Ok, first of all the first 25 minutes were enough to send me to the bottle.
"I never let myself go"
Repeat that over and over in as many different ways, and add in Chris Harrison saying, "So, would you say you never really let yourself go?"
Her voice is so annoying!! And, let's get all the cattiness out right off the bat. I do not like her hair. Do not like the color, do not like the bangs, do not like the falling down curls that look like a prom goer got ripped off. She was much cuter last season, this season she's looking skankier.
Oh shit, I forgot she was a Dentist AND a dancer. So we have to watch an interpretive dance of being dumped by Brad. Yea, it's that bad.
Ok, let's do a little coverage of some of the bachelors:
Ryan P is into green energy. He owns a company. Ready to get married. I give him a 9.5, although he could crash and burn pretty damn fast. Might have that too into her stalker thing going.
JP lives in NYC and does construction. But I take it not in that hang from a structure and whistle at woman way. He's big into his career. Has a shaved head, and I'm not into him.
Ames. He's the total overachiever. In finance (do people still work in finance??) He went to Yale (but so did Bush...) has 2 masters (so do I BTW) and a PhD. He apparently had richer parents than I did. He's been to 70 countries....run 39 marathons... Yep, he's annoying.
Ben C is a New Orleans laywer. Wants to find lurve and rates himself as a 215 on the romance scale. Yes, that is why he is on the bach-ette looking for someone to grope on national TV.
Ben F is a 28 year old winemaker, which puts him on the top of my scale for that alone. Ahhhh, 16 minutes into the show and we have our first dead body. His Dad is dead. He's intersted in a well rounded, cultural brunette. Well, she is brunette...
Bentley-he's our drama for the season. He's from Utah and is a father of a child named after a drink Cozy. Yes, her name is Cozy. He's divorced and lives in a fucking big ass house. He wants the bach-ette to be Emily.
Ant'ny. What can I say. NJ butcher. 100% guido. He will be showing up mowing the lawns on the Real Housewives of NJ next season.
West. State prosecuter. HOLY SHIT. Minute 18 and we have a widow. He was happily married for 7 years to a woman with epilepsy, WHO DROWNED IN THE FRIGGIN BATHTUB. OK, dude, I gotta give you props for a story like that.
William has a bad dating history. 7 or 8 women have left him and gotten married very quickly. His dad is also dead (20 minute mark), but was an alcoholic. William claims his watch mysteriously stopped at the same time as his Dad died. Hmmmmm. Were the watch batteries and his pacemaker batteries from the same package??
That's the first group and now Ashley and Chris talk again. "I spent my time complaining to Brad...I never believed in Brad". HONEY, HE WAS NOT THAT INTO YOU. Move on.
Ok, here comes the Bentley drama. Apparently someone called her who knows his ex wife (or something) to tell her that Bentley is a total poser and is just on the show to promote his business. She's gonna give him the benefit of the doubt but hopes he's ugly with one tooth.
FYI-right about now I started playing the drinking game called "Amaaaaazing".
Here come the limos. So let me see who we didn't get to meet in the little video bios.
Jon is an e-commerce executive. "Can we go straight to the honeymoon" then he carries her around.
Lucas is an oil field dude from texas. He's a hugger. Meh.
Mickey is a chef who goes in for the kiss right away.
Tim is a New York liquor distributor. He's a wierdo.
Ben talks french to her, which I think is wierd until I remember she is french canadian.
Stephen is a hairstylist. Uhuh, I'm thinking gay too. He likes her new haircolor. Seriously, these men actually sat and watched the bachelor??? Right there you lost me.
Chris D is into sports marketing and he "raps" for her. It wasn't as awful as it sounds.
West is also a hugger. He gives her a broken compass with the needle stuck on WEST, so in case she gets lost she will find her way to him.
Ant'ny gets out of the limo and turns his back to her, adusts his hair and his suit before turning around to her. They have absolutely no chemistry.
Rob is a technology exec. He doesn't have any crowns in his teeth. LOL.
Ames comes in not wearing a suit but a blue suitjacket and tan pants. Very Yale meeting a woman beneath him I think.
Matt is an "office supply salesperson". LMAO, yes as in the easy button Staples employee. He teaches her some fancy handshake.
Jeff is an entreprenear. In a mask. And everytime he is on screen the creepy Phantom of the Opera music is playing. He wants her to learn about him before she sees his face. He looks kinda 5 o'clock shadow to me. The other men are not digging it.
Ben F brings glasses and wine THAT IS AMAAAAAAZING. Slurp.
Frank comes out and winks at her, kisses her hand and waltzes around with her. Kinda creepy. He's a college administrator.
Michael is also a technology salesman (I'm thinking cell phones). "For the first time in my life I am excited to see a dentist"
Chris M is a canadian construction CEO. Uhuh. AKA a handyman.
Ryan M comes out with a camera and takes their pictures together. He asks (not quite jokingly) if she thinks he can get a picure of himself with Chris Harrison. Yes, awkward.
Nick is a personal trainer. He reads her a poem which creeps me out.
Blake is the dentist. But I'm not sure he tells her that.
Bentley gets out.....she seems smitten with him.
And finally, Constantine is a restaurant owner. He wins the day by tying dental floss on her ring finger so she will remember him.
And we're off to the drinking! There is a first impression rose!!
Ryan steals her right off the bat. It's on. He's soooo excited it is her!! He has to tell her than and he gives her the big pitch. "I want someone to share my life with".
I'm not sure who it is, maybe Ben F but he pulls his cell phone out and calls his mom so they can meet. She's pretty funny tells them to remember 2 things: when they get the message to forgo their individual suites, remember your moms are watching and "always use protection".
Ok, some dude comes in with a guitar and takes her outside. But he loses me with his 3 piece suit as I hate vests (and yes that is a topic that has been discussed in my house for years). She says, "do you really play?" and he says no and throws the guitar into the pond.
She asks the mask guy if he's here for a serious reason or just a nutjob. And he gives her some bullshit about society judging everyone from the outside and he wants her to get to know him from the inside first. It's ridiculous.
Tim the NY liquor distributor and our drunk for the night is "bugged" by the masked man. He takes off his jacket like he's gonna fight him and then just drops the f-bomb a bunch of times.
Chris brings in the rose. Ooooooh.
While she's talking to 2 other dudes, Ben C the lawyer is standing behind them holding up cue cards saying hi and other cute stuff. He grew up in London.
Tim is totally drunk. "If Ashley doesn't fall in love with him she's crazy". LOL. Ashley tries to talk to him but he can't even talk he's so drunk. It's kinda sad. Next thing you see he's asleep snoring out in a gazeebo. She takes some of the other guys outside to drag him out and put him in an awaiting car.
The creepy masked dude is happy that Tim is gone.
Finally, she sits down with Bentley. The previews all showing him breaking her heart. Or so they want you to think...He gives her the dad speech, and she likes the name drink Cozy for a kid. "I'm in a healthy spot after the divorce (aka, I got the house) ...I wouldn't be here away from my daughter unless I was serious..." Ashley is so damn stupid. "he seems like everything I am looking for".
Ryan P gets the first impression rose. He's actually cute and the most openly personable.
Bentley "even though I'm not attracted to her, I'm still competitive and I should have gotten that first impression rose..." Oh yea, they are gonna do a job on him all season.
Roses:
Ryan P
Jeff (masked creep)
Constantine
Ben F wine dude
Lucas
Stephen
Matt
Nick
Chris D
Ryan M
Blake
Mickey
Ben C
West
William
JP
Ames
and OF COURSE Bentley.
Ant'ny is pissed off. Jon is also upset. "My family and I watched the entire last season together". Uhuh, that's just weird for a man his age.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Survivor: Whole lot of backstabbing to come!
One more fabulous episode of this season's Survivor: The Resurrection of Christ. One more chance to see JEFF in his dark blue shirt, and one more oh my god so hot hot hot time at the Pottstown Motel 6!! And, thank you Jeff honey, for calling ahead last week and asking them for a clean bedspread. It's the little things that lets me know how much you care.
Ok. So basically there are still, what, 9 people who could win this thang?? They better get to hacking pretty quick tomorrow night.
Last week Andrea was blindsided. Like BANG blindsided. Ashley and Natalie are happy to be the last girls standing. Ashley wants a pact that they tell each other if they hear they are getting blindsided. Natalie says, uhuh, but then Rob asks her and she tells him she's with him all the way. He's getting nervous with only 7 days to prove to his wife that he is capable of winning Survivor too.
Andrea arrives at Resurrection Island. Note: is it really an island?? Because it seems like they all walk there. Hmmmmm. So, Matt isn't glad to see her. Because his bible tells him to keep your cheek turned against someone who does you wrong. They argue. You hate me...no you hate me....you threw me under the bus...no you threw me under the bus. Christ, just shag and get it over with. Time for sleep. Ralph tells her she has to sleep outside the tent. I believe he also tells her Rob used her like toilet paper and wiped his ass with her but he could have been saying, "Nice night".
Time for the Quadruel. Andrea boohooos that everyone lied to her. Yawn. FYI-Jeff is in light blue. Ahhhh, holy christ, it's a puzzle challenge. Do a table maze, smash something, do a puzzle. Whatever. Ralph kicks ASS. Andrea totally freaks out and Mike finishes his maze. Then Matt. Onto the puzzle, and Mike wins. Crap, Ralph loses the puzzle and is on the jury. OMG, what is he gonna look like all cleaned up??? Rob is done with the whole Resurrection Island thing. ME TOO, ROB. Jeff love it, so I expect it to return.
And, back at camp, the always present Rice Wars erupt. People want to eat, Ashley wants to conserve rice. Rob wants them to eat a little. Phillip goes all federal agent commando on the girls, saying the men need more calories than the women to beat whoever comes back from RI. Rob and Grant retire to the lanai to discuss getting rid of Ashley and breaking up the girls. Phillip is still in ranting mood. He points out that they never argue with Rob. "Because Rob is sane!!" OMG, DO NOT SAY THE WORD CRAZY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. The girls leave, calling Phillip PSYCHO on the way out. Hmnmmmm, Rob has to do some damage control. He's worried the girls are too close, and he's worried Phillip is getting too crazy.
Rob talks to Natalie and assures her she'll go to the end if she does what he tells her. Ashley is getting a little worried-Rob tells Natalie to keep her happy. Ashley thinks Rob would get rid of either she or Natalie to take Grant to the end, and wants something BIG to happen.
Ashley approaches Rob and tells him her plan to get rid of Grant, basically saying if Mike comes back, he and Grant would be too strong. "I figured you'd want Phillip gone". "I do, but I'm more interested in preserving you, me and Natalie." Rob thinks it over and doesn't like her plan. He tells Grant she wants him gone. They decide one of them has to win immunity. 'If Ashley doesn't win immunity, she's gone". Grant, Phillip and Rob get together and discuss Ashley's ride coming to an end. Natalie tells Rob, "it's gonna be hard to get rid of Ashley". Rob is even more paranoid about that duo. And, by that I mean TWO OF THEM.
Immunity Challenge. Jeff is in light blue. WOW, it's a puzzle challenge. Use fish hooks to make a fish puzzle, with one hand tied behind their back. Seriously, they need to hire some new challenge people, ones that don't work at Fisher Price. Wanna know what you're playing for? Immunity and a 3 course meal delivered to the camp.
Grant gets off to a big start, as do the other men. Digging their puzzle pieces up. The ladies are lagging. But Ashley kicks ass and pulls up to the boys. She then surpasses them and wins immunity. Who do you want to share the feast with? Natalie of course.
Back at camp, Ashley's happy but not Rob. "The thing I didn't want to happen, happens. Sorry Grant, you're done". Rob says he always has to do the dirty work, so he checks with Ashley and Natalie, yes Grant. He tells Phillip it's Grant, but that he's telling Grant it's Phillip. Then he goes to Grant and asks his opinion, which is meaningless. Grant goes on and on and on discussing the options before deciding on Natalie. Then he makes his swan song "When you look somebody in the eyes and shake their hand, you kind of get a vibe from that person and I get a good one from Rob. And we’re sticking to our alliance" .
I totally can't figure out how Rob is going to win by blindsiding everyone! Room service arrives and the ladies chow down on pizza, nachos, fettuccini alfredo, chocolate cake, cheesecake and ice cream. Seriously, you'd have to puke if that was the first thing you have eating in 30 days. Rob is worried about how close they are, as Ashley talks to Natalie about getting whoever comes back from Resurrection Island on their side. Natalie tells Rob, and admits she's wondering which way to go. Rob talks her off the ledge.
Tribal. About the only thing interesting is that JEFF IS IN DARK BLUE!! Otherwise, Grant is voted off the Island
Ok. So basically there are still, what, 9 people who could win this thang?? They better get to hacking pretty quick tomorrow night.
Last week Andrea was blindsided. Like BANG blindsided. Ashley and Natalie are happy to be the last girls standing. Ashley wants a pact that they tell each other if they hear they are getting blindsided. Natalie says, uhuh, but then Rob asks her and she tells him she's with him all the way. He's getting nervous with only 7 days to prove to his wife that he is capable of winning Survivor too.
Andrea arrives at Resurrection Island. Note: is it really an island?? Because it seems like they all walk there. Hmmmmm. So, Matt isn't glad to see her. Because his bible tells him to keep your cheek turned against someone who does you wrong. They argue. You hate me...no you hate me....you threw me under the bus...no you threw me under the bus. Christ, just shag and get it over with. Time for sleep. Ralph tells her she has to sleep outside the tent. I believe he also tells her Rob used her like toilet paper and wiped his ass with her but he could have been saying, "Nice night".
Time for the Quadruel. Andrea boohooos that everyone lied to her. Yawn. FYI-Jeff is in light blue. Ahhhh, holy christ, it's a puzzle challenge. Do a table maze, smash something, do a puzzle. Whatever. Ralph kicks ASS. Andrea totally freaks out and Mike finishes his maze. Then Matt. Onto the puzzle, and Mike wins. Crap, Ralph loses the puzzle and is on the jury. OMG, what is he gonna look like all cleaned up??? Rob is done with the whole Resurrection Island thing. ME TOO, ROB. Jeff love it, so I expect it to return.
And, back at camp, the always present Rice Wars erupt. People want to eat, Ashley wants to conserve rice. Rob wants them to eat a little. Phillip goes all federal agent commando on the girls, saying the men need more calories than the women to beat whoever comes back from RI. Rob and Grant retire to the lanai to discuss getting rid of Ashley and breaking up the girls. Phillip is still in ranting mood. He points out that they never argue with Rob. "Because Rob is sane!!" OMG, DO NOT SAY THE WORD CRAZY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. The girls leave, calling Phillip PSYCHO on the way out. Hmnmmmm, Rob has to do some damage control. He's worried the girls are too close, and he's worried Phillip is getting too crazy.
Rob talks to Natalie and assures her she'll go to the end if she does what he tells her. Ashley is getting a little worried-Rob tells Natalie to keep her happy. Ashley thinks Rob would get rid of either she or Natalie to take Grant to the end, and wants something BIG to happen.
Ashley approaches Rob and tells him her plan to get rid of Grant, basically saying if Mike comes back, he and Grant would be too strong. "I figured you'd want Phillip gone". "I do, but I'm more interested in preserving you, me and Natalie." Rob thinks it over and doesn't like her plan. He tells Grant she wants him gone. They decide one of them has to win immunity. 'If Ashley doesn't win immunity, she's gone". Grant, Phillip and Rob get together and discuss Ashley's ride coming to an end. Natalie tells Rob, "it's gonna be hard to get rid of Ashley". Rob is even more paranoid about that duo. And, by that I mean TWO OF THEM.
Immunity Challenge. Jeff is in light blue. WOW, it's a puzzle challenge. Use fish hooks to make a fish puzzle, with one hand tied behind their back. Seriously, they need to hire some new challenge people, ones that don't work at Fisher Price. Wanna know what you're playing for? Immunity and a 3 course meal delivered to the camp.
Grant gets off to a big start, as do the other men. Digging their puzzle pieces up. The ladies are lagging. But Ashley kicks ass and pulls up to the boys. She then surpasses them and wins immunity. Who do you want to share the feast with? Natalie of course.
Back at camp, Ashley's happy but not Rob. "The thing I didn't want to happen, happens. Sorry Grant, you're done". Rob says he always has to do the dirty work, so he checks with Ashley and Natalie, yes Grant. He tells Phillip it's Grant, but that he's telling Grant it's Phillip. Then he goes to Grant and asks his opinion, which is meaningless. Grant goes on and on and on discussing the options before deciding on Natalie. Then he makes his swan song "When you look somebody in the eyes and shake their hand, you kind of get a vibe from that person and I get a good one from Rob. And we’re sticking to our alliance" .
I totally can't figure out how Rob is going to win by blindsiding everyone! Room service arrives and the ladies chow down on pizza, nachos, fettuccini alfredo, chocolate cake, cheesecake and ice cream. Seriously, you'd have to puke if that was the first thing you have eating in 30 days. Rob is worried about how close they are, as Ashley talks to Natalie about getting whoever comes back from Resurrection Island on their side. Natalie tells Rob, and admits she's wondering which way to go. Rob talks her off the ledge.
Tribal. About the only thing interesting is that JEFF IS IN DARK BLUE!! Otherwise, Grant is voted off the Island
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Survivor: Religious Experience
Yo yo yo! Is anyone else thinking this season is gonna come down to a laser tag bout between Resurrection Island and Ometepe? God I hope not. And, apparently GOD is all over Survivor this season.
Ok, so Ralph arrives at Resurrection Island, tells them Steve isn't doing well and has lost 40 lbs. Then Steve arrives. He does look like shit. Soooooo, the Jury is all Zepetera (or whatever it was), so if any of them manage to get back in the game and make it to the final 3 or 4, they would have the jury on their side.
Andrea is happy it's Ometepe only, because, well frankly, she's an idiot. Natalie on the other hand cries, missing everyone. Per Rob, Natalie is mature beyond her years but is still only 19. Rob wants to keep everyone happy so they don't figure out it would be wise to get rid of him. Anyone else find themselves yelling at the tv-WHY DON'T YOU IDIOTS WONDER WHERE THE IDOL IS???" God, they are all ridiculously stupid.
Tree mail: it's a total product placement for SPRINT. And, the EPIC 4G SPRINT phone at that. It's an invite to resurrection island for the duel (or 4 people) and home videos. They all watch and get all emotional. They get a phone at Resurrection too. After trying to call Baby Jesus, they realize it's an incoming phone only, and they get home videos too.
Duel of 4. Jeff is resplendent in light blue. The winner of the duel gets to see there loved one. Oh, and it's yet another game of toss a ball and break a tile. Yea, I got up to get yet another drink and Mike had won. Steve lost, and I really think he intentionally lost to get a meal. Mike gets to see his mom Jane, who comes out. Or DOES HE GET TO SEE HER??? He has a choice. He can forgo his visit with him mom and give the family visits to Ralph and Matt,OR he can let the Ometepe remnants get to see their family members. Ooooooh. Drama. Mike say, "I was just reading the bible this morning and it talked about giving the most good to the most people, so I'll give the loved one visits to the people who freaking stabbed me in the back, in hopes that they might give me a vote".
Back at Resurrection, Ralph thinks he's an idiot. He ain't going along with this gods plan thing. (Note: Do starving people become more religious? Talk amongst yourselves).
Camp visit. Phillip tells his sister "it's a social game. I'll go crazy if I have to". Hmmmmm. Rob is all teary eyed at seeing his sister and says, "I have to win for my wife and kids". Wait, did he and Amber blow through that first million like trailer park lotto winners??
Tree mail: Immunity challenge. Rob "Andrea can't win tonight".
Challenge: it's a miserable build stadium steps thingy. Seriously, it looks like hell to me. Rob is dying but manages to win, whereupon he collapses and has leg cramps, needs water and is generally dying. Hmmmm, faking it?? I actually don't think so. He was really trying to kick Andrea's ass. Phillip wasn't even working it.
They all decide it's Andrea but they tell her it's Phillip. Phillip then runs around being a total asshole. He explains it's his strategy-to be the crazy villain so periodically he has to remind them all what an ahole he is so they keep him. He says he has his oral argument speech all ready. Rob, on the other hand, is starting to have second thoughts. Is Phillip playing me??
Tribal. Jeff my darling is in Dark Blue. He so reads my blog.
Andrea: are you concerned? No. I feel confident. LOL, famous last words.
Natalie-is it exciting to be just one tribe now? It's totally different and not really that much fun.
Andrea: You're very competitive, are you a threat?? HELLLOOOOO ANDREA, WAKE UP AND SMELL THE PROBSTING. No, we need a really strong tribe with someone coming back from Resurrection Island.
Phillip: Is it possible to make it to the end if you are truthful?? Hey, Jeff, shut your yap I got these people on the run. "I'm the senior statesman...no one fells secure".
Someone is about to be blindsided.
Vote.
Phillip gets one vote and Andrea is sent to Resurrection Island. Hope she's brushed up on her bible stories.
Ok, so Ralph arrives at Resurrection Island, tells them Steve isn't doing well and has lost 40 lbs. Then Steve arrives. He does look like shit. Soooooo, the Jury is all Zepetera (or whatever it was), so if any of them manage to get back in the game and make it to the final 3 or 4, they would have the jury on their side.
Andrea is happy it's Ometepe only, because, well frankly, she's an idiot. Natalie on the other hand cries, missing everyone. Per Rob, Natalie is mature beyond her years but is still only 19. Rob wants to keep everyone happy so they don't figure out it would be wise to get rid of him. Anyone else find themselves yelling at the tv-WHY DON'T YOU IDIOTS WONDER WHERE THE IDOL IS???" God, they are all ridiculously stupid.
Tree mail: it's a total product placement for SPRINT. And, the EPIC 4G SPRINT phone at that. It's an invite to resurrection island for the duel (or 4 people) and home videos. They all watch and get all emotional. They get a phone at Resurrection too. After trying to call Baby Jesus, they realize it's an incoming phone only, and they get home videos too.
Duel of 4. Jeff is resplendent in light blue. The winner of the duel gets to see there loved one. Oh, and it's yet another game of toss a ball and break a tile. Yea, I got up to get yet another drink and Mike had won. Steve lost, and I really think he intentionally lost to get a meal. Mike gets to see his mom Jane, who comes out. Or DOES HE GET TO SEE HER??? He has a choice. He can forgo his visit with him mom and give the family visits to Ralph and Matt,OR he can let the Ometepe remnants get to see their family members. Ooooooh. Drama. Mike say, "I was just reading the bible this morning and it talked about giving the most good to the most people, so I'll give the loved one visits to the people who freaking stabbed me in the back, in hopes that they might give me a vote".
Back at Resurrection, Ralph thinks he's an idiot. He ain't going along with this gods plan thing. (Note: Do starving people become more religious? Talk amongst yourselves).
Camp visit. Phillip tells his sister "it's a social game. I'll go crazy if I have to". Hmmmmm. Rob is all teary eyed at seeing his sister and says, "I have to win for my wife and kids". Wait, did he and Amber blow through that first million like trailer park lotto winners??
Tree mail: Immunity challenge. Rob "Andrea can't win tonight".
Challenge: it's a miserable build stadium steps thingy. Seriously, it looks like hell to me. Rob is dying but manages to win, whereupon he collapses and has leg cramps, needs water and is generally dying. Hmmmm, faking it?? I actually don't think so. He was really trying to kick Andrea's ass. Phillip wasn't even working it.
They all decide it's Andrea but they tell her it's Phillip. Phillip then runs around being a total asshole. He explains it's his strategy-to be the crazy villain so periodically he has to remind them all what an ahole he is so they keep him. He says he has his oral argument speech all ready. Rob, on the other hand, is starting to have second thoughts. Is Phillip playing me??
Tribal. Jeff my darling is in Dark Blue. He so reads my blog.
Andrea: are you concerned? No. I feel confident. LOL, famous last words.
Natalie-is it exciting to be just one tribe now? It's totally different and not really that much fun.
Andrea: You're very competitive, are you a threat?? HELLLOOOOO ANDREA, WAKE UP AND SMELL THE PROBSTING. No, we need a really strong tribe with someone coming back from Resurrection Island.
Phillip: Is it possible to make it to the end if you are truthful?? Hey, Jeff, shut your yap I got these people on the run. "I'm the senior statesman...no one fells secure".
Someone is about to be blindsided.
Vote.
Phillip gets one vote and Andrea is sent to Resurrection Island. Hope she's brushed up on her bible stories.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Survivor Update: And Now the Cannibalism Begins...
Yo! They are flinging people off at a fast clip! Redemption Island is getting crowded. I still say last man (or woman) left on Redemption comes back for the final vote.
So, Steve apologizes to Phillip after tribal. Phil ain't buying it. Rob "as long as Phillip keeps up the stupid antics, he'll be coming with me to the finale". Uhuh. Falling right into Phillip's trap...
Steve, the apologizer, asks "where's numb nuts" referring to Phillip. LOL. Love that expression,. Cue Phillip who is up and about in his pink panties, saying his grandfather came to him in a dream and told him to "look for your shorts near the waterhole". Damn if he doesn't find them! "Don't mess with the undercover specialist." He parades around camp. Steve: "Phillip is a crazy-freaking lunatic". Phillip can't WAIT to wear his swim trunks to the redemption challenge. I'd say, "and rub them in Julie's face" but that is just a nasty thought.
Redemption: Julie slept well. Mike thinks Matt is in a downward spiral since getting sent back to redemption. Matt: "I'm wasting away, I miss my family. God has me here for a reason. Sniff sniff, God has been carrying me....I'm over this game".
Matt, matt, matt. The name of this game is Survivor, not Savior. Let's leave the Lord out of reality TV, shall we??
Ok, so Jeff announces the Duel at redemption...it;s a duel with 3 people. Um, no. In fact a duel is a fight between 2 people honeybuns. You're cute as hell but really, not that smart. It would be a triul.
Dr. Jeff is all spiritual today. "Matt, where you at? Are you ready to go home?" Matt: I'm at peace. I think I'm ready to go home and do God's work." Don't let the cross hit you on the ass on the way out, dude.
It's a shuffleboard-off. Mike says he's a shuffleboard king, plays on a league at home. LOL. During the shuffleboard-off, Andrea gives him the look. Ya know the, "ok ok I voted you off twice but I'd still do ya" look. Matt ignores her. Ooooh, Snap!
Julie sucks at shuffleboard and, in fact, Mike is quite good at it, However Jesus gives Matt extra powers right when he needs it (wait, did Jesus pick Matt in the pool??) and he comes from behind to win. Julie is gone.
Back at camp, like, Andrea? Like she tooootally like thinks Matt?? Is like, mad at her? And, like, she feels kinda bad about it but, like really, it's just a game".
Rob and Grant chat. OK, Grant is totally flying under the radar and I cannot believe he is still there. He is gonna turn it on in the challenges pretty soon. Anyway, they both think Andrea should go first chance it comes up. But when...
Immunity challenge, and Dimples is in dark blue. Hot. The challenge is a log roll. Winner gets a chocolate cake and milk. Plus, THERE IS ANOTHER TWIST!.
Here's how it goes: 1) Grant beats Rob, 2) Ashley beats Andrea, 3) Ralph beats Steve surprisingly... and 4) Phillip beats Natalie
Round 2 Semi finals: Grant beats Ashely, Ralph beats Phillip. That sasquatch is a pretty good log roller, although that is what they do out there in the kountry on Saturday nights. Trust me on that one...
Finally....... Grant beats Ralph in a very close round. He gets to chose one person to eat cake with him. Chooses Rob. And, pick another one! He chooses Andrea to reel her in. Jeff gives Steve a package to bring to tribal.
Ooooh, what's the twist?? The package feels like a packet of cards...Andrea: "It would be silly to get rid of our own people". LOL. That cake sure worked on her. Sasquatch gives a 5 minute speech, of which I recognized about 3 words. Steve thinks he's going although he thinks Ralph is a bigger threat since he's still trying. He pushes this a little...
Rob talks to the other girls. He tells them it's Ralph first because Steve has given up, then Andrea. Steve tells the girls he and sasquatch are voting for Rob and if the girls join them they could flip the game. Of course they run back and tell Rob this who gets pissed and realizes that in fact Steve might be a bigger threat...has to change his plan perhaps... They are now all thinking there is going to be 2 votes tonight. Hence the multiple vote plans.
Tribal, dark blue darling.
Rob: Is it between Steve or Ralph? Yep
Steve: They're unbreakable, we've tried.
Andrea: Does Steve make a good point? Yes, I feel safe.
Ralph: Odds are you or Steve...Probably me.
Steve: Yep, probably Ralph, I'm lame...
Grant: Dude's not a quitter...
Phillip: Yep, he's not really that feeble...
Steve: Don't trust Rob people. It's now or never...remember Rob was a traitor in Survivor All Stars...
Jeff tells the story of Rob stabbing people in order to help Amber, his GF
Rob: That's hard to deny but, I still have a history with Amber today!
Steve: LET'S DO IT!!!
Vote. No idol played. Ralph is voted off, starts to leave without his torch for redemption.
And now the twist...You will now compete for another immunity and vote someone off immediately.
It's a card matching thing. Jeff does a series of cards and then asks for them back in order.
Rob wins immunity, and Steve is the next person sent to Redemption.
So, Steve apologizes to Phillip after tribal. Phil ain't buying it. Rob "as long as Phillip keeps up the stupid antics, he'll be coming with me to the finale". Uhuh. Falling right into Phillip's trap...
Steve, the apologizer, asks "where's numb nuts" referring to Phillip. LOL. Love that expression,. Cue Phillip who is up and about in his pink panties, saying his grandfather came to him in a dream and told him to "look for your shorts near the waterhole". Damn if he doesn't find them! "Don't mess with the undercover specialist." He parades around camp. Steve: "Phillip is a crazy-freaking lunatic". Phillip can't WAIT to wear his swim trunks to the redemption challenge. I'd say, "and rub them in Julie's face" but that is just a nasty thought.
Redemption: Julie slept well. Mike thinks Matt is in a downward spiral since getting sent back to redemption. Matt: "I'm wasting away, I miss my family. God has me here for a reason. Sniff sniff, God has been carrying me....I'm over this game".
Matt, matt, matt. The name of this game is Survivor, not Savior. Let's leave the Lord out of reality TV, shall we??
Ok, so Jeff announces the Duel at redemption...it;s a duel with 3 people. Um, no. In fact a duel is a fight between 2 people honeybuns. You're cute as hell but really, not that smart. It would be a triul.
Dr. Jeff is all spiritual today. "Matt, where you at? Are you ready to go home?" Matt: I'm at peace. I think I'm ready to go home and do God's work." Don't let the cross hit you on the ass on the way out, dude.
It's a shuffleboard-off. Mike says he's a shuffleboard king, plays on a league at home. LOL. During the shuffleboard-off, Andrea gives him the look. Ya know the, "ok ok I voted you off twice but I'd still do ya" look. Matt ignores her. Ooooh, Snap!
Julie sucks at shuffleboard and, in fact, Mike is quite good at it, However Jesus gives Matt extra powers right when he needs it (wait, did Jesus pick Matt in the pool??) and he comes from behind to win. Julie is gone.
Back at camp, like, Andrea? Like she tooootally like thinks Matt?? Is like, mad at her? And, like, she feels kinda bad about it but, like really, it's just a game".
Rob and Grant chat. OK, Grant is totally flying under the radar and I cannot believe he is still there. He is gonna turn it on in the challenges pretty soon. Anyway, they both think Andrea should go first chance it comes up. But when...
Immunity challenge, and Dimples is in dark blue. Hot. The challenge is a log roll. Winner gets a chocolate cake and milk. Plus, THERE IS ANOTHER TWIST!.
Here's how it goes: 1) Grant beats Rob, 2) Ashley beats Andrea, 3) Ralph beats Steve surprisingly... and 4) Phillip beats Natalie
Round 2 Semi finals: Grant beats Ashely, Ralph beats Phillip. That sasquatch is a pretty good log roller, although that is what they do out there in the kountry on Saturday nights. Trust me on that one...
Finally....... Grant beats Ralph in a very close round. He gets to chose one person to eat cake with him. Chooses Rob. And, pick another one! He chooses Andrea to reel her in. Jeff gives Steve a package to bring to tribal.
Ooooh, what's the twist?? The package feels like a packet of cards...Andrea: "It would be silly to get rid of our own people". LOL. That cake sure worked on her. Sasquatch gives a 5 minute speech, of which I recognized about 3 words. Steve thinks he's going although he thinks Ralph is a bigger threat since he's still trying. He pushes this a little...
Rob talks to the other girls. He tells them it's Ralph first because Steve has given up, then Andrea. Steve tells the girls he and sasquatch are voting for Rob and if the girls join them they could flip the game. Of course they run back and tell Rob this who gets pissed and realizes that in fact Steve might be a bigger threat...has to change his plan perhaps... They are now all thinking there is going to be 2 votes tonight. Hence the multiple vote plans.
Tribal, dark blue darling.
Rob: Is it between Steve or Ralph? Yep
Steve: They're unbreakable, we've tried.
Andrea: Does Steve make a good point? Yes, I feel safe.
Ralph: Odds are you or Steve...Probably me.
Steve: Yep, probably Ralph, I'm lame...
Grant: Dude's not a quitter...
Phillip: Yep, he's not really that feeble...
Steve: Don't trust Rob people. It's now or never...remember Rob was a traitor in Survivor All Stars...
Jeff tells the story of Rob stabbing people in order to help Amber, his GF
Rob: That's hard to deny but, I still have a history with Amber today!
Steve: LET'S DO IT!!!
Vote. No idol played. Ralph is voted off, starts to leave without his torch for redemption.
And now the twist...You will now compete for another immunity and vote someone off immediately.
It's a card matching thing. Jeff does a series of cards and then asks for them back in order.
Rob wins immunity, and Steve is the next person sent to Redemption.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
A Very Cheesy Race Update
Previously on the Amazing Race...
6 teams remain...Gary and Mallory hit YET ANOTHER non elimination leg. Which makes 15 non elimination legs I believe. They face a lame azz speedbump this week.
Salzburg. Villa Trappe. Make your way to Licktenstein, which is a country apparently. Caution, double Uturn is ahead.
Train to THE COUNTRY TO Licktenstein. The globes and the sistas are flirting. Have I mentioned I love love love the train?? Boarder crossing at Shumwa or something like that. Gary and Mallory get a lame cab driver.
Roadblock. Using a motorized bicycle, a map and a measurer things, they have to measure the total length of the country. If you get it wrong, you have to do it again. Christ, my globes are gonna suck at this. This bike thing looks really dangerous.
Mallory "very quickly, fast fast fast please". Repeat this about 20 friggin annoying times. Speed bump. They need to calculate the proper ratio of gas to oil to run the bike thingy. 25 parts gas to 1 part of oil. They made it sound worse than it was. Took maybe 2 minutes. Remember the shave your head speedbump a couple years ago??
Rut Ro, the Sistas map just flew out of her pocket. Freak girl can't read a map. Justin gets it right first. Sista hears him, checks with him and she gets it right too. Jet comes up with the wrong number and has to go back and do it again.
Bus/train to the Alps. Zermat, Switzerland. Which is also a country I believe. Another beautiful European train!!!
Wow, the sistas and Zev/Justin just told flight time the answer. Flight time tells Gary too. Wow, freak girl got it right on her own!! Jet gets it right the second time.
Detour. Zermat is a ski town for rich people. Cheese fondue or Wheeze. Eat a big pot of fondue or deliver 20 pieces of luggage from at least 5 hotels. Oh, I would PAY BIG MONEY to eat the cheese.
Sistas and Zevstin chose cheese. Sista "I'm not gonna be able to poop for a while". Sistas switch to the other task. Zevstin are still eating but debating. Zev powers through the cheese! Zev is not very fondue of the fondue. I love Zev.
Globes go for luggage. As do Gary/Mallory. Freaks are doing luggage too and bitching. He's like a little girl. There's a certain number of hotels they have to hit. And, I'm not sure the freaks are doing it right.
"C'mon Dad... C'mon Dad...C'mon Dad". God she is annoying.
Zevstin are dying finishing the cheese. Justin pukes. Zev looks like he's in a cheese coma. LOL. I could have eaten that in half the time. Gimme a spoon!!
Cowboys just show up and do the luggage. Zevstin finish! It took almost an hour. Next clue is to some fountain at Iderbautenbrunen. Or something like that. LOL. Zev is liking the goats. They chose to not uturn anyone. Travel to the Pitt Stop via an electric taxi. Sistas do not uturn.
Zevstin are team #1!! They keep making fondue jokes. They win a trip to the...somewhere warm. Sistas team 2.
Freaks finish. His candy ass is too tired to walk back so he sits in the luggage cart and she pulls him. Globes screw up one piece of luggage. Shit, they are also missing 2 tags.
Freaks don't uturn anyone. It's down to the cowboys and the globes... Freaks are team 3. Gallory are team 4. Little love fest between her and Phil. It's a foot race between cowboys and the globes. The globes uturn the cowboys. They eat the cheese and then are eliminated.
Bye bye Brokebacks. You will be missed.
6 teams remain...Gary and Mallory hit YET ANOTHER non elimination leg. Which makes 15 non elimination legs I believe. They face a lame azz speedbump this week.
Salzburg. Villa Trappe. Make your way to Licktenstein, which is a country apparently. Caution, double Uturn is ahead.
Train to THE COUNTRY TO Licktenstein. The globes and the sistas are flirting. Have I mentioned I love love love the train?? Boarder crossing at Shumwa or something like that. Gary and Mallory get a lame cab driver.
Roadblock. Using a motorized bicycle, a map and a measurer things, they have to measure the total length of the country. If you get it wrong, you have to do it again. Christ, my globes are gonna suck at this. This bike thing looks really dangerous.
Mallory "very quickly, fast fast fast please". Repeat this about 20 friggin annoying times. Speed bump. They need to calculate the proper ratio of gas to oil to run the bike thingy. 25 parts gas to 1 part of oil. They made it sound worse than it was. Took maybe 2 minutes. Remember the shave your head speedbump a couple years ago??
Rut Ro, the Sistas map just flew out of her pocket. Freak girl can't read a map. Justin gets it right first. Sista hears him, checks with him and she gets it right too. Jet comes up with the wrong number and has to go back and do it again.
Bus/train to the Alps. Zermat, Switzerland. Which is also a country I believe. Another beautiful European train!!!
Wow, the sistas and Zev/Justin just told flight time the answer. Flight time tells Gary too. Wow, freak girl got it right on her own!! Jet gets it right the second time.
Detour. Zermat is a ski town for rich people. Cheese fondue or Wheeze. Eat a big pot of fondue or deliver 20 pieces of luggage from at least 5 hotels. Oh, I would PAY BIG MONEY to eat the cheese.
Sistas and Zevstin chose cheese. Sista "I'm not gonna be able to poop for a while". Sistas switch to the other task. Zevstin are still eating but debating. Zev powers through the cheese! Zev is not very fondue of the fondue. I love Zev.
Globes go for luggage. As do Gary/Mallory. Freaks are doing luggage too and bitching. He's like a little girl. There's a certain number of hotels they have to hit. And, I'm not sure the freaks are doing it right.
"C'mon Dad... C'mon Dad...C'mon Dad". God she is annoying.
Zevstin are dying finishing the cheese. Justin pukes. Zev looks like he's in a cheese coma. LOL. I could have eaten that in half the time. Gimme a spoon!!
Cowboys just show up and do the luggage. Zevstin finish! It took almost an hour. Next clue is to some fountain at Iderbautenbrunen. Or something like that. LOL. Zev is liking the goats. They chose to not uturn anyone. Travel to the Pitt Stop via an electric taxi. Sistas do not uturn.
Zevstin are team #1!! They keep making fondue jokes. They win a trip to the...somewhere warm. Sistas team 2.
Freaks finish. His candy ass is too tired to walk back so he sits in the luggage cart and she pulls him. Globes screw up one piece of luggage. Shit, they are also missing 2 tags.
Freaks don't uturn anyone. It's down to the cowboys and the globes... Freaks are team 3. Gallory are team 4. Little love fest between her and Phil. It's a foot race between cowboys and the globes. The globes uturn the cowboys. They eat the cheese and then are eliminated.
Bye bye Brokebacks. You will be missed.
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