Survivor Samoa: Week Two

Ok, first off, this is soooo late because, when I heard about the tsunami that hit Samoa, while season 20 was being filmed, I immediately booked a flight and went in search of Jeff. Whew, were we glad to find each other again. I won't bore you with the details, but if you think make up sex is hot, you should try 'almost died in a tsunami sex'.

Soooooo, this week on Survivor starts with Evil (aka Russell) gloating about getting rid of Marisa. He and Betsy have a confrontation as well. So, you might as well get out the red marker and draw a target on her head. Jaison confronts Evil about his anger management problem. "Um, say old sausage chap, perchance do you thing you could just possible turn down the heat just a smidgeon at tribal council? Thanks sooo awfully much." Evil takes Jaison into his confidences about looking for an immunity idol. 2 seconds later, Evil pulls it out from up inside a tree, with everyone else standing around scratching their asses. He unfortunately shoves it down his gray dingy underwear. "Hey, anyone want to share this idol with me?" "Um, no, we're all good, thanks anyway."

Over on Ya Big Galoot, my girl Yasmin is singing the praises of camping. "The hood is not the wood", and I am afraid Yasmean is not gonna be the winner of Survivor Samoa.

On FF, Betsy and Mike help each other maneuver their walkers over to get the tree mail. Everyone else sits around gawking about how DAMN OLD those two are.

Challenge: Time to rumble. This appears to be something the Aztecs did to the death in Mexico, so I'm not really sure of the relevance of it is Samoa, but then again, I am geographically retarded. 3 people in the pit at a time, 3 on a platform. Ya get to kick the crap out of the other team, oh, and pass the balls to the people on the platforms so they can score baskets. It's really rough. Wanna know what you're playing for? Immunity, fishing gear and a "special surprise". oooh, lap dances!

First up, men in the pit. Shamwow shoots like a girl. Liz scores for FF
Second round, girl on girl action, which apparently a certain percentage of the population likes. Jeff: Watch the choking ladies. John scores for Galoot.

Jeff: "We're right on the line of it getting ugly. This is your only warning". Shit, as long as Jeff doesn't get hurt who cares!

Round 3: 2 men, 1 woman in the pit. It's ugly. Ben kicks Good Russell in the leg, gets ejected. Jeff: "Ben, what's it like being the biggest tool on Survivor History?" "Ima outlaw, baby" Mike gets hit really hard and just kinda wonders around stunned. Galoot wins immunity and reward.

The big twist is Good Russell gets to send one person back to the other tribe to "observe". He chooses Yasmean. Jeff wants medical to take a look at Mike. Not good, He has surprisingly low blood pressure and is out of the game. "Head back to camp cause you still need to send someone home" WTF?? I don't think they have ever done that before!

Galoot: Shamwow insists she is a champeeeen spear fisherman, and takes off with the new equipment. Ya know how this is going to end. She finds tons of fish, catches none, decides to take a bath and loses the mouthpiece of the fishing mask. Laura has the best line, "the good news is, there's fish in the ocean if you can believe that". Otherwise, Galoot isn't really on this episode.

Sooo, Yasmean calls everyone over and starts yapping her mouth off. She introduces herself as a professional hairdresser (like, as opposed to the rest of us who do it every morning as part of our routine??) and says she's there to "help them strategize" cause kicking their ass week after week is too boring. Ooooh, Evil is pissed, as is Jaison.

Yasmean takes on Ben next for the cheap shot at the challenge. "Why would a dude tackle me? That's disrespectful". On and on and on. Ben says she's "pretty close to being a hooker. Ghetto trash". Seriously, I think we have the beginnings of a little romance! Just sayin...

Yasmean gets the clue about an idol. Says it's in a tree. She basically ignores it.

Nightfall at FF, Ben is chopping wood and making noise and generally annoying everyone. Me? I'd tell him to knock it the hell off but they all put up with it until morning, and then start pissing about it. Betsy wants him to go. She convinces swiss cheese brained Ashley, who talks to Liz. Liz is all, "are you nuts? Betsy is ooooolllllllddddd, she's like 47". Bitch. I now hate Liz. Liz runs to Evil and tells him. He's now mad at Ashley.

Tribal Council: Jeff is in white. Mmmmmm.

Liz: one big happy family? Yes, Jeff. How was Yasmean's visit? Very nice Jeff, except for when she and Ben were comparing the size of their dicks.
Ben: Do tell! Well, Jeff, she is Ghetto trash with bad grammar. And, I just can't stand bad grammar.
Jaison: Jeff, we just need to keep a stiff upper lip and win some challenges my good man.
Betsy: Um, how come I'm the only one that brought a bag to tribal??
Ben: Any regrets about being a dick in the challenge? Well, Jeff, you never said we had to play by your sissy rules. OOOOOHHHHH, NO YOU DIDNT.

They vote. Betsy is gone. Not a good day for the elderly.


Foa Foa
Ben Nancy D
Jaison Kim
Mick Wendy
Russell H Donna
Marisa Ginnie
Elizabeth Leslie
Natalie Carolyn
Ashley Tess

Galu

Brett Pam
Dave Amy
Erik Terri
John Joanne
Kelly Kevin and Matt
Laura Kelly
Monica Stacey
Russell S Lori
Shamwow Jeff and Eileen
Yasmin Elayne

Gone:
Marisa Ginnie
Mike Karen and John
Betsy Becky and Mary