?? Are YOU wearing her underwear??" Sandy tells Jeff, WHILE WINKING AT HIM, "Tomorrow there might be people upset". Yea, but not on Jalapeno as Sandy is the 4th person voted off.
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