Amazing Race: And then there were 3

And then there were 3. Is tonight the finale?


Ok, so I missed the update last week, and didn't get to comment on the noodle making with the dwarf, or the fact that the detective was completely unable to finish a puzzle. Detectives came in last place BUT it was a non eeeeelimination round. They have to do a speedbump this week.

We're in Shanghai. Phil's wearing gloves so it must be cold. He's at the last pit stop, which was the science and technology museum. See, if this were America? It would be the TV and internet GAMES museum, because Americans do not value science or technology (unless it's oil rigs-oh, whoops).

Teams have to find the Garden Bridge, which no one but Americans calls the Garden Bridge. They call it WibiduChow, which sounds nothing like GAAARRRRRDDDDDEEEEENNNNNNN BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDGGGGGEEEEEE no matter how loud or slowly you keep saying it. Cowboys are first to leave, and hey this is a good time to talk about Cord getting kicked in the head by a cow horn. Ok, so what's Jet's problem?? They get directed to a park.

Ah, Brent and Miss USA are next to leave. Let's bring up A-FREAKING-GAIN that she made a horses ASS of herself on the pageant. She is convinced her brilliance shown on the Amazing Race is going to make everyone forget about THE IRAQ. Hmmm, maybe the first step is to stop bringing it up yourself, Caite. Nobody they ask knows where it is.

The cowboys get to the bridge, but it's the wrong one. Caite and Brent find someone to translate. They are off to find a cab. They do a gay fist pump. Cowboys get in a taxi, and he doesn't know where the bridge is.

Gaybros leave. They are all freaked and lost.

Brent and Caite find the bridge. Travel to the Lonhau Temple-and there's a speedbump there. No taxi allowed. B/C get out a map and take a bus. Once again Caite has to mouth off on how smart she is because she can read a friggin map. "So people you can go screw yourselves". Ah, the cocky bird sometimes get the wrong end of the worm. Confucius. You can use that on your FB status, Karen.

Gaybros find some fat Chinese dude exercising one leg and they go back and forth 10 times each saying the word BRIDGE. LOL. He asks Gaybros "where is the garden bridge??" LOL. They decide to go back and get Mike and Louis to ride off their coattails. "We love you, and we have been walking around for 2 hours because we want to hang with you dudes". They get up high and attempt to look for the bridge with binoculars.

Brent and the Rhoades Scholar find the Temple. Roadblock: teams must enter the "hole" and count the number of gold statues to find enlightenment. The Scholar goes in to count. "I'm glad Caite has another chance to prove how smart she is". LOL. She counts in vertical lines, but gets confused. Goes back to count horizontally. Brent is people watching outside. The scholar gets it wrong first time.

Cowboys are looking for the metro. While a million buses go by. The detectives/gaybros see a sign with two jackets hanging off. They head over, and ...not it.

Caite gets it wrong for a second time. D'oh!

Detective finds a group of kids, asks them to call the translation service and they get it. The Gaybros try to get their taxi driver to follow. Not working well... Follow...follow...follow. Hint: in a foreign country it is always worthwhile to keep yelling the same word in English. They are having a shit fit.

The Scholar gets it wrong again for the 3rd time. Cowboys find the Temple, Brent is kinda hiding. They can't find the clue box. Meanwhile Caite is counting again. She keeps missing the TWO BIG ASS GOLDEN STATUES BY THE DOOR. Jet counts ALL of the statues and gets it. Rhoades Scholar finally figures it out. They have to take motorcycles to Yuyuan gardens. "I'm from a town with one traffic light and it's flashing". After the taxi ride they have to find a garden. Oooh, Caite gets to show she is also a dramatic actress as she racially mocks the Chinese for coming up to her and saying, "oh, you wanna buy this? you wanna buy this? me love you long time". Ok, I added that last one in.

Amazingly the Gaybros find the Detectives taxi, and the Bridge clue. Ask how to get there and all 4 take the same bus. Clearly the race for last place is ON.

Cowboys find the clue. Detour: Pork chops or Pork dumplings. Chops: teams make their way to a store that sells stamps, called chops. They have to look for a stamp with a pig and each of their names on the bottom. Dumplings: pick up and deliver 10 orders of dumplings. Cowboys do chops. As do Brent and Caite. But Brent has to pee and Caite won't let him. "Just hold it". She's a bitch.

Speedbump: Perform a local good luck ritual-toss a coin in an incense burner. Detectives are off to do that. Meanwhile, the Bros are counting gold statues. I'm not even sure this speedbump takes 2 whole minutes. Off to count. Louis is a mathematical genius.

I gotta pee. Nope. She finally lets him pee. After they leave, the cowboys find Brent's piece and hide it.

Bro counts right. They are off to the motorcycles. The gaybro likes the part about straddling and holding on to a Chinese man on the bike. Niiiiice. The math genius gets it wrong. Back to count after 10 minute wait. He re-reads the clue while waiting and then goes in, writes down 523 and they finish.

Jet finds his stamp. Brent finds his. "Baby I got mine. It's huge, just like everything else". Caite finds hers, then Cord finds his. "Make your way to the pit stop". It's a taxi-off. Brent: "they don't even understand their own language".

Riverfront. They are racing to find Phil. Fuck. Brent and Caite are team #1. "Yeah!! I'm so smart!!" They win a trip to Spain. Whatever. She's the only woman and she's eeestatic. Whatever that means. "I have proved I am intelligent". Cowboys are team #2. "if we win, do we get buckles? I hope so. Amazing Race Champion buckles".

Gaybros are doing the stamps. As are the detectives. It's a stamp off. "This is like impossible". Shut up and look. Jordon finds his. The gaybros get some girls to walk them to a taxi and give directions. Detectives get theirs. "We gotta go very fast my friend".

Gaybros are team #3!! Good luck to our final 3 tonight: Lori, Donna, Kevin and Matt and Amy!!!!!

1. Brent and Caite Donna
2. Jet and Cord Kevin and Matt
3. Dan and Jordon Lori

Out
4. Louis and Michael Amy
5. Carol and Brandy Elayne
6. Joe and Heidi Becky and Mary
7. Jordon and Jeff Joanne
8. Steve and Allie Ginnie
9. Monique and Shawne Terri
10. Jodi and Shannon Jeff and Eileen
11. Dana and Adrian Karen and John