Survivor, brought to you by Outback Steak

Yo yo yo. I actually had to go back and watch this episode twice, mostly because I couldn't believe it the first time around. CANNOT WAIT for Jeff to jump all over JT at the reunion show for being the worlds biggest idiot.

We start with Jerri, who is like the old woman of the sea this season, wigging out about Coach getting voted off. And, not getting a chance to put her tongue down his throat one last time before he went. At least she still has the shell engagement ring. She talks to Troll, who denies having any idea what happened last week. And, she buys it. He wants either Sandra or Courtney to go. No shock there.

Tree mail. It's that challenge from Tocachines or whatever it was, where people stand on little pegs. This time, they have to self rank themselves from strongest to weakest and they get matched up that way. Rupert thinks he's the strongest, but they all basically tell him he's too fat.

COME ON IN GUYS. Jeff is in light blue. Notice Coach has been voted off. Rupert: "It's obviously a woman's alliance". And, it is obviously a winning tactic to keep yelling out what you think the other team is doing. Jeff explains the challenge. Wanna know what you are playing for? A totally shameless push for Outback Steakhouse, now available in American Samoa. "Bloomin' onion baybee". Everyone apparently loves Outback. LOVES LOVES LOVES Outback. Either that or they got their kickback checks this morning.

Matched up: Danielle/Candace, Courtney/Amanda, Pervhottie/JT, Jerri/Colby and Sandra/Rupert. The troll sits out because, like Rupert, he is too damn fat.

While we wait for the first 10 minutes to pass, Jeff tells us that it is an historic day!! It is the 100th day Amanda has played Survivor.

They all move down one peg. The troll mouths good luck to JT, who thinks it is a cry for help.

3rd foothold. Colby the Lame goes out. Villains 1-0. Rupert goes out, Villains 2-0.

Sandra starts talking about how she LOVES her some Outback. Jeff, before my huuusband went off to Afghanistan, that last week? Instead of having sex, we ate at Outback Steak twice. "I love OUTBACK STEAK, and so does my all patriotic, fighting for America soldier husband". She totally just got free Outback for life.

Amanda is out. Villains win reward. Over at the Outback shack, and hey! No waiting in American Samoa-no having to sit around smelling the food, getting hungry enough to order that 5,000 calorie Bloomin Onion while you wait for the square vibrator to vibrate. Sandra is pounding the pink drinks. Because in addition to LOVING OUTBACK, and her WAR HERO HUSBAND, Sandra LOVES her some pink drinks with kick ass alcohol in them. Seriously, this is like an Outback ad. Complete with close-ups of the steak and cheesy-gross baked potato.

Pervhottie actually uses her napkin, and finds a rolled up clue in it. They all chatter along about how funny the Heroes are going on and on about the all girl alliance. Pervhottie gets up to pee, and Danielle joins her. Perv and Danielle read the clue. Perv isn't tellin the troll.

JT, apparently, does not give a damn about no steak. He tells Amanda and I think Candace, that he is going to give Russell the idol and tell him to vote off Perv. Amanda thinks this is crazy but lets him do it.

The next day, Perv and Danielle go looking for the idol, carrying a big ass shovel just in case anyone sees them. They find it.

Oh god. JT writes the most embarrassingly 7th grade letter to Russell. Do you like me? Circle yes or no. LOL.

Immunity Challenge: Light blue. I don't know. It's some thing with bags of puzzles on ropes, and then a totem pole puzzle. Whatever. In the middle of it, Russell and Colby the Lame are both out in the water on platforms. Colby goes all serious and tells him after the challenge, JT will shake his hand and hand him the idol. "Save yourself, man". Russell drags getting his bag of pieces and the Heroes win immunity.

"I don't even have to find the idols anymore, people are just giving me the idols". JT is all thrilled with himself. "I'm gonna make Survivor history". Yes, you certainly are.

Troll and Pervhottie read the letter and laugh about it. "How do you give the idol king an idol??" Perv adds, "Your BFF forever, JT". It is really laughable.

Troll wants Courtney. Courtney promises Perv she will stick with her after the merge. The troll tells Jerri and Danielle about the idol from JT. Perv tries to argue for Sandra to go rather than Courtney. It's all kind of boring at this point.

Tribal-Jeff is in dark blue, baby. Let's bring Coach out. OH MY FUCKING GOD. Coach is wearing like, a kung fu smoking jacket. Seriously. I think be must have bought it at one of those chinese stores in San Francisco. I can't stop laughing. Seriously, I laughed so hard I could not take notes on the tribal. It was all blah blah trust, blah blah blab alliance. I do notice, however that Danielle's lip waxing needs to be redone, and she is sporting one hell of a mustache. I can only imagine what she looks like now that the Brazilian wax job has also grown in. Ugh.

They vote and Courtney goes. "Later Bitches".