Yo, today's update is brought to you by DayQuil. Let's see if it is funnier than usual!
Usual rehash, Ashley is gone. It's raining, and to prove it's wet, let's show some skank wrinkled feet. Niiiice. Everyone has hut fever.
Jaison is miserable. Man, this dude better suck it up. He would die in the hood. ETroll loves the weather, loves everyone being miserable. Loves loves loves it. I think if I were there I would kill Etroll, skin him and everyone could stay nice and cozy under his skin. Mmmm, lots of whale blubber for the oil lamps too.
Awww, thanks Jeff!!! He included pictures of our snorkeling trip. God, y'all should have seen Jeff in his Speedo. Yowza!!
Galout: So, now 90210 wishes they had that Eddie Bauer tarp instead of these wet nasty pillows and blankets. Damn that GoodRussell for thinking of us! And, why is GoodRussell out there doing all the work? He's making us look bad. "It's a bit unnecessary". Yea, cause the fire will keep itself lit, kids.
FF: Mick is basically laying inside the Keebler idol tree to stay dry. Etroll, who loves the rain, calls his whole team "worthless". "Where they from, NY City??" Lots o' misery.
Cue Maureen McGovern, "there's got to be a morning aaaaaaaafter". Galout wakes up to a double rainbow. They all stumble out onto the beach as the clouds part, and sunshine shoots out of their asses. It's really moving,
Challenge: Jeff is in baby blue. Today's challenge: one member of the tribe will be strapped into a bamboo gerbil ball, while 2 other members are blindfolded and roll the ball down towards...shit, a game board. The seeing person gets to yell directions. Wanna know what you're playing for? OOOH, THE NEW LEOPARD SNUGGIE??? Nope, hot pizza. Hot cause there are freakin brick ovens in the jungles of Samoa. Um, Jeff, can one of those be veggie? No, damnit. And, there is gonna be a double elimination tonight, with the winning team watching the losing team's tribal therapy session while eating their HOT pizza. (Note: the HOT is just another of our little secret messages. So cute).
For Galout, Laura is in the ball, with Erik and GoodRussell rollin'. FF has Liz the crafty Asian in the ball with Etroll and Jaison rollin'. Ok, so they are rolling. It's kinda interesting but I would have barfed long ago. FF is doing really well, they get lost once but cut in front of Galout. Galout gets to the gay table maze first but Liz is upside down.
Galout gets kinda lost in the weeds, and finally they get Laura in place but GoodRussell is totally exhausted. He's weaving. In fact, he has lays his head on the game board before falling down.
Game stops. Medical! GoodRussell is down with that dreaded low blood pressure. Probster declares the challenge over with no winner (cause they now have to give the pizza to Medical as payment) but both tribes still have to go to tribal. Everyone leaves. Russell lays there kinda out of it while Jeff, my love, eulogizes him. It was kinda sweet and kinda freaky actually. But, still hot.
It's Home Alone over on Galout without Russell there to tell them to breathe in and out.
Oooh, more underwater shots. This time of circling sharks. Da dum...da dum...
Natalie and Liz decide they should both pack their bags. Etroll wants Liz gone. Not so sure on how this is gonna come out.
Galout: Shamwow is trying to hang with the cool girls and they treat her like the cootie ridden hag she is. She asks them not to write her name down and they are like, "um, yea, haven't really thought that through yet". She goes on and on about how she made the fire for the first 8 days, which does nothing for these biatches. Monica's all torqued cause Shamwow wrote her name down last time.
Over on the boys side, they think Monica is the weakest girl. Plus, no one really wants to do her (cause you know that's what they really mean). They like Shamwow cause she's manly. Plus she has no alliances and no power. The men are gunning for Monica to break up the Monica-Laura relationship. Shamwow asks them how to vote. They don't trust her but tell her to wink wink vote consistently with your last vote. She asks them all and finally gets it that she should vote for Monica. "But, lock it up, Sham".
Joint Tribal! Jeff is still in the blue. He explains that GoodRussell will not be coming back. Jeff says he was very scared by Russell. POOR JEFF. Everyone is SAAAAAD about Russell. Just SAAAADDD on and on with the damn SAAAAADDDD. Christ.
Shamwow: why not quit? I am not a quitter, Jeff
Dave: What's the status? Well, Jeff, Galout is clearly ahead
EvilTroll: What's the attitude on FF? Fine, we're ready now to start kicking ass
Mick: Does today's challenge feel like a moral victory? (me: MORAL VICTORY??? are we overblowing the importance of Survivor just a bit, honey??) Yes, we are back
Erik: Does it concern you that they think they won today? No, still a bunch of p(bleeeeep)sies
Psych! No vote, no one else is going home tonight. Etroll: "This is the turning point of the game". GAME ON!
Foa Foa
Jaison Kim
Mick Wendy
Russell H Donna
Marisa Ginnie
Elizabeth Leslie
Natalie Carolyn
Galu
Brett Pam
Dave Amy
Erik Terri
John Joanne
Kelly Kevin and Matt
Laura Kelly
Monica Stacey
Shamwow Jeff and Eileen
Gone:
Marisa Ginnie
Mike Karen and John
Betsy Becky and Mary
Ben Nancy D
Yasmin Elayne
Ashley Tess
Russell S Lori
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Survivor Samoa Week 6
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Survivor Samoa Week 4
Yo, did you hear there was another earthquake on Samoa, during next season's filming of Survivor 20?? Anyone else notice I was away then?? Baby, if this island is a rocking, don't bother knocking.
Ok, so last week Jaison was just wrung out about the tribal council. He's also hungry and tired and thinks going on Survivor was "the worst decision of my life". He vents to E-troll, who tries to cheer him up (as if...), but when Jaison fails to respond to his lucky charms, E-troll wants him gone. Hmmm, anger management problem or what?? E-troll: "Whoever I want to go it gone. It's all under my dwarf like thumb".
Shamwow goes back to camp 90210, wishing she were over at Foa squared. Man, she really is a military girl if she would rather be in that war zone! She and Erik talk about the idol on F2, and decide if there's one on F2 there might be one in the same location of Galout. John gets in on it too and she shares all of her info with them.
Tree mail: send 2 members of each tribe for a quest. E-troll, Mick and Natalie go for F2, GoodRussell, Dave and Shamwow for Galout. WTF??? They get there and there is NO JEFF. waaaaaahhhhhhhh. So, no Probster but a cage of chickens and a pirate chest. Holy shit, they found the beach where Pirate Master was filmed. I just had a seizure thinking about how MOST OF YOU PEOPLE BAILED AND MADE ME FINISH WATCHING THAT DOG. Shamwow, thinking out loud, says, I wonder if we are supposed to just go ahead without Jeff? I don't know, Shamwow, how about we ask the cameramen and the entire fricken crew?? Shamwow runs to the chickens, while everyone else runs for the pirate chest. While Shamwow is busy petting the FOOD, everyone else finds a chest of bocce balls and a note. Hmmmm, is bocce indigenous to Samoa?? It's basically horseshoes with balls.
F2 is in the lead throughout the challenge until the balls. E-troll is all arrogant and shit. He rolls his ball closest. Dave focuses for a sec then tosses the final ball, which lands right up against the stick – Galout wins reward. “It’s so ludicrous that we can’t even pull off freakin’ bocce ball,” Mick pouts.
Back at Galout, Erik gets everyone working and goes looking for the idol. He finds it and swears to not tell a soul about it. The bocce victors return with the chickens, which Shamwow says she will take care of due to her farming experience. Yea, 5 seconds later she loses one. Everyone runs around chasing the chicken, including Erik who trips on a closeline (yes, I did laugh). The chicken flies into a tree, and Shamwow is amazed that the chickens can fly. Me too, cause the ones at Acme NEVER fly.
Storm time, and E-troll is tired of Jaison. He decides to take Natalie, aka Pharma Barbie, to the end cause she's too stupid.
Galout: the girls are all tired of Yasmean.
Immunity Challenge WITH JEFF!!!! Wooooo hooooo. In baby blue. Mmmmmmm.
Ok, the challenge is a block stacking kindergarten thingy. Tribes will race across a net run carrying wooden blocks. When they reach a platform, they stack the blocks . Then across a rope bridge to another platform with...more blocks. Stack these even higher. The first tribe to get both stacks completed wins immunity. Galout is kicking ass until Monica blows the lead at the rope bridge thingy. It's dead even until Kelly drops her last 2 blocks and Pharma Barbie gets hers stacked. Foa wins immunity!
Galout has to vote someone out. GoodRussell lobbies for Monica cause she sucked it at the challenge. Dave, Monica and Laura want Yasmean out cause she's lazy and annoying. Shamwow and Yasmean talk and Yasmean starts telling Sham that she's in trouble cause she lost the chicken. Erik joins Kelly, Dave, John and Brett, and is surprised that they want to get rid of Yasmean instead of Monica. Right before tribal, GoodRussell finds out they all want Yasmean.
Tribal:
Brett is on Yasmean about being lazy, she says she does whatever she's told. Russell says performance at challenges is how they should decide. Monica defends her performance. The vote. Yasmean is out. Damn it. I could used that money :)
Foa Foa
Jaison Kim
Mick Wendy
Russell H Donna
Marisa Ginnie
Elizabeth Leslie
Natalie Carolyn
Ashley Tess
Galu
Brett Pam
Dave Amy
Erik Terri
John Joanne
Kelly Kevin and Matt
Laura Kelly
Monica Stacey
Russell S Lori
Shamwow Jeff and Eileen
Gone:
Marisa Ginnie
Mike Karen and John
Betsy Becky and Mary
Ben Nancy D
Yasmin Elayne
Ok, so last week Jaison was just wrung out about the tribal council. He's also hungry and tired and thinks going on Survivor was "the worst decision of my life". He vents to E-troll, who tries to cheer him up (as if...), but when Jaison fails to respond to his lucky charms, E-troll wants him gone. Hmmm, anger management problem or what?? E-troll: "Whoever I want to go it gone. It's all under my dwarf like thumb".
Shamwow goes back to camp 90210, wishing she were over at Foa squared. Man, she really is a military girl if she would rather be in that war zone! She and Erik talk about the idol on F2, and decide if there's one on F2 there might be one in the same location of Galout. John gets in on it too and she shares all of her info with them.
Tree mail: send 2 members of each tribe for a quest. E-troll, Mick and Natalie go for F2, GoodRussell, Dave and Shamwow for Galout. WTF??? They get there and there is NO JEFF. waaaaaahhhhhhhh. So, no Probster but a cage of chickens and a pirate chest. Holy shit, they found the beach where Pirate Master was filmed. I just had a seizure thinking about how MOST OF YOU PEOPLE BAILED AND MADE ME FINISH WATCHING THAT DOG. Shamwow, thinking out loud, says, I wonder if we are supposed to just go ahead without Jeff? I don't know, Shamwow, how about we ask the cameramen and the entire fricken crew?? Shamwow runs to the chickens, while everyone else runs for the pirate chest. While Shamwow is busy petting the FOOD, everyone else finds a chest of bocce balls and a note. Hmmmm, is bocce indigenous to Samoa?? It's basically horseshoes with balls.
F2 is in the lead throughout the challenge until the balls. E-troll is all arrogant and shit. He rolls his ball closest. Dave focuses for a sec then tosses the final ball, which lands right up against the stick – Galout wins reward. “It’s so ludicrous that we can’t even pull off freakin’ bocce ball,” Mick pouts.
Back at Galout, Erik gets everyone working and goes looking for the idol. He finds it and swears to not tell a soul about it. The bocce victors return with the chickens, which Shamwow says she will take care of due to her farming experience. Yea, 5 seconds later she loses one. Everyone runs around chasing the chicken, including Erik who trips on a closeline (yes, I did laugh). The chicken flies into a tree, and Shamwow is amazed that the chickens can fly. Me too, cause the ones at Acme NEVER fly.
Storm time, and E-troll is tired of Jaison. He decides to take Natalie, aka Pharma Barbie, to the end cause she's too stupid.
Galout: the girls are all tired of Yasmean.
Immunity Challenge WITH JEFF!!!! Wooooo hooooo. In baby blue. Mmmmmmm.
Ok, the challenge is a block stacking kindergarten thingy. Tribes will race across a net run carrying wooden blocks. When they reach a platform, they stack the blocks . Then across a rope bridge to another platform with...more blocks. Stack these even higher. The first tribe to get both stacks completed wins immunity. Galout is kicking ass until Monica blows the lead at the rope bridge thingy. It's dead even until Kelly drops her last 2 blocks and Pharma Barbie gets hers stacked. Foa wins immunity!
Galout has to vote someone out. GoodRussell lobbies for Monica cause she sucked it at the challenge. Dave, Monica and Laura want Yasmean out cause she's lazy and annoying. Shamwow and Yasmean talk and Yasmean starts telling Sham that she's in trouble cause she lost the chicken. Erik joins Kelly, Dave, John and Brett, and is surprised that they want to get rid of Yasmean instead of Monica. Right before tribal, GoodRussell finds out they all want Yasmean.
Tribal:
Brett is on Yasmean about being lazy, she says she does whatever she's told. Russell says performance at challenges is how they should decide. Monica defends her performance. The vote. Yasmean is out. Damn it. I could used that money :)
Foa Foa
Jaison Kim
Mick Wendy
Russell H Donna
Marisa Ginnie
Elizabeth Leslie
Natalie Carolyn
Ashley Tess
Galu
Brett Pam
Dave Amy
Erik Terri
John Joanne
Kelly Kevin and Matt
Laura Kelly
Monica Stacey
Russell S Lori
Shamwow Jeff and Eileen
Gone:
Marisa Ginnie
Mike Karen and John
Betsy Becky and Mary
Ben Nancy D
Yasmin Elayne
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Survivor Samoa: Week 3
Yo, and welcome to another fine update from Survivor: Post-racial America, where a dumb ass southern cracker isn't allowed to act like a dumb ass southern cracker. Oh, apologies to those of you who live below the mason dixon line. Ima gonna type slow for ya.
Again, don't expect to read anything on Galout, cause, well, they don't have the evil sausage man on their side. Nothing funny about watching doves fly out of everyone's butt. Oh, and speaking of that, I am also not going to discuss the "did you poop" conversation. Cause this is a high brow update.
Jaison and Mick have it out for Ben from the get go. "He's a mental plague". Me thinks they are a pair of those intellectual elites we're always hearing about lately. Danger!!
The evil troll is asking his long hair blonde bimbo who she thinks should go next. She doesn't know or, could it be?? She's smart enough to keep her mouth shut? She's a hairstylist too, just like Yasmean. Snap, I'm hoping for a haircut challenge! The E-troll continues his one-on-one rants: "Ima have them all under my control like zombies". I'm guessing he didn't get enough love as a child.
Sticking with F2, Ben is making fire. He's a big fire maker. He tells everyone that he is the only one who should make fire cause they are almost out of flint. WTF?? In 19 seasons of Survivor I don't believe there was ever a time when they ran out of flint. Not even the time they actually almost starved and had to dive into a rain swollen river for a bag of rice a roni. Like, it's not like that strip on the side of the box of 25 matches that wears out after the 18th match (you can laugh but pay attention next time).
Ooooh, wait!! A glimpse of life on Galout. Oh, Christ, it's yoga time. Shamwow hates yoga. It's communism. Or socialism. Whatever, they're both the same anyway. God damn kids and their yoga. I'll show 'em what a downward dog means in the military.
Back on F2. E-troll wants Ben to stay. Cause they are soulmates and he's hoping they can exchange emails after the show. E-troll tells Ben Ashley wants him gone. E-troll want Ashley gone. Wait, is it me or did he make an alliance with all of the people he wants to eliminate first? Dude, you try to keeeeeep the people you are in an alliance with longer. That's the point of forming an alliance. Oh, E-troll loves to get people fighting, loves it. "Everybody trusts me". Famous last words as the blondes put their little blonde heads together...
Tree mail! Oh, it's from Lands End and contains their bathing suits. Shamwow is stoked cause she got her size XXL Champion Sports Bra.
Challenge (and, I'm going out on a limb and thinking water is gonna be involved). Jeff is in Light Blue. Hotter than the cheese inside a hot pocket. It's a swim/battle zone. Cause that whole beat the crap out of each other went over so well last time. But, this time, JEFF OFFERS A STERN WARNING. Two from each team "swim" out and retrieve puzzle crates (ACK!!) but, they have to get through a scrappy opponent. Expect lots of pixilation!! Wanna know what you're playing for? Actually another opportunity for the crew to watch some girl on girl actual (with Asian!!) but we're gonna tell you immunity and either useful stuff or pillows from the Ty Pennington collection at Sears (ding).
Ok, Ben sucks and can't stop anyone. Oh my god. I almost spit my vodka out as John and Dave run out holding hands in THE MOST GAY SWIMSUITS ever on Survivor. Seriously. And, they match!! I was so grossed out that I basically missed the challenge or the point of the crates. But, big surprise, Galout wins immunity!! GoodRussell gets to chose either the really useful stuff or the pillows. He takes the pillows cause he wants to "take care of his ladies". Very Marvin Gaye of him. He also sends Shamwow to F2.
Shamwow is used to visiting people's houses obviously, since she doesn't rush in like a JACKASS and offend everyone. She's just soo darn nice! Jokes with them all about the 90210 crowd doing yoga every morning. F2 is incredulous! Yoga!! Who has time with all of the backstabbing you have to get in during the day! E-troll stands off to the side and seethes hatred. Shamwow gets the clue about the immunity idol and while pretending to teach the blondes skills like, um fire building and cleaning up the yard, she looks all over the tree that used to hold the idol. Fortunately for all the rest of us, she does not look down E-troll's gray underpants for the idol.
Time for some strategerie. Jaison says, if Ben's not gone, I'm done. He won't take the racism anymore. Russell, Liz and Ben all want to get rid of Ashley. Mick isn't sure. E-troll promises Mick that after Ashley, Ben is next. He shares the idol with him to numb him to E-trolls charms. E-troll " This is what God made me for". What, Survivor?? LOL. Mick, E-troll and Jaison discuss. Jaison is adamant.
Tribal Council. Jeff is in a nice spearmint green color. Mmmm mmmm mmmmm. I could lick him like a cone of mint chocolate chip ice cream.
Jaison: Did you like Shamwow? Yes, Jeff, we would like to trade her for Ben who is negative. Bang, right outta the box.
Ben: Who's in trouble tonight? Ashley is weak, even though she works out tons at home on the gym that folds under the bed.
Ashley: Why you? Dunno cause I am sooo not weak or negative
Jaison: Ben, you are a bully. Oh, and you were a fag in the challenge.
E-Troll: What's going on? Ben said racial stuff that upset Jaison.
Jeff: Jaison, how can we heal things? How about a group hug, buddy?
Jaison: There's no million dollars worth sitting here with Ben (I beg to differ...)
Ben: What? I said she was ghetto trash. That's not racial. I purposely did NOT use the N word.
Jaison: So, southern dude, is that how you speak to a lady?
Ben: Yasmean isn't a lady like this white, southern girl sitting next to me.
Jaison: You should have some historical concept of what you are saying. If you don't get it maybe you are just ignorant. Um, he ain't never gonna get that, Jaison.
Ben: You wanna apologize? Nope
Time to vote. Ashley gets one vote. Ben is off to the klan meeting.
Foa Foa
Jaison Kim
Mick Wendy
Russell H Donna
Marisa Ginnie
Elizabeth Leslie
Natalie Carolyn
Ashley Tess
Galu
Brett Pam
Dave Amy
Erik Terri
John Joanne
Kelly Kevin and Matt
Laura Kelly
Monica Stacey
Russell S Lori
Shamwow Jeff and Eileen
Yasmin Elayne
Gone:
Marisa Ginnie
Mike Karen and John
Betsy Becky and Mary
Ben Nancy D
Again, don't expect to read anything on Galout, cause, well, they don't have the evil sausage man on their side. Nothing funny about watching doves fly out of everyone's butt. Oh, and speaking of that, I am also not going to discuss the "did you poop" conversation. Cause this is a high brow update.
Jaison and Mick have it out for Ben from the get go. "He's a mental plague". Me thinks they are a pair of those intellectual elites we're always hearing about lately. Danger!!
The evil troll is asking his long hair blonde bimbo who she thinks should go next. She doesn't know or, could it be?? She's smart enough to keep her mouth shut? She's a hairstylist too, just like Yasmean. Snap, I'm hoping for a haircut challenge! The E-troll continues his one-on-one rants: "Ima have them all under my control like zombies". I'm guessing he didn't get enough love as a child.
Sticking with F2, Ben is making fire. He's a big fire maker. He tells everyone that he is the only one who should make fire cause they are almost out of flint. WTF?? In 19 seasons of Survivor I don't believe there was ever a time when they ran out of flint. Not even the time they actually almost starved and had to dive into a rain swollen river for a bag of rice a roni. Like, it's not like that strip on the side of the box of 25 matches that wears out after the 18th match (you can laugh but pay attention next time).
Ooooh, wait!! A glimpse of life on Galout. Oh, Christ, it's yoga time. Shamwow hates yoga. It's communism. Or socialism. Whatever, they're both the same anyway. God damn kids and their yoga. I'll show 'em what a downward dog means in the military.
Back on F2. E-troll wants Ben to stay. Cause they are soulmates and he's hoping they can exchange emails after the show. E-troll tells Ben Ashley wants him gone. E-troll want Ashley gone. Wait, is it me or did he make an alliance with all of the people he wants to eliminate first? Dude, you try to keeeeeep the people you are in an alliance with longer. That's the point of forming an alliance. Oh, E-troll loves to get people fighting, loves it. "Everybody trusts me". Famous last words as the blondes put their little blonde heads together...
Tree mail! Oh, it's from Lands End and contains their bathing suits. Shamwow is stoked cause she got her size XXL Champion Sports Bra.
Challenge (and, I'm going out on a limb and thinking water is gonna be involved). Jeff is in Light Blue. Hotter than the cheese inside a hot pocket. It's a swim/battle zone. Cause that whole beat the crap out of each other went over so well last time. But, this time, JEFF OFFERS A STERN WARNING. Two from each team "swim" out and retrieve puzzle crates (ACK!!) but, they have to get through a scrappy opponent. Expect lots of pixilation!! Wanna know what you're playing for? Actually another opportunity for the crew to watch some girl on girl actual (with Asian!!) but we're gonna tell you immunity and either useful stuff or pillows from the Ty Pennington collection at Sears (ding).
Ok, Ben sucks and can't stop anyone. Oh my god. I almost spit my vodka out as John and Dave run out holding hands in THE MOST GAY SWIMSUITS ever on Survivor. Seriously. And, they match!! I was so grossed out that I basically missed the challenge or the point of the crates. But, big surprise, Galout wins immunity!! GoodRussell gets to chose either the really useful stuff or the pillows. He takes the pillows cause he wants to "take care of his ladies". Very Marvin Gaye of him. He also sends Shamwow to F2.
Shamwow is used to visiting people's houses obviously, since she doesn't rush in like a JACKASS and offend everyone. She's just soo darn nice! Jokes with them all about the 90210 crowd doing yoga every morning. F2 is incredulous! Yoga!! Who has time with all of the backstabbing you have to get in during the day! E-troll stands off to the side and seethes hatred. Shamwow gets the clue about the immunity idol and while pretending to teach the blondes skills like, um fire building and cleaning up the yard, she looks all over the tree that used to hold the idol. Fortunately for all the rest of us, she does not look down E-troll's gray underpants for the idol.
Time for some strategerie. Jaison says, if Ben's not gone, I'm done. He won't take the racism anymore. Russell, Liz and Ben all want to get rid of Ashley. Mick isn't sure. E-troll promises Mick that after Ashley, Ben is next. He shares the idol with him to numb him to E-trolls charms. E-troll " This is what God made me for". What, Survivor?? LOL. Mick, E-troll and Jaison discuss. Jaison is adamant.
Tribal Council. Jeff is in a nice spearmint green color. Mmmm mmmm mmmmm. I could lick him like a cone of mint chocolate chip ice cream.
Jaison: Did you like Shamwow? Yes, Jeff, we would like to trade her for Ben who is negative. Bang, right outta the box.
Ben: Who's in trouble tonight? Ashley is weak, even though she works out tons at home on the gym that folds under the bed.
Ashley: Why you? Dunno cause I am sooo not weak or negative
Jaison: Ben, you are a bully. Oh, and you were a fag in the challenge.
E-Troll: What's going on? Ben said racial stuff that upset Jaison.
Jeff: Jaison, how can we heal things? How about a group hug, buddy?
Jaison: There's no million dollars worth sitting here with Ben (I beg to differ...)
Ben: What? I said she was ghetto trash. That's not racial. I purposely did NOT use the N word.
Jaison: So, southern dude, is that how you speak to a lady?
Ben: Yasmean isn't a lady like this white, southern girl sitting next to me.
Jaison: You should have some historical concept of what you are saying. If you don't get it maybe you are just ignorant. Um, he ain't never gonna get that, Jaison.
Ben: You wanna apologize? Nope
Time to vote. Ashley gets one vote. Ben is off to the klan meeting.
Foa Foa
Jaison Kim
Mick Wendy
Russell H Donna
Marisa Ginnie
Elizabeth Leslie
Natalie Carolyn
Ashley Tess
Galu
Brett Pam
Dave Amy
Erik Terri
John Joanne
Kelly Kevin and Matt
Laura Kelly
Monica Stacey
Russell S Lori
Shamwow Jeff and Eileen
Yasmin Elayne
Gone:
Marisa Ginnie
Mike Karen and John
Betsy Becky and Mary
Ben Nancy D
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Survivor Samoa: Week Two
Ok, first off, this is soooo late because, when I heard about the tsunami that hit Samoa, while season 20 was being filmed, I immediately booked a flight and went in search of Jeff. Whew, were we glad to find each other again. I won't bore you with the details, but if you think make up sex is hot, you should try 'almost died in a tsunami sex'.
Soooooo, this week on Survivor starts with Evil (aka Russell) gloating about getting rid of Marisa. He and Betsy have a confrontation as well. So, you might as well get out the red marker and draw a target on her head. Jaison confronts Evil about his anger management problem. "Um, say old sausage chap, perchance do you thing you could just possible turn down the heat just a smidgeon at tribal council? Thanks sooo awfully much." Evil takes Jaison into his confidences about looking for an immunity idol. 2 seconds later, Evil pulls it out from up inside a tree, with everyone else standing around scratching their asses. He unfortunately shoves it down his gray dingy underwear. "Hey, anyone want to share this idol with me?" "Um, no, we're all good, thanks anyway."
Over on Ya Big Galoot, my girl Yasmin is singing the praises of camping. "The hood is not the wood", and I am afraid Yasmean is not gonna be the winner of Survivor Samoa.
On FF, Betsy and Mike help each other maneuver their walkers over to get the tree mail. Everyone else sits around gawking about how DAMN OLD those two are.
Challenge: Time to rumble. This appears to be something the Aztecs did to the death in Mexico, so I'm not really sure of the relevance of it is Samoa, but then again, I am geographically retarded. 3 people in the pit at a time, 3 on a platform. Ya get to kick the crap out of the other team, oh, and pass the balls to the people on the platforms so they can score baskets. It's really rough. Wanna know what you're playing for? Immunity, fishing gear and a "special surprise". oooh, lap dances!
First up, men in the pit. Shamwow shoots like a girl. Liz scores for FF
Second round, girl on girl action, which apparently a certain percentage of the population likes. Jeff: Watch the choking ladies. John scores for Galoot.
Jeff: "We're right on the line of it getting ugly. This is your only warning". Shit, as long as Jeff doesn't get hurt who cares!
Round 3: 2 men, 1 woman in the pit. It's ugly. Ben kicks Good Russell in the leg, gets ejected. Jeff: "Ben, what's it like being the biggest tool on Survivor History?" "Ima outlaw, baby" Mike gets hit really hard and just kinda wonders around stunned. Galoot wins immunity and reward.
The big twist is Good Russell gets to send one person back to the other tribe to "observe". He chooses Yasmean. Jeff wants medical to take a look at Mike. Not good, He has surprisingly low blood pressure and is out of the game. "Head back to camp cause you still need to send someone home" WTF?? I don't think they have ever done that before!
Galoot: Shamwow insists she is a champeeeen spear fisherman, and takes off with the new equipment. Ya know how this is going to end. She finds tons of fish, catches none, decides to take a bath and loses the mouthpiece of the fishing mask. Laura has the best line, "the good news is, there's fish in the ocean if you can believe that". Otherwise, Galoot isn't really on this episode.
Sooo, Yasmean calls everyone over and starts yapping her mouth off. She introduces herself as a professional hairdresser (like, as opposed to the rest of us who do it every morning as part of our routine??) and says she's there to "help them strategize" cause kicking their ass week after week is too boring. Ooooh, Evil is pissed, as is Jaison.
Yasmean takes on Ben next for the cheap shot at the challenge. "Why would a dude tackle me? That's disrespectful". On and on and on. Ben says she's "pretty close to being a hooker. Ghetto trash". Seriously, I think we have the beginnings of a little romance! Just sayin...
Yasmean gets the clue about an idol. Says it's in a tree. She basically ignores it.
Nightfall at FF, Ben is chopping wood and making noise and generally annoying everyone. Me? I'd tell him to knock it the hell off but they all put up with it until morning, and then start pissing about it. Betsy wants him to go. She convinces swiss cheese brained Ashley, who talks to Liz. Liz is all, "are you nuts? Betsy is ooooolllllllddddd, she's like 47". Bitch. I now hate Liz. Liz runs to Evil and tells him. He's now mad at Ashley.
Tribal Council: Jeff is in white. Mmmmmm.
Liz: one big happy family? Yes, Jeff. How was Yasmean's visit? Very nice Jeff, except for when she and Ben were comparing the size of their dicks.
Ben: Do tell! Well, Jeff, she is Ghetto trash with bad grammar. And, I just can't stand bad grammar.
Jaison: Jeff, we just need to keep a stiff upper lip and win some challenges my good man.
Betsy: Um, how come I'm the only one that brought a bag to tribal??
Ben: Any regrets about being a dick in the challenge? Well, Jeff, you never said we had to play by your sissy rules. OOOOOHHHHH, NO YOU DIDNT.
They vote. Betsy is gone. Not a good day for the elderly.
Foa Foa
Ben Nancy D
Jaison Kim
Mick Wendy
Russell H Donna
Marisa Ginnie
Elizabeth Leslie
Natalie Carolyn
Ashley Tess
Galu
Brett Pam
Dave Amy
Erik Terri
John Joanne
Kelly Kevin and Matt
Laura Kelly
Monica Stacey
Russell S Lori
Shamwow Jeff and Eileen
Yasmin Elayne
Gone:
Marisa Ginnie
Mike Karen and John
Betsy Becky and Mary
Soooooo, this week on Survivor starts with Evil (aka Russell) gloating about getting rid of Marisa. He and Betsy have a confrontation as well. So, you might as well get out the red marker and draw a target on her head. Jaison confronts Evil about his anger management problem. "Um, say old sausage chap, perchance do you thing you could just possible turn down the heat just a smidgeon at tribal council? Thanks sooo awfully much." Evil takes Jaison into his confidences about looking for an immunity idol. 2 seconds later, Evil pulls it out from up inside a tree, with everyone else standing around scratching their asses. He unfortunately shoves it down his gray dingy underwear. "Hey, anyone want to share this idol with me?" "Um, no, we're all good, thanks anyway."
Over on Ya Big Galoot, my girl Yasmin is singing the praises of camping. "The hood is not the wood", and I am afraid Yasmean is not gonna be the winner of Survivor Samoa.
On FF, Betsy and Mike help each other maneuver their walkers over to get the tree mail. Everyone else sits around gawking about how DAMN OLD those two are.
Challenge: Time to rumble. This appears to be something the Aztecs did to the death in Mexico, so I'm not really sure of the relevance of it is Samoa, but then again, I am geographically retarded. 3 people in the pit at a time, 3 on a platform. Ya get to kick the crap out of the other team, oh, and pass the balls to the people on the platforms so they can score baskets. It's really rough. Wanna know what you're playing for? Immunity, fishing gear and a "special surprise". oooh, lap dances!
First up, men in the pit. Shamwow shoots like a girl. Liz scores for FF
Second round, girl on girl action, which apparently a certain percentage of the population likes. Jeff: Watch the choking ladies. John scores for Galoot.
Jeff: "We're right on the line of it getting ugly. This is your only warning". Shit, as long as Jeff doesn't get hurt who cares!
Round 3: 2 men, 1 woman in the pit. It's ugly. Ben kicks Good Russell in the leg, gets ejected. Jeff: "Ben, what's it like being the biggest tool on Survivor History?" "Ima outlaw, baby" Mike gets hit really hard and just kinda wonders around stunned. Galoot wins immunity and reward.
The big twist is Good Russell gets to send one person back to the other tribe to "observe". He chooses Yasmean. Jeff wants medical to take a look at Mike. Not good, He has surprisingly low blood pressure and is out of the game. "Head back to camp cause you still need to send someone home" WTF?? I don't think they have ever done that before!
Galoot: Shamwow insists she is a champeeeen spear fisherman, and takes off with the new equipment. Ya know how this is going to end. She finds tons of fish, catches none, decides to take a bath and loses the mouthpiece of the fishing mask. Laura has the best line, "the good news is, there's fish in the ocean if you can believe that". Otherwise, Galoot isn't really on this episode.
Sooo, Yasmean calls everyone over and starts yapping her mouth off. She introduces herself as a professional hairdresser (like, as opposed to the rest of us who do it every morning as part of our routine??) and says she's there to "help them strategize" cause kicking their ass week after week is too boring. Ooooh, Evil is pissed, as is Jaison.
Yasmean takes on Ben next for the cheap shot at the challenge. "Why would a dude tackle me? That's disrespectful". On and on and on. Ben says she's "pretty close to being a hooker. Ghetto trash". Seriously, I think we have the beginnings of a little romance! Just sayin...
Yasmean gets the clue about an idol. Says it's in a tree. She basically ignores it.
Nightfall at FF, Ben is chopping wood and making noise and generally annoying everyone. Me? I'd tell him to knock it the hell off but they all put up with it until morning, and then start pissing about it. Betsy wants him to go. She convinces swiss cheese brained Ashley, who talks to Liz. Liz is all, "are you nuts? Betsy is ooooolllllllddddd, she's like 47". Bitch. I now hate Liz. Liz runs to Evil and tells him. He's now mad at Ashley.
Tribal Council: Jeff is in white. Mmmmmm.
Liz: one big happy family? Yes, Jeff. How was Yasmean's visit? Very nice Jeff, except for when she and Ben were comparing the size of their dicks.
Ben: Do tell! Well, Jeff, she is Ghetto trash with bad grammar. And, I just can't stand bad grammar.
Jaison: Jeff, we just need to keep a stiff upper lip and win some challenges my good man.
Betsy: Um, how come I'm the only one that brought a bag to tribal??
Ben: Any regrets about being a dick in the challenge? Well, Jeff, you never said we had to play by your sissy rules. OOOOOHHHHH, NO YOU DIDNT.
They vote. Betsy is gone. Not a good day for the elderly.
Foa Foa
Ben Nancy D
Jaison Kim
Mick Wendy
Russell H Donna
Marisa Ginnie
Elizabeth Leslie
Natalie Carolyn
Ashley Tess
Galu
Brett Pam
Dave Amy
Erik Terri
John Joanne
Kelly Kevin and Matt
Laura Kelly
Monica Stacey
Russell S Lori
Shamwow Jeff and Eileen
Yasmin Elayne
Gone:
Marisa Ginnie
Mike Karen and John
Betsy Becky and Mary
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