Amazing Race Week 2

OK, I am ready to stipulate the THE DEAF KID CAN DO ANYTHING. If, pleeeeease, they stop starting each show with everyone talking about how great it is that he is deaf and on the Race. Now, put a blind kid on this show, and that would be amazing.

Week 2 starts in the Swiss Alps. Deaf-n-Mom are first to leave. They have to fly to Munich and drive to Ruhpolding, take a cable car to the top of an alp and find their next clue. One by one they leave and about half of them are smart enough to ask their drivers to borrow a cell phone to book their travel. Why everyone does this this time around when they usually don't is beyond me.

Gay-n-Dad has a groin pull from the cheese hill. Steve cries about being mean to Linda, just like every other abuser does the morning after. Guess he got a little hillbilly loving last night. I mean, there ARE a lot of goats in Switzerland. Hearing they are going to Germany, Linda is hoping for a beer challenge cause she kin put pack a kegger on her own. Y'essum.

Deaf-n-Mom don't pre-arrange tickets but they get on the first flight, Swissair, leaving at 7:10 am. Most people get this flight. On the 8:45 flight are the mini-men and the Air Ho's.

Landing in Munich all get in their nice German built cars, and take the Autoban to the first clue. The wicked-smart Asians get there first and get the first cable car up to the top. Roadblock. "A Roadblock is a task that only one person can perform". Who wants to fly like an eagle. Cooool, the first roadblock is an acid trip. This IS the Amazing Race. Oh, by bad, one member of the team has to paraglide down (and in case you didn't watch it online and STOP the picture, it had a safety disclaimer that whoever did it had to be able to follow VERBAL CLUES). HOWEVER, if there's wind, no one can glide until the wind stops. SCREW THAT, most people say. The alternative is to "run" down the alp. Yea. 3rd Option, which I would have invented, is to THROW YOURSELF OFF THE CLIFF. Gay-n-Dad's groin injury says no way jose. He stays waiting for the wind to drop off as one by one everyone else takes off running down the path AND FOLLOWING THE SIGNS. Everyone BUT Hillbilly Momma who takes the run cause she doesn't want to get BEAT again, but misses the path markings. She ends up in butt-f-nowhere, on the side of the road crying that "he's gonna really be mad at me now".

Gay-Dad waits and waits, wondering if his groin just cost them the race, asking GOD for reduced wind when BANG the wind stops. Holy CRAP, what will the crazies say when they find out God answers GAY people's prayers too? Gay-Dad sails down the mountain and enjoys EVERY minute of it.

Hillbilly momma flags down a car and convinces someone she isn't Bigfoot but a crazy American on the Amazing Race, with a cameraman at her side (note to self: if you are ever on the race and take a path in the woods and a cameraman follows you, you can bet your ass that you have taken the wrong path) to drive her back up to the cable station. She is rejoined with Steve who pretends that once the camera is put away he won't be beating her.

Once you get off the Alp you have to drive 25 miles to somewhere no one can pronounce: Schonau Am Konigee . Detour ("A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its pros and cons".): Balancing Dolly (which does not include a sheep) or Austrian Folly. Dolly is to ride a SEGWAY (do they still make those losers?) through a lame ass obstacle course or throw pies at your partner until you find a pie with red filling. Once you finish the detour you have to find a pair of woodcutters that cut off a slice of wood that gets stamped with your next clue.

The wicked smart Asians do the pie and get their clue to go to the Pitt stop which is Schloss Hellbrunn. They step on the mat and win first place! They also win a pair of hybrid go karts???

One by one teams arrive and chose one of these lame detours. Gay-n-Dad do the Segways, as do Cara and Jamie, the mini-men and the Sistaas, who I haven't talked about much but who are almost always lost and are NEVER looking at a map.

Deaf-n-Mom decides to do the pie, and her son bitches the whole time. Gay-n-Dad get to the Schloss and can't open the friggin gate. Seriously, Phil is standing inside and all you have to do is lift the lock up and open the gate and they can't get it. They have to call someone over to open it for them. LOL.

Christie and Jodi get to the detour second to last and complete it, but then get totally screwed trying to find the little woodcutter amusement. At one point they find a barn and pick up a piece of wood and walk back to the finish line of the Segway course thinking suddenly Phil would appear. Meanwhile Linda and Steve show up and enjoy throwing pies at each other. They finish while the Air Ho's are still carrying the log around but eventually the Ho's find the clue leading them to the Pitt.

Mini-men and the sistaas are appear to be lost again. In the end, the Sistaas, and then the mini-men cross the mat in position 7and 8 respectively. It's all down to the h'billies or the ho's. They actually pull into the parking lot close together, but while the Ho's get out of their cars and run, H'billy Mom gets out and says, "I guess we gotta go git Phil" while they stroll into last place. Eliminated. Steve starts bawling about how much he loves Linda and now she always has his back. Anyway, it will give them some good stories to tell the people back at the trailer park.