Survivor: Don't Vote With Your Gonads

So just to rehash, last week the Troll blindsided Rob and double crossed Tyson. And, James got the ax too.

On the Villains, Rob is seething. He was shocked by the vote. “Something doesn’t feel right”. Sandra tells him “Tyson didn’t want to see a tie”.

Courtney: Russell is a bandy legged troll with one tooth that never bathes, and Pervhottie has no problems flirting with him.

Rob: Why do these 3 people have so much confidence? Are Jerri and Coach with them??

Back from commercial: a sea turtle eating something, and then a big wave. Drama ahead.

Morning. Jerri sits with the troll and the witches of Samoa. The troll tries to pump her. “Jerri has all kinds of respect for me”. Perv works on Jerri. Hard. Jerri: “maybe I just have a fear of commitment”. Perv: “I’ll take you to the final 4”.

Perv: Jerri is jealous of the troll and me. LOL.

Over on Heroes. Rupert: “Colby needs to step up today”. And Colby is just sitting staring at the fire. He is feeling a pressure to perform. Oooh, performance anxiety. I hear that’s tough for men.

Challenge. Jeff is in light blue. I wasn’t in the mood anyway. It’s another version of March Madness basketball, this one in the water. Wanna know what you’re playing for? Another trip to a waterfall with food. When are we going to bring out the natives??

Courtney, Sandra and Perv sit out.

First up, men on men. It’s a scramble, and Colby missed twice in a row. Rut row, not good. Coach gets a hold of the ball, and throws like a friggin girl. He missed by a mile. Coach and Colby tussle. Colby gets and ball and makes the shot. 1-0 Heroes.

Next, it’s 2 women, one man. Coach and Colby are back in it. The women are going at it. Colby passes to Candace, in and out. Coach…another big miss. You’d think his dragon slaya powers would help in basketball. Colby passes to Candace, she scores!! 2-0 Heroes

Men again. Right off the bat, Troll and Rupert go at it. I mean, really go at it. JT gets the ball easily, passes to Colby who gets it in!! Heroes blank the Villains 3-0!!! Colby redemption.

They go off for reward. I swear they are playing the Lord of the Rings music. They are all eating when Candace sees the note. She opens it, it’s about another idol. “Let’s all ignore it”. And, just like you can’t ignore genital herpes (or so I hear…), they all stop having fun. Amanda goes over and brings the note back. She reads it aloud. “It’s in a shallow grave by the two bridges”. Isn’t this the exact friggin place the second idol that the troll found without a clue was hidden?? They all decide to find it together “that’s for all of us to use against the villains”. And then doves flew out of all of their asses.

Villainland. Troll and Jerri chat. He offers them top 3. Jerri calls over Coach. Hey, Jerri is wearing a shell ring. Is that from Coach?? Coach: “Russell is selling her a pure line of gold and Jerri is buying it”.

Jerri and Coach talk. Jerri told the troll she is going along with him. Coach is pissed. Jerri wants Coach to come over to the dark side with her. Coach: “We are honor bound to play the game together” “Jerri has muddied the water”. Jerri doesn’t trust Rob as much as she trusts the troll. LMAO. Coach: “Rob is trustworthy”. “I’m hurt because you didn’t talk to me before committing to the troll”. “You better not be saying you trust the troll and me equally”. “I can’t believe you threw all of your eggs in Russell’s basket”. Jerri: “Well, not all of my eggs”. Ewww.

Jerri: “Coach is naïve. You can’t be the good guy to everyone and win this game, and I plan to win”.

Immunity challenge: Light blue. I wasn’t in the mood anyway.

It’s another greatest hits challenge. Run on a trampoline, climb up a rope ladder and get…wait for it….puzzle freakin pieces.

I’ll skip the rolling and bouncing. Suffice it to say, Courtney lost the villains a lot of time. Heroes get all their pieces first, but Jerri says, “It’s a puzzle, we got this”. Rob and Sandra do the puzzle as do JT and Amanda. Holy crap! The heroes win immunity!!

Coach is right on Courtney. She’s the weakest link.

The troll is all against Rob and Courtney. Big shock. Rob and the troll are sitting on a log with Sandra and Courtney, who are freakishly braiding each other’s hair. The troll points to the two of them and says, “one of these two should go”. Wow, what a breach of Survivor etiquette. Worse than bananagate.

Troll: Once Courtney is gone, Rob is done.

Coach wants Perv or Courtney. Rob: “Courtney is loyal. Perv or Russell? Russell is dangerous.”

Coach to Rob: “I want to be standing with you on the last day”.

Troll wants to blindside Rob. Coach and Jerri are sitting with him. “Me and Coach can beat anyone, we don’t need Rob”. Coach still tries to lobby Courtney.

Coach has his close up moment. Coach doesn’t want Rob to go. “I came to win but not at all costs”. He’s confused. And thinking with his penis. Just sayin.

Rob to Jerri: “You’re smart, you’ll figure it out”. Yea, but will it be soon enough.

The lovebirds chat. Jerri” I’ve aged years”. Coach does not disagree. “It’s not the right time to get rid of Rob”. Jerri: “I’m not a good villain”.

Tribal. Ahh, Jeff is in darkish blue. I’ll take it.

Sandra, How is tonight’s vote different? “We’re all over the board tonight”

Coach: Hope springs eternal. The split is 3-3, with Jerri and I as tie breakers. Tyson was the bridge

Troll: Well, I just flat out disagree with that. By getting rid of Tyson, it made us closer

Most people disagree…

Rob: This is not a functional tribe.

Troll: Last week I made the best more for myself (and no one picks up on this comment????)

Perv: Yea, but people are mad about it.

Coach: People are paranoid.

Question: what’s more important, alliances or team strength?

Rob to Russell: You are against me. Loyalty is more important.

Troll: If you are gunning for me, you have to go.

Coach (idiot): Lines have been drawn. We can’t win if our best competitors are against each other.

Jerri: I’ve been confronted by both sides. I’ve had to weigh both sides, and I hope I am making the best decision.

Vote: Troll, 3; Courtney 1 (thanks, Coach, you ahole), Rob 4. Waaah, Rob is votes off. As he leaves, Coach gets up to hug him. Rob: “You’re a little man”. And, somewhere Jerri agrees.

Dr. Jeff: Does the vote bring the tribe together or destroy it???