Survivor Week 5

Crap, every week I SWEAR that I am not going to be doing this at the last minute and EVERY week I find myself doing it at the last minute. Man. Wait! The NCAA is on tonight. I think that means Survivor is not on. Coooooool. I know next week it's on Wednesday. Shit was it on last night and nobody told me?

So I was going to start this with the words to the Survivor theme song, but I am never sure if those are really words, if they are in English, or if you play them backwards it says "Jeff Probst is HOT". Maybe someone could look it up on the internet tomorrow during work and see if the lyrics are posted.

Ok, so first off the show starts with a rehash of last week and we see Brendan finding the idol last week. Holy shit, how drunk was I that I totally did not see that happen?? Jeez, that is embarrassing.

Ok, so at the start Stephen is scratching Taj's back. "I've never given such pleasure to a woman". Yea, like we didn't see that line coming . Taj and Stephen figure that the idol is at treemail, and they go out and uncover it. Taj, who as we all know does not have pockets but DOES HAVE A GROIN KNOT, gives it to Stephen to keep in his pocket. Stephen tells the camera that is will stay in his possession. Hmmmm.

On Timbura, Debra et al go off to wash the one pot they have. Sierra give Brendan a nudge for not telling her about the alliance. Brendan tells Sierra HE FOUND THE IDOL LAST WEEK, as anyone sober would know. Sienna is acting a little too cocky for my taste.

Challenge: the drunken walk of shame. I would have been pretty good at this one, having had lots of experience in that department, much of it from the Sellman's holiday parties. One member is seated on a spinning platform and another member pulls on a rope and spins them around. After getting all dizzy, the first member has to walk a balance beam. Just watching the spinning has me dizzy. Wanna know what you're playing for? In the worst product placement in the friggin HISTORY OF SURVIVOR, the reward is a chance to drink a cup of coffee and take a crap at the Charmin Cafe. Seriously. What, no bran muffins to go with that? Like, how do they decide who goes first, cause anyone after the first crapper is not getting any big reward in my mind. I'll spare you the challenge details, but Jalapeno wins the shits.

Brendan and Stephen are sent to exile. Cut to Tyson,,,"hmmmm, I'm getting a little suspicious that Brendan is too friendly with Jalapeno".

I am soo not going into the whole Charmin Cafe reward. However, in the hammocks at the cafe (where you go to rest after taking your huge CRAP) there are letters from home. WHEW. Cause I know personally I can never take a good crap without reading material. And, I guess if you don't have Readers Digest, then a letter from home will relax your colon just as well.

On Timbura, Coach is wondering why Brendan picked Stephen. Coach isn't happy, "Brendan has to go next". Um, weren't Coach and Brendan tight? Is this about exile island or is Coach still pissed everyone picked Brendan as leader? Hmmmm.

OMG-a huge storm picks up. Coach sticks his head up, sniffs the air and confidently tells the tribe not to worry, it looks like it'll pass. Hey, heck of a job, Brownie! 10 minutes later, torrential downpour. Erinn (the cancer): "Coach is a jackass".

Exile, Brendan and Stephen both have idols. Stephen doesn't totally trust Brendan. At Jalapeno, Sydney tells Spencer about her dream with her boyfriend. She misses him and asks Spencer if there is a special woman in his life. Spencer admits to the camera that he is gay but isn't telling anyone.

Tree mail: teams get a lacrosse sticks and a note telling them "connecting with your tribe will keep you safe". 2 members of each tribe launch balls onto a water filled field, where the rest of the tribes try to catch balls. You can catch anyone's balls. First team to 5 wins immunity.

JT catches the first 2 right off the bat for Jalapeno. Timbura catches 2. JT dives for a ball, catches it but loses a tooth. Jeff tells him to go get it cause he'll need it. lol-I seriously don't think the tooth fairy is going to Brazil. JT catches another one, it's 4 to 2. Due to his limp wrist, Spencer fails to guard Tyson and Timbura scores 2 making it tied at 4. JT is aggravated. JT misses the final ball and Spencer fails to guard Tyson and Timbura wins immunity.

JT is totally MAAAAD. Taj is mad. She thinks Spencer is lame. "Everybody should vote to do what's best for the tribe" She is also mad at Joe for not being upfront with her-every time they have to vote someone off, she thinks she knows who it will be and at Tribal it's someone different. Joe now wants to get rid of Taj. Stephen is in a tough position, tries to talk Joe out of Taj. JT wants Spencer.

Tribal Council. Time for the Probsting Questions. "Spencer, how'd you feel about your performance today?" OUCH. Jeff is meaner than he used to be. He also asks Taj if she can feel the effect of losing. "Joe, what does it feel like to be attacked by Taj?" "Spencer, do you know what the gut feeling that you're next feels like?" "Taj, what's the exile situation?" Joe asks Taj to look him in the eye and say she doesn't have the idol. Taj looks him in the eye and says she doesn't have it. Joe believes her. Jeff: "It all comes down to believing what people tell you". So true. Time to talley-ho the votes.

Spencer is the fifth person voted out of Survivor.