Survivor March Update

Say WHAAAAAT??  That lazy Survivor pool bitch is getting off of her fat ass and actually doing an update? 

Indeed I am.  I had to watch a few back episodes to catch myself up, so here goes.  Last we talked, Brandon honored the Hantz family by going out in a holy trail of craziness.  Seriously, that was some good ASS TV.  He totally ripped Phillip and Corrine, and blasted the entire tribe to the UTTER thrill of Reynolds Wrap and the other tribe.  But at least Brandon was the ARTHER OF HIS OWN DESTINY. 

Of course back at the beach, Philip and Corrine are kinda pissed off that no one came to their defense.  Like, sure, who wouldn't jump in front of that crazy train to say something good about, um, Phillip and Corrine? 

The following day, the tribes are brought together again and Matt goes on about how bad he feels for Phillip.  Uhuh. It's swap time!  And Jeff has more colored eggs!  The tribes are shuffled with basically anyone with a brain and a body on one side, and the rag tag losers on the other side.  Let's just call it Beauty vs the Beastlies.  Yea, I'm pretty sure you can see where this is going challenge wise.  But first, on the Beauty side, both Wrap and Sherrie spew their guts, mainly Sherrie, telling the FAVS just about everything they needed to know about the dysfunction on the FANS side.  It's clear Wrap and Eddie are on the outs and are frankly easy pickins for someone who wants to start a new alliance. 

Phillip talks first to Matt and Mike and "gives then their instructions", which almost make Matt lol.   He then strangely starts working on Julia, who he calls "the girl" to be a double agent.  Or, as they say in the Beverly Hillbillies, a double naught spy.  Phillip and Corrine continue to bitch about each other. 

Challenge: It's that line up giant crates to spell FANS vs FAVS challenge.  Bottom line, the beasties suck it as badly as you could imagine, and lose.  So, drama.  Which FAN gets kicked off.  Corrine wants to keep Michael because she loves playing with a gay.  She wants Matt to go because he told her he doesn't have the idol.  Cochran and Dawn want to split the boys up.  I think Phillip wants "the girl" to go.  Anyway, Corrine convinces them it's "survivor 101" to get rid of someone you know doesn't have the idol and prevent a shocker that would decrease the FAVS numbers.  So Matt is gone.

So that brings us to last week. 

Corrine is still talking about the gay.  She is forming a thing with the gay and wants to keep him around.  Yea, it's kinda of annoying to me.  Phillip has his sights on Corrine.  Cochran doesn't want to do it before the merge. 

Challenge: the strong must bear the weak.  Cochran makes a few jokes about how they're all good with weak.  Phillip is all "I can win it all with my upper body strength, I'm deceptively buff due to this stealth workout I use that doesn't build any discernable muscles.  LOL.  He tries to teach Cochran arm wrestling.  "Phillip you are proving your significant strength".  I am loving Cochran this season and think he needs to do an analysis every season. 

The challenge is that carry 20 lbs and run around a ring chasing each other thing.  Wanna know what you're playing for?  Caramoan Starbucks. 

 Phillip wants to be in the front because he's the strength of the team.   Team Beauty spreads out the strength along the line.  It really doesn't matter because Phillip refuses to run, "i gotta save my legs for when all the weight comes to me".  Yea.  They get eaten alive.  Dawn's OK because all that coffee and sugar is a "diarrhea feast". 

Corrine is pissed.  Phillip knows all of his strengths and none of his weaknesses. 

The Beauties enjoy and bond.  Malcolm is starting to plan the second half of the game.  He knows no one is gonna want to go to the end with him so he is thinking of bonding with the other muscles and forming a he man alliance.  He later talks to Wrap and the 4 mens form an alliance.  Wrap even tells Malcolm about his idol. 

Corrine calls Phillip a tubby lunchbox.  A lose amoeba.  Cochran knows something is coming to a head with those 2.  Meanwhile Phillip keeps talking to Julia about being a double naught spy.  Julia tells Dawn what Phillip said to her, asks "why don't we just get rid of Phillip?"  Dawn tells Phillip and she's toast.  Julia just committed a Foo Pa. 

Immunity challenge:  3 people paddle out, dive down and bring back a statue, put it on a platform, hook keys, unlock a bar and then raise a flag.  Got it?  Doesn't really matter, does it?  Beauty wins.  Phillip was tossing the grappling hook for they keys and lost another challenge. 

Phillip is sulking.  He tells Cochran he has a confession-he threw the challenge on purpose.  LOL.  Cochran: It's complete crap-it excites me how delusional he is.  He couldn't even use the grappling hook-THE SPY'S BASIC TOOL".  HAHAHA.

Corrine of course wants the gay to stay.  Phillip wants Julia.  But they want to do a split vote in case of an idol, and then a revote.  Corrine just wants the gay to stay and not have the first tie vote as a show of trust for Michael.  Phillip is all "blah blah Boston Rob blah blah. 

Tribal. 
Morale is low, yes Jeff.
Julia-there is also tension in the 4 FAVS
Corrine: It's between Julia and Michael.
Phillip: Some people are forgetting the process. 
Dawn: yes there is tension between Phillip and Corrine but they have the same goal
Jeff: Phillip, why do you keep offering to be the hero when you're a jackass?  I lost but I carried that big heavy statue by myself and that weakened me
Mike: I've been working to gain their trust
Cochran: yes, we all know Corrine likes to play with the gays but that kind of friendship works against them
Corrine: I'm not interested in a 2 person alliance
Julia: I think I've been playing with one strategy and am now ready to play with another strategy.  LOL!! 

Time to vote.  Vote 1 is a 3-3 tie (which makes me wonder why Julia and Mike didn't join forces for someone).  Second vote is all Julia's.  Good luck with that new strategy Vanilla Girl!